A/N: Hey everyone, thank you for your comments on my last chapter. This one took me a little longer because I've been busier, but I enjoyed writing this — more warm and fuzzy and I'm really loving the coming together of two characters with a lot of bravado but beneath it are both sweethearts! You guessed it — Rafael and Ava.
Let me know if you liked it :) I really need a lot of escapism atm so writing is that outlet for me. Hope you enjoy!
What was it like? Did she hit him hard? Did she leave a mark? Like a bruise? A black eye? Split lip? Tell me everything, I have to know. She really is the princess of the people!
Trevor bit his lip to keep from laughing because he knew he shouldn't, he had to be stern with his daughter about resulting to fists but there was also a part of him that was glad she got to Elliot before he had because he was sure he would have role modelled the exact behaviour that he didn't want to see from his teenaged daughter.
Olivia groaned when she saw the message. Stop it Rafael, its not funny, he could easily result to pressing charges.
He won't press charges, I won't let him. If that's the case I'll find something on him and watch it stick and maybe he can get on a plane and take his ass back to Italy. He had that slap coming, I'm only upset that I didn't get to witness it.
Trevor glanced at Olivia, "He has a point. I will beat his ass myself if he tries to press charges on my daughter for that."
"He's not going to do that," Olivia replied, frustrated, "can we just stop? I don't like all this stupid confrontation, I just want things to be calm, I hate feeling like this."
"Olivia, this man who you admitted to me stirs up trauma for you, he walks in to your office like he owns it and insults you and everyone you love and care about and you asked him to leave and he kept on. Frankly, Ava did you a service and me too because I wanted to knock his face off his shoulders and I don't think I would have had the self-control not to if it weren't for Ava getting the job done for me."
"Just… drop it." Olivia said firmly. "I don't want to talk about it anymore."
He sighed and realised that she was upset. "Why do you always defend him?," he asked, "you're always protecting him or justifying his behaviour."
"I'm not!," she snapped loudly, "I am not defending him or protecting him, I just don't want to talk about it anymore."
Trevor, annoyed, glanced back at the group chat. Amanda and Sonny were throwing a billion questions out there and Olivia had stormed off upstairs. He sighed and shook his head, hating the way she always seemed to run from any sign of conflict.
I agree, he deserved it. I don't particularly want my daughter to be throwing hands with anyone but she's as protective of the people she loves as I am, at least I taught her about loyalty, maybe she went about it in the wrong way, but I can't say I didn't enjoy someone standing up for Olivia. She beat me to it.
It was only the second thing Trevor had written in the group chat, it still felt like a slight intrusion to be there with her friends especially when Rafael acted more than a little hostile.
I am more than capable of standing up for myself. I don't need anyone getting in to violent battles for me. Leave it alone, all of you.
Trevor felt bad for upsetting her. He sighed and put down his phone and went upstairs to talk.
"Dad…" Ava whispered, standing cautiously in the doorway of her room.
"Yeah?" She glanced at the end of the hallway and nodded toward the closed door. "I think Olivia is really upset, I just went to ask her something and it sounds like she's crying… is she mad at me?"
"No sweetheart, I'm sure it's fine, I'll go check on her…" he told her, "don't worry."
"Did you guys fight?," she asked, alarmed, not wanting Olivia to leave again.
"No honey," Trevor said a little impatiently, "Olivia is probably just a bit upset about what happened at work but because of Elliot, not because of you, okay? I'll go see if she's okay, you go to bed."
Ava pouted and turned back in to her room.
/
Trevor found Olivia in the bathroom with the door closed. He knocked twice, "I'm coming in baby," he said gently.
"Don't," she called back through the door. Yep, he thought, she was definitely crying.
"Liv, come out and talk to me, please…" he said softly.
"Leave me alone Trevor, I don't want to talk to you."
He slowly pushed the door open, giving her appropriate time to firmly protest before he saw her looking up at him tearfully from the edge of the tub where she had a warm cloth over her face. He softened as soon as he saw how upset she was.
"I'm sorry," he said gently as he sat beside her. "I didn't mean to make you feel worse downstairs… I know that you don't need protection from anyone, Liv, not even Elliot, but I can't say it doesn't make me upset when I hear the way he speaks to you."
"Its not that…" she murmured, wiping her eyes.
He put an arm around her, "talk to me… tell me what you're feeling, baby," he urged her.
Olivia leaned over, resting her arms on her knees, holding the cloth, folding it over in to a perfect small square, focusing on it so she didn't have to look at the man beside her. She sniffed and felt his hand on her back.
"He just gets to me… and I don't like the conflict. I don't like conflict at all, you know that… it makes me nervous."
"Are you scared of it escalating?," he wondered, trying to understand.
"No…. I mean," she paused, wiping fresh tears, "maybe."
"Why does it bother you to have someone defending you? Or for someone to be brought down to earth when they are hurting you?," he asked.
"Its noise, it's loud, it's….messy and the yelling and" she shook her head, "I just want everyone to be calm and everyone to be okay."
"Come here, Liv…" he placed a hand on her wrist and enclosed his large hand around her, he gently guided her to straight up. She let him pull her toward him. He took the cloth from her hands and placed it on the other side of him on the tub's edge. He wrapped his arms around her and rested his cheek upon the crown of her head and held her for a moment.
He didn't want to say it straight away, but he figured that the feeling she was experiencing was a childhood trauma. "I'm sorry if we made that feeling worse. When I see someone hurting you or upsetting you, my instant need is to take you out of that situation and if you can't be removed from it, I want to remove the person causing it."
"I know," she sniffed.
He kissed her forehead and smoothed her hair. "You're my baby," he said softly, "I gotta protect you…"
"I'm sorry for getting mad at you, I know if I saw someone speaking to you like that I'd probably do the same but… it just feels different when I'm the centre of it."
"Olivia…" his voice trailed, "I think, and I'm no expert but… this could be a trauma response."
"I know that it is," she admitted.
"Let's go to bed Liv, we can talk about this more, because I have a few thoughts on it and I really feel like I didn't do a good job at making sure you were okay tonight, I was too busy caught up in my own ego of trying to let your friends know that I can take care of you."
She appreciated his self-reflection. "K… but I have to tuck Ava in," she wiped her eyes.
Trevor smiled. "Just… organise yourself," he referred to her blotchy red face. "Ava knows you're upset so you're probably going to get 100 questions."
"Nothing gets by Ava," Olivia replied. She sighed and got up. Trevor pulled her arm back toward him for a moment.
"Hey…"
"Hmm?," she turned to look at him.
"I'm genuinely sorry for making it worse, that's never what I'd want to do. I only ever want to make you feel safe, even if you're upset or annoyed or even when we're fighting, I don't want you to ever be in a position where you feel unsafe or panicked by the situation," he told her sincerely, taking her other hand too.
"You're going to make me cry again," she glanced up at the ceiling for a moment and tried to blink back tears.
Trevor didn't mind. He gave her a gentle smile, "Liv, I just love you so much, I know you know that, its okay to be upset about what happened…"
"Thanks," she sniffed, "I love you so much too."
"Okay, I'm going to go make sure Ava is in bed because it's the second time I've had to tell her tonight and I'll let her know you'll be in soon."
"Thanks, love."
/
"Okay kiddo, get in to bed," Trevor told his daughter, "it's after 10 and I've already told you. Phone please…"
"Okay, sorry…" she sighed, getting up from her desk. She quickly sent another text and handed her phone over to her father. He looked down and saw her goodnight text to Rory. "Gotta go, its after phone curfew. Talk tomorrow x"
"Thank you," Trevor replied, locking the phone and putting it on her bedside table. "Wait, are you still doing homework?," he wondered.
Ava glanced back at her books that laid open. "No, I'm just studying… it's not homework, I was just curious about something we learned in science, so… I was doing research on it."
"What was it?," he wondered curiously as he watched her get in to bed. He took a seat on the edge to talk to her as he did most nights before Olivia came in to say goodnight.
"Just a study from a famous virologist so I was reading more about it," she shrugged.
"Oh, that's pretty cool, I didn't know you liked science enough to research it on your own," he chuckled.
Ava smiled at her Dad, "Calm down Dad, I'm not going to be a doctor, I just thought it sounded interesting, it," she replied.
"Well, I just want you to be what you want to be. As long as you do your best, I don't mind."
"Great, I'm thinking of being a cocktail waitress the second I'm allowed to responsibly serve alcohol."
"Cool," Trevor replied unflinching, "I'm sure you could make very good money doing that, early retirement, a sound insurance plan for you and your family…"
Ava nodded with as much seriousness as her Dad. "Yeah, but that's reaching pretty high, I was hoping to see if there was any job openings at a recycling plant, you know, separating people's garbage…"
"Great," Trevor smiled, the very idea of her not going to college and getting a degree was making him twitchy.
"Gosh, look at you, I can literally see the vein in your head ready to explode," she giggled. "I wanna be a lawyer, just like you," she said finally.
"Really?," he asked, raising an eyebrow, unsure if she was messing with him.
"Yeah. Maybe I'll work for women who need advocates or something, I don't know yet, dreams are free."
"Dreams are free absolutely, but hard work is hard but I believe in you and whatever you want to do, my sweetheart, you just have to be okay with working at it and I'll only harass you about it if you want me to."
"I'll need your help Dad, of course," she replied, "but maybe I'll change my mind— I don't think I will, but who knows, that cocktail waitress job sounds fun."
Olivia let herself in to Ava's room, "hey my girl, are you ready for your tuck-in? Or are you busy tormenting your poor Dad?"
Ava laughed. "Tuck me in please,"
"I'll leave you to it," Trevor said with a smile, getting up. He leaned over and kissed his daughter on the forehead.
/
Olivia pushed down her pyjama pants and took off her hoodie and got in to bed. "Sorry I took so long, Noah woke up so I had to go and make sure he went back to sleep," she apologised.
"Its okay," Trevor smiled, waiting for her to get comfortable. He kissed her softly. "Just quietly, I love watching you being a Mom… it's always a little turn on," he chuckled as if he was embarrassed to admit it. He ran his hands over her curves. She smiled up at him, loving the look of his pale-green eyes staring in to hers.
"Does it?," she questioned him with a tiny lift of her brow.
He nodded slow, "yeah, just a little bit," he replied.
"Just a little bit huh…" she murmured softly, running her hand between his legs feeling him become fully erect, staring in to his eyes.
"Uhuh…" still nodding. He leaned in and kissed her again a little more hungrily this time.
Olivia eased up and climbed over him, pulling him free of his jocks. She felt his hands resting on her hips as she raised herself to her knees to pull her own underwear down just slightly, allowing just enough room.
"Wait…" he paused her, "are you ready for me? Just like that? You don't even want me to touch you?" He chuckled.
When she hesitated, he let his hands run along her thighs. He reached down beneath her, slipping his hand between her legs to feel her warmth. He watched her eyes close briefly as she placed a hand upon his chest, leaning forward on him, trying not to collapse down when she felt him bury his fingers inside of her.
He felt her hips start to roll against him inside of her. "I think you're a bit overdressed," he remarked, his tone full of bass and his eyes becoming a little hooded with desire. Olivia didn't have to be told twice. She pulled her t-shirt from the hem over her heard, letting her breasts free.
"That's better," Trevor smiled, letting his eyes settle over her curves and contours. He reached up to caress her breasts with his free hand, thumbing over the hard bead of her nipple as she rolled against him, arching her back and pushing her self down on him as deeply as she could.
"Fuck…" she muttered, feeling his thumb tuck beneath the tiny fold of skin at her opening; brushing against her clitoris; wondering how long it would be til she came.
She let out a puff of air, a soft whimper of ecstasy as she grabbed his wrist before she reached an orgasm. She wanted him inside of her and she knew it was what he wanted too. "S-stop," she stammered despite the fact that she wanted to give in to the building feeling that was starting to take over her.
"You can come, Liv…" he told her, "its okay…"
"No," she chuckled, a little breathless. "I want to come with you inside of me…" she glanced at him, meeting his eyes briefly as she let the words fall from her mouth, "I want you to fuck me…."
"Oh, shit…" her words hit him with a shock directly to his crotch. He removed his hand from between her legs slowly, pulling his fingers back out of her so she could enjoy every tiny nerve ending setting off like tiny snaps of pleasure that was almost too hard to bare. She raised herself weakly to her knees again, her underwear still in the way.
"Take these off," he commanded pulling at them. He almost chuckled, watching her struggle a little bit. With a little laugh from her, he flipped her on to the bed on to her back and took them down over her thighs, past her knees and over her ankles before tossing them to the side.
He loved to hear her laughter especially during sex when it was light-hearted and fun and didn't always need to be serious. He crawled up between her legs, kissing her thighs and laying a kiss just above her opening, letting his fingertips glide across her skin, causing goosebumps to rise. He swiped along her opening slowly with his tongue, tasting her. He had only planned to tease her, but when he realised how ripe she was, he went back again and again and until he covered her with his mouth, lapping up her arousal with his tongue until she writhed beneath him.
"Fuck!," she cursed out loud in a whisper, "stop, I'm going to come so fucking hard and I just need you to fuck me!," she told him urgently, the desire to have him deep within her was overwhelming.
Reluctantly he kissed his way upon her body, still caressing with his hands as he met her mouth, kissing her passionately and slowly as he guided his throbbing erection in to her opening, slowly pushing in to her.
"Fuck," it was his turn to curse.
"Is it okay?," she asked for just a brief second, filling with insecurity, wondering if it was a good cuss word or a bad cuss word.
He chuckled, "Yeah…" he let his voice trail off, concentrating for just a second until his hips crushed against hers. "Yeah its really fucking okay," he told her, kissing her lips again, rolling on to his back and taking her with him. He held on to her waist and watched her lean back, taking all of him in, enjoying the fullness and the deepness of him inside her.
They moved together slowly at first until Olivia leaned back toward him. He took her hands, supporting her weight as her hips did the work, involuntarily rolling over and over as he worked to match her movement.
He liked to sometimes maintain eye contact, but Olivia found it a little disarming, but he enjoyed the moments where she looked to him for assurance.
Sensing that she was getting tired, he flipped her over back on to her back and worked hard and faster to finish the job. He caressed her hair and her soft skin as he thrust deeper, lifting her off the mattress and watched her eyes fall shut with desire.
"I love you…" she blurted out in to the air; breathless and ready to come.
"I love you," he repeated, kissing her lips as he tensed, his body letting go, feeling her contract around him.
Olivia was able to feel such a sense of relief, breathless and tired but deeply satisfied by the intimacy between them. He rolled off, giving her some room to breathe.
/
Olivia woke up in the morning with Trevor playing with her hair. She let out a big yawn and stretched. "Morning…" she whispered. It was a little chilly and she could hear the rain outside the window. She curled in to him warmly. She realised she was completely naked and remembered falling asleep on top of him after they'd had sex before sleep.
"Morning love," he murmured.
"Mmm, I don't want to go to work…" she muttered.
"I know," he stroked her hair, "I don't want to go either, imagine we could stay in bed all day," he told her with a little smile.
"That sounds like heaven…" she told him with another yawn, rolling over on to her back. She wanted to close her eyes and go back to sleep, but she knew it was no use.
"You are heaven…" he murmured, pressing his lips against the side of her face. "Your skin smells so good," he added as he nosed behind her ear planting another soft kiss.
She smiled, letting her eyes close, "I guess I probably sweat rose petals…" she replied lazily.
He chuckled, the bass of his laugh vibrating against her ear sent goosebumps to rise all over the surface of her soft skin.
The scent of coconut lime; the shampoo that she had picked as she stood over his shoulder while he did the online grocery order. It was strong and tantalizing; emanating from her soft, silky hair that tumbled down her shoulders. He pushed her locks out of the way and dragged his lips along her neck. It was intoxicating and made his morning erection just a little more prominent.
It wasn't just the scent of her; it was the soft, languid look that covered her beautiful face— pure contentment. He loved that almost always she was down for whatever, she loved to make love with him as much as he enjoyed her; he was glad she was as much of a willing participant, he wasn't sure he could have lived another relationship of a critical woman constantly smacking his hand away when he wanted to show any type of affection.
It was truly something else to be needed and craved as often as he did. He was a tactile man, he enjoyed touch and affection and it was so nice to have someone who felt the same way as him.
He let his hand begin to wander over her soft flesh over her torso. "Hmmm," a smile formed, spreading across her mouth, "that feels nice…" she murmured, enjoying his hands on her skin.
"You should sleep naked beside me more," he told her, "I could wake you up like this or give your morning a little pep…" he smiled too.
Olivia opened her eyes again and looked in to his wearily. "I think that's a great idea…"
"Me too," he agreed, letting one of his sluggish kisses find her mouth. He let his hands search the contours and curves of her, moving slow over her breasts and down to her stomach, enjoying her skin which felt silk to the touch. She shifted beneath him, trying to silently propel his hand further down south as she sucked her belly in.
Her eyes were closed again; her patience waning. She could already feel the warmth between her legs, the anticipation building her pleasure. He smoothed his hand over her thighs, moving toward her centre before skipping it and moving his warm hand back up to her hips. She tried hard not to react to his teasing, to be patient and let the feelings between her legs build, but she ached hard and harder reach time he did it and she knew he was aware of how crazy it was making her.
"Do you want this?," he asked, his voice was almost teasing.
"Yes," she replied, "please…"
He chuckled, kissing her neck softly, ignoring her enthusiasm, finding his way back up to her breasts again.
"Trevor," she sighed, "what are you doing?"
"I'm enjoying your body," he replied innocently. "I asked if you wanted this, me just… softly rubbing your skin…"
She groaned with frustration. She reached up for his hand and guided it between her legs. Trevor had to admit, it was a bit of a turn on when she was up front with what she wanted.
"Oooh, that's what you wanted, silly me," he chuckled again in spite of himself, knowing he was being purposely difficult.
"Why are you messing around?," she asked as he let his hand lay stationary between her legs, "it's cruel," she sighed.
"Well maybe if you were just more direct…" he teased with an innocent shrug.
"Forget it," she said as something snapped inside of her. She rolled over, slipping out of bed, ignoring her heart rate, feeling as though he had insulted her in a backhanded way.
"Wait, Olivia, are you serious?," he was stunned, "what hap-"
He watched the bathroom door close behind her. He was surprised and wondered if she was angry with him because she didn't get her way or if it was something deeper than that. He knew at times he had to tread carefully, but he wasn't trying to upset her, he was trying to please her and had no idea what had just happened.
With a sigh, he got up and headed to the bathroom. "Liv?," he called through the door, "Liv, I'm coming in…"
"Don't…" she replied, "just leave me alone."
He pushed the door open anyway. "What did I do? I'm not a mind reader, sweetheart-" he found her standing at inside the large shower recess ready to power the water on.
"I asked you to just leave me alone," she replied in monotone, "why can't you just let it go?"
"Because I hate that I've said something to upset you and I want to get to the bottom of it," he said gently. "I don't want our day to start on a sour note."
The faucet sprayed the water in to the shower until it got to a temperature that she was happy with. She stepped in, ignoring him until she was drowned beneath the spray. She ran her hands through her hair. He wasn't about to wait for an invitation. He stepped in to the shower as well.
"Liv…" he murmured as she pulled herself from under the spray as she felt his hands resting on her bare hips. "I realise I said or I did something back there that made you feel weird and it made you shut down and I'm sorry."
"Can we just forget it…" she replied over her shoulder.
"We can…. But I just want you to talk to me for a second and we never have to talk about it again."
"Trevor, it's fine, its my problem, not yours, we can forget it, you didn't do anything wrong, you're off the hook."
He sighed and let go of her, sensing that she wasn't interested in telling him how she felt.
"Please…" he tried one last time, "look at me,".
Slowly Olivia turned around to face him. He looked gorgeous and broody. "I love you…" he told her, "I don't know what I said exactly but obviously it was upsetting and I just need to know what it was so I don't upset you again."
She avoided his eyes but he knew she had given in when she took a step closer and allowed him to take her in his arms. "Please just be honest, I won't be upset or offended… at the very least I can probably help clarify something I've said or done."
He felt her take a deep breath and let it go. "It sounds stupid and childish…" her voice trailed off.
"I bet it doesn't…"
"You imply that if I don't tell you with some sexy description that you aren't going to do anything with me and I'm trying, Trev… but it feels … manipulative."
"Because I asked you to tell me what you wanted?," he pressed.
"The delivery too…"
"Liv… that's not what I was trying to do…" he replied. "I just want you to be happy… when I imply that I want to know what you want, its because … I don't always know… and maybe you don't want me to touch with you my hands, maybe you want me to go down on you, maybe you don't want any of that, maybe you just want intercourse — I don't know because… you don't tell me."
She cocked her head to the side as if she was confused. "Seriously? You can't read between the lines?"
He sighed. "I'm sorry that I upset you… I guess I was being pushy."
Olivia felt bad too and wasn't entirely sure that he understood what he'd done wrong. "Its okay, don't worry about it. Its probably less about you than it is about me."
He frowned. "I guess that… I just wanted to encourage you, I don't mean to be pushy."
She glanced up at him and bit her lower lip. She knew she was letting her own mind get the best of her, feeling paranoid about his intentions and when she looked in to his eyes, she realised he was being honest. He wasn't trying to objectify her or manipulate her or make her feel bad. He was sincere and seemed concerned and not at all frustrated by her behaviour.
"I'm sorry," she blurted out, "I'm just…"
"Liv, can I tell you how I feel? From my perspective?," he asked gently, cutting in.
She nodded slow.
"I feel like our bedroom is a safe space — or at least I want it to be like that. I love you so unconditionally and I don't know if you've ever been confident in bed at least to be able to tell another person what you want… and if you haven't then I'm so sorry…"
She glanced away from him but felt his hands softly taking her hips. "But with me, I want you to say and feel how you like and to truly trust me enough to know that whatever you say or do or want is totally okay."
"I just struggle with that stuff sometimes…" she replied, feeling bad.
"That's okay," he murmured, wrapping an arm around her. "Baby, I mean it with all of my heart when I tell you I'm just trying to help you build your confidence but I also never want you to feel bad or think that I'm unsatisfied."
"I'm trying."
"I know and I'm sorry if I made an insensitive comment back there, if I'm being too much, you can say so, I won't ever get hurt if you tell me to shut the fuck up or… I don't know, just whatever. I love you and I our space up here in my room and wherever our is space going forward for just you and I to communicate no matter what."
"Okay," she replied softly. "Thank you for saying all that."
He kissed her forehead and lifted her chin with his fore-finger. "Liv, you don't have to change anything, okay? You're perfect as you are… but if you want anything, you only have to ask me."
She nodded. He leaned over and kissed her lips. "And I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry," she replied. He slid his arms around her and hugged her beneath the spray of the water.
/
"Okay kids, hustle!" Olivia called out to Ava and Noah, "we've got a big day!"
Ava appeared, thundering down the steps with Noah right behind her. She held up the lunches as they got to the kitchen counter. "Peanut butter and jelly, fruit, potato chips and I got you some cheddar and crackers," she winked at Noah, "there's a juice box in the refrigerator, so go get that out for me okay, grab one for Ava too,"
"Thanks Mom!" Noah smiled, taking his lunch and putting it in his open backpack. He moved toward the refrigerator but Trevor had beaten him to it. He held out a juice box and another for Ava that he put on the counter.
"And for you," Liv held out the lunch bag, "pasta salad and there's a can of tuna, an apple and a few protein snacks."
"Thanks Liv," she grinned at her, "thanks Dad," she was grateful for them both getting their lunches prepared the night before.
She packed her bag and put it down.
"Now, breakfast— scrambled eggs and Dad's pulling the toast out of the toaster now, we don't have a lot of time this morning, so no messing around, as soon as breakfast is done, Noah, you have to brush your teeth and we're all out the door."
"Mom, why don't you tell Ava to brush her teeth?"
"Because," Trevor, told him, answering for Liv as the kids sat down, "Ava is fourteen and if she wants to go to school with stinky breath and dirty teeth then that's her problem, we still have hope for you," he joked.
Noah giggled and looked at Ava.
"Yeah, I love having rancid breath," she replied with a shrug. "Its been 3 and a half weeks since I last brushed, I'm hoping for my best cavity score yet."
"Really?" Noah asked, "are you telling me the truth?," he made a face.
"Sure, wanna smell my breath?," she asked him, making out as if she was going to get up.
"No! Gross!," he shook his head, "that's yucky."
"Stop it, no fooling around," Trevor warned them, "eat your breakfast," he turned to Noah, "we are leaving to go camping right after school kiddo. We're gonna drop Ava off at Mom's work and we're gonna head out and leave the girls to their girls weekend."
"Awww yeahhhh! I am so excited!"
"I'm excited too," Trevor smiled at him as he loaded some eggs on Noah's plate, knowing that if he left it to him, he would just eat bread and nothing else.
"Are you excited?" Olivia asked Ava, "to get stuck hanging out with boring old me?"
"Are you kidding? I am so excited!," she smiled at Liv, scooping egg on to her toast and making herself a toasted sandwich.
"Me too, babe," Liv smiled.
/
"I'm so sorry honey," Olivia apologised, "are you okay to wait? I can get Lucy…"
"No, its fine Liv, I promise, I have homework and I'll just go do it, I don't mind. I know Rafael is in his office and I know that Sonny is around if I need someone to annoy."
Olivia laughed. "Actually, I'm taking Sonny with me, sorry babe," she kissed Ava's forehead. "I'll let Raf know I'm on the way out, please call me if you need anything, sweetheart, I'll try to make it very quick."
"Its okay Liv, someone else needs you, that's kinda badass," she smiled.
/
"Is this the right spot?" Noah asked, looking around.
"I don't know, kiddo, do you think this looks like a good spot?"
Noah looked around the grassy area and smiled. "I think so, I like that there is water, can we swim?" He asked.
"Maybe if tomorrow is warm enough, they said we could swim in there, that might be fun…" he looked up at the large trees around the body of water with ropes hanging off them. "It's supposed to be really warm but it might mean that the tent will get really warm…" he warned Noah.
Trevor couldn't help but feel how infectious Noah's joy was. He was looking around at the camping grounds with big eyes, trying to take it all in. There was a walking track down the way that led to a hiking spot and another little river that the body of water ran in to which Trevor was told was perfect for hiking and there were plenty of other people around so if they ran in to any problems, there was help.
"If it gets too hot maybe we can sleep out on a blanket," Noah suggested.
"Mmmm maybe but don't you think we could get eaten by mosquitos or other bugs?"
"Oh yeah…." Noah laughed, "I don't want that Trev…"
"That's okay, how about we set up our tent and before it gets dark and we can get some firewood and a place for our fire and once that's going we can set out some things.
Trevor began pulling the tent out of the bag and began to slowly and patiently guide Noah through the directions of how to pitch it, allowing him to have a part in getting their sleeping quarters together without trying to take over to get it done quickly.
"Sorry Trev," Noah said softly when he couldn't get the pegs as deeply as his mother's partner. "I can't do it…."
"Yes you can, kiddo, its okay, you don't have to apologise, he picked up the small hammer and went around to Noah's side. He held on to the rope and pushed it some of the way in to the surface until it met with the harder ground. "Here," he handed the hammer to Noah. "Just hold on to the peg and hammer gently and be very careful of your hand…"
"OK," Noah worked on the peg for a little longer than Trevor would have, but he wanted to give him the time to succeed and not push him out of the way when something was a bit difficult. It was his father's approach when he was a child - tasks were often taken from him and rather than teaching, his father just became frustrated until everyone was upset.
"Good job! See, I told you that you could do it," Trevor praised him as soon as the bend of the peg at the top hit the dirt. "Let's take turns, I'll do one and you can do one, how does that sound?"
"Good," Noah smiled up at him proudly.
"Hi guys!" A voice greeted them from behind Trevor. Noah looked up and didn't say a word.
Trevor turned around to find another man standing with his hands on his hips, surveying their half-pitched tent. "It's getting a bit dark, would you and your son like a hand?" He nodded over to a woman sitting on a picnic chair in front of a fire, "my wife and I are your camping neighbours."
"Oh, hi, thanks for the offer but its okay, I'm just teaching him how to put the tent up, I have a pretty good light if it gets too dark. Thank you though."
"No problem, if you need anything, we're well stocked — if you wanna have a beer or a chat, feel free to come on over. I'm Jeff."
He extended his hand and shook Trevor's. "I'm Trevor," he smiled back and nodded toward Noah, "and this is Noah…"
"Hi," Noah said shyly.
"Nice to meet you Noah, the tall, a little over-friendly man greeted the little boy. I'll leave you and your Dad to it!"
Noah watched him walk back to his wife and glanced at Trevor. "Trev…" he whispered, tugging at Trevor's t-shirt gently.
"What's up?" Trevor asked, looking up after finishing with the peg.
"Trevor, he thought I was your son," he whispered as though their camping neighbour may have heard.
Trevor felt his body tighten a little, "Yeah, he did," he smiled at Noah, trying not to feel uncomfortable.
"Can we pretend… just for the weekend?," he asked softly, as if he may have been scared that Trevor would be upset with him.
"You want people to think I'm your Dad?," he replied with a smile. He got up and walked around to the back of the tent and pulled his phone out, internally freaking out. He texted Liv, Noah just asked if he could pretend and call me Dad this weekend. Liv, I don't know what to say… help.
"We don't have to," Noah answered.
"I would actually love that, but you know I'm not your Dad, right?," he said gently, coming back around to work on the last peg with Noah.
He nodded slowly, looking a little embarrassed for asking. "I know…"
"I think I have to think about it for a minute because I don't want Mom to be upset with me if she doesn't think its a good idea."
"I won't call you my Dad," Noah said as if taking the decision away from him, his cheeks getting a little red. "I don't want Mommy to get upset with me or with you," he told Trevor maturely.
"Come here…" Trevor nodded him over, getting on his knees on the plastic sheet beneath the tent so that he could meet Noah at eye level. He put down the hammer and the peg for a second. He held out his arms to the little boy. Noah stepped in to him and circled his own around Trevor's neck.
"I love you, kiddo, you're the best boy in the world and if I would be so, so grateful to have you as my son." He gave him a little squeeze as he drew away and smoothed down Noah's shirt. He looked at him and gave him a smile. "Do you know what biological means?"
Noah nodded. "That means its someones real mom or dad."
"Well, kind of… it means that it's the person who is scientifically the mom or the dad or brother or sister. For instance, you and Ava aren't biologically brother and sister, you're not related by blood, but you still love each other like sister and brother and that feels like a very real relationship to you, right?"
Noah nodded.
"So sometimes a relationship can be real even though it's not biological," he smiled.
"Okay…"
"So even though I'm not your biological Dad and maybe you don't call me Dad, I still love to hang out with you and do Dad-stuff with you and I still think of you the way I'd think of a son and love you just as much."
"I love you too, Trevor."
Trevor brought him close for another hug before releasing him again.
His phone chimed. "Okay, you take care of this peg just as I showed you and we'll be done with our tent and we can put our sleeping bags and stuff inside of here."
Noah went to work on the last peg as Trevor opened his phone.
Hi baby, wow Noah really got you cornered… you can work this out though. I decided after our talk the other day in the shower that I'm relinquishing control, I'm going to stop fighting all of this. You and Noah talk, figure it out and I'm okay with whatever that outcome is because you, my love, are forever and even in my insecurities, I somehow know it to be true. But… if you don't feel that certain yet, then you need to also be honest with yourself about that and not hurt my kid's feelings and just be honest that you're not his Dad.
Trevor's breath hitched when his eyes fell over her words. Did I mention how much I fucking love you? I love you so much that its hard to breathe after reading that message. I'm only sorry I'll be away from you for two nights— but so happy to be having this time with Noah. We'll work it out. I love you and miss you already. Expect photos. Love you!
He felt better. He put down the tools and Noah packed them away. "Look, do you think this is big enough?" He asked.
The tent was large enough for them to have space for their belongings. Rather than the two-man tent Noah had imagined, Trevor had sprung for a large square tent that allowed him to stand up to get dressed even if he did have to stoop a little, it was less uncomfortable than a two man tent.
"How nice is it? Are you happy in here?" Trevor asked Noah as he helped him roll out his tent and turned on the battery operated camp light that well lit the entire room up.
"Yeaaah!" Noah smiled, looking around. "I love it!"
"Okay, so we're gonna go get the fire drum set up and I'll show you how to start a safe fire and then we can cook our dinner, how about that?"
"What are we gonna have for dinner?" He asked.
"Wellllll, I've got some jacket potatoes that I prepared today while you were at school and I have some steaks and salads and afterwards if you're lucky we can toast some marshmallows and make s'mores" he could tell by how big Noah's grin was that he was so excited.
/
"Hey kiddo, how are you holding up? Have you done your homework?" Rafael asked Ava.
She shrugged and yawned. "Yeah…. Do you know how long Olivia might be?," she wondered, feeling slightly disappointed that she wasn't back yet. "My phone is almost dead."
"She's going to be a little while longer. Would you like to come and get some dinner with me?"
"Are you sure you can handle the smell of lip gloss?," Ava teased him.
Rafael raised his eyebrow and smiled, "listen kid, you did me a solid and saved me the effort of smacking Elliot Stabler in the chops, I think you're a little above lip gloss and annoying conversation."
"Maybe Liv will be upset if I don't wait for her…" Ava replied.
"I don't think so, Liv will want you to eat. I'll text her, come on…"
"Okay," she agreed.
"Now, please tell me your father has given you a refined palette and you're above eating at Wendy's and Shake Shack."
"I'm a dancer and a swimmer, I prefer to eat healthy," Ava replied, zipping up her bag and grabbing her phone and the little purse Olivia had given her.
"Great, you might actually enjoy eating like a civilised adult and not a pain in the ass teenager who thinks Starbucks is high end coffee."
"Don't mess with my Kiwi fruit tea," Ava shot back, "I don't drink coffee."
Rafael rolled his eyes despite finding her to be a little bit sweet. He guided her toward the exit so that they could head out to meet his partner.
/
"Are you enjoying yourself?" Trevor asked Noah as he excitedly bit in to his s'more.
"Yeah, I like this, its so much fun, Trev."
Trevor leaned back on his chair and pulled a gooey marshmallow from the stick and took a bite.
"I'm glad you're having a good time…" he said, enjoying being in the outdoors. "Mom told me that this is the first time you've ever slept away from home besides being at my house… that's a pretty big step!"
Noah shrugged, "but its okay because its you."
"Kiddo, let's talk about before… when you asked if you could pretend I was your Dad," he began.
"Its okay," Noah shrugged again, "I don't wanna make Mom sad. I know she gets sad when I ask her about my science Dad."
A smile flickered across Trevor's face at Noah's title for his biological father. "I think Mom just wants you to be happy but I also think she does want you to have someone to look up to like a Dad. I don't think we should pretend that I'm your Dad though, you know what I think?"
"What?" Noah asked, looking at Trevor as he took another bite in to the graham crackers with chocolate and marshmallow filling.
"I think you should call me whatever you feel comfortable with. Not just this weekend but for all the time going forward. If you want to say, hey Dad, I love you, or hey Dad, are you taking me to school today, I think I'd be okay with that and I think Mom would be happy with that too. If you want to continue calling me Trevor, that's also fine."
A little smile spread across his mouth. "What about if the kids at school ask if you're my Dad?"
"If you want to say that I'm your Dad, then that's fine, kiddo. I wouldn't be any prouder to have a son than if you were my biological child. I love you infinity already, so I don't mind."
Noah grinned and got up, plopping the last of his smore in to his. Mouth. Trevor turned to him, wondering what he was up to. He flung his arms around Trevor, putting his sticky fingers on his shoulders.
Trevor laughed, "what are you doing?"
"I wanna give you a hug!" Noah giggled. Trevor put down his stick and lifted Noah in to his lap and wrapped his arms around him. "I love you!," he blurted out to his mother's boyfriend.
"I love you too!"
"I already tell the kids you're my Dad."
Trevor laughed, "really?"
"Yeah! But they know you're not my science Dad. I know he's in heaven and that he wasn't nice, but you're nice and you love my Mom so much and you make her so happy and you make me happy too and you're always fun and nice to me."
Trevor smiled and hugged him tightly. "You're the best boy. I'll tell all my friends that you're my son even if they know you're not my science son, how's that?," he laughed lightly at Noah's simplified version of biology.
Noah giggled. "My friend Timmy goes camping with his Dad sometimes and I always wanted to have a Dad to take me camping and now I do and it's fun already!"
"That makes me really happy, Noah. You know, I used to go camping with my Dad and he didn't like it very much so I'm happy that you do!"
"Can we do this not all the time but sometimes?," he asked Trevor with a big grin.
"Yeah, of course, we can do this as a boys thing if you like and it gives Mom and Ava some time to do girl stuff."
Noah laughed. "What do girls do when they're alone?," he wondered curiously.
"Well…. I don't know, they do girl things like get their nails done and go out and eat and talk and watch TV shows."
"We watch TV shows and eat?," he pointed out.
"I know," he shrugged, "I don't know, when we call Mom tomorrow, you could ask her what she's up to. Maybe they'll go shopping for a long time, a lot of us lose interest in shopping pretty fast." Trevor was a bit stumped.
"Oh…"
He was careful not to give Noah too many silly male stereotypes about what girls did when they were on their own so he decided to quit while he was ahead.
"Yeah, we'll ask Mom," Noah agreed, realising that Trevor also had very little idea. He looked around. "Hey Trev…." He began, "what do we do if we have to … go number 2," he seemed worried.
Trevor almost laughed at the concern that had spread over Noah's face as if it suddenly occurred to him.
"Do you need to go?," he asked the child.
"No but… I might need to and you might need to."
"There's a bathroom block we can go and use if you need to, don't panic. But you just need to give me some notice because we'll have to lock the tent up and if it's an emergency we can take the car, but we'll walk if its not."
"Oh, and we just go number 1 in nature, right?"
Trevor smiled at him. "Yes but if you get worried you can let me know and we can find somewhere private if you're worried about someone seeing you."
"Thanks," Noah replied.
/
"Its okay," Ava said softly in to the phone.
"No, honey," Olivia replied, feeling terrible, "I know that this is supposed to be our weekend starting tonight and I am just so sorry about this…"
Ava felt her eyes stinging with tears but blinked them back hard, she didn't want Rafael to think she was a baby. "Liv, its okay," she repeated, "I know you're helping someone."
Olivia could hear the wavering in Trevor's daughter's voice. "I'll make it up to you, I promise. We'll stay up late and I'll take you somewhere special for dessert, I promise."
"Okay," Ava replied. "Love you, Liv."
"I love you too, sweetheart, don't take any of Rafael's shit," she joked. Ava managed a laugh, Olivia didn't ever swear in front of her so it was extra amusing.
"I won't, bye Liv."
"Bye, babe."
Olivia waited for Ava to hang up and flicked a text to Rafael, be kind to Ava, she's sensitive and you are not and she's probably an inch from tears and if you're going to be snarky and rude to her, leave her at the office and I'll send Lucy to come get her.
Rafael laughed at the message he got. Wow, you really think I'm that much of an asshole? This kid is the hero I never knew I needed. She's my best buddy for life after bitch slapping the snot out of Stabler. I don't even mind if she cries. Seriously, she's fine. We are already on our way to dinner and I will make sure I only give her the good wine so she's not too drunk when you get back. Have a nice night Liv!
He turned to Ava and smiled. "Are you okay with Liv being at work?," he wondered.
She shrugged, "I guess so. She's helping someone and they need her more than I do right this second."
Rafael smiled at her, "you've got a selfless, mature outlook, I know that she appreciates your understanding. It can be a hard job sometimes and hard to make the call between your family who needs you and someone who is having an emergency and needs you."
Ava just nodded and bit the inside of her lip.
"But don't worry, we're going to have dinner at a nice place and hopefully it won't be too stuffy and pompous for you, but…. I know your Dad is a super pompous guy, so you're probably used to it."
Ava smiled, "My Dad is not pompous," she defended him, "he's a good Dad. I know you don't like him because he used to be a defence lawyer, but you also didn't know my Mom."
"I don't dislike your Dad. I really don't know your Dad, truthfully, but I know he makes your Mom— I mean, sorry, Liv…" he shook his head up, muddled, "he makes Liv happy and she's my best friend so, I'm cool. I just like to stir him up."
Ava giggled, "I like to stir him up too."
"Yeah?" Rafael rose an eyebrow, "how do you do that?"
"I make him uncomfortable with sex jokes. I tell him I want to become a cocktail waitress and skip college. Whenever I catch him and Liv making out or something gross, I make them feel as uncomfortable as I possibly can. It doesn't really work with Liv, though."
Rafael laughed, "I surely hope that doesn't happen very often," he made a face.
"It happens often enough," she admitted with a little laugh, "I'm just like, Liv, no glove no love, remember if Dad says he's allergic to latex, its just a cover up…"
Rafael threw his head back and genuinely let out a burst of laughter. "Okay, I have to be honest. You're the first teenager I've ever genuinely liked."
Ava laughed, "thanks, I think…"
"I think you're great, your Dad and Mom must have done a great job with you, but don't tell him I said that."
She smiled and shrugged as they pulled up to the upper west side restaurant. "I don't have anything to do with my Mom anymore and she certainly isn't responsible for anything good that comes out of me, that's all Dad."
"Let's circle back to that later…" he replied as he got out of the car and held the door open for her. He paid the driver and guided her gently inside the large wooden door. It was a little quiet in his regular haunt for a friday night.
They got shown to a booth and Ava took a seat across from Rafael feeling strangely comfortable with him. "Hey, wanna play a trick on Mom?"
"On my Mo-oh, Olivia?"
"Shit, sorry… yes, Olivia."
Ava smiled and shrugged, "she's more of a Mom than my own, I don't mind. What are we gonna do?"
"I'm gonna get a glass of wine, you are not," he told her, "but put the wine in front of you and take a photo of it and text it to Liv and say, 'Raf told me I can have a glass of wine and ordered it before I said yes and I know I shouldn't drink it but I dont want to be rude, what do I do?'" He laughed to himself, "Or you know, something to that effect. Make it your own."
Ava began to laugh, "she will be so mad at you."
"I know," he chuckled, "it'll be great, what do you say?"
"Better order your wine!," she grinned.
/
"What the fuck? Is he crazy?" Olivia shoved her phone at Amanda who she and Sonny had met at the scene, "I am going to kill him!"
Amanda widened her eyes and read Ava's message. "Liv, are you sure this isn't a joke?" She asked.
"I don't think so, Ava was upset earlier. It seems like the kind of snotty shit Rafael would do, make a kid have a wine because it refines the palette or something, fuck, I might have to go get her."
Olivia tapped a quick response, "Do not drink that wine. I am going to strangle him."
"Do what you have to do, Cap… I'll be fine."
"I'm going to call him."
Rafael looked at Ava and showed her his buzzing phone. She giggled, "Oh no, I feel so bad, she's going to be so upset."
"Don't lose your edge now, kiddo…" he grinned as he picked up the call. "Hey Liv, what's up?"
"What's up!? Don't you fucking what's up me!," she tore in to him, furious with his casualness.
"Sounds like you need something up you," he muttered.
"Rafael!," she hissed in to the phone, "why are you giving alcohol to Ava! Are you crazy!? The one thing I specifically told you not to do. Did you know I could arrest you?"
"Wrong, Captain Benson, it is not illegal in New York establishments to serve alcohol to a minor with parental or guardian supervision."
"You're not her guardian or her parent!," she snapped, "I know the fucking law, Raf, she's not drinking the wine and she doesn't even want to drink the wine."
"Why are you so uptight? She might have told you she didn't want the wine but the thirsty little monster guzzled it down and asked for more!" He couldn't help himself, he snorted a burst of laughter from the look of sheer horror on Ava's face.
"Are you fucking with me?" she asked, wondering if it was all a joke like Amanda had suggested.
He pressed his lips so hard together so he didn't let go of a peel of laughter. He took a deep breath, "Of course not, I'll leave that to Trevor…" he couldn't help it, he started to laugh and broke up so badly. She could hear Ava laughing too — more nervous laughter.
"Oh, fuck you, Raf, I am going to kill you later!," she hung up on him.
He was still laughing and held up his hand to Ava, "lay it there kid, you did good. She's was so mad, it was great."
Ava was smirking but couldn't help but feel worried that Olivia would be angry with her too. "I hope she isn't mad at me," she blurted out.
"Don't worry, by the time she picks you up she won't care anymore, promise. She will see the funny side of it and she will probably just be happy that we are getting along."
/
"Trevor do you think Ava would be upset if sometimes I called you my Dad too?" Noah asked, breaking the silence in front of the crackling fire.
He asked his questions slowly as if he was testing the waters, unsure of how Trevor might respond to it.
"I think Ava would be more than happy to share her Dad with you. But you know what? You could ask her… I told her I'd call her before bed but maybe if you like you could go and have a little chat with her before I speak with her."
Noah smiled. "Would you like it or would you think it's weird?"
Trevor turned to Olivia's gorgeous little boy that had taught him to think about life in a more creative and spontaneous way all over again and smiled. "I would be proud to have a second kid," he told him, "and if that happens because you called me Dad or because you called me Trev, I don't mind. I want it to be comfortable for you and Ava."
"Can I call Ava?," he asked.
"Sure…" he took his phone out. "Do you know how to make a call?"
"Yes," he nodded as Trevor handed him the phone. "Why don't you go in to the tent and you can have a private conversation," he smiled, thinking it was a good thing to be able to give him the ability to discuss what was going to be a big conversation between them, but he knew Ava would love to talk to him and would love to share her father with Olivia's son.
Noah got up and put his marshmallow stick down and took Trevor's phone in to the tent.
/
"Oh," Ava held up her phone. "Its Dad. Maybe he's gonna say you're a bad influence and he's sending my ass of a nanny to pick me up."
Rafael laughed and motioned for her to take it. She picked up the call. "Hi Dad," she greeted him.
"Oh! Hey bug," she greeted Noah with a smile. Rafael picked up immediately that she was speaking to Liv's son. "How's the camping going? Have ants carried Dad off yet?," she joked.
"No Ava, I wanted to say hello and I have a big question for you."
"Oh… well hello, where's Dad by the way?," she wanted to know, "are you okay?"
"Yeah, Dad—I mean Trev is out by the fire he said I could give you a call to talk to you. Could we see each other's faces?," he asked.
Ava was a little concerned, "Are you sure you're okay, Noah?," she asked.
"Yeah! C'monnnn."
"Okay I'm with Rafael so I don't want to be rude."
"Its okay," Rafael smiled at her. He was looking at his own phone scrolling through emails, texting with Olivia, ribbing her for what he and Ava had done.
She hit the face time button and waited for Noah's face to show up. She steadied the phone on the glass of soda Rafael had ordered her and took her AirPods out and put them in her ears. "What's up?," she asked her.
Noah was in dim light but he smiled. "Hi Ava, where are you?"
"I'm out at dinner with Rafael because your Mom is at work late," she replied. "How are you liking camping?," she wondered.
"Oh, I'm sorry, sometimes Mommy's work is like that. Rafa is fun though," he told her.
"Yeah," she smiled.
"Ava can I ask you a big question?," he wondered.
"Sure… go ahead, bug." It was her new nickname for Noah and he loved it. He loved his special name from Trevor's daughter.
"Are we gonna share my Mom and your Dad?," he asked curiously. "Like… are you gonna call my Mom Mom?"
"Maybe…" she murmured. "Maybe one day, I'm not sure. I don't think your Mom wants that."
"No," Noah interrupted, "My Mom is okay with it, I want to share my Mommy with you… do you want to share your Dad with me?," he asked slowly.
Ava let a smile cross her lips. "Of course, bug, if Dad and you agree that's what you're both okay with, I would be so happy," she told him sincerely.
Noah grinned. "I asked Trev if we could pretend he was my Dad this weekend and we had to have a big talk about it and I asked him if you were okay with it so he said I should call you."
Ava smiled. "I don't think you should pretend… I think it should be real but only if your Mom is okay with that."
"Thanks Ava," Noah said with a smile.
"Always," she smiled. "You better go hang out with Dad so he's not alone out there in the wilderness. You take care of him, okay? He's gonna miss your Mom."
"Your Mom too, Ava," Noah said seriously.
She smiled. "Enjoy camping bug. Tell Dad I'll call him when I get home with your Mom."
"Goodnight Ava! I love you!"
"I love you too, goodnight. Have a great time."
/
"Ahhh, finally!" Rafael jumped up and and beamed at someone behind Ava. She assumed for just a second it was Olivia but it was another man in a suit walking toward them. She glanced back at Rafael and something clicked for her.
Rafael had a boyfriend.
Suddenly the little comments he had made fell in to place. The man made his way over to them with a little smile. She could see how happy this man made Olivia's friend. He was filled with joy and pride as the man shamelessly wrapped his arms around his shoulders and kissed his lips brazenly, hugging.
She was surprised, she had never encountered anyone she knew personally in a same-sex relationship and so open about it. She tried not to stare but she knew it was a little obvious.
"Benji, this is Olivia's step-daughter I was telling you about, Ava…"
The clean-cut, handsome dark-haired man turned around and smiled kindly at her. "Hi, lovely to meet you, Ava!," he extended a hand. Ava stood up and shook his hand back. "I'm Ben, Raf likes to call me Benji."
Ava smiled, feeling a little overwhelmed with affection for Olivia's friend. She felt strange yet… seen.
"Take a seat, love," he touched Raf's arm, "I'll go get a drink." He turned to Ava, "would you like another drink?"
"Sure, thank you, wait… Liv gave me some money-"
Ben shook his head with a little smile, "keep your money, sweetheart, what would you like?"
"Let's get you a fun mocktail…" Rafael suggested. He pushed the drinks menu over to her, "all of these drinks are cocktails but without alcohol so Olivia won't have a melt down," he winked.
Ava laughed, "Ummm," she scanned the menu, trying to be quick, "this sounds good, I like mint…"
"Good choice! Mojito is a strong start to cocktail drinking. What about you, would you like another scotch?," he asked Raf.
"Thanks…"
Ben disappeared to the bar.
"Okay so…" Rafael told Ava, "Liv doesn't know I have someone and she certainly doesn't know that someone is a guy," he admitted, "so… I know you'll probably tell her and that's fine, I'm not ashamed."
"I didn't know you were," she paused, "you know…"
"I'm bisexual," he said bluntly.
"I'm gay," Ava replied just as bluntly. "I thought maybe I was bisexual, but I think I was just trying to convince myself…"
"Oh? You like girls? Liv didn't mention that…" Ava knew that he wasn't telling the truth but she didn't mind at all.
Ava shrugged. "Maybe she doesn't want anyone to know."
"I doubt it's that," he replied. "Olivia is the most nonjudgmental person you could stand to have on your side. Does your father know?"
Ava nodded.
"Oh jeez, I could only imagine how he took it."
Ava smiled. "Actually Dad has been the best. He has been the most supportive and the first person that told me it didn't matter who I loved. My biological mother… well…" Ava shrugged, "I haven't really seen her in 7 months and we haven't spoken in about three."
"I'm sorry kiddo but I am so glad your Dad has been so supportive," he smiled. "As I said, despite stirring him up, I don't know him, but that makes me think he's actually a good, open-minded person and it makes me happy that you have that."
Ava smiled. "He and Liv and Amanda are the only people that know… well, the kids from my other school, but they were awful to me so they don't count."
"Well, you can talk to me about it any time you want, it's great to have people that are supportive of you, but sometimes its good to talk to someone who truly understands the feelings and I took a very long time to be open about my sexuality and I understand the confusion around the labels too."
"Thanks Rafael," she smiled. "And for the record, Benji is cute! Not my thing, but cute!"
Rafael managed a laugh. "We'll finally order some dinner in a second…"
/
Ava slowly ate her warm chicken salad, grateful for Rafael inviting her to eat - she had been so hungry back at the precinct. She listened to Ben ramble to Raf about his day and didn't want to interrupt.
"Sorry—" he held up his hand, "sorry guys, I've been a little wound up today, how was your day, Ava?"
"Fine," she smiled politely, "I just went to school."
"Ava started a new school on Monday," Rafael added, "she had some problems for awhile with the other kids," he turned to the teen, "are you comfortable with me telling Benj what happened?"
Ava realised that Olivia had obviously filled him in. She nodded and shrugged. "Sure, but it's not that much of a big deal."
Rafael cocked his head as if to argue with that point. "Ava came out to one person she trusted and she was bullied at school until it became physical, so Trevor and Olivia transferred her to Noah's school."
"Oh," Ben looked saddened, concern lines crossed his generally smooth forehead. "I'm so sorry that happened," he said, "kids can be so cruel and ruthless when they don't know how to deal with differences."
"Thanks," Ava replied, "but its okay."
"Its not okay, this type of thing shouldn't be going on still. How is your new school? Does anyone know?"
"Well, actually, I told two people today and they acted normal. I didn't have a coming out party," she joked, "but one of the girls pointed out a cute boy and I was just like, I'm more in to cute girls."
"Good for you!" Rafael smiled at her, "what was the response?"
"Just an 'oh' — and then they changed the subject and one of the girls asked me I had a girlfriend or if I had a crush on anyone. It was a weird experience."
"So you're exclusively in to girls and you know that already, good for you." Ben smiled at her. "I wish I was as self-aware at 14 as you are."
"Well… there's a guy, but its awkward and I don't know about it. I think I wanted to feel normal and he's so nice and kind and he helped me at school when people were picking on me," she explained, looking down in to her salad.
"Oh? You like him?" Rafael asked gently.
"I like him to hang out with, to study with, to hug or whatever but we kissed a few times and I tried to like it but it feels …" she made a face, "not great. It kind of grosses me out but he's so, so, so nice."
"Yeah, you shouldn't feel repulsed by a kiss," Ben told her, "you should be so happy! Your heart should soar, especially at your age."
"I just have to tell him and I don't want to hurt him. He's my best friend," Ava replied.
"Well… it'd be worse to pretend and I think he'd feel worse if he found out you were pretending. If he's a good friend, he will understand especially if he knew you were gay before this happened."
"You're right…" Ava put her fork down and sat back against the booth with a sigh.
"I understand," Ben said gently with a soft smile, "when I was a teenager it was a bit of a different time and being gay wasn't at all acceptable and I dated girls and kissed girls because I had to fit in and I knew my parents wouldn't accept me if they knew… but even now, given what you went through with your school peers, its no wonder you wanted to just have a boyfriend."
"And you might realise at some stage that you actually find a guy that you do like to kiss and that's okay too, sweetheart," Rafael told her gently. She smiled, it was the first time he'd used an affectionate term for her.
"Maybe… but I like kind boys and kind men but when I look at them in that way it feels like looking at the wall."
Both Rafael and Benji laughed. "What was it like to come out to your family? Was your Dad the first person you told?" Rafael's boyfriend asked her
Ava thought for a moment and shook her head. "No, I kind of felt weird about a girl at school and wasn't entirely sure and I was living with my Mom and we watched TV and I said some girl on a reality show was cute… she found it to be a bit weird and asked if I was gay and I didn't entirely understand and I just told her sometimes I find girls a bit cute and she didn't like it…"
She shrugged. "I told my best friend that I liked girls sometimes and she acted like it wasn't a big deal and not long after at a sleep over at my Dads she suggested we kiss because she said she liked girls too and I had a tiny crush on her and she encouraged me to snapchat the picture and afterwards she got weird with me and all my friends turned against me…"
"This is why I hate teenagers…" Rafael laughed sardonically, "present company excluded.
Ava managed a laugh. "They gave me such a hard time, I didn't know what to do so I told my Mom and she didn't take it well. She changed with me, her attitude was different and then randomly she announced she had a business opportunity in California and she was sending me to stay with Dad and I haven't seen her since and that was seven months ago."
"Wow…." Rafael breathed in disbelief. "I'm so sorry, kiddo, that's a bitter pill."
Ava bit the inside of her mouth to stop herself from becoming emotional. "Dad asked me if I was dating or something and I told him I wasn't interested and then I think he understood I wanted to say more so he asked me if I was trying to tell him him something and I was scared he'd do what Mom did and I cried and he was …." Ava blinked back some tears, "he is the best Dad," she cleared her throat.
"Yeah? Your Dad is supportive still?" Benji asked her.
Ava nodded. "Yeah, he's perfect. It can be awkward but he told me that no matter what he loved me and that none of it matters — whether I marry a man or a woman or if I have kids or don't have kids… that as long as I was happy and whatever I do brings me happiness, he would be happy and my Mom thinks I'm attention seeking and I'm growing to hate her."
"I'm sorry the support from your Mom isn't there. I was always so scared that my Dad would hate me," Benji told her, reaching for her small hand and giving it a squeeze, "but it was actually my Mom that struggled, my Dad was happy for me to figure out who I was… and its not been until the past 5 or 6 years that my Mom has truly embraced who I am which is heartbreaking for her not for me…"
Ava nodded. "I'm sorry that happened to you too."
"And Rafael's experience has been positive, but you're not alone kiddo," he told her. Ava looked to Rafael.
"My Mom didn't care… she probably hopes I'll marry a woman one day but I don't think she minds," he told them. "But its so nice Ava, to have you in Olivia's family and it's so nice for us to see Olivia happy with your Dad and I can't tell you how genuinely good it makes me feel to know your Dad isn't as uptight as I thought."
Ava laughed. "My Dad is fun, he can be strict, but he just wants me to put in 100% and be well educated and to be kind."
"And none of that is a bad thing," Ben replied. "The question is," he glanced at Rafael, "when am I going to meet your gal pal Olivia Benson finally?"
"Soon," Rafael replied glancing at his phone. "She's on her way back from work, she's going to pick you up from here," he told Ava, "so I guess you're about to meet her, Benj," he smiled.
Rafael could tell it meant a lot to his boyfriend that he would be meeting Raf's best friend, he had been talking about her for so long and she had such a wonderful reputation. He was looking forward to it."
They shared a smile.
"How do you feel about Olivia?" Benji asked, "did you like her from the beginning?"
Ava smirked, "the first time I met her she was on my Dad's lap making out with him in his office and I didn't care for that, but it wasn't personal. I did some research on google and I encouraged Dad to date her and now I love her, she's become like the best Mom I've ever had and I know Noah adores my Dad, he called me before to ask if I would be okay if he called Trevor his Dad…" she smiled.
"Really?" Rafael was surprised, "I wonder how Liv feels about that."
Ava shrugged, she hadn't thought about that, but now she wondered too. "I hope its okay with her. I know Dad would have probably talked to her about it…"
"Yeah, I'm sure he would have," Rafael smiled. "So how about your Mom? You've not spoken to her at all?"
She shook her head. "I don't want to. The more and more time Dad I spend together the more regretful we feel that I had to live with her all those years. Liv set up a shrink for me and I saw her on Wednesday night after school… and we talked about my Mom's toxic behaviours which might not be her fault entirely, but… it still hurts and I don't choose that for me anymore. She told me that it would be better if we didn't talk for awhile. She hates that I'm gay."
"I'm sorry about that but maybe she will soften…"
"Maybe but by then it'll be too little and too late and besides she's just a selfish person. She's never really been soft. Not like my Dad. Dad's actually the most amazing and he and Liv are really cute together. Its so much nicer to be around, to see him happy and Liv makes me happy too."
Rafael smiled. "I hope you know how much Olivia loves you. She cares about you the way she cares about Noah. She talks about you and Noah with me all the time. You are special to her, kiddo."
"Thanks for telling me that," Ava beamed.
"Of course…"
"Well Ava, you are a little delight and if ever you need to talk to someone about this stuff, you know you can always come and talk to Rafael or tell him to call me before you because I'm nicer than he is."
Ava and Rafael laughed. "Thank you…Rafael tried to be mean to me, but he liked me, I knew it."
"You hit Elliot Stabler so hard his face was red, it was about time someone did it. I don't condone violence but you were my hero that day. I wish I had half the guts you did."
"I didn't mean to… it was just that Olivia and Dad had been up so late with me the night before because I was having problems and Olivia stayed up with me and let me cry for hours and she was being the best Mom I'd ever had and this idiot was saying the meanest things and I don't want anyone to ever say anything like that to her or my Dad or anyone else I love."
"Still, I feel the same and I don't think I could have hit him. To be fair, he would have knocked my head off, at least he wouldn't hit you back." Rafael laughed.
"I know, but I was scared he would arrest me."
"He'll answer to me if he tried it. Don't you worry about that," Rafael smiled at her, finishing his drink.
Ava got a text and lifted the phone to look at it. She knew it was rude generally, but she was waiting to hear from Olivia or her Dad.
Hi sweetheart, I am about four minutes away. Let Raf know to order me a glass of wine. Love you, can't wait to see you and finally start our girls weekend!
She smiled and showed them both the text and Rafael got up to go and order his friend a red wine from the bar.
/
"Are you warm?" Trevor asked Noah, "or too hot?"
"I'm okay," he replied happily as Trevor unzipped the tent windows that were covered by netting to keep the mosquitos out.
"Great," Trevor smiled and peeled off his t-shirt and got in to his sleeping bag. "If you get cold or if you are worried about anything tonight, you just wake me up…."
"Okay thanks, I will."
"I'm having such a great time with you already, kiddo. Tomorrow after we eat breakfast, I thought we could go for a big walk and when we get back we could do some fishing, what do you think about that?"
"That sounds like so much fun! I really hope I can swim tomorrow."
"Me too, that'd be fun," Trevor replied. "Okay, its pretty late kiddo. We should sleep."
"Goodnight," Noah told him, getting comfortable.
"Goodnight Bug, sweet dreams" Trevor told him gently, zipping him in, he found himself piggy-backing on the nicknames Ava always managed had come up with a few weeks earlier.
Trevor waited a few moments before picking up his phone to text Olivia. He knew she wasn't long home with Ava and felt terrible about that.
"Trev?"
"Yeah?"
"I like it when you and Ava call me Bug, I know its just little kid stuff but I like it because it's just for me and its kind of a secret nickname for at home only."
Trevor smiled, "I'll keep that in mind….. Bug," he teased, reaching over to poke him playfully.
Noah giggled, "And Trev, I'm gonna call you Dad sometimes, okay?"
"Of course its okay with me, that's a huge honour, I love you."
"I love you too, Dad…" Noah replied, trying the words out, jabbing Olivia's boyfriend back with a giggle. They both laughed at the silliness.
Finally Trevor reached over and turned off the camp light
Trevor was still smiling to himself becoming a little emotional. He leaned over and kissed Noah's forehead. "I love you too. Sweet dreams."
/
"Liv, I decided something…" Ava told her as they walked slowly home, "but I want your input."
"Sure," Liv smiled, feeling Ava grab her hand. "What is it?"
"I think… I just want Rory to be my friend. I like the way he makes me feel but not in a romantic way. I don't think it's fair to kiss him or let him think I have romantic feelings for him if I don't."
"I agree with you… I hope you didn't feel pressured in to any of that."
Ava thought about it and shrugged, "Maybe, but not really from him. Maybe from myself, I guess I just liked the idea of someone that everyone would think was normal kissing me and I liked that someone actually had a crush on me. It's selfish, I know."
"You're still figuring it out, babe, don't be too hard on yourself," she told her genuinely, "have you told Rory yet?"
"I texted him when I went to the bathroom at dinner because it was bothering me. He texted back and said he was sad but he understood and we could talk about it on Monday or I could call over the weekend."
"And you know what? That's more mature than half of the break ups I've had in my life, sweetheart, you both navigated that very well, you should be proud. Eventually Rory will have a new crush and hopefully you'll cheer him on from the sideline and same goes for you…"
"He's sad though and I feel terrible," Ava sighed. "But… it's fine, it's my fault."
"I don't think it's your fault, I think that things happen when you're young and it's very easy to act on emotions and forget that the moment may have some consequences."
Ava agreed.
/
Once inside, Olivia and Ava both went their separate ways to get changed and shower.
"What are you doing?" Ava asked when she came downstairs with her fine-tooth comb and conditioning spray. She watched Olivia carefully taking the big cushions from the couch and laying them on the floor. She spread a sheet over them and tucked it beneath the cushions on the floor making a big bed.
She smiled at Ava, "I'm making us a slumber party bed. I thought we could do our own camp out except we still get to pee in the bathroom without having to fight off bugs and cold night air."
Ava grinned, "I like our camping better," she chuckled.
"Okay let's dump all the pillows on and I've got the blankets…" Liv nodded at the big, white fluffy blanket from her bed. She basked in Ava's happiness, realising how happy the girl was just to spend time with her.
"There!" Ava couldn't wipe the smile off her face.
"And Dad got us some snacks today when he went to get some last minute stuff for himself and Noah," she informed her. "So… I was thinking we could make our own microwave s'mores that wont be burned or weird fire-tasting," she smiled.
"Its okay, that's a lot of sugar I don't need…" Ava shrugged.
Olivia rose an eyebrow. "Actually, its okay for you to have sugar, Ava, I don't want to have to police your food, I want you to be eating whatever you want in moderation."
"Do you know how many dancer-moms would be advising against any junk food? My Mom too," Ava replied, sitting down on the freshly made bed.
Olivia sat down too. She had made the bed against the back of the couches so she could lean against it while sitting up. "I would much rather my kids enjoy their lives and have a good relationship with food than dictating each meal's nutritional value. Both you and Noah do a lot of physical activities, if anything you're probably burning off way more than you're putting in…"
"I get it, Liv…" she sighed. "I get what you're saying… but what if I genuinely don't like super sugary food?"
Liv smiled, "then I'd say you're crazy…" she winked. "I don't want to force you to eat junk food if you truly don't want it but I'm just saying that if you want something you can have it."
"Maybe later," Ava shrugged. She handed Liv the comb, "could you do my hair?"
Olivia smiled, "Okay, come on… get over here…" she patted the space in front of her and took the spray in conditioner. Ava handed her some hair fasteners.
"Were you surprised about Raf's boyfriend?" Ava asked. Rafael told her that Olivia would be shocked.
"Mmmm sort of, I kind of thought he might tell me but I didn't tell him about your Dad for awhile, maybe he just wanted to make sure it was right like I did."
"I like Rafael, he's really nice and he wants everyone to think he's a jerk, but… he was so nice and kind to me tonight and his boyfriend was so sweet," Ava gushed.
Olivia laughed, "his boyfriend seemed really nice, I hope we get to see more of him and get to know him… Rafael is exactly like that, I know him best and I know he has an absolute heart of gold. He's my very best friend."
"I know, I can tell and I'm glad. He asked me to tell him when I get involved in swimming next because he wants to come and support me."
Olivia smiled, "I think that's so wonderful, sweetheart," she told her, braiding one side of her hair before starting on the other.
"Yeah… I dunno, it's nice to talk to someone who totally gets my feelings. I mean, not that you and Dad aren't amazing-" she said quickly.
"No, its okay, you can relate and maybe he has some great advice for you, I don't think that's a bad thing. And honey you have to know you're so deeply loved. Amanda and Sonny asked me if your Dad and I would be comfortable with you watching her girls one night when I'm working nights from the precinct. How would you feel about that?"
"Oh really?, do you think Dad would be okay with that?"
"Of course, you won't be entirely alone. There's people around to help and Amanda and Sonny could go to dinner… you could earn some money."
"I'd love to!"
Olivia smiled and finished her braid. "Okay, leave Dad to me…" She tied her hair in to place. "There you go, all done."
"Thanks! I've been practicing, its your turn to let me do the braids in your hair."
Liv smiled. "Okay."
"You can stay there, I'll sit on the cushion-less couch," she joked. Olivia's hair was still shower-damp and she was happy to go along with whatever Ava wanted and she had to admit, it was nice and relaxing to feel someone combing her hair.
"Who do you think is gonna miss home first? Your Dad or Noah?" Liv asked.
Ava giggled, "Dad. Noah is going to have a ball. Dad will miss you."
"I think he'll miss you actually. Your Dad has gotten so used to you living here."
"Liv, can I tell you something…" she began, cutting in before she lost her nerve.
"Of course babe, what's up?," Liv gave the teen her full attention. There was some silence and she closed her eyes hoping that whatever Ava had to say wouldn't send her in to a tailspin.
"Noah called me earlier and asked if I was okay with him calling my Dad his Dad," she said slowly.
"Oh…" Olivia replied. She had spoken to Trevor briefly before her shower after Noah was asleep. She already knew about Noah calling Ava and knew that it might have made the teen feel a little funny. "And how did you respond?," she asked.
"I said it was okay, that it'd be nice to share my Dad with him…"
"But….?" Liv pushed, turning around to see Ava's face, "you look like you're bothered about it and it's totally okay if you are."
Ava shrugged "I guess I just feel a little left out…" she admitted, "like now the three of you are connected… and I'm not part of it."
She slowly took the comb from her hand. "I'm so sorry you feel like that, honey," Olivia told her sincerely. "I know that Noah and Dad would never want you to feel like that and neither do I. What do you think would make you feel better about it?"
Ava stared at Olivia for a moment and looked away, shrugging again. "You don't know? Or you're too afraid to say it because you don't want to upset me or Noah or your Dad?," she pressed.
"I don't want to beg for anyone to love me because that's just pathetic and undignified."
Olivia felt a pang of sadness for her. "You don't have to beg anyone to love you, sweetheart. Everyone who meets you falls in love with you, you really do have that type of personality."
"Sarah told me she didn't want to be my mother. She told me not to contact her anymore. She doesn't accept me and she doesn't love me and you don't love me like that, not the way Dad loves Noah and it makes me feel like I'm on the outside."
"Wait a second, wait a second…" Olivia rose an eyebrow, "what on earth makes you think I don't love you the same way Dad loves Noah? I tell you every single day how much I love you the same way I tell Noah… In fact, I just told you minutes ago how much I love you! You have no idea how unconditional my love is, sweetheart…. But I know this isn't about me, this is about you and how you feel like you've been rejected by the person who should be the one who loves you most."
Ava slowly nodded and wiped a stray tear.
"I am so sorry about your mother, Ava, I wish I could take that pain away from you. I wish you didn't have to go through that. But… can I tell you that sometimes biology isn't everything. Noah is adopted, you know that and I don't think I could love my boy anymore than if he came from my body— and the way I love you… I could have had you myself and still my capacity to love you couldn't expand more."
"So why is it okay for Noah to call my father his dad but I can't feel that way about you without you getting weird…" she finally said, sniffing.
"Oh…" she had been waiting for it, she was surprised that it was the outcome Ava had resolved but she was not surprised she had brought it up. "Sweetheart, labels aren't important."
"They are!" Ava argued with frustration, "they are important, Liv, and I talked to Leanne on Wednesday about why for me they are important and just because labels aren't a thing to you, doesn't mean they're not for me. They give things meaning for me, they make me know where I stand, I hate guessing."
"You're right babe, I'm sorry. We've discussed this and I think for me the issue isn't whether or not I feel parental, because I do—when I talk about my children, its always plural, when people that I don't know ask, I always say I have a 9 year and a 14 year old and so the question isn't about how much I love you, the question and the internal fight I have is disregarding someone else's right to being a Mom."
"But you would have never done to me the kind of things my biological Mom did to me," Ava said, "I only tell Dad the stuff that I know he won't feel guilt about, my Mom did some really shitty things to me, Olivia and I can only see how bad those things were now that she's far from my life."
"I'm sorry Ava, I wish you had of told your Dad, he would have taken you out of that environment."
"I just wanted to do everything to make her happy because I wanted her to love me so much and she's never just loved me the way that I need. There's a difference between your relationship with Noah and the relationship that I've had with my Mom."
"Come here, don't make me sit on that uncomfortable couch after I've taken all the cushions off it…" Liv smiled faintly.
Ava looked just moments from breaking down.
"You want to call me Mom, huh?," she asked.
Ava slid off the couch and sat next to her. "I guess I don't want to feel weird anymore if I want to say it but I dont want to make you feel weird and uncomfortable if that's not what you want, it's confusing."
"Okay so you need a label and I am going to tell you what your Dad told Noah. You can choose my label. I am comfortable with what you choose and it is entirely your decision. You will always be the child that I have fallen deeply in love with the way I fell in love with Noah and I never thought that it would be this easy to fall in love with a person's teenager, but…. I've been surprised, my sweet," she smiled. "So you go ahead and call me whatever you like and I will just be grateful that you love me like a parent too."
"Really?" Ava asked. "Like if I called you Mom one day and the next, I accidentally called you Liv?"
"There are no accidents, babe, just what you are comfortable with." Olivia replied.
"Okay…"
"Dad and I have talked about this…" she told her, "and I think you're old enough for me to tell you why involving each other with both of your lives is daunting for a lot of reasons and also because if anything goes south we want don't want to hurt you guys but… Noah was involved in our second date and you met me on our first so Dad and I have been a little irresponsible to begin with and so now, we just have to hope for the best —but I could be wrong but I really feel like your Dad is my forever."
"I know he is," Ava replied confidently. "He loves you like I've never seen him love anyone before. I don't even think he's had a girlfriend since Mom."
Liv just smiled because she knew it to be true. "Even so, its a bit late for being careful so now we just hope for the best and we agree that we'll still be in your life and Dad will be in Noah's life as long as you guys want us to be if anything goes pear-shaped."
"It wont, I already know that," Ava told her confidently.
Olivia managed a laugh. "Okay kiddo… does that make you feel better?"
Ava nodded. Olivia wrapped her arms around her and gave her a squeeze. "Good. I don't want you to ever feel like you don't belong. We have a blended family and you and Noah are the biggest pieces of it, you're both so important."
"Thanks," she giggled as Olivia playfully shook her as she loosened her grip.
"Yeah? You got it?"
"I got it, I got it… okay let me do your hair."
Olivia smiled and kissed her temple and handed her a comb.
