Chapter Five-Triptych
Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda…but I will after I take over the world! MUAHAHAHA! clears throat Ahem.
Now we get to check up on Bilbo, everyone's favorite old man, and see how he's faring with the Gerudos! We'll also check out the happenings of the castle courtyard!
Chapter Five
Deserts were hot. Who knew? Not Bilbo! Middle Earth was chock full of fields and mountains, not deserts!
Not to mention the owl. Bilbo had run into him, perching on a huge tree, and had been royally freaked out. But the owl had told him which way to go, so that was okay.
Now he stood on a long wooden bridge, pleading with a red-haired lady in white.
"Please?" Bilbo begged, "You have to let me through! I'm dying out here!"
"Dude," the Gerudo said bracingly, "We're a tribe of all girls. Trust me; you don't want to come in."
"Yes, yes I do!" Bilbo cried, "I need to see your leader! It's about the Ring!"
Instantly, he knew he had said the magic words. Well, not really, because "please" and "Thank you" are the magic words, but that's beside the point. The Gerudo straightened up and got an evil look on her face.
"Is it really?" she asked, "Well, let me escort you to our leader. He might be interested in that."
&&& The Castle Courtyard… &&&
Link breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe now they could see the king and he could go home!
Standing on the far end of the courtyard, turned away from them, was a small girl, around Link's height, with a pink dress and some sort of cloth on her head. She appeared to be looking in a window.
"Who is that?" Saria whispered to Nabooru, who rolled her eyes in response.
"That's Princess Zelda!" she whispered back, "Where do you live, in a box?"
"Well, actually—" Saria was interrupted as the supposedly oblivious princess threw up her arms and yelled, "HAHA! I sense presences behind me!" She didn't turn around.
The Fellowship exchanged a nervous look.
"They are…" the princess appeared to be speaking to the window. She paused, sniffing the air.
"A boy," Zelda said, making Link jump, "Wearing a green dress." His face turned red and Saria giggled.
"And a green-haired girl that giggles a lot," Zelda continued, shutting Saria up, "And a Gerudo who is making a face at me. Now, let me see…" she turned around, her eyes closed. Nabooru quickly shoved Link and Saria under the bridge and jumped down after them.
The Princess's eyes flew open, and she beheld…empty space.
"Hey!" she said, disappointed, "But my physic abilities said…IMPA!"
With a loud crack, a Sheikah lady appeared right on the bridge the fellowship was hiding under. Saria was starting to get impatient…and wet. Link kept trying to look out from under the bridge at the Princess, and Nabooru kept pulling him back under.
"Yes, Princess?" Impa asked dutifully, hands on her hips.
"I was observing the corridor through my window," Zelda said, "When my physic abilities told me there were three imposters standing behind me! But when I turned around…no one was there! What ever is the matter?"
"Well…" the Sheikah said in a bored tone, "I believe they are hiding under this bridge."
Zelda gasped.
"How did you know that?" she said in shock.
"Because this little twerp keeps poking his head out," Impa reached under, seized Link by his hat, and held him up for the Princess to see. Nabooru and Saria slapped their foreheads.
"Oh…my," Zelda said, appearing quite interested as Link blushed madly, "Well, he can stay. What about the other two imposters I saw?"
Impa dropped Link unceremoniously on the ground.
"It would appear that…" she stuck her head under the bridge and saw nothing but air.
"Erm…" Impa continued nervously, "I…"
"Where are they?" Zelda demanded hysterically, "If my psychic abilities aren't working, my father needs to know at once! It could mean the destruction of the entire world!" She clutched at her heart and fell to the ground, her eyes wide.
"Right," Impa said, weirded out, "Let me just go check outside…in the meantime, you can talk to this dude." She vanished with another loud crack.
Link was feeling ticked. Nabooru and Saria had disappeared! But on the other hand, they had left him alone with this Princess….
&&&
Nabooru and Saria, had, in fact, not disappeared. They had been squished against the ceiling of the bridge, but Impa was just too challenged to notice. Now they were sitting under the bridge, soaking wet.
"Remind me again why we can't just walk up to the Princess?" Saria spoke through gritted teeth.
"Because I said so," Nabooru was equally irritated, "Now follow me and don't make any noise or I'll strangle you." She crawled stealthily through the water, keeping her head down so Link nor the Princess could spot her. Saria followed carefully, worried that she was about to make Nabooru's bad impression of her (the "pants" incident) even worse by making noise and getting them caught.
So it kinda sucked when a large frog randomly leaped out of nowhere and landed on Saria, who let out a bloodcurdling scream.
&&&Outside with Malon and Rauru…&&&
"Mmmth," Rauru announced to the farm girl. If you recall, their mouths were still duct-taped as punishment for alerting the guards.
"Mm lmmm bmmmms bmcms tm hmm nmm bmms," Malon said to Rauru, which could be translated to, "I like bananas because they have no bones."
"Wmmt tmme fmmm?" Rauru demanded, which could be translated to a phrase that would bring the rating of the story up dramatically. Malon sighed through her tape.
&&&Gerudo Fortress…&&&
The guard handed Bilbo over to a lady all in purple with a handkerchief over her mouth. She led the hobbit through a desert fortress filled with women. Had Bilbo been any younger, this would have excited him, but he was too old for that.
She stopped outside a door marked, "GANONDORF'S THRONEROOM: DEATH TO ALL WHO ENTER WITHOUT PERMISSION. THIS DOES NOT INCLUDE: NABOORU (Call me, baby), WHOOPEE CUSHION SALESMEN, AND GIRL SCOUTS. I WANT THREE BOXES OF THIN MINTS AND NINE OF SAMOAS."
And just when I thought this place couldn't get any stranger, Bilbo thought to himself. The Gerudo guard rapped on the door, yelling through her kerchief in a muffled voice, "O Might Ruler! You have a visitor!"
"Who is it? I'm busy dusting my singing trout collection!" a deep voice yelled back.
"Some weird dude who has information about a certain Ring," the guard said, giving Bilbo a look that plainly said to be quiet. There was a short pause on the other side of the door.
"Is he a realtor?" the voice sounded scared. The Gerudo rolled her eyes.
"No, he's a harmless old man," she answered dutifully, "He's afraid of realtors." She added to Bilbo in an undertone.
"Then he can come in," quickly, the guard slipped the door open and shoved Bilbo inside, slamming it behind him. Terrified, Bilbo beheld a large room with red carpet and…singing trout plaques hanging all over the walls. In one corner was a large red-haired man in armor. He didn't look like the type to be wearing an apron, but he was. He was also holding a duster, and delicately dusting a trout on the wall.
"Hello," said the man, not even glancing up at him, "My name is Ganondorf. Who are you?"
"I'm…Bilbo," the hobbit, again, wasn't quite sure what to make of him.
"So, Bilbo," Ganondorf said lightly, "You have news about the Ring?"
"Well, sort of…" Bilbo trailed off, "Uh…see…there's this kid from the forest"
He stopped abruptly as the leader's head whipped around, looking worried.
"What did he look like?" he asked.
"Uh…he had blond hair, and he was wearing a green dress," Bilbo said apprehensively, worried that he had set off a bomb, "And this girl with him—she had green hair. Last time I saw, the girl from the ranch—Malon—had gone with them, too."
"Oh CRAP!" the Gerudo angrily ripped a singing trout off the wall and threw it on the floor forcefully. It lay there in pieces. His eyes suddenly filled with tears and he knelt by the pieces, holding them tenderly in his hands.
"Oh, Philip," he moaned, "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to take my anger out on you. You were my fifteenth favorite singing trout. Can you ever forgive me?"
Bilbo watched him nervously, unsure of what extreme action he would take next.
The Gerudo stood up, took a Kleenex from a nearby box, and blew his nose loudly. Then he plopped down on his cushy sofa in the corner and gathered himself together. He looked up at Bilbo.
"Sit down," he said, gesturing to a nearby armchair. Bilbo slid hesitantly into it, feet dangling above the floor.
"The reason for my sudden…outburst," Ganondorf began, "Is…I work at the castle, and the Princess there has been talking about her dreams…"
&&&Back to Malon and Rauru&&&
"Mmph," said Rauru, which translated to "I'm hungry."
Malon sighed.
&&&To the Courtyard…&&&
Saria's scream caused quite a reaction. Zelda gasped and fainted, Nabooru, keeping true to her word, seized Saria by the neck and started strangling her, and Link yelled, "Saria! You didn't abandon me!" and leaped into the river, right next to Nabooru.
"Hey!" Link yelled, "Stop strangling her! What did she do to you?" He took out the Ring and held it in front of Nabooru's face. Immediately, she ceased her death mission and gazed at the Ring.
"Can I hold that for…just a moment?" Nabooru asked, releasing the choking Saria back into the river and turning to Link. He quickly dropped the Ring in his pocket.
"No!" he said fearfully as Nabooru, looking evil, drew closer, "No you can't! SOMEONE HELP ME!" he yelled to the courtyard in general, "THIS WOMAN IS A CRAZED MANIAC AND SHE'S AFTER ME!"
"Shut up!" Saria hissed, sitting up and rubbing her neck. But it was too late. Immediately, guards swarmed into the courtyard and seized all three of them. Nabooru was still trying to go after Link, and it took seven guards to hold her down. Link was clinging to his guards, screaming, "SAVE ME!" and Saria, who only needed a single restraining guard, was slapping her forehead in disgust.
&&&Back to Malon and Rauru&&&
"MMPH!" Rauru insisted. The sound of a commotion drifted over to the two.
I hope they're not in trouble, Malon thought, GASP! That's the first sensible thing I've thought all day!
End Chapter
Malon thought something sensible! AH! The world is ending! Anyways…reviews make me happy.
Keatonzeldagirl
