Suicide Symphony

by

DES

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha, plain and simple.

4

What Sears Me to This World

Loud faltered pounding echoed with each step my feet pounced, slapping my worn sneaker soles against the ghastly cold grey pavement.

My sleep had taken a new low, unjusting me with nothing but dark rings under my eyes and a slumped figure.

I most likely resembled shit.

The brisk cold late noon wind didn't reach my tethered crippled thoughts. I had just wasted many lost hours on tossing and scrutinizing till the time passed and I could no longer handle breathing in closed walls.

So there I was, stripped down from needed hours of rest, completely deprived of any source of nutriment for the last 12 hours or more.

My hangover didn't help either, stabbing my head to a void of pain and profuse ache, dimming my eyes to squinting and sweat bubbling at my temples. My stomach was going down a not so different road.

The flogging crisp air calmed my boiling skin, seeping through layers upon layers of clothing I had shoved on before my departure. Shivering from discontent cold, I subconsciously skipped down the pile of stares that descended to the mildly busy street the hung bellow.

Kikyo and Souta had left to ages ago, seemingly usurping me of any object of transportation. So I had to walk it.

I mingled with the late afternoon crowd, staring and acquainting the grimy cement side walk with its lovely gum splotches littering its rough callous surface, begging plead for some unworthy shoe to stick to its buoyant lately chewed exterior.

The smell was absolutely vulgar at involuntary points, completely fogging up my senses with its horrible urine fume, leaking from some corner or alley I would cross paths with.

Blatantly the skies were dimmed to melancholy grey, casting objects to appear black and white, cascading everything to a dull plank of awareness. Every block I would scale began to blur, melting into some slow consistent path that led to the edges of the world, grappling a invisible fulcrum to keep myself adrift.

People began to clutter the streets symbolizing I was in a more known area. My path became more entwined, squeezing and shoving through stupid American tourists and high priced businessmen. I hated them all the same.

My trudge took no haste in direction, my feet leading me to a place I didn't like nor cared, as though my compass went haywire and all sense of left or right was lost. I, more than a good amount of times, had walked into a green light, but my blank sulking state rendered me to not take much note.

It seemed like everything around me dimmed out of paradox, scamming me to stake strife as though my last refuge. My fingertips became numb from their vast gripping and squeezing, my sharp knarled nails slicing into my soft fleshy palm. Fractals upon fractals collided, continuously sparking indignation that my null brain could not configure.

It all scared me so much, more than I ever could find comforting, that everlasting feeling of being trapped in captivity.

Fumbling with my coat, my brain seemed to take a momentous pause, gritting my teeth as My hands batted down my zipped pockets. My fingertips became enthralled with the small lithe package of their crave. Crouching my back I pulled the object out, making crackling noises under my tight grip.

I knew it was wrong, the moment the cigarette was placed between my lips and I was fumbling to ignite the lighter with a blundering trouble, I knew I should stop. All this stress just seemed to implode on me and smoking was my only escape, my only point of relief.

My first drag was breathe taking, my second okay, and by my third it seemed to seep to a mechanical mode. But I couldn't stop, even though the feeling was dull and discontenting, I couldn't stop. I was addicted, I was ashamed to say but not afraid to admit.

I was deeply, utterly, positively addicted...

and I just seemed unable to care.

Kids would come skipping down the sidewalk, showing off their gappy toothy grins. Laughing at nothing as their little pudgy sweat coddled hands gripped their moms or dads in tow. It annoyed me, like they were flouncing that innocence I never had. I just had to crunch my teeth till they looked my way, then I could maybe, force a smile. Their quake was unimaginable, even though their squeaky loud voices had faded away, they were imprinted in my mind, as if making a mental note to never have kids.

I slowly seeped into my daily routine, crawling this way in that, seeming like I had no sense of order but the clothes I wear. My breath was tangible in front of me, seeping from my nostrils as though a ancient fuming dragon, puffing out and then slightly disappearing.

I began to freeze, no longer the cold inviting as my body temperature had lowered, so I took sanction in one of the fancy up priced malls that had flourished in a sector of the downtown area.

Immediately when I entered, I felt out of place, only the spendy rich kids hung out there, symbolizing the very point when you scanned their directory. The only shops you see, are Burberry, Gucci, Louis Vuittion, Coach, all stupid imported shops that had somehow leaked into the system and ended out over here.

At least they had a bookstore, something I could handle till I wasn't shivering my ass off.

I clutched my coat closer as I shuffled through the languished hall with bulging ceiling and exceeding widths, piloting exaggerated store signs in big fat bold letters, distracting the attention of anyone against the plain white walls. Mountainous frames arched towards the glass window roof, proceeding articulately with intricate designs that crawled thoroughly up the sides. It all seemed rather dense to me, distracting only the unworthy rich snotty people.

I didn't want nor needed plain logo purses or over expensive shoes, it just looked ambiguous to me.

I kept walking, squeezing through the herd of brainless bitches and wannabes, eyes slowly traveled to me when I shuffled by. I was extremely uncomfortable, but I blotted them out, staring forward as I crossed over threw a tall gateway, overflowing with anything I could ever want.

If they went to my school then they'd know me, I was usually referred to as Freak in the hall or my favorite Hanyou Sex Toy, muffled only in quaint whispers that would barely grasp my ears. I had learned to let it roll off like water, but it somehow still seeped into my heart.

Inuyasha's tainted fame had rubbed off on me someway, making everything else repel me with pleasure. They hated him, for who he was, they loathed the very image of him, all because of what he was.

Ever since the first day of school, when my mom forced him to go, the were intolerable to him, ripping his cap of his head, and pulling and biting his ears till the bled. I would have to hold him back, blood splattering over my face and clothes as he thrashed, his body fiercely shaking as they ran. Then I would have to sooth him, coo to him as I cleaned his battle wounds, desperately trying to calm his broken spirit. But... he would just sit there rigid, his eyes holding a stale numbness as he stared blankly as at a dull point. He wouldn't respond to anything, verbally loosing his stable voice.

Even though it was so long ago, people still saw him as a spawn on the devil, placing him in the chair for the reason of their problems. But somehow he always stood and took it, save a few broken noses and dislocated arms, he kept everything in check, bitterly biting it back. I knew it was eating him up alive though, the way he wouldn't look at me for days and swing past it as though it were nothing...

I soundly watched as he died a slow death.

Those heated glares were piercing my skin, igniting a flame of anger within me, but I had kept that blank look on, pretending their unnerving faces were but dolls. I just kept walking, wandering through isles of books and magazines. Finally, I fell into a padded comfy rest chair, complements from the pricey book store.

The world just... seemed to hate him, for what he was... and I didI did nothing to stop them, only watching in horror as they conflicted morbid crimes, then was left with the aftermath.

The world didn't have sympathy for a hanyou, I learned that long ago.

So then, I was easily ignored and hated also, but I was never touched, Inuyasha never let then come near me, growling furiously if they came in any close proximity with folded fists.

I used to rifle through all though's questions of his stake rattled possession of me, why he just as hell tried to shelter me from his world. I was young and naive then, seemingly believing the world was about pretty flowers and sunny warm carefree days... his agony and torture were oblivious to me.

Swinging my legs over the chair arm, I snuggled my head deep against its cushioned back.

He was always there, even when I was stamped institutionally insane, he was consoling my soul with his inner presence.

I... remember, that day, when they came to my house and told me I was crazy. Those kids, acting all nice, sneaking in beers as we drank senseless when Kikyo was out.

I remember, they turned their backs on me...

(Flashback)

"Kagome, all you have to do, is walk in, does that seem to hard? ... Kagome? Kagome! Kagome Are you listening!"

All I did was stare, the wind caressing my cheek as my white towel wafted in protest against the breeze. They lied, they totally lied to me, telling me it would be easily done.

I had been stupid, so fucking stupid, going out and partying on my own. They had found me, or should I say, I found them, all inviting saying they would be nice with fake smiles. Handing me a beer frothing with drugs, while laughing and dealing cards. I don't know what state of mind I was in to accept to play their game of Strip Poker, but I did. And of course since my lack of consciousness, I lost, down to the bare panties.

"Come on Kagome! It's allot better than losing your virginity, right? Come on, I'll even give back your clothes."

If I was the least bit sober, I would have kicked their asses to fucking hell, but all I could do then, was stare.

Goosebumps had tarnished my flesh, contenting me to shiver in mock horror. I was deeply and utterly lost. Here I stood, in front of the last thing in the world I'd ever want to be. Their voices were loud and slurred, competitively shoving me forward with granted force.

All I wanted, was to be left alone.

They swarmed out from behind me, ruggedly unlatching the lock bar with a clank, and pushing hard till the large aged rough wood door slid open, creaking and moaning with its old rankled cry.

The boy came up to me, huffing his lungs as he bent over in weak posture, his arm supporting him by clamping onto his knee to hold his upper body up. I didn't take much note of him though, my eyes transfixed on the gaping doorway in front of me. The musty air claimed me senses making me catch my breath slightly. But it wasn't as much of the stale smell that made me stop breathing, but what laid right in front of my eyes.

The well, that retched well. Where I left this world to join the next, falling caught in the net of everlasting purgatory... where I started my journey as the walking dead. It was like I died and was reborn in some universe of Pet Cemetery, exactly the same and yet somewhat morphed in a morbid complexing way.

I would die and rot in vengeful hatred, letting maggots feed off my poison flesh and innards. There was no reason for me to live, yet I could not die, and allall because of that horrible incident, because of that well, I would die alone in eternal despair.

And somehow, somehow they expected me to go in their, that small claustrophobic shack, that seemed to scream and wail my name whenever I came close to it? Were they fucking insane to hell, to take this as some kind of laughing matter they could joke about? To smile at bay while they whispered gossip of my "condition"?

Assholes.

And for the better of me, all I could do was stand numbly as the boy shook me and pushed me, my voice lost along with all my other drugged dosed functions. My fist though, was telling the tale of my anger, bitterly clenching and unclenching in fathomless rage, consuming even the uttermost in its slavery as half moon shaped slits reddened and poached through irritated skin, blood lightly stinging my senses and coating my palm and fingertips. I felt myself tremble with insecure resentment, quaking my perception and blurring my vision.

My gaze, as it was, had never changed from its post, glaring with the utmost emotion plundered in my stone cold heart. If I had been pyroknenetic, everything would have been charred ashes by then, a stark luster glimmer of what it had held purpose to.

To live or to die, it was all the same to me, claiming the ever knowing question of the propose of man, shelved in discrimination on tattered dust-clattered pages in some suppressed memory.

The plain disregarded soul would not question, but believe the very meaning of life is in some for of a book handed down by the supreme heavenly being, beholding everything so easily without a second thought.

I loathed them, who could go through life so unconstrained, baring nothing ill against the world but their uncontrollable weak problems.

And yet there I stood, the wind billowing a haunting tune that melted with the eary voice that clawed at me through the well's inner shadows. My face was receiving warm heated carbonized air and spittle shot from the boys mouth, making me mentally cringe from his dissatisfaction. His lips were moving, forming words and sentences that fell dead to my ears.

"Don't you understand? My mother was killed by one of them, brutally raped and murdered! And your fucking friends with them? Kagome I don't want to watch what happened to my mother fucking happen to you. This isn't your battle, you need to back off! Don't you understand? I'm trying to save you!"

I could feel my arms go numb from his harsh grasp, the pads of his hands with contact making my arms burn warmer.

"You know I don't want to do this any more than you do... Kagome! Why won't you fucking respond!"

His grasp loosened slightly, making my face inch minutely in his direction. his eyes were soft and calm, as though some soft being took over his ragged spirit.

"This isn't your battle, we are not against you... please, you are one of us."

My ears picked up his rough voice, making a small flame of anger ignite in me. My pupils began to smolder with kindled plagger.

"No."

My voice was small and weak, but it held its higher meaning in its quaky depts. Recognition smeared across his face, marring his features for a slight second before he stiffened.

"I can live with that."

They were the only words that were needed, spewing from his mouth in a unpleasant nature. In that split second, every fabric of my being told me to fucking run, but my bodily movements were frozen in stature, welding me to a stiff over exaggerated board like stance.

With one stiff movement, he wrenched my forward, causing me to stumble and catch my feet under me. placing both of his hands on my back, he thrust me forward, making me come face with the cement, my legs no longer holding me vertical. Scratches appeared on my knees and palms, imbedding sharp shocks of pain through my parts. My hand lost its hold on my towel, slipping from its grasp to catch me subconsciously. It drooped down, unveiling my modesty to the ground and anything bellow it.

Shaken, I pulled my arms close to me, falling over on my side, strangling the rough fabric close to me. Cold calloused hands latched onto my ankle pulling me from behind. Starkly, I grappled with my palms and digits, the feeling of fingernails on rough cement making me grit my teeth painfully.

I was scared so scared, tanking my refuge to the bare claw, I could never be able to face it again, my worst fears resenting myself right in the face. I knew it was fucked up, to be afraid of something so childish, but I was.

On pure instinct, my legs immediately twisted and tugged, my mind finding no other way out of the matter. The boys grasp was shamed as my foot slid from his hand, freeing me momentarily, I quickly scrambling to a jittery stance. But even then, I knew... I knew, it was right there behind me, gaping and electing me to its beckon. Its cold rancid breath smoldering against my skin, making every hair on my body stand on end.

The boy, he just seemed to smirk calmly in front of me as my eyes grew big in horror. My breath shortened in to slim puffs, my chest rising and falling in a sped pattern, as his hands came to my shoulders, quickly repelling to increase his force, then shoving his palms forward at me. The impact took my breath away, my body slowly plunging into darkness.

My ears were awakened then, my lungs grating torture as my scream panned out around me, heralding all heads to wince in pain. And as I fell backwards, only the blank darkness and wood ceiling accompanied my downfall.

The splintered floor boards were my only catch, the impact shoving out the breath in my lungs and making my shriek plunder to a faint wail. My whole body thrusting up, poaching surrendered air into my burning throat, as I tried with every being in me to scramble my escape. My towel, the only ounce of protection to cover me, was lost in my struggle, lain strewn in a heaped mess along the wood floor.

I thought I had a slim chance, but I was wrong.

The door slammed shut, canceling all my thoughts in my blind struggle as the muffled clang echoed through the rotting walls. I completely went rigid.

My whole body jumped forward, slamming against the broad wooden sliding door, pounding as hard as my body would purchase.

"Please! Please! Fuck help me! HELP!"

I screamed so hard I thought my lungs would explode, burning all the way into my wind pipe. I could feel it, right behind me, beating starkly in a heavy rhythm. My fingernails sunk into the knotting wood, scratching and clawing while splinters imbedded into the sensitive skin buried under my nails.

Tears began to spill over my face.

"No, no, no! Please! NO! NO! NO!"

I kept repeating my scattered words, my mind frantic and pleading.

It drew closer, becoming louder and louder as it neared me.

I heard it, whispering from the depths, stirring from its long awaited reunion. The ground began to quake bellow me, the beat no longer tangible, but gravely escalating in my head.

Just as before.

I started to pound my head against the solid door, knocking a agonizing headache into my temple. I slammed my whole body against it, mounding up the pressure and scatter within me, blood slowly beginning to seep from my forehead.

A furtive cry shattered through my chest, daggering the small room around me, making me throttle myself even harder against wood till my shoulder bled and splinters plaggered my beaten skin.

I didn't care, I couldn't care. All I knew was I couldn't die like that.

My voice cracked and crumbled, braking as I let out a slandered cry, tears swirling with my scarlet blood, sticking to my burning skin as I battered my crippled body.

"Ple-e-ea-se!"

Voices penetrated through the walls, angering and spewing over a matter I could not care about.

With the last strength I had, I struck my back hard against the door, A shriek emitting from my sour mouth, making my body rattle and my head to glaze over.

I was sweltering with anger and frustration, but it was all cased over with a glassy case of... fear.

Fear, as I felt a powerful grip encase my craning throat, soaring my cry soundly to a whisper.

"Please, stop..."

Sobbing with my last drawn strand of energy, I fell emotionless on the floor, my eyes bulging into oval spacers, my breathe cut off...

(Blackout)

A bang sounded against the door, risky nudges and pulls brinked as I heard the lock bar clang to the ground. Breathlessly, the door swung open, reveling a statue us person I could see nor here in my shell-shocked state.

My body was entirely numb, thrumming a beat that coursed a throb deep in my veins and arteries, pounding in me as though a ball being constantly thrown at my head in a heavy rhythm. It had slowed, earlier cranking up till I was screaming and thrashing against the walls, biting my tongue till blood was dribbling down my mouth to my chin, and coloring my white teeth to pink.

Moonlight poured across my features, caressing my skin with its silver glow.

"Kagome?"

The voice was low and male, grazing my mind as velvety smooth chocolate. My breathing was shallow and suffocating, puffing my body in short breathes, choking me till my stomach rumbled with discontent.

"Kags?"

Slowly the black silhouetted figure neared me, igniting a sense of fear within me. The gloomy light caught its form, glinting against sharp claws and knarled fangs, shadowing glowing crimson eyes in a pareless void.

"Kagome?"

Footsteps echoed on the groaning wood floor against his weight, and making the wall behind me tremor slightly, it only escalated my growing terror. The figure came to occupy the space in front of me, coming down into a low crouch.

"Kagome? Are you alright? Oh fuck..."

A clawed arm extended towards me, calmly touching my turned cheek.

My whole body jumped in surprise, a scream penetrating my throat as I tried to crawl away.

"Get the hell away from me!"

Its shape was morphing and swirling, as though a water color painting, taking its form. His voice came out sad and spilling over with remorse.

"No, no, Kags! Kags, it's me... It's me."

My mind started to unblur, making a breakthrough as though resurfacing in murky waters. Sluggishly, the deep red seething eyes, dulled to sweet honey amber ones. His sharp talons morphing down to his humble claws, that he tried so hard to dull and cover, and his canine knarled sharp fangs, filed down to his sweet puppy molars. White triangle ears popped out of his mane, twitching slightly in alert.

Finally, the sun showed through my foggy mind, recognition spreading across my eyes.

"InuInuyayasha..."

My voice broke horribly as tears I long since spilled toppled over again.

All he did was pull me into a soulful hug, making sure to not put any more pressure on my post beaten body. I desperately tried to return the embrace, my head snuggly into the supple crook of his neck, wrinkling my eyes as I took a deep exaggerated breath, smelling the masculine musk smell of Inuyasha.

My lungs to sudden stop as my orbs flickered wide, shoving him away with my hand and hunching over in pain as I hacked my guts out.

Literally.

My hand that had covered my mouth modestly, began to fleck with splattered copper droplets. My throat ached and burned in sharp pain, grating my dry unlubricated air pipe till I felt I could no longer breathe.

Blood globed on my nimble fingers, sending the last bit of dignity bared with in me to clamber to the floor and shatter to pieces in disgust.

My face became pale with lack of oxygen as disgust fluttered in my uneasy stomach, granting everything I had swallowed in the last few hours to come and greet my mouth with its vile taste. With my arms taught and stiff, holding me briskly from bawling to the floor, I purged, coating the floor with a nasty digested paste.

I hated puking, so horrible as though to me as equivalent of the end of the world. My eyes began to water in misery and my nostrils flared, sobs scrunching face as I tried to yield.

My arms began to quiver, after a while, my features contorting in pain though my heaves subsided. I felt so hallow and cold, my bare skin shriveling into gooseflesh as I closed my eyes and steadied my breathes.

a warm callous hand began to smooth my clammy skin, rubbing soft circles on my back. My mind began to wind its cobweb coddled wheels, as I realized he was behind me, slowly scooting forward and snaking his arms around my crippled form. His hand calmly tantalized across my stomach, making my tension somewhat seize. His chin sunk low to perch on my shoulder.

"Shhh... Kags everything is going to be alright."

His words cooed to my soul, making me close my eyes and take deep long breathes.

"Get me the fuck out of here."

My words were gritted through my teeth, wavering with tremendous restraint. his warmth was torn away from me, hearing him creak to a stance. He laid his jacket on my shoulders, patiently helping me put upper limbs through the fabric arms.

Leaning down, he began to lift me close to him, but stopping immediately when my hand was pushed against his chest.

"No, I can walk."

I would only go down fighting, I was always to stubborn for my own good, even when it was slammed in my face, I would just cock my head and smile.

And that's what I exactly did, holding my last shred of dignity as Inuyasha held onto my waist and my legs shakily crawling forward. It was like learning to walk for the first time as a infant, timid and unbalanced, trying with aggression to make it a foot further.

Stumbling through the doorframe was like having a heavy rock lifted off me, my pains became dull and all my tension seemed to melt slightly. The droning beat that screamed into my head just vanished, and I felt a weak smile scatter across my face.

Inuyasha led me to the God Tree, the racing back to the well house to seal its entrance. I leaned up against the trunk, taking in deep soulful breathes as I craned my neck till it rested against its rough bark.

The stars in the sky glimmered against the dark ominous background, lacing with the soft outlines of tree limbs, climbing and striving up as if to reach some higher being.

It innocently blew my breathe away.

My juvenile captors were gone, long since left to let me starve and rot in the agony of fear. They took my worst nightmare and seemed to think of it as some easy blackmail, some witty thing they could laugh their asses of while listening to my screeching shrieks. And even though I screamed in horror to stop, they seemed to think my voice was unhearable.

I didn't even know my fists were clenched till I felt a rough hands uncurl them, smoothing his thumbs over my deep half-moon cuts. His left palm soothingly ran up my arm, rumpling the coat up till the sleeves were hitched high on my forearms. Lightly, he stopped and touched my more vulgar gashes. Gently, scooted the coat off my shoulder, sliding till the fabric was tightly strained over the tops of my breasts. His fingers quivered as they traced my severely torn and punctured right shoulder, my respiration catching idly in my throat.

His reaction was to pull away in momentous speed, muttering a raspy "Sorry", as he began caressed my chin, lifting my head to see my face. My watered eyes met his, making his orbs sparkle in a sharper worry. Cupping my face, the pad off his thumb stroked the knarled gashes across my cheek.

"Oh Kag..."

My head ducked in ashame, tears pricking at the corner of my eyes.

His arms sluggishly enveloped me, careful of my wounded body. His head bent down to my aggravated shoulder, giving it a feather light kiss.

"There, does it feel better?"

I only snorted at his feeble attempt to lighten the mood, my arms snaking around his neck till he was so close to me. He leaned down and snuggled his head deep into the crook of my neck, his humid breathe tickling my throat and mingling with my hair.

It was a sweet embrace, making you feel warm to your head down to your toe, so calming and reassuring, that you wished it would never fade.

And that's exactly when everything falls apart, you can't live with good without unjusting the evil, anyone in the right sense of mind would bare that common sense. I was stupid and shielded, and for one moment, I thought everything was going to somehow turn into a happy ending, when the light finally shines into a tunnel concreted with unfathomable disgust and betrayal, when you feel the weight of many lost tears seem to heal that infected wound that plundered itself a crater your heart. When you felt everything was going to be alright.

But in the end, I was wrong, so wrong, it was only fake. Like a doll you direly believed talked, breathed and laughed, and the second it entered your hand after so many years, you realized it was only a plastic unpoportional figure That all you childhood memories seemed to become some kind of distant reality, where your naive mind could withstand any corner even lonely remorse when drowning in a sea of it.

The plain platonic world endorsed a sort of blank source of knowledge, making everything we so painfully assault our lives to become, seem to be a lame joke in the eyes of our imaginary god.

And yet, in it all, the echo of balled of angry sirens struck my mind with a bitter coat of consciousness. I caught myself in a tasteless muddle of mental whiplash, quaking its heavy notches to begin to turn my senses awake and becoming alert.

Inuyasha's ears perked up, the moment famishing in a thin sheet of darkness as his head bobbed up to tower above me and his body went stiff.

The sound grew in momentum, traveling through the valley of streets bellow.

"Damn..."

his voice penetrated the thick fog of my mind making my gaze that had been searching the limits of the shrine to latch unto his growling face.

Worry struck me.

"Theythey didn't call the police, did they?"

His face scrunched up in a immediate scowl, my question calling to a blank hopelessness.

Though he had pulled somewhat away his arms were still nailed to my waist, making no haste to let go.

when it seemed the obnoxious noise had reach its highest, everything became bathed in silence. Slamming doors and poundings steps rose through awkward break, igniting a chorus of yells.

Fear struck a painful chord, causing body to react by tremoring exaggeratedly. Inuyasha never left his gaze from the shrine stair, but responded by my display with dropping his scowl and pulling me close while calmingly dragging his claws through my long silky tresses.

though plastered to his chest, I still had a view of them appearing, slowly rising above the elevated ground. My breathe became raged, my head turning from the scene in front of me to snuggle deeper. My hands began to loosely fist his red cotton shirt, little whimpers escaping my thought as he clutched me tighter.

I heard as their footsteps echoed across the flat pavement level, their loud throaty yells and shouts falling to blankets of incomprehension.

A deep warning growl erupted from Inuyasha's throat, vibrating softly against me.

"Inuyasha?"

My voice came out scared and shrilled, afraid of something I couldn't understand.

"You, you get off her you beast!"

Loud pounding tanked him, making him curl over and around me, his body enveloping me from harm. He would recoil with each blow, making me wince in disgust and tears to bubble to my eyes.

Unknown hands latched onto me, pulling me with all their masculine strength to prod me from his hold.

I was not strong enough, my weak state making my arms jelly and legs flubber. My hands though never let go, fingers clasping tightly to his wrinkled shirt. He kneeled over, his arms locking over my wrists.

"Let.. me... go!"

My words gaped out in frustration, losing pitifully to there rabid battle. Tears spilled down my raw face, stinging my skin in their trail, my feet becoming frantic and kicking at anything behind me. I lost my grip on his clothing, my arms sliding away till it was are fingers clutching each other.

They battered him with excruciating blows, his arm tugging and loosening at each impact. Then with one hard bam to the head, everything was let go.

My fingertips slid against his, my hand still erect and straight as I was pulled viciously backward.

His body clambered to the concrete, bouncing slightly at impact.

"NO!"

It was a bare whisper as they held me down on the shockingly cold ground.

"No!"

As they crawled onto me, holding my limbs when I tried futilely to free myself.

"No."

As one held a syringe, squirting the sedative out punctually, a grin escalating his face, then stabbing it into my arm.

"No"

As the illumination faded out, and I tried to keep my head up to see.

"No..."

As Inuyasha's crippled form was beaten and beaten again, arms and limbs limp as blood seeped from some serious unknown wound.

"No...?"

As my head fell back and slammed against the pavement, my eyes twisted back and my body succumbing to numbness.

(End Flashback)

"Miss. Miss?"

My head perked up, causing a painful whip in my neck. A woman employee was standing in front of me, tapping her foot impatiently and twisting her eyebrows down in a aggravated frown. Her name tag that seemed to perch on her left breast read the: Miku Watanabe.

My eyes stared at her in small slits as light threatened to burn hatefully into my retinas. My body ached to be stretched.

"Miss, I am sorry but I am going to have to ask you to leave."

I only blinked at her, my face feeling long and weary to smoother any expression.

"Do you want me to call the police!"

My response was to blink at her more. Her eye twitched menacingly as fire began to explode in her orbs.

That was how low class people were treated at high maintenance places, I usually staid till the police would come and plaster a smile on and tell then some cheesy ass story, they'd, most of the time, only leave me off with a warning.

What, were they going to arrest me for loitering in a place you're supposed to loiter?

My legs buckled under my weight as I stood up, shoving my hands into my pockets.

"I'll go..."

My voice was a faint as the wind, but the lady understood, contentedly walking away towards the costumer service desk with her fancy Gucci shoes clicking against the linoleum floors.

The crowds had immensely died down along the mall, purging me to swallow my discontentment long enough to make it to the overwhelming double doors of the exit. Slamming my side against the door, I made my venture out, slightly feeling the sting in my shoulder freshly burn through memories. A big knarled scar lay there, molting to a discolored web of purplish skin.

Whenever I had accidentally splade it to Inuyasha, he would get the worried look on his face, gently tracing it with his fingertips till he gave it a feather light kiss.

Even that night when... when we... we made that mistake, he took careful note of it.

... II missed him, excruciatingly, without him there it was like my hope and will to live vanquished, and I was just a hallow shell. It made life so hard to bare.

Striving in a manor of speaking, sucked.

It was as easy to say as it was easy to hear, and it made some of the pain go away. I guess that's just how we make it through life, pledging are selves to see everything through shielded eyes, making the smallest things an obsession to survive.

The long hours I was in there had long since taken their toll, the sky frisking in fragrant colors that penetrated their grey cloud walls.

It was twilight.

When the world vanquished to its darker depths, pronouncing its demons lurking in the shadows.

I stood there for a while, not knowing the difference from left or right, blotting any cause as I got sucked in my own little world.

I felt like I was turned right side upside down, its like I was sinking in this cerebrum of distrust and hate, burning and torturing the once innocent me.

Rotting was to only be expected.

"Kagome!"

My head whipped up, my hair bouncing around like some wild supernatural being, tendrils concealing my glaceric blue eyes.

I saw a blurry form making chaos as she ran in hurry towards me. Her hand was clasped tightly to another behind her, calling apologies in her wake of angry people.

It was Sango.

Fuck.

"Kagome! Kagome, please wait up!"

I couldn't face her, not after my episode back at that hell of a party. I knew she saw that look in my eye, that look I gave her many years ago...

A sob threatened too crumble my visique, I was to unstable to talk.

"Please Kagome...!"

Her words held a desperation in then, making her voice tangy with remorse.

With all my will, I wanted to walk away, but something within pushed me the other way. I wanted her to hold me and tell me everything was alright, I wanted for once to not have to hide behind my decomposing mask.

I needed her take my hand and firmly clasp it to reality.

Tears prickled down my cheeks, my hand extending as my fingers flexed in anticipation.

"Sango!"

My voice hoarsely broke, holding a shrill not of sorrow that made everyone around me squirm in discomfort.

My feet shuffled forward, making rough grating noises that withered bitterly in my ears. Her footsteps pounded louder and louder in momentum till she unclasped her lackey Miroku behind her and jumped me into a tightly clenched hug.

I cried miserably in her arms, not letting anything withstand till I was licked dry of tears.

We slowly wandered to a sidewalk bench, Sango settled my side, cradling me against her breast while Miroku crouched before me, affectionately rubbed my clothed calves. It was calming, a simple posture that we had resented to before...

But, something was missing... he was missing, my left shoulder cold without him there, rubbing soft cooing circles on my back.

It only made me cry harder.

As my sobs sluggishly muffled to sniffles, Miroku left his original post to snuggle me on my other side.

I was content for a while, a while, till my worst fear was dropped like a bomb.

"Kagome, what happened?"

I choked on my tongue as my body went stiff, all my hopes falling to a masquerade of discontent. How could I say the words I wanted so badly to burn into flesh and unbind my seams to let me free? How could I spew my heart and soul in a palent beat to wither and writhe against the rough concrete pavement?

How could I lie?

I couldn't...

"Sango II... I'm sorry. I didI can'tI... I have to go."

I carefully detangled myself from them, Sango being the most stubborn and gripping my hand tightly. her face was scattered with unlawful worry, her eyes glossening with unshed tears.

"Kagome, you can't keep doing this... you can't keep running away..."

My head ducked down in shame, my feet becoming more amusing then the matter at hand.

"Yes I know. But in a world so stale and transparent, running from my tears and demons is only a withstanding call for survival. Paying destiny its dues is a death within itself..."

My voice was calm and tranquil, smoothing down even my splitting senses. Sangos grip went slack as I tugged my wrist away, her arm falling to her side limp before Miroku took her hand his rough palms.

Sango's eyes never left mine, our hollow gazes locked together in a long awkward silence.

"II'm sorry."

I repeated myself stuttering, my orbs pulling away from hers as my feet moved mobile forward without my consent.

I heard as a muffled sob cried out behind me, the building windows reflecting her with her head collapsed in Miroku's lap, her hands cradling her face as he softly rubbed her back and soothed down her hair.

She just... seemed so broken... I had never seem Sango cry...

I felt the undying need to cajole her, but my feet swiftly carried me across the lone sidewalk, my second thoughts thrown out the window as her voice faded into the background of roaring cars and bustling traffic.

Guilt ate away at my insides.

I always was a horrible friend, easily pushing them away when the going got rough. I never understood why they stood by me for so long, maybe it was my way of making a mockery of the most tense moments, or it was their hunger, their hunger for someone uniquely the same in pain and agony, like lost souls somehow seeking the warmth of knowing they weren't alone.

Because in the end, we were only confused and condemned, searching for something that was not in this everlasting dream.

But, she knew... she knew I was slowly killing myself inside.

A few blocks away I fell apart, my anger and frustration spilling out in a hot batch of warm scolding tears. I had slammed my back against the blank solid wall of some building I found refuge with.

I could only hold myself long enough till I felt all bonds of any communication break and slander me off in a wake of destruction.

I felt so raw and used, emotionally baked and broiled to a burnt crisp.

My head tilted upward hopelessly, silent tears calmly rolling down my throat and tickling my skin till I swiped them away.

It was all I could try to do to keep my composure intact, but my heart shattered in graze pieces, pitying me to swallow all thought of 'alright' and fall to a oblivion of discontent.

Sluggishly, my back dragged down along the steal bedding the gazed myself erect, slipping loosely to the ground in a heap of despair. My eyes became dull and weak, a numbness washing over my features.

"are... are you alright?"

The voice was fleetingly small, so soft and quiet it took my mind a few moments to process someone was addressing me. My head turned painfully slow to the projection of the voice, my eyes latching with a petite woman leaning down slightly in reverence. Her big flashy eyes overflowed with concern, a weary motherly expression lain across her face.

"Yes, I'm fine."

My words came out in a monotonous drawl, sounding more emotionless than I would have liked. Her brow was still twisted in worry as she nodded and left, her steps echoing through corridors of my mind.

I sat there, fuck knows how long, till the purple and pink sky colored a blanket of midnight blue. Lamplights flickered stiffly in the crisp evening night, long ago blinking to wakefulness and illuminating my diminishing sight. Crowds scattered across the sidewalks, critiquing the earlier conservative to the night folk. Bright flashes of high fashion and provocative clothing caught my eyes like a fly to florescent light, calls of hoots and laughter jeering through the loathful cold night of fall.

A shiver escalated my nerves, claiming me to hug my coat tighter for warmth. my nose was numb with cold and my body seemed to ball in anguish.

Kikyo would be home, along with Souta, and it seemed I would follow through the pits of hell till I would face them.

But I had to go back, I had no where else to go, the hole I had dug myself to deep to climb out of.

Innocently, me legs weighted me to a somewhat slouched stance, my right palm flat against the cool metal so that to catch my balance. My trudge was slow and eased, making no haste in my walk home.

Clouds scuttled across the sky, tinting a earthy tone of brown that drastically contrasted against dimly speckled black sky. Stars urgently purged light among planets and nebulas, distantly shadowed by light pollution that smogged up the atmosphere.

Strip bars and clubs cluttered with people, hot raged rave music pulsing the ground under my feet, the smell of sweat and smoke making the air humid and warm as I passed drunk maniac crowds. Middle age men would seep out from alleyways and piss corners, taking no shame and hitting on sluttish teens that seemed to be wearing an invisible sign that pleaded 'rape'.

It was enough for one to get direly nauseous.

And the worst thing was, I was one of them, spending the night clubbing and trashing parties, drinking till I'd pass out. Consuming drugs till the very essence of worry was washed away in a splendor of blank numbness.

I was part of them, part of that..

That was the only veil that hid me from reality, my only escape...

escape from the world.

From our fights, from the wounds that seemed to bare deeper than life itself, from the pain of him severing away from me.

From him.

The common world of the night life had seemed to be my only refuge.

And yet... everything around me brought back decaying memories, the smell the taste the atmosphere, scamming me to pounce upon things I tried so hard to suppress. Such thoughts that took years to per chase.

... And then it happened, my mind automatically cutting off and as images to pulse behind my eyes. My legs buckled, my head craning upward as my limbs gave out, but I saw nothing, felt nothing, for one moment it was as though I didn't exist.

Pain exploded in my head, cold concrete slamming against my limp body as my senses dulled...

(Flashback)

"Fuck you Kagome, fuck you! What the hell did you think? Know you didn't! You messed up, you fucking messed up! I'm sorry you have something ticked up there, but you will neverNEVER do that again!"

A rough worn hand shot out across my face, a gasp flowing through my lungs as my body was pushed back against the rim of his tattered and scoffed bed. My back made a hideous snap as it whip lashed against the sharp steal frame. My hand tenderly touched my bruised cheek, tears of fear overflowing in my eyes.

His orbs glowed a devilish crimson, light purple slashes grazing his cheeks hidden partially by cascading silver tresses. His ears were plastered to his head in aggravation, teeth bared hideously in a snarl.

His posture triggered a weakness deep inside me, my hands flying in front of my face as my legs were pulled close to me.

I squeezed my eyes shut in desperation.

"Please don't hurt me!"

(End Flashback)

Sharp gasps for air barred my throat, my eyes bulging wide as my arms sprawled behind me to thrust my back up. My raged gulps of breathe alone echoed mildly, the hustle and bustle off crowds seeming to vanish completely as though I was pulled into a alternate universe that was cold and desolate.

It made me feel cornered and swallowed in the spotlight, a paranoid sense of being clinging to my mind. My head bobbed up and down in short puffed breathes as my head jerked left and right. I shut my eyes mutely, trying desperately to pull myself together long enough to move.

My fingers began to curl in my palm, pulling strangely at the nagging feeling of unconsciousness. My mind began to unblur sluggishly, pain spurting into my head reminding me a wound was there.

With my teeth clattering against the cold, I steered myself up, rocking slightly back and forth on my heels to balance.

I could feel the voices screaming in my head as thought they were spoken moments ago, my cheek sensitively prickling as the cool breeze eased.

It was as though I was caged in that one moment, shackled to a torture I nor he would never relinquish or forgive.

And through all my deep contemplation, the foggy fields that redeemed my mind, I processed the sound of footsteps falter along ground.

Voices were not laughing, cars were not honking, it was deafly silent, the only noise plunging forward in hotty strides. My breathe was caught in my throat, to afraid to look I closed my eyes harshly.

It was as though my own graze was settled in destine, for the second my eyes fluttered open, I saw...

I saw...

Him.

The only person that hell itself couldn't polish away the pain. Him who had ripped apart my very being, and devoured it right before my eyes. He who had, in his very hand, my fragile heart.

And yet... He was there very one who sacrificed everything for me, he was the one who stood by me no matter what consequence, he ignited my sense of living...

And extinguished them.

It was far to early, to early to see him, the wounds still fresh and bleeding, coursing a pounding sense of dull pain that would never leave when seeing his face. I could never describe the anguish that imbedded itself fathom fully in my soul.

It was as though the continuum of time sealed over, the reply of his shoes smacking pavement piercing the void that surrounded us.

his silvery powder hair wisped around him, making his already demon features look godly. Melting honeycomb eyes locked with mine, motion slowing till the seconds that countered lasted forever. My soul was throttled into his orbs, his flickering mask whisked apart to splay deep pain and sorrow.

I tried so hard to not be played into his spell, I tried so hard to burry the ache under folds of sub consciousness, but if anyone said they could, they lied.

I stumbled forward, my legs dragging on a path I much less knew or cared, I was far to lost in his agony to notice my action.

Softly, are shoulders swept against each other, our eyes losing contact as my head faced stiffly front.

Before I knew it, a tear tumbled down my cheek, my breathe shortening as my tongue poured out what beat hoarsely into my very existence, the question that plagued me for all my wrong.

"Why?"

So, guess what, I'm not dead. What a shame, and I was really hoping for it. Well I had fun, to anyone who cared.

Sorry my last chapter was so fucked up, my friend Nat posted it without my consent and I had yet to read through it. I hope you like this next installment, I tried my best to do allot of descriptive writing.

I'm sorry it took so long, I was freaking out and whatever.

If you want me to keep going, review, I'm really starting to loose the energy to keep righting this because it seems like its going know where.

Oh, and tell me what you want me to do with this story, I'd love to here your input.

Here's my responses to your lovely reviews (I thank you):

Midnight-shadow-385: Thank you so much for helping me with this, I wuv u!

xxXDarkSlayerXxx: No your kinda warm, but I'm still trying to figure out the plot of the story. Tell me what you would like to happen and I'll see if its worthy... hint hint :)

inu luver: Hey thanks so much, I'm glad you like

kikyo22: hey thanks.

obliviandragon: Yeah, sorry about that, its kinda hard dometimes for me to get the right words out.

moongoddess07: Of course its a Inu/Kag pairing, I even made sure to put it in the summary. I'm sorry, though, it might not have a happy ending.

Colly: Sorry I can't make the promise of it ending happy, its not really in my line of work. I'm glad I got you hooked!

Colly: Haha, I love angst to.

Silent Bloody Tears: I'm glad you like it, I tried really hard to put everything I would want into a story in this one. I'm really starting to loose my muse so I'm sorry if I don't update as regularly.