Wow! I am so sorry this took as long as it did, but I was having difficulty deciding what I wanted to do. The next (and final) part will be posted sooner than this one was. Please review.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
ChApTeR 6 (Scully's pov)
He curls up around me and kisses my cheek. "I wonder what the reason could be," I muse. He doesn't offer any ideas. He just continues to hold me. "So much has changed between us in such a short time. Maybe that was part of it." I feel Mulder's light kisses trail closer and closer to my lips with every one. "Would you have ever done this otherwise?" He stops just before my mouth and gazes into my eyes.
"Done what? You?" I give him an amused smirk. "Probably not," he says, serious now. "Would you have?"
"I don't know. Maybe." I look back at the window and whisper, "That can't be the reason. It must have something to do with something bigger. Or," I consider, "this is just how it is, and there is no reason at all."
"What would you change?"
"What?"
"About your life. You told me a couple years ago that you wouldn't really change anything, but what if you really had the chance?"
I take a minute to think about his question. "Well, I guess my abduction caused a lot of hell in my life, and I wish Melissa had never been murdered."
"But you would still join the FBI and be my partner?"
"And miss all the excitement if I didn't?" I look at him with lust and love in my eyes. "Mulder, I wish we could have had a life together. Not just as FBI partners, but more than that. There's something I never told you. I don't know why I chose not to, but it's about my abduction."
"I know."
"Know what?"
"I know it left you barren," he murmurs sadly. "And I've never forgiven myself for it."
"How did you know?"
"It's a long story, Dana, but the short version is I found out when I was looking for a cure for your cancer." I don't believe what he is saying. How could you not tell me? "Scully, I was afraid it would crush you. You were so sick, I couldn't bear to hurt you."
I don't respond, so he rubs my shoulder tenderly until I do. "I wish I would have been able to have children. I mean, I don't know what difference it would have made, but I've always wanted a family."
"With me?" he asks, not quite sure if he should.
For some reason, this brings a smile to my face. "I've never really thought about it, but you are the only person I could ever see myself with…but would you even want kids? It's not like we've ever talked about this…or had a reason to talk about it." His silence is making me nervous, but I'm not sure why. What difference does this all make anyway?
As if the action is an answer in itself, he pulls me to him and kisses me. Though there is tongue, this kiss is different than the others that led to other things. This kiss is sweet. Loving. Genuine in every way. No one has ever loved me the way I know he does, and I have never loved anyone as much as I love him. How could we have been so stupid to not take advantage of the opportunity to be together when we had it? All because of a stupid rule made by stupid people that forbade it. Well, screw them! I wish things were different. I wish we had followed our hearts before it was too late, damn it.
I open my eyes again to meet his. "Dana?"
"Yeah?"
"I do."
"Do what?"
"Want kids…a family…with you." A tear trails down his cheek, but he tries to wipe it away before I notice it. "I'm so sorry I was late to work. If I hadn't had that stupid waterbed, and it hadn't sprung a leak, then I wouldn't have been late, and I wouldn't have had to go to the bank. I'm so sorry." His voice has become weak and slightly whiney. "And even though all that did happen, I shouldn't have made you cover for me. If I had just gone to the meeting with you instead of the bank…"
"Stop it!" I burst, startling him severely. "Just stop it. I can't take this! I can't handle all the 'What ifs' and 'If onlys!' They don't solve any of our problems, and in this case, we don't even have the benefit of learning from them! I can't handle the regret, Mulder. I just can't. I'm not strong enough for this." For a minute, he just stares at me. "What, damn it?" I didn't mean to hurt his feelings or lash out at him, but I do anyway. "I'm sorry."
"No, Dana. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…you've been through enough."
"We both have," I remind him. He forms the slightest hint of a smile and secures me in an arm.
"For what it's worth," he whispers seductively into my ear, "I don't regret what we've done since then."
I can tell he is trying to lift my spirit…so to speak…and half of me lets him. But while that half nuzzles into his body and thanks God for our new love and strengthened devotion to one another, the other half of me starts its own series of 'What ifs' and 'If onlys.' The number one 'What if' on my mind? What if the bomb hadn't gone off? Then what? Mulder was practically already dead. Oh, God, I'd still be alive, and he wouldn't. Well, I don't know that for sure…I guess I can't know for sure…but what if?
"Mulder?"
"What?" he responds tiredly, apparently awakened by my beckoning.
"Everything happens for a reason." He shakes his head to sober up a little more. "I know that now. Everything happens for a reason." I sit up and take him to the window, his hand in mine. "I honestly don't think I could go on without you, and had that bomb not gone off, I may have had to. For all I know, that bullet may have killed you."
"Then, why the bullet? If that was the reason for the bomb, then why the bullet in the first place?"
I point out the window, down through the clouds to the picture playing out beneath us. "Look," I say, "they know now." He raises a confused eyebrow at me, and I almost chuckle at the irony of the moment. Then, he follows my finger to the people I am pointing at. Our friends and families, all together, in a room with Skinner at the front.
ChApTeR 7 (Mulder's pov)
"I don't understand. What's going on?"
She smiles and gestures to a little notebook in her mother's hand. "That's my diary."
"You keep a diary?" I ask in a tone that carries enough shock to make it seem more important than the matter actually is…but to be fair, a diary?
"Yes, Mulder," she drones dryly. "But I do believe it would be 'kept.' Past tense."
Ha-ha… "Since when have you kept a diary?"
"Since always," she answers nonchalantly, leaning forward out the window to catch a gentle breeze.
"You said 'they know now.' What do they know? What did you write?"
"Everything…but mostly about you." She faces me again and half-smiles. "I meant they know how I feel about you now. Maybe that has something to do with it…one of those reasons you were saying He'd reveal to us."
She moves out of the way, and I look at her mother. Maggie seems to be reading sections of it aloud, but we can't hear her. Part of me wishes we could so that I could know what Scully has written about me, but it's not like I can't guess. Everyone is listening intently to what Maggie is saying as she flips through the little book, pausing at choice entries. She is holding a wadded tissue in her fist, which she clasps at a safe distance from her nose. Her breathing is uneven, so I can tell she is crying as she reads. Skinner has his head bowed, and he keeps removing his glasses to wipe his eyes. Bill, Jr. sits close to Maggie while his wife and kids huddle close to one another a couple chairs away. There are a few people I don't recognize, but I'm sure they are Maggie's friends. There for moral support for their dear friend who has just lost her daughter in 'the line of duty.'
Then, there's my mom. I'm sorry, Mom. I am all you have left, and I leave you. I notice she isn't crying, and at first I feel hurt and offended. But then I see her face. She is in deep thought. She didn't know Scully anywhere near as well as Maggie knew me, and I wonder if she is thrown by the words of my partner, radiating off of the pages, and proclaimed in her mother's voice. A woman I would gladly consider a second mother of mine any day.
It must be so difficult for you, Mom, to be sitting in a room full of strangers who knew your son better than you ever did…or tried. You were always so secretive…so closed off to the world and in denial that the past had ever happened. I love you and miss you so much, and I feel for you right now because I can only imagine the pain you are going through; but you should open yourself up to these people. They will take care of you if you let them.
Together, you will get through this, if you allow it.
"What's happening?" I hear Scully ask from behind. I spin around to find her sitting on the side of the bed, her arms like support beams, propping up her shruggish form, and her legs dangling just above the ground.
"Not much," I answer…all too soon. The words no sooner escape my mouth when I see Bill jump up and grab the diary from his mother's desperate grasp, startling her and the others. "What the hell?" I mutter, trying to will my eyes to see better. Maggie clutches the diary back and snaps at him…I'm guessing to sit down and be quiet.
"What?" Scully asks, jumping off the bed and rushing to join me at the window.
"Whatever just happened, I think something you wrote might have pissed off your brother quite a bit."
"Oh," she blushes, "…that."
My lips forcefully curl into a grin as I watch her try not to laugh. "What did you write?"
"Oh, nothing…just that when I found out what a jerk he was to you during my battle with cancer, I called him a self-righteous, close-minded, jerk, who had no reason to belittle you and say the things he did. That I love you, and one day he would just have to accept that you are the most important person in my life, and nothing I do for you is out of pity or obligation. It's out of friendship, kinship, and a love that only has one flaw."
"And what's that?"
"Not enough recognition."
"Well, that's different now. Don't you think it's kinda weird that your mother would read your diary to a room full of people, knowing that you were such a private person?"
"I don't blame my mom for reading my diary just for that reason. There's so much she never knew about me from the dangers I have been in to the secrets of my heart, and I'm glad she finally knows about it all. As for her reading it to our friends and family, I think she just wants to accomplish the same thing for them. Set the record straight, answer questions…y'know. But it doesn't bother me. I think I'm happy that it's all out in the open."
"Well, at least your brother can't beat me up or try to kill me," I joke. Unfortunately, it doesn't sound much like a joke, and all she can offer is a weak smile. "I bet he's not thrilled, though, that the whole reason you're gone is because of me."
"Let that be his concern. Not yours," she says. "Besides, my mom lectured him for treating you so rudely during my illness. She explained to him that you really do care about me."
"Your mom likes me," I grin devilishly.
"She's always liked you," Scully smirks. "She has always appreciated and respected you for caring about me as much as you do. When I was abducted, when I was returned, during my battle with cancer…when she saw you crying on my bedside…" For at least five seconds, I gawk at her, dumbfounded as I have ever been. "Yes, she told me."
"I didn't even notice her," I choke bewilderedly. "Why didn't she say anything?"
"She didn't want to embarrass you. Besides, she didn't tell me until after I had been released from the hospital." Scully walks up to me and kisses my cheek. "I guess if my abduction had never happened, my cancer wouldn't have happened either. Sure would have saved us both a lot of agony," she considers, taking my hand and leading me to the bed. We lie down on our backs, still holding hands, and stare at the ceiling.
"Dana, as much as I hate to admit this, but I think your illness brought us closer together. I respected you as a friend and a partner before that, but I think it was then that I realized just how important to me you are."
"Really?"
"Yeah," I answer, glancing at her for only a second. "I mean, when you had been abducted, I was ready to give up my job and resign if it meant catching the men who did that to you, but for some reason, when you told me you had cancer and that it was inoperable, I just felt so…and then you were in the hospital, and Skinner told me you were dying. Dying! I think that was the first time in the span of our entire partnership that I honestly didn't know how I could ever be able to go on without you." Just thinking about it makes me emotional, but I am able to remain quiet enough for Scully not to notice. I hope.
A few minutes pass in silence, and then Scully says, "I sure wish we could be looking up at a star-filled, night sky rather than this boring, white ceiling all the time." Just then, the walls and ceiling vanished around us, revealing a warm, beautiful star-filled, night sky. "Well, look at that," she chuckles. "If only everything were that easy."
ChApTeR 8 (Scully's pov)
"Now it can be," he mumbles, putting an arm around me. "Scully?"
"Hmmm?"
"How many kids would you want?"
His question doesn't throw me, but it does amuse me. "Well, I came from a family of four kids…"
"…And I from two," he interjects.
"Okay, then," I compromise, "how about three?"
"I think I'd like to have three." He nuzzles into me, and I can tell he is smiling. Who would have ever thought he'd want kids? But I guess that's not fair of me to say since he's always shown an overwhelming love and dedication to his sister. Of course, family is important to him. I just never thought about him that way. "What would their names be?" Names? Hmmm…
"I don't know. If we had a girl, I'd want to name her Samantha in memory of your sister."
"And another girl named Melissa after yours?"
"Possibly. But I would like to have at least one be a boy. William, probably." He looks at me with no particular expression on his face, but I know he is happy. "It's a very popular name in my family, but I think it would be nice to name him after your father."
"If only we knew then what we know now, huh?" We are quiet again, and at some point, we must have fallen asleep because the next thing I know, I am waking up in his arms. "Hi," he greets.
"Hi," I whisper back. I look around us, and we are still in the same scenery. "It sure is gorgeous, isn't it?"
"You're gorgeous." My lips curl into a smile and I shake my head in bliss. "I wonder how long it's been."
"That we've been…here?"
"Yeah."
"I don't know. I guess it doesn't matter much." I still can't get over how strange this is. There were no pearly gates, no angels, nothing that I had ever imagined. "This isn't right, Mulder."
"What do you mean?"
"We aren't in the right place."
"What?" He looks at me with a confused but entertained smirk on his face. "Well, next time I'll stop and ask for directions." I know he can tell I'm not very amused, but he shrugs it off. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, this isn't how the Bible describes it. I don't know where we are or why we are here, but this isn't the place where one spends all eternity."
"So, you are saying, that we aren't going to be here forever? What's that other place Catholics believe in?"
"I don't think this is Purgatory either, but it's not like I'm an expert judge of that."
He gives me a quizzical glare as though to make sure I'm not bullshitting him. I'm not. "Okay," he sighs.
"Whatever happens, Mulder, please don't forget any of this," I plead.
"I could never forget this. I love you, and I finally got to tell you that. I wouldn't want that taken from me." He strokes my face with his warm, gentle, adoring hand and says, "But just in case, maybe we should treat every moment like it is our last in this place, where love is permitted, and where we can finally be together."
The thought of forgetting all of this terrifies me and pains my heart, but he's right. The possibility is there. And just in case it turns out that way, I want tonight to be so good that it will at least live on in my dreams. Mulder takes me in his arms, and I can feel passion and desire radiate from his body. Yes. This will be another perfect night.
"They're supposed to call, right?" I hear a man say.
"They're not gonna call. What's your name?"
"Yeah." Now I can hear him and see his face.
"Look, I gotta call you something, right? How about Steve? It's a nice, honest name. Steve."
"Bernard."
"Bernard. I have to get my partner out of here." I don't want to dream about this. It was bad enough when it was really happening, but reliving it feels even worse. Probably because I already know the outcome.
"I'm blowing this freaking place right off the map if they come in here."
"Oh, look, they don't know that. Don't you realize that? They can't see you. They don't know what your plan is." I am dreaming, aren't I? Suddenly, this memory is feeling all too real and vivid.
"They better know. They damn well better figure it out." Why do crooks have to be such boneheads?
"Look… Just walk in front of the door and show them."
"You want to get me killed!" Only if it saves my partner and me, buddy!
"Oh, God." I look down and see Mulder covered in blood. I don't like this dream. It feels too real. His eyes are almost lifeless. This can't be happening. Not again. I rub my thumb across his cheek again, and he closes his eyes. "I just want everybody to live. That's all. I just… Just show them. You have control over everything that happens here. You do. And it doesn't have to end this way.."
Suddenly, the front doors fly open, and a team of armed police flow through them like water from a dam. "Yeah, it does," Bernard growls back to me.
I cry out as I watch his thumb approach the switch of the bomb. "No!" I scream, my voice coming to life.
He flicks the switch, but nothing happens. The police grab a hold of him within seconds and escort him out of the bank. I am so dumbfounded that I don't even notice the medics trying to tend to Mulder until one speaks to me.
"Ma'am, you'll need to let go of him and allow us to take over," she says.
"What?" The woman doesn't repeat herself. I am just barely able to release my partner from my grasp, and he is strapped to a gurney and rolled to an ambulance right before my eyes.
"Agent Scully!" calls a distant, familiar voice. My blank gaze travels the perplexing path from my partner to my boss. "Agent Scully," Skinner says again when he is closer to me. He seems to be out of breath, but nonetheless relieved to find me alive.
"Sir? What's going on here?"
"I was hoping you could tell me," he answers looking around. Apparently, Mulder is the only one who was shot. No one else was physically injured, but there is one woman in particular that I just know will be needing some major therapy as a result of the traumatizing experience. "How did you talk him out of it?"
"Who?" Is this really happening? Am I even really here?
"The guy," Skinner answers. "The one who was just holding you and all these other people hostage. How did you talk him out of using the bomb?"
"I didn't, sir. I saw him flick the switch. It just didn't go off."
"Well, thank God for that," he says, turning to speak with the man in charge.
Yes. Thank God for that.
I rush to the hospital to check on Mulder's condition, and the nurse asks me if I am his next of kin. Before I can answer, someone grabs my shoulder. "Mom!" I gasp as I do an about face.
"How is he? I just heard."
"What? Who told you?"
"Mr. Skinner called me. Now, how's Fox? Is he okay?"
"Why would Skinner call you?"
The nurse clears her throat loudly, and both my mother and I give her our attention. "Are you the next of kin?"
"Yes," my mother answers for me. "She's his wife."
What? Did my mother just lie for me so that I could see him? Doesn't she know that I don't have to lie? That all I have to say is that I'm his doctor, and they will tell me anything I want to know?
"Then, come with me," the nurse orders. My mother pushes me along, and we both follow the nurse into a quieter waiting area. "Right now," she begins, "your husband is in the OR. Though he has lost a lot of blood, the bullet seems to have lodged itself into a place where it can be exerted without any risk to his other organs, and his heart was miraculously avoided."
Miraculously.
"However, he will not be out of the woods until he wakes up. We will be placing him in ICU as soon as the doctors are done operating." With that, the nurse asks if we have any further questions, and my mother answers no for the both of us. I have one. What the hell is going on here?
"Dana?" my mom whispers.
"What, Mom?" I choke back the tears, but a mother can always read her daughter like a book.
"He's going to be okay, y'know."
"Mom, why did Skinner call you?"
"Excuse me, but I find it admirable that your boss had the sensitivity to call and inform me that my son-in-law had been shot. But leave it to you to want to keep that from me, too. All because I told you how I feel about you two continuing this dangerous job of yours when it's not just your lives at stake anymore."
"Mom, you can drop the charade. I could have found out anything I wanted to know about Mulder's condition simply by telling them that I am his doctor. You didn't have to lie for me."
"When did I lie? Dana, are you okay? Maybe you should be checked for head trauma while we're here."
"I don't need to be checked for head trauma. What I need is the truth. What is going on?"
"Honey, I don't know what you're talking about, but I'm sure you'll feel a lot better if you take a little nap."
"Mom…"
"It is not negotiable. Get some rest. I'll wake you the second we can see him."
"Okay," I sigh in defeat. Maybe a nap would do me some good after all. I wonder what she meant when she said that it's not just our lives at stake anymore. Oh well. I guess I'll find out when I wake up. I don't know how much time has past or how long I have been asleep, but finally the nurse comes to get us.
"You can see him now. He's still asleep because of the drugs, but we hope to see him awaken pretty soon."
"Thank you," I yawn, covering my mouth politely. The woman smiles and leaves us to our privacy.
"Do you want to be alone with him, Dana?" my mother asks.
"Just for a few minutes," I answer. When she leaves, I pull a chair close to the head of his hospital bed. "Oh, Mulder, what is going on here? One minute, I am dreaming about our last night together, and the next…" I take his hand in mine, and that's when I notice my finger. There, around my ring finger on my left hand, are two rings. One is a simple gold band, and the other would be identical if it didn't have a huge diamond on it. "When you come to, we have a lot of talking to do," I tell his sleeping form. "That is for sure."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Next section will be up sooner than it took me to get this one posted. (Oh, and the next section will also be the last.) What are your thoughts on this one?
