AN: Well, I carried on after all, because I am a hopeless romantic at heart and, damnit, I wanted to see some Lee lovin'! So. Here's the deal, people: I couldn't write it without going into the shadowy realm of lemonhood. Nothing graphic or explicit, since there's not supposed to be flat out smex on ff.n - but well, it goes there, ok? So, if you don't like it, don't read it. I tried to keep it tasteful, though, since I'm not really any good at writing smut. Final warning: I know Lee and to some extent Sakura are more comedic characters in the series, but they can also both be very mature and serious in serious situations. Keep in mind that this is a serious situation. You want goofy Lee-moments, those will be coming in the epilogue, when Gai enters the scene...
Chapter 4
Waking Up
Sakura snapped awake abruptly. Her neck ached again, but that was probably due to the odd angle at which her head lay. She sat up, grimacing as her cheek peeled away from the wooden table top. She scrubbed at her face, trying to rub away the combined stiffness of dried tears and sleep. She glanced blurrily at the clock on her oven, and saw that it was 11:30 at night. She'd been asleep almost six hours – though she wasn't entirely sure how long she'd cried before passing out on her kitchen table. She shoved away from the table, stumbling to her refrigerator and squinting against the harsh brightness of the fridge light. Ah, good, the chicken sandwich she had meant to eat for lunch was there in the front. She munched on it as she moved off to the shower.
A few minutes under the showerhead woke her up the rest of the way, and she turned to let the hot water ease the ache in her neck.
Strong fingers pushed her hand lightly away. "Here," Lee said behind her. "If you will permit."
Sakura slapped off the water and stomped out of the shower, reaching for her towel. She scrubbed viciously at her wet hair and body with it, trying desperately to rub away the lingering feel of his hands on her neck, her shoulders, the memory of his breath in her hair.
"I'll protect you until the day I die," the green-clad stranger flashed a sparkling grin at her, giving her the thumbs up.
She glanced at her clock again as she walked briskly, purposefully, to her room. It was 11:50. In her room, she dressed automatically, forcing herself to think of nothing, of emptiness and shadows and how nice it would be to just lie down in bed and go to sleep, not thinking about anything at all. Especially not dark eyes and strong arms gripping her to his chest, forcing her to hold still.
"It's alright," Rock Lee soothed, though he did not let go of her wrists and his leg stayed firmly around her knees. "I'm here for you now."
As her eyes adjusted to the dark of her room, she caught sight of herself in the mirror, and stopped, startled. Without realizing it, she had put on her street clothes, all the way down to her boots and forehead protector.
She made a small choking noise, somewhere between a laugh and a sob. "It's too late," she told her reflection, noting vaguely that the woman in the glass was shaking slightly, and looked more than a little hysterical. "He said goodbye. He left. They always leave. I always make them leave."
She put one hand against the mirror, but all she could see was another dark haired boy, walking away from her. And now Lee had left, too.
Sakura lifted her head, and her eyes were wide with sudden comprehension. "But he said goodbye first," she whispered. And without missing a beat, she turned and ran out of her apartment, into the night. Behind her, the clock on her oven ticked over, one minute past midnight.
She stood outside Lee's apartment door, hand pressed to the wood as she took several deep, calming breaths, forcing her accelerated breathing to slow down to normal. When she'd recovered as much as she was going to, she checked the door for traps, frowning as she realized that he hadn't put any up. Every shinobi trapped their door at night; it worked mostly as an early warning if another ninja tried to break in. It was careless to forget such a basic measure, and she'd never known him to be careless.
Wraithlike, Sakura pushed it open and slid inside. His apartment was dead silent, and for a moment she feared he wasn't there at all. But his shoes were sitting neatly by the door, and she relaxed again.
Sakura slipped her boots off and left them next to his. Then she booby trapped his door for him, well aware that she was stalling but reasoning that it had to be done, anyway. When that was finished, she padded noiselessly through the small apartment until she came to his open bedroom door.
He was lying on his bed on his back, bandaged hands folded neatly on his bare stomach. His blanket was pulled half-heartedly over his legs, but she could see that he wore loose black pants under the sheets. The moonlight seeping in through the cracks of the closed blinds fell on his face, putting white highlights in his black hair and throwing his features into shadowy relief. From her place across the room, Sakura could see the silver tracks of dried tears down his face.
She glided silently to him, dodging the crumpled heap of fabric on the floor that she recognized as his trademark training suit. The orange leg coverings were nearby, lumped around the discarded leg weights he wore. It didn't seem like him, somehow, to be so messy – but then, she realized, there was so much she didn't know about him. She needed to change that, if it wasn't too late. Standing over him, she could see clearly the furrowed brow, the mouth twisted into a frown, the way his hands seemed clenched against his belly instead of merely folded on top of it. He was dreaming, and it didn't look pleasant.
She could leave now, and Lee would never know she'd been there. He'd told her that he wanted her to be happy, even if it meant he would have no part in that happiness. Sakura saw, in a moment of perfect clarity, exactly what kind of crossroads she now stood. There was the easy choice: she could slip away now and when they met next, they'd smile and nod and go their separate ways like the polite acquaintances they would be.
Coward.
Sakura inhaled deeply, reached out, and brushed two fingertips lightly against his cheekbone.
Even caught in the haze between sleep and consciousness, Rock Lee was absurdly fast. Before she had even noticed the movement, he had clamped his hand around her wrist. His eyes snapped open, and they seemed to be made of the same shadows that wreathed his face. Startled, she stared back for a moment. Then, smiling a little, she drew her hand away from his cheek. He let her pull back, but he didn't let go of her wrist.
"I was afraid," she confessed, meeting his gaze steadily and not giving him a chance to speak. "That's the real reason why I didn't go back, after that day in the field. I'd been ignoring it, ignoring you, for years, but that day I couldn't deny it anymore. And I was afraid to let myself continue on down that path." She used her ensnared wrist to pull him until he was sitting upright, legs hanging over the edge of the bed. She knelt down before him, putting her free hand on his knee, keeping her eyes locked on his.
"I loved someone once before," she whispered, mouth suddenly dry. But she pressed on, digging her fingers into the material of his pants. "And it worked out…badly. I was afraid to do it again, to let myself be hurt again – even more, I was afraid to hurt you. You deserve so much more than all the drama that comes with this." She couldn't keep the bitterness out of her voice as she gestured to herself, dropping her eyes at last. "But in the end…when you left…I couldn't…I mean, I just realized that I…"
Her shoulders sagged as she sighed. "I know it might be too late. I know I blew my last chance. But I had to tell you, anyway." Fighting the faint heat of tears in the corners of her eyes, she looked at him again. Lee was staring at her in wordless astonishment, trying to decide whether or not he had actually woken up or was still dreaming. Sakura smiled at him, and said the words she had come to say.
"I love you."
Once again he moved too fast for her to follow, launching himself up to his feet and simultaneously jerking her up by the wrist that he still held captive. Before she could fully react, he had engulfed her in his arms, pressing her to his chest. Sakura hesitated, and then relaxed against him, reaching to set her hands against his sides. "You're shaking," she whispered suddenly.
Lee made a soft sound that was either a groan or a gasp into her neck. "I prayed all the way up to your door," he whispered. "Not that you would choose me; I had lost all hope of that." He shook his head, and his hands clenched the fabric of her shirt, pushing her roughly into him as if he feared he was going to shatter and she was all that was holding him together. "I prayed instead that I would be strong enough to say what I went there to say. That I would be strong enough to give up the hope, to…to walk away." His voice cracked, and Sakura felt something hot and wet drip down her shoulder.
Too many tears, she thought with a sharp twinge of pain. For both of us.
She'd kissed other men before. After all, she was a grown kunoichi, and dating and flirtation were natural partners to the danger and stress that she and her fellow shinobi experienced on an almost daily basis. His kiss, however, was completely different from anything she had experienced before, completely different from anything she had thought he'd be like. It was she who pulled his face down to hers, but Lee controlled it. His extreme gentleness was not the tentativeness that she had expected from him; it held the promise of strength known and held deliberately in check. I am yours, it said. And if you will have me…
It wasn't what she'd expected, but then, he had a knack for surprising her.
She returned the kiss fiercely, trying to say with her body what she couldn't say with words. She pressed closer, stiffening reflexively as the movement pressed her body flush against his. He tensed, and his hands latched onto her upper arms, pushing her away from him slightly. "I don't want to…force you," he said roughly to her questioning eyes.
Sakura considered him for a moment. "I know." It took a little more muscle than she thought to push her way back into the circle of his arms, but he gave in at last, letting her drag his mouth back down to her upturned face. His hands found the thin line of bared skin at the bottom edge of her shirt, and he tentatively stroked his fingertips across the smooth, soft skin of her stomach. She caught one of his hands, and pulled it up between them. Her small fingers found the tucked end of the white cloth bandages, and she tugged it loose. Sakura looked up at him, and smiled hesitantly. "If you will permit?" She asked softly. Lee returned the smile, recognizing her gentle humor, and nodded.
It only took a minute and a clever flick of her wrist to pull the whole thing off, and she let it fall to the floor with the rest of his gear. She traced her fingers over the newly revealed flesh. The medical nin in her winced at the multitude of crisscrossed scars under fresh cuts, and the occasional faint bruise on his skin. Seeing her expression, Lee moved to pull away, face flushing in shame. "I know it's ugly - " he stammered apologetically. She pulled him back, bending her head to kiss his scarred knuckles. Reaching for his other hand, she unwound that bandage too, and brought those likewise damaged fingers to her lips. He gripped her fingers in his until she let go, and then put his hands to her cheeks, tilting her face up so he could reach her mouth.
Lee pulled back suddenly, and she looked up in surprise to see him staring at her with a strange expression she couldn't name on his face. Suddenly, Sakura felt a rush of uncertainty and embarrassment. He must have seen the fierce blush that crept up her neck and into her cheeks, because he stepped forward and brushed the fingers of one hand through her hair, while the other hovered delicately against the curve of her cheek. "You," he breathed, "are beautiful."
The awkwardness drained out of her, leaving nothing but the slow fire under her skin. "So are you," she murmured, and because he wouldn't bend his head again, she settled for kissing the soft skin just under his ear.
Lee sat down on the edge of the bed abruptly, pulling her to sit in his lap. He buried his face against her throat, arms clutching her waist. "If you don't want this," he said hoarsely, "you can tell me and I will understand. I won't ever force you to do anything you don't really want."
The strange expression on his face suddenly made sense. He still didn't believe her, didn't believe that she had come here because she truly loved him. Even with what she had said, he was afraid that she was only saying it for his sake, because he seemed to need it so much. She needed to correct that notion, fast.
She twined her fingers into his hair and tugged gently, forcing him to look at her. "You said that all you asked of me was my happiness, regardless of where I found it."
He nodded.
"Well, I found it," she leaned over and put her lips against Lee's ear, feeling the way his legs tensed under her and his arms flexed involuntarily. "I found it in you. And I'm still a little afraid," she admitted. "But if you're willing to be patient with me, I'm willing to work on it."
Gently, he laid her down on the bed. "Don't be afraid," he whispered. "I'm here for you now."
She returned slowly to herself, lying against Lee's chest, their sweated bodies still glued to each other. His breathing was calm again, his eyes closed. She lifted her head to look at his face, studying the strong lines of his nose, his jawline, his cheekbones. He was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.
He felt her move, and without opening his eyes reached to draw her close. She curled beside him, wrapping her arms around his neck. Lee's hand glided down over her side until he found her knee. He curled his fingers around it, and pulled her leg up until it was draped over him. Slowly, he rubbed his hand up and down her thigh and the curve of her hip. Sakura shifted just enough so that his roving fingers could slide a little further down along her inner thigh, and he smiled, tracing an elaborate design against the vulnerable skin until she shivered and pressed her leg against him to stop the merciless pleasure of it.
Lee turned his head towards her, frowning a little in concern as if something had just occurred to him. "I hurt you, didn't I? I didn't want - "
"You didn't, any more than is normal." she cut him off firmly. "I'm sorry," she murmured, reaching to push the hair back from his forehead. "I should have warned you I was a virgin."
He relaxed, marginally, and murmured into her hair. "It's only fair. I didn't tell you that I was, too."
Sakura blinked. "Really?"
Now it was Lee's turn to blink. "You thought otherwise?"
"I just…" she stopped, and started again, looking for the right way to say it. "You seemed to know what you were doing," she said at last.
He smiled at her, leaning his head down to kiss her forehead. "There is a difference, Sakura, between a male virgin and a moron."
She laughed a little, stretching her body languidly against him and noting with some pleasure the response the movement had on him. He put his forehead against hers, eyes closed. "I've never wanted anyone else but you," he said gently. He brushed his lips lightly between her eyes. She pulled herself up until she was leaning on her elbow looking down on him.
"I'm sorry," she said again softly. His smile faded into concern at the tense look on her face.
"Sakura?"
"I'm sorry that it took me so long," she explained, putting her hand flat on his chest earnestly. "I'm sorry that you had to put up with me and all my problems all this time, and I was never anything but cruel to you, even if it wasn't always intentional. I'm sorry for everything I've - "
He kissed her very hard at first, but eventually gentled it, letting her take control and explore his mouth, his lips, his tongue. "Shh," he murmured when she drew back for air. He turned her easily in his arms until she was nestled with her back against him, his breath alternately heating and cooling her neck, his arms firmly around her waist. "Rest now, Sakura. It's alright."
She did rest, pressing back into him as his hands stroked her soothingly from neck to shoulder, waist to hip, tracing the lines of her thigh and stomach, the curves of her body. She grinned in the dim pre-dawn light as something suddenly occurred to her. "I finally found a way to make you sweat." She said in an undertone, and he chuckled weakly too, still holding her tightly to his chest.
Outside, a sudden gust of wind rattled the window, and he groped blindly for the blanket they had kicked down near the foot of the bed, pulling it up one-handed and wrapping it around them both. "Lee," Sakura whispered. "Tell me something."
"Yes?"
"Why wouldn't you look at me, that last day in the sparring field? You said you weren't angry with me. What was it then?"
Lee rolled over suddenly, pulling her with him, and she found herself straddling his hips. He pulled her hands down until she was leaning on his, and bent his legs behind her slightly. Almost automatically, she hooked her bare feet around his knees, and blushed as she recognized the position she had pinned him in.
"I told you," he said gravely, but there was a light in his dark eyes that told her he was enjoying this immensely. "You're a beautiful woman. And I," he let her hands go, leaving them pressed against the mattress as he brought his own up to trace her hairline, tucking a few stray locks behind her ears. "I am not a saint."
Her brow furrowed in confusion. "What does that mean?"
Lee's smile broadened, but even in the grey light of predawn she could see that his cheeks were slowly turning red. "Did you happen to notice the way I was sitting when you finally turned around to look at me?"
"Yes…I think so." She said slowly, as it began to dawn on her. Now Sakura's grin rivaled his as she raised her eyebrows at him. "I thought you looked a little uncomfortable."
He returned the smile ruefully, definitely a healthy shade of red despite the shadows.
"Are you uncomfortable now?" She teased lightly, but the pressure building against her lower body was answer enough, and she leaned to kiss him before he could reply some other way.
"I love you," he breathed against her mouth. He pulled her head back from his slightly to look her in the eyes. "I meant it - what I promised you all that time ago." Lee flashed that brilliant trademark grin, but his wide, dark eyes were dead serious. "I would die for you."
He let go then, and somewhere in the midst of what followed he whispered in her ear, "It wouldn't be hard. I already live for you."
