A/N: This one is scary, you've been warned.

Lord Poppins.

Ace and Sparx, the two Banks children, ran down the stairs and into the lounge room of their large house.

"Father, we wrote a list of all the traits our nanny should have!" Ace said excitedly, and Sparx nodded in agreement.

Kilobyte Banks leaned back in his large chair and held out his hand. "I suppose I should see it, then."

"Oh, Kilobyte. Do show some enthusiasm!" admonished his wife, Illusion Banks.

"Can we read it, father?" piped up Sparx.

"Fine. But no singing!"

"He should be friends with many dingy street workers," began Ace, taking care to keep any tunefulness from his voice. "Take small children into dangerous dimensions and the homes of laughing clown-like freaks, bring disease carrying birds into the house, force vile poisons down our throats, have a carpet bag filled with dangerous implements, and encourage hopeless attempts at flight by helping us jump off rooftops."

Lady Illusion Banks nodded her approval at the two children. "He sounds suitable."

"No, he doesn't!" Kilobyte Banks stood up, snatching the list from his son's hand. "Any nanny of yours will be a respectable computer programmer who is capable of handling such untamed youth!"

"Yes, father," Ace looked at the floor, ignoring his sister's prodding elbow.

"And furthermore," Kilobyte began tearing the list into small pieces and dropped it into the fireplace. "You two will"

"Excuse me, sir," interrupted the Banks' family maid, Rotgut.

"What is it?" snapped Kilobyte, annoyed at being interrupted.

"There's someone here to see you . . . No one ever comes to visit Rotgut." the maid shuffled off, and a tall, cloaked figure stood in his place.

"Greetings! I am Lord Poppins, the befriender of dingy street workers, dangerous dimension and suspicious house visiting, diseased bird loving, vile poison forcing, suspicious carpet bag owning, hopeless attempts at flight encouraging nanny you requested." He lowered his magical flying staff and approached Kilobyte, after slamming the door on three singing chimney sweeps, who went by the names of Mark, Chuck, and Kat.

Kilobyte ignored the nanny's proffered hand, and Lady Illusion took it instead. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Nanny Poppins. I assume you have resumes?"

"Why, yes. Murder charges, broken paroles, several bank robberies, and I can sing!"

"Excellent." Lady Illusion turned to her husband. "Kilobyte, he sounds perfect, and the children need a bad role model. Look at them." she pointed at the two children, gazing at the nanny like a pair of cherubs. "They are far too sweet."

"Please father?" Ace and Sparx turned imploring eyes on Kilobyte.

"Oh, fine!"

Pigface the cook and Rotgut the maid came dancing out of the kitchen, and countless chimney sweeps slid down the chimney and joined them. Kilobyte clamped his hands over his ears as everyone else burst into song.

A/N: Just look at that lonely little button!