Rayna
She sat on the couch gazing into the fire and listened to the sound of Deacon cleaning up in the kitchen. Maddie and Levi had gone to bed pretty easily. She let her thoughts linger on them. They were good kids. No, great kids. They were smart and kind and polite and loving and happy. They adjusted well to changes in their lives, which was great, but she wondered what life would really be like once she and Luke were married and they were navigating all that change as well. She sighed. The lingering frustration of her call with Luke that afternoon was finally starting to fade away, but it was replaced with the turmoil of emotions she'd felt since.
She and Deacon had prepared dinner together, but she concentrated on the salad and let him handle the spaghetti. She knew he was looking at her periodically and she tried to will him not to say anything to her. Luckily he had not. Her stomach was in a knot and she was feeling uncomfortably warm in her sweater and jeans, standing that close to him. She forced herself to participate at dinner, most of her attention on Maddie and Levi. If they were aware of any awkwardness between their parents, they didn't say anything. And she was aware that she was the one feeling awkward, not Deacon. Well, she really couldn't speak for him, but she definitely was. Her chest felt tight and she didn't have much of an appetite. Deacon had told the kids about their canned spaghetti meals from years ago and their misadventures in cooking hoping, she thought, to pull her into the conversation. When she did glance at him, she saw that his brows were pulled together and there was confusion in his eyes, which made her look away.
Finally, by the time they ate the cookies they'd baked the day before, she had started to relax a bit. It was a dream. It doesn't mean anything other than proximity. As she relaxed, she could see him relax too. She wanted to enjoy the time she still had with her kids, but with luck, she'd be able to get out the next day. She looked up as Deacon walked around the couch and handed her a mug of hot cider. Then he sat down as well. She sipped the hot liquid, feeling it seem to warm up her bones. The cabin had always been drafty but in the winter it was the reason for having a fire going during the day and a stack of warm blankets for nights. She had the blanket Deacon had brought out the night before covering her legs and together with the hot cider and the fire, she felt cozy.
She took another sip of the drink, then looked over at him. "So now that you've quit the Revel Kings, what are you going to do? Will you try to get back out on the road on your own again?"
He looked thoughtful. "Probably not," he said, looking over at her. "I'll see if I can get my spot back at the Bluebird, keep performing around town. Maybe see if there's another band out there needing a guitar player, maybe someone starting out. I don't know."
"I think anyone would be lucky to have you as their guitar player," she said. "I've always said you were the best." She paused for a second. "You could do a lot of things besides just being somebody's guitar player."
He gave her a little smile and shook his head. "It's really all I know. That and writing music. At least I do good at that."
She nodded. "You are good at that. But I think you shouldn't sell yourself short. Be open to other opportunities."
He shrugged. "Maybe. What about you? You're doing this tour with Luke?"
"Yeah. The Honeymoon Tour." She made a face. "I think it'll be interesting to see how it goes. Our demographics are pretty different."
"How's it gonna work? Who's the headliner?"
She turned her gaze towards the fire. That had been a topic of much discussion as the tour dates were being set up. They had agreed to rotate sets during the shows but it seemed to her that most of the closing sets were Luke's. There was still time to change that, but she had sensed some reluctance on his part to making changes and it bothered her. She breathed in. "No true headliner. We'll rotate sets." She looked back at him. "I think that'll work."
He nodded, seemingly a little absentmindedly. Then he focused his eyes on her. "Fight for what you want, Rayna. He ain't a bigger star than you." She frowned and opened her mouth to protest but he kept talking. "I'm just sayin'. One thing I know about you is that you'll make sure things are fair. I get that maybe your fans are different from his fans, but you're the top female artist in country music. Be sure you're closing your share of shows."
She opened her mouth to tell him it was none of his business, but then she stopped. She ran her tongue over her bottom lip and then breathed out. "It will be fair," she said. "I appreciate your concern, but you don't have to worry about that."
"But I do anyway." He let out a short laugh, then shook his head. "I watched that Christmas show or whatever it was you and Luke did. I wanted to see the kids and I saw they weren't in it much, which is fine. But you just didn't look...happy like I thought you would have."
She made an irritated noise. "That's ridiculous, Deacon. Of course I'm happy. I'll admit that special was a little over the top but it was for a good cause so I'm glad we did it."
He hesitated then held his hands up, palms facing her. "I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to go down that path. I just wanted to say that I hope you're getting as much of the spotlight as he is and it sounds like you're good with it, so...that's good."
Deacon
He didn't want to get into a fight with her and he knew he'd gone too far. So he decided to back off.
"Thank you," she said softly. She breathed in and then out and then looked at him. "Have you given up on the idea of a solo career? You did work really hard at that."
He was startled at her abrupt change in the direction of the conversation, but he decided it was probably better to talk about something else. It did surprise him a little that she wanted to go down this particular path. "I did. But you know as well as I do that not everybody's gonna make it. It's crowded out there and hard to catch on. I couldn't get radio play, so that kind of ended all that."
"You don't have to have radio play to have a successful career."
He laughed a little. "You trying to push me back out there?"
"I was just wondering. I know you seemed to feel like you needed to prove something. To the world. To me. To yourself. Did you do that? Prove it to yourself?"
"Did I prove it to you?" One thing he'd always known about Rayna, from the moment he met her when she was 16, was that she was ambitious. And that she always pushed herself to be the best. The same way she pushed everyone around her. Including – and probably especially – him. She, of course, didn't know anything about his background in the beginning. She didn't know about the special place in hell that was the house he'd grown up in and the father who'd passed on his terrible addiction. It was never that he didn't know how much and how often he'd disappointed her – because she told him often – but every time he was reminded of it, it seemed to drag him down a little more. She had put up with it for a lot longer than he would have imagined. When she decided she couldn't anymore, and moved out, he kept waiting for her to come back. And when she didn't, he sank down about as low as he ever could. All he'd ever wanted was to show her he could be the man she wanted him to be and he had finally gotten that chance. But he'd even screwed that up in the end.
She frowned at first, but then she sighed and clasped her hands in her lap. "Deacon, you were always the most talented person I knew. You wrote beautiful songs, sang them with such heart, provided the soundtrack for our lives. I sure wouldn't be where I am today without you. And I knew how much that record meant to you. And having that career." She squeezed her hands together. "You forget, I was there. I watched you create every song, record every song. I saw the heart you put into it." He saw something in her eyes, a softening. "I was so proud of you." She sighed. "I tried not to, but I realize that I was thinking a lot about how it was all affecting me. I realize that hurt you and that you thought I didn't believe in you, but that wasn't true." She lifted her shoulders and then dropped them. "All I could do was watch you go. And yes, I was mad and hurt but mostly mad. At you, because it didn't have to be that way. But, you know, you found yourself, I think, these last few years. You've done great things and you learned so much and you built a career for yourself, like you wanted. I'm sorry that it ended for you."
He breathed in. "I was sorry it did too. Except when it did, I realized what I'd really given up to try and it didn't seem worth what I lost." He rubbed his face. "Actually there been a lot of times when I wondered if I'd made a mistake, not in trying to have that career, but in leaving you to do it. Rita kind of made me feel like I needed to do that, not that she told me to leave you but it felt like she was pushing me to make choices. I can't really blame her for me making that decision though." He looked up towards the ceiling and then back at her. "I figured I'd burned my bridges though. I went out and did all that and I didn't get what I wanted after all. I walked away. From all of it. I had that life that's good and then I threw it away. I threw you away." He swallowed hard. "I'm sorry, Ray. For all of it. I know it's too late and it don't matter anymore, but I'm sorry. I gotta live with what I done."
He couldn't read her, which was different. He'd always been able to read her like a book. Just like she could read him. But it felt like he'd lost it, lost that ability, which meant he'd truly lost her. He'd lost his future for no reason.
"I don't, I don't know what to say, Deacon," she said finally. "Yeah, you did throw me away, I guess. You threw our family away. We didn't want that. I didn't want that. Maybe I wasn't as supportive as I could have been and maybe I selfishly wanted to hold on for the sake of my career, but truthfully, I didn't think there was anything I could have done differently. I don't think there was anything I could have done. You had made up your mind. And now I'm moving on and it feels solid and like the right thing to do and all I feel right now is angry that you are doing this to me now." He didn't know what to say. "I just wish you hadn't been selfish and you'd let me take the kids to Luke's and we wouldn't be in this situation, where we're snowed in together and it's awkward and it's uncomfortable because there's all this history. It's not fair for you to say this to me now. You've had years to say these things."
She stood up then and so did he. "You're right," he said. She was right and he knew it. He'd told himself over and over that it was too late. "I just couldn't, I just wanted to let you know that I was sorry." He looked away, then back at her. "I know it's too late. I know you got plans. I know you moved on. But I didn't want you to go without knowing that you were right, back then, and I was wrong. I'll regret it for the rest of my life." He took a couple steps towards her and she backed up. "It was always supposed to be us, Ray, and I screwed it up." He took another couple steps towards her and looked deep into her eyes. He wasn't sure what he was seeing there and he knew he should back away, but he just couldn't. He took one more step forward and put his hands on her waist and leaned in to kiss her. She put a hand against his shoulder but she wasn't pushing him away at first. He felt her respond to his kiss. But then almost at the same time the hand on his shoulder did push him away.
She had a confused look on her face and in her eyes. "No. You can't do this. I'm getting married. To someone else. It's too late for us," she said, her voice shaking a little. She pushed him a little further away and then she turned and headed for the front of the house.
Rayna
She went upstairs and then walked into Maddie's room. Her heart was beating hard and she felt breathless. The room was dark and she had to take a second for her eyes to adjust to the darkness. Why did I let him kiss me? Why did I kiss him back? It was confusing and it had felt wrong. Because of Luke. She was going to marry Luke. She had made a commitment. She had moved on past Deacon. He'd made a mess of their lives and she was right to push him away. Except...
No, she told herself. Except nothing. It was all because she'd had to stay here. It was that stupid dream. There had been nowhere to go so that she wasn't faced with all the history contained inside these 4 walls. Deacon had made this place his, but it had been her house in the beginning. All of this was wrong though. Terribly wrong. She tried to breathe in but her chest was still tight. She felt herself start to shake a little. She felt chilled. She felt something deep inside her that she didn't want to feel.
Everything he'd said were things she had wanted to hear. But it was too late, she kept reminding herself. He should have said all those things a long time before. It was always supposed to be us, Ray, and I screwed it up. It was always supposed to be them. She had known, from the moment she laid eyes on him, that he was the one for her. He made her heart beat faster. He knew her so completely. When she had found him, she'd found herself, found who she was supposed to be. And yet, it had all still slipped away.
She shook her head to try to collect her thoughts and then took a deep breath. She went over to her suitcase and got out the clothes she'd used as pajamas the night before and quickly undressed and changed. She walked over to the bed where Maddie was sleeping, curled up on her side facing the other direction. As she always did at night, she took off the engagement ring and set it on the bedside table. She had lifted the covers when she stopped. She looked over at the ring. It looked dull in the darkness. It was too bulky to sleep with it, so she never did. It fit this new life she was moving towards, this new life that wasn't exactly what she had dreamed of all those years ago. But it was her future. She kept looking at it. What am I doing?
Deacon
When she walked away, he sat back down on the couch, his head in his hands. He'd gotten carried away. He knew he shouldn't have kissed her. But the conversation and the beginnings of feeling some level of catharsis had played with his mind. She kissed me back though. She had. He'd felt her want, her need, in that kiss. And then she pulled away. No. I can't do this. I'm getting married. To someone else. It's too late for us. All he could do was watch her walk away.
Being cooped up in this place – her house – had made it feel like something it was not. Being in this place with their children had made it feel like a family, something it was really not. He'd let his mind play tricks on him, tease him into thinking maybe there was still a chance. Maybe there was still a flicker of something between them. But he was wrong. She'd made that very clear.
Carmen's words echoed in his head again. Is this about the fact that Rayna's moving on or just about the fact that she's moving on with Luke? He thought about that. It was true that when she started seeing Luke, he didn't like it. Luke got under his skin in a way that he wasn't sure another man would. But by choosing him, by choosing anybody, the dream was truly over. Nothing had turned out the way he had thought it would and he'd screwed things up. Badly. Carmen was right. It's Luke. But it's not Luke. It's me. I let this all go without fighting for it. I let Rayna go without fighting for her. It was just too late to have realized that and he knew it.
He breathed in. He should just go to bed. He sat up and then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw her. He turned his head to look at her. She was standing there, right by the dining table, her hand resting on the back of a chair. She wasn't wearing the same clothes, he noticed, but then the thought left his brain. The fading light of the fire played against her skin, casting shadows that moved around, and he wasn't quite sure what he saw on her face, in her eyes. He stood up and she took a couple tentative steps towards him. His heart was beating hard as he held his breath. He didn't dare hope. And then she started towards him again and suddenly the gap was closed and his lips were on hers. Somehow, he knew, she wasn't going to walk away this time.
Except she did.
Rayna
Her chest felt tight and her heart was pounding. She knew what was coming and she knew she should stop it because, well, Luke. But she had that particular tingling feeling inside that she'd only ever had with Deacon. They had been respectful to each other, focused on Maddie and Levi. Maybe it wasn't surprising that proximity clouded things. She didn't know why she'd done this. Luke's ring was upstairs on the bedside table and her head was telling her to stop what was happening. So she pushed back, flattening her hands on the front of his shoulders. He looked confused. "We can't do this," she said.
He gripped her arms gently. "But..."
She shook her head. "I'm engaged, Deacon."
He moved a little closer to her and his face softened. "But you felt that, Rayna."
She breathed in. "Deacon, a lot has happened between us, and a lot has changed. We're not the same people we were back when you left."
"We love each other, Ray. We're in love with each other. We have a family. Together."
She looked into his face, so earnest, and his eyes, filled with regret but also hope. "Deacon, I think I will always love you, but there's been so much pain, and I just don't have that with him. It's a chance to start fresh, without all the mess you and I have been through."
"But we have our kids."
She nodded. "We do. And we'll still raise them up together." She reached for his hands and held them tight. "These couple days have been..."
"They've been amazing," he said. "I told you that I was wrong, that I made a mistake..."
"You should have said that a long time ago, Deacon. Not waited until now. It's too late."
He shook his head. "No, it's not. Not until the divorce is final. I know you got all these plans, but you can still change your mind. You know we belong together, Rayna. I know I should have done something before now and I wish I had. I can't tell you how many times I thought about it, but all this, the snow, everything. We had a chance to see what it woulda been like, what it shoulda been like. I want to fight for you, Rayna. Fight for us."
She had tears in her eyes and a lump in her throat, but she shook her head. "I can't do this, Deacon." She pulled her hands away and walked over to the fire, standing with her back to him. A few seconds later she felt his hands on her arms again as he stood behind her.
"I think you want to, though," he whispered. "I could see it in your eyes, how it felt for you to be here with me. With us. The family we were supposed to have. The Christmas we shoulda had. I'm so sorry for everything I done, but being here with you, with Maddie and Levi, for the last couple days has really proved to me that we could make this work again, if we both want it."
She could feel herself crumbling a little inside. It was certainly true that this was what she'd wanted, but she wasn't sure she was ready to just forget the last 5 years. She wanted that clean slate, that new life, but she felt confused. Nothing was as clear as it should have been. She could feel the tears on her cheeks. "I can't do this, Deacon," she said softly. "Being here has just confused things. But this isn't real. What I have with Luke is real. He's my future and I love him."
Deacon
Maybe he was wrong, but he thought maybe she wasn't closing the door completely. He leaned closer to her ear. "I won't press you. But know I love you. I've always loved you. I want another chance, to show you how much. And I promise I'll do whatever I got to to make it up to you. To pay for what I done." He brushed his lips against her neck. "When this is over and you leave, if you still want to marry him, I'll let you go. But we belong together. We always have."
He felt empty inside. He was afraid he was fighting a losing battle and it would probably serve him right for everything he'd done. He didn't deserve to have her back. He didn't deserve a second chance. He didn't deserve her forgiveness. But he still hoped she'd change her mind.
She turned to face him and he saw something in her face that he hoped meant she was torn, but then she shook her head. "It's too late," she whispered. "You can't just fix everything with nice words. I don't want to mislead you, Deacon. Being here has confused things and I'm thinking in the light of day everything will be more clear. For both of us." She clutched her hands together in front of her. "For however much longer I'm here, we have to agree that we're here for Maddie and Levi, nothing else. They can't know any of this. Can you do that?"
He looked at her for a long minute, looked at the pleading in her eyes. Finally he nodded. "Yeah, I can do that," he said sadly. He'd tried, but he remembered something someone had said to him long ago. It's not real life or real love. It had been said about road relationships, but he guessed being snowed in was kind of the same. At least the real life part. He had wanted to believe in the real love but, as she'd said, it was too late.
She took a step backwards. "I'm going upstairs to bed. As soon as things are better, I'll leave. Until then we just have to get through it."
Again he watched her as she walked out of the room. He felt a tightness in his chest that made it hard to take in a breath. It was clear to him that they were beyond the point where things could be fixed. Maybe that could have happened in the months after he left or even the first year or even two, but he knew now, for sure, that there was no future for them aside from being Maddie and Levi's parents. He'd made it awkward and he wasn't sure what that meant going forward. Could they come back from that? Go back to the ease they had been working towards? Or were they going to have to start from scratch?
As he stood in the middle of the great room, he could hear the wind outside. He didn't know what that meant, but it was as though everything was being blown away and there was nothing he could do to stop or change it.
Rayna
She walked up the stairs and down the hall to Maddie's room, her head swirling. She'd let herself get pulled in again before reminding herself that she was engaged to someone else. That she'd moved on. She opened the door and went in the room, closing it behind her. She crawled in the bed and laid on her side, partially curled up. She stared at the ring, still sitting on the table, then reached out and picked it up. She held it in her hand, feeling the sharp edges, feeling the weight of it. Luke had asked her to marry him and she'd said yes. She loved him and she believed they could have a good life together.
It's what I want. I know what to expect from him and while I'm not totally on board with the publicity and the branding and all that, it's not the worst thing. Deacon and I have so much water under our bridge that I'm not sure I can see my way out of it. Or maybe I just want to drown in it so I don't get hurt anymore. I do love him but is that enough anymore? What about all the hurt and pain we've gone through? Is love really enough to trust him again? And there's Maddie and Levi to think about. She put the ring back on the table. What do I do? What's the right thing for everyone?
She laid there, listening to Maddie's even breathing. Levi was sleeping in the room next door. She realized that her first priority was them. Whatever it was the future held for her, she needed to be sure that her children's needs were met and that she could continue to provide a happy, stable life for them. I don't really have to do anything. I just need to find myself again, whatever that means. I've got to clear my head and take a minute to figure out just where I am and where I need to be.
Suddenly she felt like a weight was lifted off her shoulders. She would leave here and take a breath. And then she could keep moving forward. Exhaustion overtook her then and within minutes she had fallen into a deep sleep.
The next morning when she woke up, she was aware of two things. First was that the room was filled with light and it made her wonder how late it was. She turned over and saw that Maddie was gone so she assumed it must be later than she usually slept. The second thing was that she could hear the sound of a vehicle outside. She jumped out of bed and ran to the window, pushing back the curtains. She squinted against the bright sunlight and then she saw the snowplow slowly moving along the road in front of the house. I can get out of here, she thought, and a sense of relief rolled over her.
She headed for the bathroom and, after piling her hair on top of her head, she undressed and turned on the shower. When it was warm enough, she stepped in and let the water run down her body. She lathered up and then rinsed off. When she was done, she got out of the shower and grabbed a towel, wrapping herself in it once she'd dried off. She brushed her teeth and then picked up her clothes and hurried back to Maddie's bedroom.
She quickly got dressed and put the clothes she'd been wearing back into her suitcase. She could finish the packing once she was sure she could get out. She took her hair down and ran her fingers through it, letting it fall around her shoulders. She looked back out the window and was excited to see some pavement revealed on the road. Hopefully it was cleared all the way to the interstate. She took a deep breath, then breathed out slowly. Then she headed for the stairs.
When she got to the great room she saw that Maddie and Levi were eating breakfast but she didn't see Deacon. The minute Levi saw her his mouth drooped downward. "Mom, the snow is melting," he wailed. She glanced out the sliders and could actually see a bit of grass here and there.
She walked over and sat down next to her son, running her hand over his head and ruffling his hair. "I'm sorry, sweetie. But you know it can't stay forever."
"But why not?" he cried and she had to force herself not to chuckle at his heartbroken look.
"It just can't," she said. "But it could come back sometime."
"Are you gonna leave?" Maddie asked and she looked at her daughter, who looked sad.
"Well, if it's clear enough, I need to." She felt a bit of sadness at leaving her children, especially on Christmas Eve, but she hadn't meant to be here at all and now she needed to get going. She looked around. "Where's your dad?"
"Outside," Maddie said.
Just then she saw Deacon walk up to the sliders and she felt a little quiver in her stomach. He opened the doors and walked in, closing them behind him. He looked at her for a second and she had to look away. She heard his footsteps as he approached. "Good morning," he said and she knew he was directing it at her.
She looked up. "Good morning," she murmured.
He stuck his hands in his pockets. "It seems like the storm is over. It got really windy last night and blew off a lot of snow. The temperatures went up overnight and now it's starting to melt. Don't even really need a jacket." That was when she noticed he wasn't wearing a jacket, just his flannel shirt. "I, uh, walked out to the road and there's a plow been going up and down, so it looks clear enough to get to the highway."
She smiled. "Thanks for checking. I heard the plow when I woke up." She looked around. "What time is it?"
"'Bout 9:00." He breathed in. He looked kind of defeated. He sounded sad, his voice echoing sadness. "I guess you'll be wanting to get out then."
She nodded. "I should. I want to check the highway, but yeah, I need to."
He nodded. "You want some breakfast?"
"That would be great." Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Maddie's face. Her daughter looked a little forlorn and she felt a twinge of regret at having to leave the kids. Despite everything else, she had enjoyed being with them and seeing their excitement over the snow and getting ready for Christmas. She looked at Maddie and Levi. "I need to get on the road as soon as I can." She could hear Deacon behind them, rattling pans. "It's been nice having a couple extra days with y'all."
"Are you going to Luke's?" Maddie asked. She could imagine that Deacon's ears had perked up at that.
"That was always the plan," she said.
"I wish you could stay. It's Christmas tomorrow," Maddie pleaded.
"Yeah, it's Christmas, Mom," Levi cried.
"I know, but we'll have a little Christmas when y'all get back home. And y'all get to stay here with Dad and have fun." She turned in her seat and looked at Deacon. "Is there coffee?"
He nodded. "Yeah."
She got up and poured herself a mug, not looking over at him. When she got back to the table, he'd set a plate for her with eggs and toast. "Thanks," she said, glancing at him.
He cleared his throat. "I'm gonna go ride down the road and make sure it's really clear," he said. He grabbed his jacket and opened the sliders, walking out onto the porch without another word.
Deacon
He hurried down the porch and then got into his truck. He sat for a moment, just looking out towards the lake. If he found that the road was clear enough, she would get in her car and head up towards Lexington and Luke's place. Just like she had originally planned. He wasn't quite ready to completely let go, but he knew it wasn't for him to decide anymore. Yes, she had kissed him, but he knew that it had been a confusing couple of days. They hadn't spent this amount of time with each other since before he'd left and it was clear that it brought back some memories for her, but they were memories she preferred to put aside. Seemed as though he would have to do the same.
He started the truck and waited a couple minutes for it to warm up. Then he pulled out of the drive and onto the road. As he drove he could see that there were still snowy spots on the road but that the plow had done a reasonably good job of making the road drivable. He was able to get to the interstate without a lot of trouble and as he drove over the overpass, he saw that highway traffic was running smoothly. He breathed in slowly, trying to fight the disappointment he felt, then turned around and headed back to the cabin.
When he walked into the cabin, Rayna was the only one in the great room. She was sitting on the couch with a mug in her hand. She turned to look at him, a question on her face. "How does it look?" she asked.
"You can get out," he said. "It's not perfectly clear, but if you take it easy you can get down the road. The highway is clear." He sighed. "So I guess you'll leave."
She nodded. "That's the plan."
"I know the kids will be disappointed."
"I know, but this wasn't how this was supposed to go. I know they'll still have a good time and I'll see them this coming weekend, as planned." He just nodded and looked away. "Deacon, I appreciate being able to stay here and I know it felt kind of like family" – he looked back at her – "but there's not like a magic wand that makes everything better." She waved her hand in the air as though it was a wand. "I know things were a little... confused, strange, but it's really time for me to go." She stood up then. "I'm going to go get my things together so I can leave. I don't want to drag this out, for Maddie and Levi's sakes."
He took a deep breath. He was going to have to accept there was nothing he could do to stop her. "I just want you to know that I feel like I lost myself back then. When I look back I really don't like that person and I get why you wouldn't either. All I can say is that I'm sorry and I don't expect anything from you. It was nice, you know, to have the time we did these last couple days. Kind of being a family one last time." He sighed. "I'm committed to being a good father and co-parent with you. Maddie and Levi are what's important. I do want you to be happy and it seems like Luke is the one who does that, so I just want to wish you well." He felt like he wanted to cry, but he wasn't going to do that.
She didn't say anything for a moment. "I appreciate that," she said finally, sounding a little sad. "So, uh, I'm going to pack up." She turned and walked towards the front of the house and then he heard her footsteps going up the stairs.
He felt incredible sadness knowing it was likely the end of the road for them.
Rayna
Maddie's door was closed and she knocked on it. "Maddie? It's Mom. Can I come in?" She waited for a couple seconds before the door opened. She caught a brief glimpse of Maddie's angry face before she turned and walked over to the bed, throwing herself on it and rolling away from the door. She walked over and sat on the edge of the bed, reaching over to stroke her daughter's back. Maddie seemed to pull away. "Sweetie, please," she said softly.
"I don't want you to go," Maddie said, her voice muffled a little.
She put her hand back on Maddie's shoulder. "I know, sweet girl, but I need to. I wasn't supposed to stay here and I really need to get on the road.
Maddie rolled onto her back and scowled. "You could change your plans. I was glad you were here. Like we were a family."
She felt the knife to her heart. "I know, but I'm not doing this to hurt you. You and your brother will spend the rest of the week here with your dad and have a great Christmas. Then you'll come home and we'll have another one, just us." She patted Maddie's knee. "Come here," she said, gesturing with her hand. Reluctantly Maddie sat up. "Just think of it as an extra gift that I was here a little longer than I was supposed to be." She reached for her daughter and hugged her. "And I'll call tomorrow, just like I promised, okay?"
Maddie shrugged. "I guess." She kissed Maddie's forehead and held onto the hug.
"I need to get my things together so I can get out on the road." She kissed Maddie once more, then got up and made sure she'd gotten everything into her suitcase before closing it. She felt a flash of anger thinking about how this would have been unnecessary if Deacon hadn't acted like a jerk all those years ago. Then she sighed. He had needed to test the waters on his own career. It was too bad that it had blown up their lives, but she needed to just make peace with it.
When she'd finished, she stood up and turned back to Maddie. She hugged her daughter again, then took her suitcase and walked down to Levi's room. He cried when she said goodbye and she'd held him close, telling him it would be okay and that she'd see him soon. Then she brushed the hair back off his face and gave him a kiss before getting up and heading for the stairs. She was surprised to see Deacon standing there, but he reached for her suitcase and took it downstairs for her.
They didn't speak as she got her coat and purse. He walked her down the porch, pulling her suitcase behind him. She opened the trunk and he put the suitcase inside, then closed it. He put his hands in his back pockets as he watched her open the door and toss in her coat and purse. She turned back to look at him and felt her breath catch when she saw the forlorn look on his face. This is just all so fucking hard. She hesitated, then took a couple steps towards him and hugged him. After a moment, he put his arms around her. Then they stepped back.
"Thanks again," she said. "I'll see y'all Sunday."
He nodded. "You be safe. Remember to take it easy to the highway."
She smiled a little. "I will." She looked at him for a second longer, then got into the car and started it. He stepped back as she let it warm up for a minute while she positioned her phone, then watched as she backed out of the driveway, lifting an arm to indicate goodbye. She raised her hand for a second and then she turned to get onto the road.
She was about 5 miles down the interstate when she pulled off and tapped her phone. After a moment, Bucky answered. "Hey, Rayna."
"Hey, Buck. I wanted to let you know I was able to get out today so I'm on the road."
"Well, that's good to hear. So you're headed north?"
She bit her bottom lip. "Actually I'm coming home. I'll call you when I get there." He was silent at first and she knew he probably wanted to know why she'd changed her plans. But he also understood that she'd let him know anything he needed to know. Right then she just needed to get back to Nashville and she'd deal with the rest when she got there.
"Okay then. Be safe," he said before they disconnected.
She took a deep breath, feeling the lump in her throat. Then she breathed out and drove back to the interstate and continued south towards Nashville.
