Chapter Six-Take Me to the River

Disclaimer: Uh…tries to think of a creative way to say she doesn't own Zelda…I don't own Zelda. So creative, aren't I?

If you aren't enjoying yourself reading this, that's too bad, because I can tell you right now I'm sure as heck enjoying myself writing this!

By the way, my memory of Gerudo Fortress was a little hazy, so I just decided to completely make it up.

As always, read, review, and enjoy!

&Chapter Six&

"…And that's why I'm worried about that kid in green," the Gerudo leader finished, looking at Bilbo expectantly, "I didn't think he had the Ring yet, but according to you, he does."

Bilbo just stared. Ganondorf had just told him a story about the Princess Zelda having a dream about an old man from Middle Earth drop out of nowhere with a Ring of great Power, and evil people from Hyrule and Middle Earth tried to take it, but a kid in green and eight other people from Hyrule made the journey to Mount Doom in Middle Earth and destroyed the Ring.

"So…" Bilbo started, speaking for the first time, "What are you gonna do about it?" He was trying to get on the leader's good side before he asked for them to get the Ring for him.

"That's just the problem," Ganondorf muttered angrily, "I don't know where this kid is."

"Last time I saw him, he was headed for the castle," Bilbo offered. Ganondorf leaped up.

"Thank you SO much!" he cried, "That's EXACTLY what I needed to hear!" He bounded over to an intercom system and pressed a whole bunch of buttons, then yelled into it, "Attention all Gerudos! Please assemble your armies to go to the castle! Now!" He hung up and looked at Bilbo.

"I think this calls for a celebration!" he announced, his golden eyes shining with excitement, "Finally, I know where that kid is heading!"

Bilbo thought it was pretty sad that the villain couldn't even figure out where the hero was, but he thought it best to keep his mouth shut.

Ganon bounced over to his largest singing trout, and pushed the button underneath it. It began dancing and singing, "Take Me to the River!" Ganon turned on all the singing trout until the room was filled with a cacophony of "Take Me to the River!" Bilbo was tempted to cover his ears, but Ganon grabbed him and started dancing with him.

"Woo-HOO!" the Gerudo yelled, "Ba da ba ba ba! I'm lovin' it!"

Suddenly, the door banged open, and the Gerudo in purple appeared. Ganon calmly released Bilbo as the singing trout songs faded away.

"Yes?" he asked The Gerudo lady looked like she was used to interrupting Ganon dancing with his guests to his trout collection.

"Your army is ready, sir," she said respectfully, bowing and exiting.

"All RIGHT!" Ganondorf punched his fist in the air, "Come on, Blahbo!"

"Erm…Bilbo," the hobbit corrected weakly as he was led away by the villain and plopped onto a very large horse. (Well, large to Bilbo, at least.) Ganon mounted behind him and urged his horse forward to the front of a v-e-r-y large army composed entirely of scantily clad red head women on horseback.

Ganon pulled out a megaphone with "It's Me Against the Hero" printed on the side of it, and yelled to his arm, "All for one!"

"All for one," echoed the Gerudos, some rolling their eyes.

"And one for all!" Ganon continued, echoed again by his army. "And one for all."

"Together we stand!"

"Together we stand."

"Together we fall!"

"Together we fall."

"And in the end!"

"And in the end."

"We'll kill them all!"

"We'll kill them all."

"All for one!"

"All for one."

"AND ONE FOR ALL!" Ganon and the Gerudos said the last line together. He pulled on his horse reigns and thundered out of the desert, army close at hand. Bilbo hung on tight for dear life.

&&&The Castle Dungeons&&&

"So…" Link had been attempting to start a conversation for the past ten minutes, but Saria and Nabooru, who had gotten over the Ring thing, were giving him the silent treatment. The three of them were chained to the wall by their arms in a dark, dank dungeon that smelled pretty bad, with Nabooru in the middle and Link and Saria on either side.

"So…" Link tried again, "How 'bout them Yankees?"

There was a cold silence.

"This is so undignified," Nabooru finally spat, "I'm getting us out of here."

"How?" Link and Saria asked together.

"Shut up and let me think." Silence graced the portion of the Fellowship again. Link could hear soft footsteps outside the door. He dismissed it as a very light guard who felt the need to tiptoe.

Suddenly, there was a small creak as the dungeon door opened a crack, letting in a shaft of light. The Fellowship strained their eyes to see who it was.

The lady from the courtyard who had discovered Link stepped quietly into the room. She put her finger to her mouth as the universal sign to keep quiet. Unfortunately, Kokiri didn't know about universal signs, even though they were…universal.

"HEY!" Link demanded loudly, "What are you doing!"

"Link," Nabooru said in a very impatient voice, "If I have to tell you to shut up one more time, I swear to Din that I am going to kill you. So SHUT UP!"

Her shout echoed around the dungeon.

"Heh," Nabooru grinned sheepishly.

"Who's the loud one now, Nabooru?" Link asked mockingly, "Huh? Huh?"

"Everyone shut up!" the lady said quietly enough so the guards couldn't hear, but loud enough to shut them up. The strange Sheikah slipped her hand inside her pocket and drew out a small key.

"A key," Link stated flatly, "You're going to save us with a key."

"Whoever said I'm going to save you?" the lady demanded, "Okay, well actually, I am. My name is Impa—"

"—Like an Imp?" Saria interrupted. Everyone gave her a strange look.

"No, actually," Impa said, "And I'm the Princess's attendant. After she regained consciousness, she asked me to bring her the boy in green, and, if I could find them, the other two imposters. Something about some dream she had. And I have to follow her orders, even if it means illegally helping prisoners out of their dungeon."

"So…" Link said slowly, "If she told you to jump off a cliff, you'd have to do it?"

Impa looked a bit taken aback.

"Well, yeah…I guess so," she said uncertainly, "But that's not the point." She stuck the key into a keyhole above Saria's chains, and gave it an almighty twist to the left. Saria crumbled on the floor, hurt but free. Impa repeated the process for Link and Nabooru. The Gerudo managed to maintain a bit of dignity and landed on her feet.

"Now," Impa's voice dropped to a whisper, "You have to follow me, and be quiet. I'm taking you to the Princess's bedchambers."

"Ooh…" Link said, earning him a slap from Saria. Impa slipped out the door. Nabooru followed just as stealthily, but not before giving the two Kokiri a warning look. Saria and Link were left in an empty dungeon. Kilo, who had been uncharacteristically quiet this whole time, muttered to Saria, "I'm going to go find Navi." And flew off. He was clearly giving Saria a "hint."

"Uh…Link?" Saria said quietly, "Can I…tell you something?"

"Is it something good?" Link asked eagerly.

"Uh…" Saria trailed off, hanging her head and blushing feverishly, "See, I kinda—"

"—Are you guys coming or not?" Nabooru stuck her head back inside the door, "I'm trying to finish this job in this lifetime, you know."

"Coming!" Link called to her. He turned to Saria and said, "Tell me later, okay?"

"Okay…" Saria trailed off miserably as Link zoomed out the door. She followed at a much slower pace.

Impa had led the Fellowship down an empty hallway, past three guards, and up a flight of stairs before the inevitable struck.

"HEY GUESS WHAT EVERYBODY!" the tiny voice echoed down the hallway behind the group. They turned around to see two small balls of light—one green (Kilo) and one blue flitting towards them.

"Oh no…" Link moaned.

"I'M BACK!" yelled Navi, "KILO CAME AND RESCUED ME FROM THE CAGE THOSE IDIOT GUARDS PUT ME IN!"

"Navi!" Link hissed as she flew over to him, "You just blew our cover!"

Five guards at the end of the hall turned around and spotted them.

"Run!" Impa ordered, pushing the Fellowship ahead of her. Nabooru and Link managed to get around the corner before the guards could reach them, but they seized Saria.

"Hey!" Impa ordered, "Don't hurt my granddaughter!" She had no idea where that came from. Saria gave her an odd look. Impa countered it with a "go-with-it."

"Huh?" one of the guards asked, confused, "You have a…granddaughter?"

"Yes!" Impa said defiantly.

"I didn't even know you had kids!" another guard said.

"Well, now you do!" Impa snarled, "So hand her over."

The guards unsurely let go of Saria, who gasped for breath and zipped around the corner.

"Have a nice day," Impa said to the guards, and followed her "granddaughter." The Fellowship was standing against the wall, waiting for their guide. Navi was chatting away happily.

"Can't you shut that thing up?" Nabooru asked Link in annoyance. Link shrugged hopelessly. He grabbed Navi and put her inside his hat, which somewhat muffled the sound.

"That's the best I can do," he offered.

"Let's hope we can make it without another distraction," Impa said, sighing, "It's not that far to Zelda's room from here, and that is the last time I pretend like I have a granddaughter." She directed the last remark at Saria.

"Not likely," Nabooru muttered as Impa led the way again.

But it was the sign of the apocalypse. They reached Zelda's door without further events. Nabooru almost passed out from the shock.

Link was very excited at the thought of seeing where the Princess slept. Saria wasn't.

Impa knocked lightly on the door, in some kind of secret knock. It sounded like the rhythm to "Beethoven's Fifth Symphony." Zelda's high voice called, "Come in!"

Impa pushed open the door, and the Fellowship followed her inside. Zelda's bedchambers consisted of a very large room with light pink walls, some wood and pink furniture, and a large pink bed with a canopy in the center of the room. Next to the bed was the Princess herself, who was…not quite…fully dressed, shall we say.

"IMPA!" Zelda blushed and seized her fluffy pink Triforce towel, "I thought it was only you!"

"Sorry, Princess," Impa grunted, not seeming sorry at all. Saria was trying not to look at Link. She didn't want to see his expression.

"Well let me get dressed first!" Zelda scooted to the bathroom, "Then we can get down to business." Her red face was glaring at her Sheikah attendant as she slammed the door behind her.

"Sorry about that," Impa apologized, then she sighed, "The Princess is a bit…delicate. She has to be handled very carefully."

Nabooru nodded sympathetically. She cast a worried glance at Link, whose eyes were very big and shiny, a line of drool trickling down his chin.

"Hey Romeo," Nabooru waved her hand in front of his face, "Why don't you take out the Ring?"

Link seemed to snap out of it.

"Not in front of you, you maniac!" he said in a scared voice to Nabooru, "You were the one that got us arrested in the first place trying to attack me!"

"I just wanted to see it!" Nabooru protested. She seemed to realize something.

"Hey…you know what I just realized?" the Gerudo mused, stroking her chin.

"What?" Link, Saria, and Impa asked at nearly the same time.

"We left Malon and Rauru out there all by themselves, and nothing's blown up yet," Nabooru sounded incredulous.

From outside, there was a large explosion that shook the castle.

"You just HAD to go and say that!" Link exclaimed, shaking his head as the girls rushed to the window and peeked out.

But it wasn't Malon and Rauru who were attacking the castle.

Nabooru's eyes got so big Impa and Saria were sure they were going to pop out of her head.

Down below, in the castle courtyard, hundreds of red-haired women on horseback, wielding bombs, were throwing them at the castle. And at the front of them was—

"IT'S HIM!" Nabooru screamed hysterically, causing Impa and Saria to jump, "SWEET MOTHER OF NAYRU, SAVE ME!" She dove under Zelda's bed.

"Ookay," Saria muttered to herself. Impa rushed away from the window, pulling Saria along with her. She rapped impatiently on Zelda's door.

"Princess!" she called frantically, "Princess, you need to get out here right now!"

"Why?" Zelda's whiny voice emerged through the wood.

"Because!" Impa was practically screaming now, "The Gerudos are attacking the castle, and we need to get out of here! Hurry!"

Zelda opened the door, fully clothed this time, looking confused.

"The Gerudos are attacking?" she asked, "But—" Impa scooped her up, tucking her under one arm and Saria under the other.

"Link! Nabooru!" Impa yelled over the thundering of bombs, "We need to go!" Nabooru speedily crawled out from under the bed.

"Take Link!" Impa yelled to her. Nabooru, looking disgusted with herself, slung Link over her shoulder. The two raced out the Princess's room and down the hallway.

"Hey!" Zelda yelled, "You're man-handling the Princess! I can report you for this, you know!"

There was an earsplitting boom and the hallway floor tilted. The two just barely managed to keep their balance. Zelda screamed. They picked up the pace, racing down the crumbling staircases at top speed, dodging chunks of falling wall. The Gerudos were really going to town on the castle.

Finally, they reached outside. Malon and Rauru were, amazingly, still in place, mouths duct-taped shut. Nabooru dropped Link and untapped their mouths.

"Run as fast as you can!" she ordered Rauru, picking up a very confused Malon and Link again.

"But—I can't run!" Rauru protested helplessly as Impa and Nabooru took off like shotguns down the castle path.

The guards had abandoned their posts, fearing for their own safety. Nabooru was running like she had wound up her legs or something. Impa wondered how she could be afraid of her own kind. Or maybe it was the fact that Malon and Link were being quiet. Zelda certainly wasn't.

"Impa!" she screamed, "Put me down! I can run myself! I can defeat the armies with my magic!"

"Not this one you can't," a panting Impa assured her.

Nabooru had wisely placed Link's head facing backwards, and he was watching all the castle destruction. It was pretty cool, much cooler than anything that ever happened in the forest, well, unless you counted the time Mido burped the alphabet backwards…

Suddenly, a megafied voice boomed over the hills, "If you give us the Ring, we'll go away, so hand it over!"

Terror clutched at Link's heart, and the Ring grew warm in his hands.

"Nabooru!" he yelled, "They want my Ring!"

"I heard it, you numbskull!" she yelled through gritted teeth, "So don't be shouting it out to all of Hyrule!"

Link clamped his mouth shut.

When they reached the Market Town, an exhausted Nabooru and Impa deposited their baggage to wait for Rauru to catch up.

10 minutes later, he came bumbling down the hill, completely out of breath.

"So…" he panted when he jogged up to them, "Can we eat?"

Impa and Nabooru glared at him. Zelda was sitting on the ground, sniffling, Malon was making two rocks talk to each other ("Hi Bob, what's up?" "Nothing much, Louis"), Link was admiring the Ring, and Saria was sitting patiently, watching the adults.

"This is hopeless," Nabooru muttered to herself.

"Zelda," Impa said in an attempt to sound cheerful, "Why don't you tell us all about your dream?"

Zelda looked up.

"Okay," she said, wiping her nose on her sleeve and standing up. She folded her hands together and said, "I dreamed that a little old man from another world came to Hyrule—"

"—Hey! That sounds like Bilbo!" Malon interrupted.

"And that two people from the forest," Zelda looked at Link and Saria, "Met up with a ranch girl and a Gerudo, and then there was a really fat guy."

Everyone looked at Rauru.

"Right," Zelda said, "And…this is the part I've been thinking about…there was a Sheikah, two princesses, and some weird rock dude." She looked at Impa earnestly, hoping her attendant could explain it.

"Well…" Impa looked a bit worried, "It sounds like I'm the Sheikah, and you must be one of the princesses. Rock dude…"

"…Probably a Goron," Nabooru offered, making a face.

"Oh yeah," Impa said, "And the only other princess I can think of is the Zora princess…." She looked a bit scared.

"What did all these people do?" Saria spoke up quietly.

"Well…" Zelda seemed to enjoy being the center of attention, "They all met up, and then they went to the world the old man with the Ring came from, and began a quest to destroy the Ring."

"Hey yeah, I remember that part!" Link cut in suddenly, "The Great Deku Tree told me and Saria that we had to take the Ring to a Mount Doom!"

"Oh great," Impa muttered.

Nabooru was leaning against her sword, tip stuck in the ground.

"So…" she drawled, "Guess we need to go to Death Mountain and Zora's Domain, and see if we can find these people the Princess dreamed about."

"Does going to Death Mountain involve going up a mountain?" Rauru asked nervously.

"Naw," Impa said sarcastically, "But if you don't want to go, we can leave you in Kakariko. I grew up there."

"Anyways," Nabooru said, "All the Gorons eat is rocks."

"Ew!" Rauru and Zelda shrieked like little girls at the same time, which was acceptable for one of them, but which one…? Just kidding. It was only acceptable for Zelda, obviously.

"Let's go," Nabooru sheathed her sword and kicked Malon, who promptly stood up and pocketed her rocks.

"They're my new friends," she said solemnly. Everyone nodded slowly and walked out of the Market Town—but not after Malon got a bunch of candy and Rauru cleaned out the supply of free samples.

&End Chapter&

Yes, I know that was very long, but I really wanted to finish that up. BTW, the "Gerudo pep rally cheer" was stolen from my friend Meg, with a few changed words.

Review! Hope you enjoyed it!

Keatonzeldagirl