You travel to another dimension... A dimension not only of sight and sound, but of mind... A dimension not within our average standards... Unknowingly, you fall victim to your disability to be incredibly oblivious to the upcoming chaos... At the Warp Pipe up ahead, your next stop...-

"Mamma MIA! Not again!"

... Kingdom II. The Land of Sub-Con.

"THERE you are!"

I turn around. Guess who?

"Ostro!" I exclaimed. "What do you want? I'm too busy right now!"

"Dammit, my name is Birdo!" She says. "The Cast got my name switched."

Birdo was... the above mentioned dinosaur, dammit! Pay attention!

"It's me, Birdo! The first Mario Bros. secondary rival! Not any of that Croco, Jr. Troopa, or Popple crap! I'm back with a vengeance, fool!"

Birdo, Birdo, Birdo... Let me tell you about her. She's a huge slut. Anyone can tell that, especially with that mouth of hers. Not only is she a slut, but she's WITH YOSHI! Can you believe that? Here she is sleeping with anyone with even slight superstar status besides me, and Yoshi proposed to her. He can do better...

Taking a conveniently-placed Fire Flower, I shoot fireballs in her mouth. She turns red.

"Ha! I can take any heat!" She somehow vaguely taunted.

Of course she's a slut when she can handle any kind of swallows...

I feel incredibly yet briefly relaxed when a giant boulder crushes her out of nowhere. A dark figure is seen above the high cliffs. I call out to it, but it stays still. Creepy.

Just then, Yoshi came out of nowhere.

"Zip-ZOO!" Noised he. "What the Yoshi happened? Buh-buh...-!"

He notices Birdo being crushed. Took long enough.

"There' only one explanation..." He started, vaguely Sherlock Holmes-ish. "... YOU KILLED BIRDO, YOU DON OF A YOSHI! YOU PRICK! I, SIR, CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL!"

... Uh-oh...

(Some Time Later...)

"Whew... You just barely survived the intense surgery!"

I wake up, surrounded by thirty doctors.

"No, don't try to move. You've lost all feeling below your neck, and your bones are as brittle as hell."

I attempt to open my mouth in oral objection, despite all the now-torturous pain to do so.

"Oh, that. Well, uh... # 21 is pretty inept, and... needless to say, we've made some sacrifices to save you."

Let my die already. Logic doesn't apply to me! Just give me the 1-Up Mushroom!

(Hours later, it was, well, the visiting hours.)

Bowser the fat fuck comes through the door...

"Ha heh hor heh!" He snorts fartishly. "Feeling like utter shit, Mario? I brought a little surprise..."

Princess Peach enters the room in her nurse outfit...

"This very NICE nurse just agreed to give me PLEASURE YOU CAN'T MEASURE!"

"Of course, Mr. Big N' Juicy."

God, I never knew you were such a skank, Peach! Bowser, if I ever get unparylized, I swear that I'll painfully and personally eat your testicles for breakfast!

"Enjoy your days as a vegetable! Goodbye, Losio!"

"Goodbye, pee-wee!"

The fat guy left. God, if you love me, give me a sign...

Just then, I overhear Bowser speak to his henchmen outside...

"Is PEACHY-BOT101 working correctly?"

"I believe so."

"Then why is she eying the doctors? She was created for ME!"

I couldn't help think about smiling, but I couldn't.

I knew nobody would ever want you, Bowser. Your last eight women killed themselves.

Yoshi the Asswipe got through the door.

"You...! How did you lose? Have you really lost that much edge? Now I can't fuck her. And then I masturbated to let off steam. She didn't tolerate it, so she fuckin' dumped me! Mario... You're a real bastard, y'know that?"

What in the hell is he talking about...? Did I just dream that whole think, "Sub-Con?" Or did Birdo somehow survive, and Yoshi's a schezophrenic? Maybe...

In either case, I decided to get revenge...

I move my body with all my remaining strength, and nearly all of my bones break.

Yoshi looked very alarmed. "Oh my god! Mario! I didn't mean to-"

"Code Blue! Code Blue!"

"Shit!"

"You! Get him!"

"But-"

"NOW!"

Long story short, they operate on me. My heart stops. I die. The end.

But how do I keep going, you say?

Simple!

I may tell you later, but I need to get something out of the way...