Warning: Animals were harmed during the typing of this story, some blood to follow. Reading this story may cause drowsiness or the expulsion of cola through one's nose, depending on what the user considers funny. Not for use with other stories or in the bathtub. Do not operate heavy machinery while reading. That's just common sense now, people.
Disclaimer: The characters are not mine. Neither is Nyquil or the concept of Sock Trolls. I am only doing this for fun and I have no money, so suing me is a useless act. This is just a little bit of fluff (I guess it takes place immediately after the series.) Nothing serious, but please review if you like it, or if you don't like it.
"All right, the emergency numbers are on the fridge." Mia Coji said as she climbed into her little red Samurai. "If you need anything, you know my number at the University."
Standing by Ryo Sanada in the front lawn, Sage Datier shook his head. "Mia, you'll only be gone for a few hours. It's not like your leaving the country."
"I know." She sighed as she tossed her purse into the passenger's seat. "It's just, this is the first time I've really left you guys alone in the house and. . ." she groped for just the right way to say it.
"And trouble follows around closer than our own shadows?" Sage helped her out.
Ryo put in. "And there are many antique breakables in the house?"
Mia smiled. "I'm sorry, but yes on both counts. Will the house be standing by the time I get back?"
Ryo gave her a mock indignant expression. "For shame, Mia! Not trusting us."
"I'll take that as a yes." She climbed behind the steering wheel. "There are leftovers from dinner in the fridge. You can heat those up for lunch. I should be back around 1 or so."
"That's fine." Ryo replied. "Anything we can do to help out while you're gone today?"
"Those clothes in the dryer. Most of them are yours, Ryo. Perhaps you could get them out of there?"
"No problem. Anything else?"
"Maybe mow the lawn or just tidy up around the house a bit. Keep an eye on Cye."
"Oh, he'll love that." Ryo snickered. Cye was probably the worst patient he had ever met in his life. He had been grouchy whenever the Dynasty had beaten the snot out of him. As it turned out, a spat with Dais was nothing when compared with a bad head cold. In its third day, the nasty bug had knocked the Torrent Warrior flat on his butt.
Mia sighed. "Just as long as there are no police in the front yard when I get home."
"Mia." Sage began. "We are responsible young adults. We can handle a few hours on our own, I promise."
Just then, a piercing whoop resounded through the neighborhood as Kento rounded the corner of the house, running full tilt. Rowen was hot on his heels, garden sprayer in hand, using the highest setting to blast Kento right in the ass. "Take it back, Rockhead!"
"Go on and make me." Rowen responded with a direct hit to Kento's ear. The warrior squealed in surprise and the chase resumed.
"It seems a bit early for them to be starting." Ryo commented as Kento nearly ate dirt vaulting the fence that surrounded the back yard.
Sage turned back around to find Mia raising her eyebrows at him. "Responsible young adults?"
"You can't judge all of us by the two of them." Ryo replied.
"What about Cye's lovely performance last night?"
"There were mitigating circumstances there."
Mia shook her head and started the car. "I'll see if I can get out of my meeting a little early."
With a final wave, she backed the vehicle up and in a few seconds, sped off down the road. Ryo and Sage watched her go until the Samurai disappeared from sight. "I guess we're on our own. What'll we do now?"
"Chill out, I guess and see if we can clean the house up a bit for Mia."
"I guess it is the least we could do." Sage said as they began moving towards the front porch. "You know, mooching off of her and all. We can get started after breakfast."
"I'm going to go check on Cye first." Ryo went into the house and headed immediately for the stairs. "After last night. . ."
"It's going to take a while for him to live that one down." Sage responded as he headed for the kitchen.
Quietly, Ryo trotted up the steps and opened the door to the bedroom right next to his own. With any luck, Cye would still be asleep after his late night antics and Ryo could leave him in peace for a couple of hours. As much as he liked Cye, he was no mother. He had been called a 'mother hen' occasionally, but that was always on the battlefield where his friends were in danger. Cye wasn't in danger, just irritable. Hopefully, he would snooze away half the day.
No such luck. He found the Torrent Warrior lying on his back and sighing as though he had just come fully back to the land of the living. He coughed once, his voice a testament to his still blocked head. "What time is it?"
"Only about eight in the morning." Ryo came to stand next to his bed, crossing the clutter of Kento's space over the imaginary line into Cye's neat and orderly area. "How do you feel?"
Cye threw an arm over his eyes as though the sun in the room was too much for him to handle. "I feel like someone pushed me in front of a bus. How do you think I feel?"
"Don't get snappy with me, just because you can't hold your cough medicine."
"What?" Cye looked at him as though he were from another planet.
"You had a pretty bad reaction to that Nyquilâ„¢ last night."
"Nyquil?"
"You took some of it before bed last night." Ryo smiled wolfishly. "You don't remember last night at all, do you?"
"What happened?"
"You climbed out on the roof at two in the morning."
"I did not." Cye harrumphed as he rolled over. "You're making it up."
"It took us forty-five minutes to get you down from there."
"It didn't happen."
"Oh yeah?" Ryo chuckled. "Go ask Mrs. Inishi next door."
"Mrs. Inishi is a crazy old lady who doesn't like us. Not since Kento threatened to shave her cat."
"She heard you out there. As a matter of fact, the entire neighborhood heard you."
"Heard me?" Green eyes peered back over the comforter. "What do you mean, 'heard me'?"
Ryo began to laugh so hard his sides ached. "You were belting out 'God Save the Queen' with everything you had. Oh, and it was bad. Dogs howling and everything."
"Oh no." Cye hid under his covers.
"Oh yeah, bro. In those nice clownfish boxer shorts you've got there."
"Dear god." Cye sniffled and watched Ryo grab for the armchair that sat near Cye's window. "It's not that funny, mate."
"Cye, you had to be there. And clearly, you weren't." Ryo reined it in. "Don't worry, we covered for you. Rowen told everyone that you were undergoing electric shock therapy."
"I'll have to thank him later." Cye coughed and reached for a tissue.
"Do you need anything?"
"If you were truly my friend, you would put me out of my misery."
"Sorry. The best I can do is orange juice."
"I'll take it." Ryo really did feel bad for Cye. His normally upbeat, happy-go-lucky friend looked like death warmed over. He was pale, even for a skinny British guy, sniffling pathetically at irregular intervals. Ryo figured the account of Cye's display of patriotism in the wee hours of the morning was humiliating enough and he couldn't bring himself to mention that Cye reeked of vapor rub and sweat. It wasn't a fragrant combo.
Ryo took his leave of Cye and headed back for the stairs. He was halfway down when he heard a faint popping sound. There was a few seconds of silence followed by Kento snorting. "Sage, you're a dumbass."
Ryo hurried the rest of the way down the stairs before the onslaught could hit full-swing and rounded the corner just in time to see Sage standing by the open microwave, shooting daggers at Kento who continued to laugh. Apparently, the use of the term 'dumbass' had not sat well. "I am not a dumbass."
"Dude, you can't even make instant oatmeal."
As Ryo watched, a thick glob of lumpy goo slid from the inside of the microwave door and landed with a plop on the black and white kitchen floor. "What happened?"
"I was trying to be helpful." He sent a glare in Ryo's direction.
"He mixed the oatmeal and the water all together and threw it in there on high." Rowen explained calmly, leaning against the table. "It kinda blew up."
There was no 'kinda' about it. Ryo looked in the appliance to see the sticky concoction covering the top and sides of the microwave. He looked back doubtfully. "Okay, can anyone cook?"
Ryo knew that he was hopeless at boiling water, let alone making anything remotely resembling edible. Sage had struck out, and by the 'deer in the headlights' look he was getting from Rowen, he highly doubted that he was going to be helpful. Kento grinned and crossed his arms. "I'll take care of breakfast."
"You cook?" Rowen asked.
"It won't meet with Cye's standards, but we aren't going to starve. Hand me the eggs out of the fridge."
While Sage and Rowen cleaned the microwave, Ryo helped Kento pull together a breakfast of eggs and toast. It wasn't bad, all things considered, but as predicted, Cye found his friend's culinary skill lacking.
"Eggs are dry." He said before dropping the fork on the tray Ryo had brought.
"I could have Sage make you some oatmeal."
Cye sent a guarded, inquisitive look at him, but let it pass. "I should have cooked breakfast."
"Oh yeah, 'Rhinovirus on Toast'. Great idea."
"You're probably already infected, you know." The comment was softened by the first hint of a smile.
"I'm made of stronger stuff."
Cye finally broke into a full grin. "I know I'm a pain, mate."
"No problem." Ryo stood up. "But I'm telling Kento that you raved about his cooking. You better eat it all."
He scrunched his nose. "A fate worse then death."
After spending the better part of the morning cleaning the basement and living room, it was time for a little fresh air. Sage stepped on to the back porch of the sprawling mansion and breathed deeply the scents of the early spring afternoon, the air, the wildflowers, and the smell of fresh mown grass. . .
Actually, the last one was noticeably absent. The riding lawn mower was out of the shed at least, but it was merely sitting near the fence, looking as though it had not been moved in quite some time. Sage sighed as he watched Kento change his position in the hammock that was strung between the two large oak trees in the yard. Sunglasses in place, lemonade in hand, he was the picture of how a lazy day should be spent. The problem was, with the exception of Cye, the rest of them had been working their asses off, trying to neaten the house before Mia got home in the next few hours.
Sage left the porch and made it a point to cast his shadow down on his friend. "Comfy?"
"Yeah I was." Kento used a finger to slide the shades down a fraction of an inch. "But now you're hair is blocking my rays."
"I thought you were mowing the lawn."
"I started." Kento replied testily.
Sage looked towards the direction of the mower to see the grass cropped from the entrance to the shed to where the mower now sat. "A whole ten feet. You must be exhausted."
"For your information, the mower belt snapped." Kenot slid his glasses back into place and put his hands behind his head. "Can't mow the lawn when the mower's busted."
"There's a push mower in there, too you know." Sage nodded towards the shed.
Kento snorted and laughed before catching sight of Sage's face. "You're not serious."
"Get up Kento."
The larger teen looked at his friend again and after a few seconds decided that Sage was not going to relent. There was another minute of delay as he tried to think of a way to stall or talk his way out of the situation. With nothing forthcoming he sighed and began to cuss under his breath. Although he didn't catch most of it, Sage got the impression that Kento was none too happy with him at the moment. Slumping his shoulders, Kento stomped his way to the shed and rolled the mower out. "How do you start this thing?"
"With the pull cord."
"What cord?"
"Yeah right." Sage crossed his arms. "Like you've never used a mower before."
Kento looked at the contraption with disgust. "This thing is out of the Stone Age. Does Mia's obsession with artifacts have to spill over to the lawn care equipment?"
Sage had to admit that the mower was a bit antiquated, but he knew it ran and would get the job done. "Just prime it and pull the cord."
"You're a bossy little prick sometimes, you know that?" As Sage suspected, Kento had the expertise. With two pulls the mower roared to life. The Hardrock warrior sighed in disappointment. His afternoon of loafing was shot. With a growl, he began to mow the lawn. "Damn it, Sage! Why the hell couldn't you just stay in the house? Now I'm gonna have to. . ."
Sage didn't bother to listen to the rest as he climbed the stairs to head back inside. Let Kento rant at his back. At least he wouldn't have to mow the grass. He was almost to the door when he heard a loud smack he whirled around just in time to see the mower bounce off the oak tree from which Kento's hammock was suspended, its handle coming back to knock the breath out of its operator. Sage was unable to curb a laugh as his friend hit his butt, but didn't feel overly guilty, considering that Kento was probably making some snide comment at him instead of watching where he was going.
His mirth was short lived. From the base of the tree ran a small startled creature, roused by the attack on his home. It zigged and zagged a couple of times before beelining for the door that Sage held halfway open. Before he could even register a thought, the critter darted between his legs and into the house.
"Dude, Sage, did you just let that thing in the house?"
Sage let his head drop back and sighed at the porch ceiling. "Yes."
There was screech of surprise from inside the house followed by Rowen screaming for Ryo. With Kento hooting at his back, Sage hurried inside. Already, the coffee table had been overturned in the living room. Ryo and Rowen were on their hands and knees searching under the furniture. "Do you see it Ro?"
"Not over here."
"What the hell is it?" Ryo asked, his voice muffled since he was still under the sofa.
"Lepus brachyurus brachyurus" Rowen replied. "In the Order of Lagomorpha, Family:Ochotonidae."
Ryo sat up with a perplexed look on his face. "A what?"
"It's a rabbit, Ryo." Sage translated.
"Why didn't you just say that, Ro?"
"I did."
Ryo shook his head and simply moved on. "Where did it come from?"
"It's that one that lives under the oak tree in the backyard." Sage replied. "You know the one Mia talks to when she's weeding the flower beds?"
"How'd he get in the house?"
Kento spoke up quickly. "Sage held the door open for him."
"Who smacked the tree with the lawn mower and scared him in the first place?"
"Who made me get the mower out?"
"Wait a minute"
A sharp whistle brought all arguing to a halt and everyone looked over to find Cye standing on the steps, looking cranky with his quilt wrapped around his shoulders. "What's going on down here?"
Ryo sighed. "There's a rabbit loose in the house."
"How'd that happen?"
Kento opened his mouth to lay the blame squarely on Sage again, but Rowen was faster. "Hey there he goes!"
They all looked in the direction the archer indicated and watched the small animal make for the cover of the loveseat. Muscles tensed, but out of the corner of his eye, Sage caught sight of a fleeting shadow.
"White Blaze, no!" He threw himself in the tiger's direction, but he was too late. There was a hideous squeal and then silence. White Blaze gathered his meal and trotted off towards the backyard to dine in the sunshine.
There was a variety of disgusted noises from the teenagers. "Oh nasty." Was Kento's input.
"Geez, Ryo. Don't you ever feed him?" Rowen asked. "He just jumped that thing like he hasn't eaten for a week."
"He's a tiger, that's what they do."
"He's not supposed to do it in the house." Sage went over to inspect the mess White Blaze had left behind. While swift, the kill was a little less than clean. There was a fair amount of blood and some other things that Sage wished not to speculate the origin of staining the gray carpet a lovely shade of purple.
"You can't be like everyone else and just have, like a dog or something, can you?" Kento asked.
"I like more exotic animals."
"How about a chinchilla?"
Ryo made a face. "I don't see that striking fear into the hearts of villains when it shows up carrying the Soul Swords."
Sage snorted. "Can we focus here? Mia's gonna flip when she sees this."
"Not to mention the fact that you guys killed her rabbit." Cye spoke up.
"Nothing we can do about that." Ryo put his hands on his hips. "What we need to do is clean up this mess."
"She's got gunk for that." Rowen replied, staying a noticeable distance from the 'crime scene'.
"What kind of gunk?"
"Carpet cleaning gunk. It's under the sink in the kitchen. Mia bought half a dozen cans of it."
"She's clairvoyant, I swear." Sage straightened and headed for the kitchen. "We'll get this cleaned up in no time at all."
Wth a half an hour's worth of elbow grease and some creative furniture moving on Sage's part, the living room's secret was safely hidden. Sage, Kento, Rowen, and Cye all retreated to the kitchen, flopping down in the chairs. Kento scrounged up a can of soup for his sick friend and managed to heat it up without any mishaps. Cye took the proffered bowl gratefully. "Thanks mate."
"No problem." Kento leaned back. "Where's Ryo run off to?"
"He's downstairs finishing his laundry." Rowen said. "I think he caught Cye's cold. He must have a fever. Whoever heard of folding clothes on a glorious day like this?"
"We're sitting in the kitchen." Sage pointed out. "It's not like we're outside either."
"I'm not going out there." Cye slurped up some of his soup.
"Maybe you should, dude." Kento laughed. "Blow the stench of vapor rub and snot off of you."
Cye apparently didn't feel like arguing. "I don't know. I think Ryo is just in one of his cleaning moods you know? Where everything needs to be neat and organized?"
"I never get in those moods." Kento said.
"I know, I share a room with you."
"All right." Ryo appeared in the kitchen doorway. "Who's got it?"
"Who's got what?" Cye asked, although he wasn't particularly interested.
The Ronin leader held up a lone white sock with red stripes. "The match to this sock. Someone has to have it, 'cause I know I put both of them in the dryer."
"Maybe we've got sock trolls, dude."
"Sock trolls?" Cye asked, looking up from his soup. "What the hell is a sock troll?"
"You know, you put your socks in the dryer and only one comes out? The sock trolls steal them through the interdimesional portal that is in the dryer. They're like gold in Troll Land."
"Must be an American thing."
"No more sci-fi for you." Rowen said.
"After all that we have seen, are you going to deny the possible existence of a Sock Troll dimension?"
"Yes."
Sage spoke up. "You cannot tell me that Ryo's nasty gym socks are worth anything even in an alternate dimension."
"Oh, we've got a sock troll all right." Ryo disappeared beneath the table. Cye yelped once as Ryo checked his socks and Kento swore and tried to kick his friend in the head. Before Rowen could flee, there was a wild yell from below and suddenly, the blue haired archer was yanked under faster than an extra in a 'Jaws' sequel. Cye picked up his bowl as the table bounced and shook, scowling at his two wrestling comrades through the tabletop. Sage sighed and calmly shook his head as one of the feuding duo cracked a vital body part on the floor and swore loudly. There was a shout of triumph before Ryo appeared again, holding his prized red-striped sock aloft. "I got it!"
And with that, the Ronin leader left to finish his laundry. More slowly, Rowen rose from beneath the table, grinding his teeth.
"I think he kicked your butt, Ro." Cye commented, putting his bowl back on the table.
"This. . . is not over." And with that, Rowen disappeared into the living room. There was a few seconds of odious silence and Sage could feel the storm brewing. Everyone remaining in the kitchen jumped a mile when the stereo blasted with enough force to move Sage's hair.
I don't know,
I don't know,
I don't know where Ima gonna go when the volcano blows.
Sage poked his head into the living room. There stood Rowen, with one blue sock and a bare foot: crazed look in his eye with his hand on the volume control of the CD player. This had the potential for ugliness. It had been discovered, by Kento, that this song more than any other, sent Ryo screaming over the edge of insanity. Potentially, it had something to do with the Warrior of Hardrock playing the Buffett song some 674 times in a single day.
"Rowen!" Ryo yelled from the pit of the basement. "Turn that off!"
Sage closed his eyes when Rowen called back in defiance. "Come up here and make me."
Ground she's moving under me
Tidal waves out on the sea
Sulfur smoke up in the sky
Pretty soon we learn to fly
As the chorus began again, Ryo called back. "You do not want me to come up there."
"Yeah, actually I do."
"No you don't. There was a crazed, sinister undertone in Ryo's voice now.
"I'm waiting." Rowen cranked the volume a little higher, making Sage winch.
My girl quickly said to me
Man you better watch your feet
Lava come down soft and HOT!
You better lov-ah me now or lov-ah me not.
There was the sound of feet running up the stairs and like a streak of lightning, Ryo launched himself over the couch and directly at Rowen with the wild war cry of a banshee. Rowen caught him and together fell to the floor, wrestling and vying for control, both grinning like idiots as they fought on the carpet.
It was contagious. Sage found himself kissing carpet himself as Kento tackled him, trying to get him in a headlock. "This is for making me mow the lawn."
Sage ducked quickly and slipped away, grabbing the firm cushion from the armchair and whacking Kento right in the face with it. "Like you actually finished it."
Rowen had followed Sage's example, grabbing a decorative pillow from the couch. "En garde, Wildfire!"
Ryo caught hold of the pillow and yanked back with more force than he really meant to. With a terrible tearing sound, the tasseled green pillow burst, sending the down feathers that served as stuffing to the ceiling.
The sound of the front door opening halted movement in the room. Sage looked at all of them with wide, blue eyes. "Gentlemen, we are about to die."
The door closed as Mia called from the door in search of her roommates, cringing at the volume of the music. No one answered, but of course, the first place she checked was the living room. Her blue eyes went wide as she watched the feathers drift down. "What in the?"
"Mia!" Kento called cheerfully. "How the hell are ya?"
The feathers caught in her hair like snow. "What happened?"
"A minor disagreement." Ryo assured her. "Rowen's a sock thief."
I don't know,
I don't know,
I don't know where Ima gonna go when the volcano blows.
"It's just a sock!"
"It's my sock!"
"For the record." Cye sniffled. "I was in bed until the rabbit"
"Cye!" His four comrades hissed, Kento throwing another pillow at him.
"What rabbit?"
"Mia," Ryo put a hand on her shoulder. "I just want you to remember that all we promised is that the house would still be standing when you got back."
A/N : I don't own Jimmy Buffett or his song either, so let's just get that straight. It had to go in since it was big inspiration for this muck. Hope maybe you got a laugh or two!
