Tales of Caladbolg
CHAPTER 3 - Hyper Dodger Chocobo
A/N: Hey, you all been waitin' for this? Tidus getting mauled by birds? (poor guy...)
"No! No, no, no!" Tidus said, running towards Auron, "She can't make me do it!"
"So, stop annoying me, can't you see I'm fighting a Chimera Brain?" Auron said, annoyed, "Go talk to that old man." Auron pointed to a far corner of the Calm Lands where an old man stood in front of a path.
"Fine..." Tidus said, running, "But it better be interesting!"
Tidus reached the old man. He tried to look behind the guy, but he pushed Tidus back.
"Hey, no one goes past me!" The guy said, "Although I don't know what I'm guarding..."
"Then why are you guarding it?" Tidus said, confused.
The old man shrugged, "I dunno..."
"Then let me see!" Tidus said, trying to peek.
"Hey! Yevon forbids you to go through! I have to get paid too, y'know!" He said.
"You get payed for standing in front of nothing?" Tidus asked.
"I dunno..." The old man shrugged again.
"What will make you move?" Tidus asked, as if trying to make the old man fail his job.
"Something unique, interesting..." The old man yawned, "Unique..." He started snoring.
He's sleeping? While standing up? During his job! Tidus thought in confusion, Now's my chance to see what's he's guarding!
Tidus crept behind the man, so silently you could hear a pin drop... if only all the chocobo's weren't screaming in high voices...
What the hell? Tidus thought, A glyph?
The celestial mirror started to react.
"It's opening!" Tidus screamed, and then put his hands on his mouth. Bad move! The old fart could wake up!
"Hey!" He said, sanpping out of it, "What're you doin'!" The old man pulled out a gun (forbidden machina! oh no!) and pointed it a Tidus, "Slowly step away from the glyph..." He demanded.
"Oh...oh...oh kay..." Tidus said tembling, "No need for...(Tenchi!) bloodshed!"
"Go on... get!" The old man pointed to another corner of the Calm Lands, "And never come back!"
Tidus ran back to the chocobo lady.
"He's even more psycho then you!" Tidus remarked.
"That's my husband." Trainer lady said in dismay.
"Eep! Sorry!" Tidus said.
"It's OK... I'm divorcing him anyway." Trainer said.
"Oh... sorry to hear." Tidus said, confused, No wonder they're getting divorced! He's an old Yevonite and she's an Al Bhed Chocobo Trainer!
"No problem... Hey, how about some Hyper Dodger Chocobo to warm things up?" Trainer suggested.
Is she hitting on me? Tidus thought, disgusted, "Uhh... OK, yeah, sure!"
"Ok... 3...2...1...GO!" Trainer counted again.
Tidus drove his chocobo forward. He noticed a blitzball fire into the air. Ha, complete miss! Tidus thought. But no, was he wrong. The lone blitzball seperated into 8 different blitzballs and rained down on Tidus and his chocobo.
"Ahh! What happened!" Tidus yelled.
Then the worst happened. A bird flew towards him.
"Oh crap, I'll hit that bird!" Tidus said, careening to the side, but to no avail. The bird's beak hit Tidus right on the nose! (ouch!) Yet, the bird flew up, unfazed. Then, a second bird flew out of nowhere and attacked the chocobo. The chocobo screeched in pain.
"My god! You're trying to kill me!" Tidus said, after recovering from a blitzball to bird combo.
A couple of more blitzballs and birds later...
"You crossed the finish line! I clocked you at.. err... 3:21:01... try better?" She forcibly chuckled.
Blood dripping out of his nose, Tidus stared at the Trainer. Just stared. This went on for a minute until Tidus spoke, "Excuse me?"
"You got a 3:21:01..." Trainer replied.
Keep cool, Tidus... Resist the urge to use Blitz Ace on her! Tidus struggled with his anger.
"I can beat that!" Tidus replied, optimistic as ever.
"3...2...1...GO!" Trainer counted once more.
Tidus managed to slip through a shower of blitzballs and a couple of birds, but then his luck stat went down! (better use some luck spheres Tidus!) Birds pushed his chocobo which way and that, and Tidus lost control of it. A bird hit Tidus' side, and another bird knocked him clean off his chocobo. He was continually hit iwth birds and blitzballs.
"Stop it! You're killing him!" Yuna screamed out, running up to the downed Tidus, "Are you OK?"
"Yuna... I... I... wish we could've gone to Zanarkand..." He coughed, "And eat pizza, go to night clubs, and piss Auron off by drinking whatever he keeps in his jug..."
"We can still go!" Yuna cried out.
"Sorry..." Tidus said, his body going limp.
10 minutes later...
"How long are you going to keep him like that?" Rikku asked Yuna, and pointed to Tidus, still on the floor.
"Oh my! I forgot! Life!" Yuna casted the spell.
Tidus got up. Silently, he walked up to the trainer lady. He grabbed the stopwatch, opened it up, and set it to a time of 0:00:00.
"Um... you didn't cross the finish line..." Trainer said, grabbing the stopwatch back.
"That's my score." Tidus said, pulling out the Brotherhood, "Unless you want to see my Brotherhood up close and personal?"
"Uh... OK! You.. you got... a 0:00:00...! Let me jot it down..." Trainer said trembling.
Tidus walked back the the Al Bhed rest shop, "We spend the night!"
Auron walked up to him, with a confused look.
"Oh sorry. That was your line." Tidus said to Auron.
A/N: Wow... Tidus got real depressed from those birds! Tune in next time for the dramatic (yeah right) finale of Tales of Caladbolg!
