The pain was incredible. It was sharp. Relentless. Full of anger. Sam could barely see beyond the many colors that blurred her vision. Was the knife poisoned? Probably. They had made her lie on her stomach, to inspect the wound. Someone was putting something inside of it. It momentarily felt better. She was able to see beyond the colors. O´Neill was there. He looked pale. Sam blinked in an attempt to keep the colors from gaining ground. She lost. She suddenly felt something else creeping into her vision. Dark. Black. Comforting. Warm. She passed out again.

O´Neill could not believe what he´d done. He´d been reckless, thoughtless, as usual. He´d put the entire team in danger by allowing Kaia to help them. He kicked himself in the head one more time, just to have something to do other than worry. He´d been allowed to stay but only on the condition that he did not get in the way. He´d been sent to the corner where he paced and paced and paced. He looked at Sam. She didn´t look very good. She looked sort of.....green, actually. She opened her eyes but it was obvious she could see nothing, suddenly, all that changed. She focused. She saw him. He stopped pacing, tried to look calm. She was struggling to keep her eyes focused. She actually held out for a few minutes before passing out again.The Healers worked as quickly as they could. They took the knife out, poured more water and stuck some plants into the wound. The plants smelled sweet. Outside, a bird chirped, unaware of all that was wrong in the universe at that moment. The grass grew, the river kept running. All of them without noticing the single most important problem that was at that moment: Sam was hurt and O´Neill could do nothing about it.

Sam opened her eyes, slowly. It was dark outside. Something was being burned, or rather, someone. Many people. Sailen people. All being cremated, later, they would be buried. The Chitkina had respect for them, even though they were their enemies. Daniel was there, helping to carry bodies and make holes. So was Teal´c. They had both been in to see her before. Earlier. O´Neill was still there. In the corner. Passed out. No. Asleep. Barely. Sam was finally able to focus. She tried moving. It wasn´t too bad. She managed to sit up. Her shoulder was actually numb. She could just barely feel the bandages around the wound. Next to her, jamned into the floor, was the knife. She took a hold of the handle and pulled it out. It wasn´t a normal knife. The point split into lots of different points, of various shape and legth. She inspected it more carefully, it was actually a double bladed knife. No wonder it had hurt so much. Sam dropped the knife when she heard a voice behind her.

"They said you shouldn´t touch that. Not until you´re healed. Some sort of weird.....thing."

Sam picked up the knife and put it back in the ground. She turned. The sensation of numbness had lessened a little and she was afraid it would soon begin to hurt.

"It won´t hurt. At least, that´s what they say."

Sam nodded her head. What else could she do? She sure as hell didn´t know. She thought she should explain herself. She decided that was about as wise a thing to do.

"Sir...." She bagan, but was cutoff.

"Don´t. This is my fault."

Sam wasn´t surprised to hear that. What she was surprised about was how angry it made her.

"It wasn´t your fault. I decided to follow the girl, no one made me."

"That´s not what I meant."

"Kaia was only trying to help us and it´s not like you ordered us to let her! We all agreed to do this, all of us."

"Carter don´t patronize me. You know how it works, I am the comanding officer, I´m responsible."

"Not this time."

"Don't argue with me, I could of stopped this, I could of-"

"What? Could of what, sir. With all due respect, with had very few choices here."

"I shouldn´t of taken the decision so lightly."

"You made no decision that we didn´t agree with. This wasn´t your fault."

"Then whose was it then?"

"No one! Can´t you just understand that? Some things you can´t control, no matter how hard you try, you can´t control when someone will get hurt or a mission fail."

"I can´t accept that."

"Well you´re gonna have to."

"I can´t!"

"Why not?"

"Because....." O´Neill had gotten to his feet now. The answer was there, it was right there. Sam knew it. She had always known it. She´d known everything. She just felt like, this time, she needed to hear it. O´Neill backed down and shook his head. Sam was outraged. She got up, with every intention of storming out. Didn´t quite work out. She fell back down. O´Neill was there immediately, "You can´t move. They said you might.....pass out again. Maybe in the morning."

Sam didn´t know what to say. She took a deep breath and calmed down. She looked at O´Neill. She didn´t need psychic abilities to know what he felt and thought. She´d known that for a long time.

"Look.....Sam, I....." He rolled his eyes and sat down next to her. For a long time, he said nothing. She said nothing. Finally, Sam took a deep breath.

"Sir I know tha-"

"-Sir- Really? Where having –this-", he pointed to both of them, "conversation and you´re gonna call me –sir-"

Sam smiled. He was right. But she couldn´t help it. It was her way of dealing with –it-. She bit her lip before continuing, "I just....it really wasn´t your fault."

"I know but it´s just that....." This was hard. He took another deep breath, "I worry about you, ok? I just.....can´t help it." It had sounded a lot better in his head. He looked down at his feet. Sam looked down at hers.

"I know, but you can´t always control what´ll happen. No one can. Besides, I´m quite capable of taking care of myself."

"I know that! I´ve never doubted it."

"I know, I just....."

O´Neill laughed. Sam stared at him. He composed himself and looked at her.

"Is there anything you don´t know?"

Sam smiled. So did O´Neill. They had, once more, graciously, avoided –the topic-. O´Neill got up.

"The ah......Healers, said that you should eat as soon as you woke up. I´ll ah.....get you something."

Sam nodded. And watched him leave. She decided to try to put what had just happened in the back of her mind. It wasn´t quite as easy as she thought it would be.