Chapter Two- Home on the Ranch
All righty, here's Chapter Two! Sorry it took me a little longer than usual, but I was pretty busy. Yay for my reviewers! You make me happy:P
So without further ado, besides the disclaimer…and my motto…
Read, Review, and Run Around in Circles Like a Monkey!
Disclaimer: I own nothing…well, I own some stuff, but nothing important, like Zelda.
WARNING: I was hyper when I wrote this chapter, but I managed to keep it pretty normal. That's what happens when I get high on fanfiction (yes, that is possible), drink a whole can of Coke, and erm…run around in circles like a monkey. (It IS my motto!)
-Chapter Two-
Link and Saria walked slowly across the bridge and through the log. As they stepped out into Hyrule Field, they had to shield their eyes because it was so darn bright. They were used to the mistiness of Koriki Forest. Right now, they were in some kind of ravine looking thing, with bushes and trees sprouting occasionally.
"Wow…" breathed Saria, clutching the potion bottle tightly in her hand, "This is huge."
"It gets bigger," Navi warned.
"How do you know?" asked Link suspiciously.
"Oh, I have my sources," Navi replied offhandedly, "Once these two weird fairies came into the forest, looking for that Skull Kid person. They told me a lot about the outside world. And the guy fairy was purple! Can you believe that?"
"That's weird," Link said, "But you're blue, and you're a girl."
"So?" Navi demanded, "Let's go!" She zoomed ahead in her usual Navi-like way. Saria and Link followed. Suddenly, Saria clutched Link's arm.
"What is that?" she whispered, pointing up into the sky ahead. Following her gaze, Link saw a large, brown creature perching on a branch that looked like it wouldn't be able to hold its enormous weight. It had large, yellow eyes, talons, and wings. Link and Saria had never seen anything like it before. It looked evil.
"Maybe we can sneak past it," Link whispered. (A/N: I tried that many times, to no avail.) Saria nodded, and the two flattened themselves against the wall of the ravine and slowly inched their way up to the creature. When they were almost directly below it, a large voice boomed, "Hello there, young adventurers!"
Link jumped about a foot, and Saria got so scared she leaped into Link's arms.
"Holy Nayru!" Link exclaimed, setting Saria down, "It talks!"
"Yes, I talk," the creature replied, "I am Kaepora Gaebora, the extremely helpful talking owl. I can talk forever. So, I see the time has finally come for you to start your adventure. I will be there to help you every step of the way. Right now, you are in Hyrule Field. I heard that you are going to have an audience with the King. Beforehand, you might want to visit some of the other fascinating places in Hyrule, such as Lon Lon Ranch or Kakariko Village. You might find people there that will be of help. Always remember I will be there, watching. Do you want to hear what I said again?" (A/N: Don't you hate it when you accidentally click yes?)
Link and Saria shook their heads mutely.
"Okay then," Kaepora said, "In that case, I will be going. Hoo-hoo hoooo!" The giant owl lifted his wings and flew away. Link and Saria just stood there.
"Well," Saria started, "That was…interesting."
"Yes it was," Link agreed slowly, "…Maybe we should just go. I didn't really listen to him anyway."
"Me neither," Saria admitted. In a burst of off-topic-ness, she glanced down at the potion bottle in her hands and asked, "Do you think there will be enough for me to last this whole journey?"
"Sure," Link shrugged, "The magic Deku Tree gave it to you. It probably refills itself or something." He continued down the ravine. Saria looked doubtfully at the potion bottle. What if it ran out? Worse, what if it tasted bad?
-Back at the Ranch (literally, haha, crack myself up)-
Bilbo sat propped up in the bed at Lon Lon Ranch, feeling bored out of his mind. For the past nine hours, Talon the rancher had doted over him and interviewed him about his name, where he came from, etcetera, while Malon the redhead had brought in several animals to entertain him. This array included one of Talon's crazy chickens, a very large disgusting gold spider she called a Skultula, and a small brown horse with a spiky white mane. How she fit the horse through the door Bilbo could only imagine, but needless to say Talon wasn't very happy about it when he found out.
Malon had also tried to entertain the hobbit by singing. She called the song, "Epona's Song" because whenever someone played or sang it, Epona (the horse that had visited Bilbo's room previously), normally shy, would warm up to them. Though Malon had a good voice, the song was rather tiring and Bilbo was left by himself, nursing a headache over some more Lon Lon Milk and scrambled eggs. Apparently, that was all they had to eat at this place. What he wouldn't give for some good taters. (A/N: Don't even try and tell me I'm obsessed with taters:P)
At that moment, Malon entered the room yet again. This time, she had a piece of paper.
"I drew it for you," she said shyly, holding it out to Bilbo, who took it, afraid of what he might be about to see.
On the paper was a very badly drawn crayon picture of an old guy with curly hair (presumably Bilbo), Talon, and Malon herself standing by a brown blob Bilbo supposed was Epona. Printed at the top of the page were the words, "The New and Improved Lon Lon Ranch—Yay Bilbo!" Bilbo could only stare. Even Frodo's friend Sam back home could draw better than that.
"Do you like it?" asked Malon eagerly.
"Oh…sure," he grunted. Malon squealed and raced out of the room. Girls in this place sure were strange, thought Bilbo as he hastily shoved the picture under his pillow.
Downstairs, the hobbit's ears detected a knocking at the door, and then a doorbell to the tune of Epona's Song. There was the sound of feet scrambling for the door and Bilbo heard it being flung open, with Malon's voice exclaiming, "Hello, and welcome to Lon Lon- Oh! Who are you guys?"
A voice Bilbo had never heard before said something he didn't understand. Then Malon said cheerily, "No, silly! The castle is the big white building just north of here! But while you're here, why don't you come in and stay awhile? We'd love to have you."
Bilbo heard people stepping into the house and the snap of the door shutting. The suspense was killing him. Who were the strange new visitors? Could it possibly be someone from Middle Earth, come to rescue him?
Malon's loud voice echoed from downstairs, saying, "That's a neat ring you've got there. This weird old man staying upstairs keeps talking about something like that. Here, I'll take you to see him. That's basically our only room with seating, anyway."
Bilbo started jumping around like, well, like an overexcited hobbit. Did he just hear the word "ring?" Could it be…had the tree decided to give it back to its rightful owner?
Feet were climbing the stairs, and the door was pushed open as Bilbo hastily quit his jumping. Along with it came Malon and the two strangest looking kids Bilbo had ever seen. One was a boy, and one was a girl. They both were clad entirely in green, and the boy had a long pointy hat over his green hair. But the girl went farther than that. Her short hair was bright green. Both had a small blob of light with wings hovering over their heads.
"Here he is," Malon cried, "These two are from the forest," she explained to Bilbo, "And…what did you say your names were?"
"I'm Link and she's Saria," the boy said, indicating his green-haired friend, who seemed content to stand close to Link and cast terrified and curious glances at Bilbo.
"They're a fairy boy and girl!" Malon said happily, waving her arm towards the winged light orbs, "See?"
"Hey! Listen!" the blue fairy's tiny voice cried, making them all jump, "We're supposed to be going to the castle, not some retarded ranch!"
"Navi!" Link hissed, "Be polite!" He covered the fairy with his hands and grinned sheepishly at Malon, who seemed unfazed by the insult she had just received.
"So anyways," Malon continued, "I brought them up here so Link could show you his Ring. He got it from a tree, so it might be yours!"
The blond boy in green reached inside his pocket and drew out…the Ring. Bilbo could hardly believe his good luck.
"It's mine, of course," Link said dismissively, dropping the Ring back into his pocket as Bilbo's heart sank, "I'm supposed to destroy it."
"WHAT!" Bilbo shrieked, causing Link, Saria, and Malon to jump.
"It's evil," Link explained timidly. Angrily, Bilbo turned his face to the wall and made it clear he was ignoring them.
"He has some issues," Malon whispered quietly, "Let's go somewhere else."
Link and Saria followed the ranch girl outside, past a stable and into a large fenced area with horses running around. Saria looked terrified, but Link didn't really mind them.
"So," Malon said once they had stopped, "You guys are going on a quest to destroy that evil ring?"
"Yep," Link nodded. Malon appeared to be thinking hard.
What's a quest again? she asked herself, Isn't that where you like…go somewhere? They were going to the castle, right? Maybe they're going to destroy it at the castle. That could be fun. I like bananas.
So much for thinking hard. Malon turned back to the two.
"I want to come with you," she said. There was a silence in which horses neighed. (A/N: Get it? Instead of crickets chirping, it's horses…oh, never mind.)
"Really?" Link asked. Malon just nodded. Link pulled Saria aside.
"Do you think we should let her come?" he whispered quickly as Malon strained to overhear.
"Hmmm?" asked Saria mildly. She was busy sniffing a flower.
"I'll take that as a yes," Link rolled his eyes and turned back to Malon, "Okay, you can come with us."
"Yay!" cheered Malon, hugging Link tightly. Saria glared at her.
"I'll go pack," Malon said in a rush, "And I'll tell my dad I'm…going camping! Yeah, that's it!"
She hurried away, visibly excited. Saria turned angrily to Link.
"Why did you let her come?" she demanded, "This was only supposed to be me and you! Now she's going to ruin it!"
"Well, if you weren't so busy getting high off that flower, I might have been able to ask your opinion," Link said sardonically.
"I wasn't getting high!" Saria protested, "I was…uh…checking for poison."
"Riiiiiiiiiight," said Link, "Look, why do you care? She's just some weird girl. It's not like she's going to kill you or anything."
He walked away towards the house, but Navi stayed floating behind. Link didn't even notice.
"Hahahaha," giggled Navi.
"What is your problem?" Saria demanded as Navi flitted around her head. Saria's fairy, Kilo, started flitting along with her, though he had no idea what it was about. He just liked to flit.
"I know why you don't want Malon to come," Navi teased.
"Why?" Saria demanded.
"You like Link," Navi said gleefully, "It's so obvious."
"It is NOT!" Saria practically yelled, her face turning red.
"Ha!" Navi cried, "You admit it! You DO like him!"
"Do NOT!" Saria protested.
"Do TOO!" Navi said back.
"Do NOT!"
"Do TOO!"
"Do—"
"—Guys!" Kilo interrupted, "Will you shut up? You're giving me a headache."
Saria, her argument forgotten, gave her fairy a strange look.
"You have a head?" she asked in wonder.
"Well, duh," Kilo said like it was the most obvious thing in the world, "I'm not just a floating ball of light with wings, you know."
"Right," Saria muttered. Navi made a twittering/giggling/however the heck fairies laugh noise and flew away towards Link.
"Don't you dare tell him!" Saria called after her. Navi paused.
"I won't!" her tiny voice echoed back over the fields, "Not yet, anyways…muahahaha…."
The ball of blue light disappeared inside Malon's house. Saria pointedly tried to ignore Kilo, who floating beside her, but, as you know, fairies can be kind of hard to ignore.
"You're weird, Saria," Kilo said. Saria carefully kept her face turned to the ground and walked slowly across the field. Absentmindedly, she begin to whistle her song that she had learned a long time ago. She called it Saria's Song, for lack of a better name.
Suddenly, the Koriki girl bumped right into someone standing in the field. Looking up, she saw an angry looking guy in overalls with a long black mustache glaring at her.
"Sorry," Saria murmured and kept walking. She heard the man say, "Honestly! Talon is going insane, letting people like that onto his ranch! If stuff like this happens again, I quit!" There was a thud of a pitchfork being slammed into the ground.
Saria sped up and pushed open the door of the house.
Meanwhile, Bilbo was brooding in the bedroom, watching Malon throw her things into a suitcase that said, "Come to Lon Lon Ranch, home of the finest milk in Hyrule" on the front. Her "things" included a roll of pink toilet paper, some Swiss cheese (so they did have something besides eggs and milk), and a stuffed horse with one eye.
"This is Darwin," Malon explained seriously, holding up the horse, "He used to have another eye, but one of Talon's Cuccos pecked it off." Bilbo pretended like he understood. Malon snapped the suitcase shut, yelled, "Bye, old man! Or Bilbo, whatever your name is!" and raced out the door.
What is this world coming to? Bilbo wondered to himself as Malon's feet thudded down the stairs.
-End Chapter Two-
Yes, this chapter is rather…strange, shall we say. I'm hungry. I'm going to go eat some Swiss cheese.
You've read…now review and run around in circles like a monkey!
Till next time!
-Keatonzeldagirl
