Porcupine quills are lined with 800 tiny barbs each, all facing backward. In other words, once they pierced through soft flesh, removing them would take you through a world of hurt. Luan had the dubious privilege of experiencing it firsthand, having to be restrained by her grandfather while her mother used pliers to pluck one quill after the other. Not a great start to their vacation.

The rest of the family had to wear earmuffs in order to ignore Luan's constant screams of agony while exploring their temporary home. Charles did the same, sniffing the premise around the house to make sure there were no hidden dangers, while Cliff had crawled under the couch and hadn't been seen since.

"Is this for real?" Lynn muttered as she and Lucy leaned on the rails overseeing the living room where Luan was getting treated.

"Huh?" Lucy asked before pulling away her earmuffs.

"She put one of those giant lamp…candle…thingies in here? This ain't no freaking ballroom?"

"It's called a chandelier, Lynn." Lucy corrected her.

The goth noted that whoever designed the interior of this mini-mansion tried to evoke the feeling of a camping cabin, with a largely brown color pallet and both floorboards and ceiling boards, but that's as far as the humble, rustic aesthetic went. The giant flatscreen tv and indoor cooling certainly didn't give off the vibe that you were away from civilization. To say nothing of the spa room.

According to the chauffeur, many of these commodities weren't part of the summer home when grandpappy Tisdale originally built it, but additions/renovations commissioned by his granddaughter, including the spa. Given that the latter was an annex, sprouting from the back of the main building, Lucy could believe it. And needless to say, the two eldest sisters were ecstatic once they found it and were currently checking it out. Apparently, it had an oriental motif.

"I have to consent that their taste in art is admirable." Lisa noted while observing various renaissance paintings decorating the walls. The biggest one, however, was a portrait of Kathleen Tisdale herself.

"Goodness gracious! Any chef worth his salt would kill to operate this place!" the siblings heard their father exclaim in pure awe from the kitchen, which was partially separated from the living room by a countertop, and it too looked very different in terms of design, akin to a set from a cooking show, with a marbled floor and white walls.

"Dudes, they have a tanning bed in one of the rooms!" Luna joined Lynn and Lucy, pumping her fist. "That is so choice!"

"Isn't that redundant if you can just sunbathe on the beach?" Lucy asked her but was completely ignored.

"It gets better!" Lola ran up to them, wearing her earmuffs around her neck, while in a blissful daze and shedding tears of joy. "This place has two bathrooms! Two! I didn't think that was possible!"

"Get out of here!" Luna was at a loss for words.

"Swell, guess I have multiple options for giving you a swirly?" Lynn deadpanned, earning a fierce glare from the blonde.

"Ha! Just try it, you barbarian! It won't do you any good!" Lola folded her arms. "They are squeaky clean, and lavender scented. They even have cute little fountains that pop up once you flush!"

"Give Lynn some chilly dogs and we can change that." Lucy said wryly.

Under different circumstances, Lynn would have been annoyed by the comment, but she took it in strides this time.

"Yup, I'm always up for a challenge!" she bragged and slapped Lucy's back, knocking her off her feet.

"Ow…" was the goth's monotonous response as she propped herself up.

"Well, I hate this place!" Lana lamented from the living room, earning her mother and grandfather's attention while they were bandaging Luan's hand.

"What did you say?" Rita pulled back her earmuffs.

"Is there a problem, Lana?" Albert inquired.

"Look at this!" Lana pointed at a bear rug, which had a golf ball stuck in its mouth.

"And this! And that!" she gestured at a mounted moose head above the tv and a wall-eyed jackalope on a shelf next to Lynn, who backed away, creeped out.

The tomboy teared up. "They probably had families!"

Rita rubbed the bridge of her nose. "Take it easy, Lana. I'm sure those are all fake props, just there for decoration."

"I doubt it." Lucy shook her head and tapped it. "The bunny died from a headshot; the hole's still there."

She turned to the jackalope and stroked her chin. "Though I admire their creativity in creating postmortem hybrids."

Rita sent her an annoyed glare but Lynn gladly added, "That's rich tycoons for ya, squirt. When they aren't making mountains of cash, they go around shooting animals for fun. Once they get bored of the golf course."

"Oh, cry me a river, Lynn!" Lola waved her hand as she descended the stairs. "This place is very eco-friendly, haven't you seen the solar panels on the roof!"

"A few dead woodland critters are a small price to pay for a life of luxury." She scoffed at her twin while intentionally wiping her feet on the bear rug. "So get over yourself, you tree-hugging snowflake."

Fuming, Lana balled her fists and was about to jump her when Lincoln returned from the kitchen, just in time to grab her.

"I have some good news." He announced while restraining the furious tomboy. "Dad says he can cook up a great supper in this five-star kitchen. The bad news… it seems nobody remembered to restock the fridge? There's only some canned beans and expired yogurt."

"No problemo, bro." Luna walked down the stairs. "Pops can just take the Mercedes in the garage and drive to the nearest grocery store."

"Guess I'll have to." Lynn Sr. sighed as he joined his son and pulled out the credit card Kathleen had lent them. "I'll try not to take too long."

"And I don't suppose any of you would like to lend your father a hand?" Rita asked, with a hint of sarcasm.

Hearing this, Luna bit her lip. Her natural instinct as a Loud sister was to worry chiefly about her own leisure, but she did make a promise to herself.

"Eh…sure, I'll go. I'll carry as many bags as I can." she said, a bit reluctantly. Her mother and father were caught off guard.

"What?" the rocker shrugged. "I have all week to enjoy this place, I can do some grunt work."

"Why…thanks, Luna." Lynn Sr. said in gratitude. Rita just watched her pensively.

They heard the wooden slide door being pushed open, and the two eldest sisters walked out of the spa.

"Well, you can count me out." Lori said in no uncertain terms. "It's been so long since I visited the beach."

"Of course it is." Rita rolled her eyes without even looking at her, while Lori scowled and mouthed what her mother just said.

"I'll come, dad!" an enthusiastic Leni raised her hand. "I'm very good at carrying shopping bags! It's the same thing… but with food!"

"No, thank you!" Lynn Sr. and Rita said in unison, much louder than either intended.

The former chuckled nervously. "I mean…no need to, sweetie. I wouldn't want to encroach on your… sister time with Lori."

He scoped his family for a better assistant. "Eh…Albert? Would you-"

"Say no more, Lynn." The old timer agreed in a heartbeat. "We mustn't run out of supplies out here. And I know that as long as my grandkids are well-fed, they're satiated."

"Relatively speaking…" Rita shuddered at the thought of the opposite being true. Hunger pains tended to make her children even rowdier than usual.

"Okay, so we got ourselves a shopping posse…but first, let's clear up the living arrangements." The mother started. "Seems there are four bedrooms. One with two beds, two with three beds, and one with four. I'm afraid we have one too many in our midst…"

"Obviously, you and Lynn call dibs on the two-bed suite." Albert joked and gave his daughter a sly wink. "As for me? I'm not picky when it comes to sleeping arrangements, I'll just bunk on this here couch. Looks pretty comfy."

"Thanks, dad." Rita nodded. "That just leaves the kids then-"

"Oh, me and Leni simply MUST have the one with the tanning bed!" Lori spoke up. "Nobody else in this house can appreciate it more than us! Plus, it has a great view of the lake and mountains."

"If you insist." Rita waved her hand, as long as Lori didn't cause a scene. "That one has three beds, right?"

"Yes, I was just there." Luna confirmed. She suddenly noticed Lori and Leni looking at her, the former peevish, the latter giddy.

"Hey, Luna? You want to join us?" Leni asked.

Feeling uncertain, the rocker exchanged glares with Lori, neither particularly happy with the idea of being roommates. But Luna had a hard time saying no to a tanning bed and Lori begrudgingly admitted that cohabitation with any other sibling would be FAR more painful of an experience, so they shrugged simultaneously.

"Whatever, she's tolerable." Lori huffed. "If you're up for it?"

"You got yourself a deal, dude." Luna agreed. "As long as you don't bug me."

Lori responded with a dry laugh. "Oh, trust me. I don't plan to chat much with you."

"Say, Lynn?" Lincoln called out to the jock. "How about you, me, Lucy and Lana take the one to the far left? It has four beds plus a treadmill."

"Yeah, yeah...I'm in." Lynn folded her arms. She hated staying in this place period, but at least she wouldn't have to bunk with Lori, Lola, or Luan.

"I second that." Lucy nodded.

"Alright..." Lana jerked her arm free, having cooled off a bit.

She sent her twin a vicious glare. "…just as long as I'm far away from her."

"And so the legendary Loser Lodge was formed." Lori declared with mock reverence, much to Lynn's chagrin.

"You sure about this, Lincoln?" Rita raised an eyebrow. Lynn and Lana she understood, but not why Lincoln or Lucy would wish to share a room with the former?

"I'm absolutely sure." Lincoln reaffirmed. "Lynn and Lana are…eh…like the closest thing to brothers I have? Brothers must stick together."

"Gee, thanks Lincoln." Lana gave him a sincere smile.

Lynn didn't really know what to make of that remark. Though she knew Lincoln was just improvising an excuse for why he would want to bunk with one of the top three worst roommates in the Loud house.

Lori snorted. "I….that literally speaks for itself."

Seeing what his son was doing, Lynn Sr. put a hand on his shoulder. "Yeah, not a bad idea, sport. LJ and you have really bonded over the last few weeks."

Rita remembered that Lynn and Lincoln had indeed been getting along surprisingly well lately. If anyone could keep that whirlwind of destruction in check, it would probably be Lincoln.

"Okay then." Rita finally agreed. "That just leaves three?"

Having been lost in her thoughts, Lisa finally spoke. "Lola and I now share accommodations back home, I suppose we can be roommates here too…"

"I accept your invitation to be roomies…" Lola casually agreed while checking out her fingernails.

"There's nobody left, idiot!" Lana shouted mockingly. Lola ignored the jab and continued.

"…just as long as I'm far away from the freak squad…" she pointed over her shoulder at Lincoln's group, then at Lori "…or that flabby bully."

"Flabby!" Lori clenched her teeth.

"She has a point, Chica Grande." Lynn laughed and stuck her belly out of her jersey. "Go easy on the pop-tarts while we're here."

Rita tried not to snicker until her eyes fell on Luan. With everyone else partnered up, that just left…

She grimaced at the thought. "Luan? Are you okay bunking with Lisa and-"

"No, I'm not." Luan stood up, holding her bandaged hand. "But don't worry about that. Those two can have their room all to themselves. I said I would be camping outside and I'm standing by it!"

Once more, her brash declaration failed to elicit much of a reaction out of anyone, besides worry from Lucy, Lincoln, and their father.

"Luan…" Rita groaned tiredly. "You're already inside. I think your "protesting" is null and-"

"Don't care. I'm not spending another minute in this establishment of eternal evil." Luan turned around and stormed out without another word.

"We'll bring you supper, just don't wander-" Lincoln called out before the door was slammed shut, making some objects shake. Lynn Sr. rushed and saved a picture frame and porcelain figure from shattering.

"Phew…"

"…too far." Lincoln sighed, when Lynn and Lucy approached him.

"Ignore her. I wager she'll be back in half an hour after a brush with poison ivy or something." The jock scoffed before whispering, "Besides, we have more important stuff to do."

"Sigh. I wish Ryan was here already." Lucy whispered. "He could show her the ropes."

"Thanks for reminding me." Lynn noted and held up her walkie-talkie before leaving.

"Pfffttt…overdramatic much?" Lori rolled her eyes.

"Of course, silly." Leni smiled. "She's part of the drama club at school. It's her passion."

"Teenagers…" Rita shook her head before turning to the shopping posse.

"Get some more medical supplies while you're away. Whatever affliction or injury you can think of, take it into account. Not like money is an issue."

She had a hunch Luan wouldn't be the only one needing medical attention by the end of the week.

"Good call, mom. Luan ain't gonna be a happy camper, no doubts there." Luna concurred before her belly rumbled. "Let's get going, guys. I haven't had a bite all day."

"Right, we can pick up some fast food along the way." Albert suggested.

Luna held up a handheld vacuum. "We'll need this. That car is in tip-top shape, but nobody has used it in months."

"That's going to do wonders for my dust allergies." Lynn Sr. shook his head as they went on their way.

"Drive safely, honey." Rita told him.

Albert paused and turned to his grandson, whispering, "You kids keep an eye out for Kathleen. No doubt she's up to something screwy."

"We will." Lincoln replied and Albert gave him a wink before following his group. He was curious to learn how these plastic card things could be used as currency.

Right then, Charles came back in and saw the trio walking past him, making him worry. His family wasn't safe here, especially if they were apart.

His fears were soon confirmed as Leni also headed for the door, carrying a parasol over her shoulder and a purse. She asked her siblings if they wanted to join them but nobody took the offer.

"Maybe some other time." Lincoln declined.

"I despise the sun…" Lucy said hoarsely.

"No, thanks." Lola stated in a haughty tone. "I don't wish to be spotted in the company of that roly-poly riffraff."

"Why you…" Lori fumed but her anger gave way to worry as she lowered her shades and looked at herself in a wall mirror.

"Okey-dokey." Leni shrugged. "Lori, are you coming?"

She noticed that her sister was holding her dress up in order to poke her gut, while sporting a nervous look.

She could have sworn that her belly bulged half an inch over her bikini briefs!?

"Lori?"

"Wut?" Lori faced her before trying to save face. "Sure, sure, let's get a move on."

Charles's ears dropped as the blondes walked past him, exiting the house as well. Looking around, he saw that Luan, Lana, and Lucy were likewise gone.

With a determined look, he ran to the couch and stuck his head under, barking at Cliff to join him. The black cat was trembling and shook his head before sucking on his thumb.

Frowning, Charles realized that he was on his own and wasted no time running out.

"Mom, what do you plan to do?" Lincoln approached Rita.

"I don't really know. Haven't had much time to think about it." Rita admitted, easing up a bit.

"You're worried about the girls causing trouble, huh?" Lincoln figured.

"Obviously…" his mother sighed, knowing there was no point in beating around the bush.

Lola glared at her indignantly but was ignored.

"Don't worry, there ain't much they can do out here. But if you want me to, I'll keep an eye on them." Lincoln assured her. "I want you to enjoy your vacation."

Rita blinked. "You sure you're up for the task? I don't want to burden you with-"

"I've been doing this my whole life." Lincoln reminded her before sighing.

"And as you know, I'm not too fond of this place. I won't be enjoying myself, so I might as well do something productive while I'm here."

This eased Rita's worries and she pulled him into a small hug. "Thanks, I really do appreciate it."

"Hey, he's not the one who landed us this gig!" Lola exclaimed but nobody paid her any mind, making her fume.

"It's nothing, mom." Lincoln let go. "So, now that you've checked out the place, any ideas on how to spend your noon?"

Rita thought about it. "Well…that speed boat caught my eye? I always wanted to ride on one of those…but I don't really know to operate it?"

"It will be easy." Lisa cut in, holding a small book. "I found this manual lying around and I would be more than happy to assist you…if you don't mind my company?"

Rita was pleasantly surprised. "Lisa? You want to sail the lake?"

"Yes, I'm prohibited from indulging in my usual pastime for the week. And I'm suffering from creative block anyway, so I'm curious to try out alternative forms of recreation."

"Well…okay then." Rita agreed. "I'll go get some life vests."

Lola cleared her throat and grabbed her mother's hand.

"What is it, Lola?"

"I would be delighted to join you guys. I love cruises." She invited herself. "I'll fetch the sunscreen!"

And like that, she was on her way, leaving her mother shaking her head.

"Fine…but take your floaties with you." she gave in. Lola did set up this whole gig for them.

At least it wasn't all of her daughters joining her. The unspeakable horror.

As she left, Lincoln patted his little sister's shoulder. "That's very kind of you, Lisa."

"It's the least I can do." Lisa said humbly. "And I promise you, I'll keep an eye out for Kathleen, should she come."

"Thanks, Lisa." Lincoln smiled. "Good to know I can count on you."

"Here, take this." He offered her a walkie-talkie.

Lisa just smiled and took it, trying to keep her composure and not cry.

She had to make this day count.


Walking outside, Lincoln took a moment to soak in the scenic wilderness. It really was the ideal place for a family vacation, if only someone else was the landlord.

"Woof!" he looked down and saw Charles trotting towards him, looking uneasy.

"Hey, boy." Lincoln petted his head. "Wanna help us out too?"

Charles whimpered but Lincoln didn't notice it as he spotted the group he was looking for.

"What's wrong with this thing?" Lynn lamented while standing by a pine tree with Lana and Lucy, and banging on her walkie-talkie.

"Girls, is there a problem?" Lincoln caught up with them, followed by Charles.

"I can't get a stinkin' signal." Lynn complained while shaking the walkie-talkie. Lincoln could hear the static.

"She's trying to contact Ryan again." Lucy explained, prompting Lincoln to remember something.

"Darn it all…" he slapped his forehead. "He must be out of range."

"Out of range?" Lynn asked.

"Yes, these things only work within a one-mile radius. We won't hear from him until he's close by."

"So it's basically useless?" Lynn glowered. "That's the best you could get us!"

"Lynn, I'm just a 10-year-old kid scraping by. Give me a break." Lincoln reminded her, making her calm down.

"Which means we're on our own for now." Lucy deduced. "And we don't even know what to expect from the enemy?"

"Nope." Lincoln concurred. "We can only sit and wait. As usual, our main objective is to uphold piece within our family. But with everyone off doing their own thing, there shouldn't be any immediate issues-"

"That won't cut it, Sergeant Shoestring." Lynn argued. "If nothing else, we gotta search the place. Just to make sure everything's as it seems."

"Not a bad idea, Lynn." Lincoln rubbed his chin. "Lola and mom are taking the boat for a ride. Lisa's with them and she said she would keep her eyes peeled."

"Since when is Lisa into sailing?" Lana scratched her head.

Lucy shrugged. "Well, she isn't allowed to make new inventions this week, isn't she?"

"That's her business, Lana. We're on ground patrol." Lincoln explained. "Best to split up into two teams, to cover more ground."

"Okay, you can have the Duchess of Darkness and go west. Me and Lana are going east." Lynn said.

"Works for me." Lincoln agreed. "Call us if you see anything suspicious."

Wishing each other good luck, the two pairs went their separate ways, much to Charles's dread.

Lana whistled to get his attention. "Come on, boy! You can come with us."

Nervous, the bull terrier looked back and forth frantically. How was he supposed to guard his owners when they wouldn't even stick together?

Somehow, he had to pull it off. Good thing that as a dog, he had great endurance. He would surely need it for the task ahead.


Ryan's body lay lifelessly on a sandy beach in the shade of towering spruce trees, his limbs sprawled out and his mouth wide agape. It had been in that position for a while.

Curious whimpers and sniffs were heard as three regular-colored timber wolves surrounded his small frame, compelled by morbid curiosity but staying at a safe distance.

One of them held a long stick in his jaws and poked the body repeatedly, first in the gut, before slowly moving towards the face. After getting poked in the nose one too many times, Ryan's eyes shot open and he saw the wild beasts looming over him.

Naturally, he screamed but the wolves responded by rearing up and squealing in utter terror before bolting for the woods, tripping and running over each other in the process, and one slammed into a tree before running after his pack mates.

The shell-shocked Ryan sat up and promptly felt sick to his stomach, making him bend over and cough up copious amounts of water.

"What the hell was that about?" he rambled while clutching his aching head, trying to get his bearings. His memory was hazy.

Something occurred to him and he snickered involuntarily as he rose up on wobbly legs. "Oh, yeah? Wolves are terrified of people? Ol'One Eye made me forget that was the norm?"

"One Eye?!" he blurted and looked around in a frenzy, realizing that he was in the middle of the wilderness, at the bank of a river, with nothing but trees as far as the eye could see, no sign of humanity whatsoever.

That's when his memory came flooding back. He remembered it all. One Eye had tracked him down to his home. Blindsided him. Tried to tear him asunder. But their scuffle ended in a tie once they were carried away by the rapids. He had been dragged through and pounded by turbulent waters, catching a glimpse of One Eye in the same predicament before everything went black. And now he was deep into the wolf's turf, all alone.

"Okay, Ryan. Don't panic. You've weaseled your way out of life-and-death situations by your lonesome plenty of times. This is no different." He tried to assure himself. "You can take the cur on without Lynn or-"

The Louds? He remembered and slapped his face. He was supposed to help them but instead, he let himself get swept away to who knows where? Lynn was likely pissed at him for being tardy. Gazing at the noon sun, he tried to figure out how long he had been out of commission. Probably for a good twelve hours at least.

And where was One Eye? Ryan looked around, knowing for certain that the wolf couldn't possibly have been killed by something as mild as drowning? No doubt the cur was out there somewhere, once more trying to track him down. His actions last night proved he was no quitter. But how did he even know where Ryan lived? The vulture? Of course, the snitch in the sky had been sent to scope them out and find out where they lived. Damn, that mangy mongrel was clever. Did he know where the Louds lived too?

"But they aren't home right now?" Ryan realized. "That's probably why he went after me, plus I was all alone."

Well, he promised the guys he would help them but he could only do it if he was still alive and kicking, and keeping himself alive was his top priority now. Lynn and the pipsqueak would no doubt lose their minds learning that their bestial nemesis was still alive and plotting vengeance, but Lucy would surely be thrilled. Lincoln would no doubt never let him hear the end of it, that his plan not only failed but failed spectacularly.

They really did have the worst of luck. On top of Kathleen and her monobrowed goon, they also had to contend with a murderous wolf out to settle a score.

"This is gonna be a fun week…" Ryan grumbled when he spotted something in the sky. A vulture! With no time to hide, the bird noticed him and let out a loud screech.

Biting his lip, Ryan looked around frantically. He had no idea how far One Eye was and he didn't intend to wait and find out. Fortunately, he spotted a log lying along the shore.

Wasting no time, Ryan made a mad dash towards it, pushed it into the water, and climbed aboard. He pushed onward with his legs before letting the fast currents take him downriver. An apt metaphor for his predicament.

Back on the beach, One Eye leaped out of the bushes, sniffing the ground, and found Ryan's tracks in the sand. He glared at the river and saw his prey's shrinking form. So close!

But a good hunter always knew how to exploit any situation to his benefit. The runt was vulnerable out here, with nowhere to hide and with nobody to help it, out of its element.

Raza landed next to him just as the wolf let out an excited howl. Ryan heard it loud and clear and knew what that entailed, making him shudder. The roles of hunter and hunted were firmly established.

Raza flapped his wings in mutual excitement before his boss snapped his jaws and him and gave him a death glare. The vulture nodded fearfully and took to the skies, following Ryan down the river.

One Eye, meanwhile, proceeded to run parallel to the river. The hunt was on!


"Stupid mom….stupid dad…stupid sisters…don't know anything…" a sweaty Luan muttered while trying to construct a tipi out of branches and leaves.

"You go overboard with April Fools each year and they never let you live it down…" she seethed while trying to tie together the branches at the top.

She hadn't brought any rope with her, so she had to use her yellow hair tie, leaving her hair loose.

"…like they haven't done things just as bad, worse even! On a daily basis no less-"

The hair tie snapped, causing the shelter to collapse in on itself. Dumbfounded, Luan cried in anger before kicking the branches away.

Her stomach rumbled and she clutched it. She hoped dad would come back soon to make them…

"No!" she stomped her foot in frustration. "I'm never going back there. I'm self-sufficient!"

Looking around, her face lit up as she spotted a berry bush. Grabbing her fanny pack and strapping it on, she approached the bush and started picking berries and stuffing them into her pack.

"I'll have food for travel! All natural and organic." Luan boasted. "Good thing I brought this fanny pack. It was a berry good idea."

She chuckled to herself, blissfully unaware that some berries could be poisonous and she lacked the knowledge to distinguish the edible ones.

Regardless, it wasn't her destiny to feast on berries today, as she heard chatter and found herself facing a raccoon.

"Hey, there…" Luan smiled but stopped herself from petting it. No, she wouldn't make the same mistake twice. Her bandaged hand was a painful reminder.

"Shoo! Get out of here!" she tried to scare it away. "I'm not fraternizing with wild beasts. Scram. Take a hike."

Letting out an adorable whimper, the raccoon held its hands out like a beggar and looked at her with big, pleading eyes.

"Get some yourself." Luan pointed at the bush, only to realize she had picked it clean and was holding the last two berries in her hand.

Feeling sorry for it, Luan sighed and offered them to the raccoon.

"Here ya go, little guy." She smiled, unaware that a second raccoon was reliving her of her fanny pack.

Chirping, the first raccoon devoured its treat greedily before running off in a hurry.

Luan frowned. "You're welcome." She snarked before touching her waist and gasping.

She had been robbed!

Looking around frantically, she spotted the two masked bandits running off with her fanny pack in their jaws.

"Hey! Get back here, you thieving fiends!" she cried furiously and chased after them with raised fists.

The out-of-shape city mouse quickly fell behind before getting her foot caught in a root and hitting the ground. Growling, she pushed herself up and saw the thieves scurrying into some bushes.

"You're coonskin caps now!" She dove her arm into the bush and grabbed a bushy tail.

"Gotcha!" she grinned and hoisted up her catch, only to notice, far too late, that the raccoons were standing atop a long and giggling, with one blowing a raspberry at her.

Luan screamed as the captured skunk sprayed her right in the face. Coughing and grasping her throat, she stumbled back, bumping against several trees and getting pelted by pinecones until she found herself tumbling down a hill.

Coming to a stop, the bruised Luan spat out dust and propped herself up in the middle of a trail, covered in dirt, vegetation, and scrapes. She noticed the rocks trembling and soon heard the thunder of hooves.

Looking to her right, she saw a herd of elk running straight toward her.

"Oh, deer…" she grimaced and scrambled to dodge one stampeding elk after another before lunging towards the tree line and scrambling ahead.

Panting and clutching her chest, she walked onward and tried to pull out the branches tangled in her loose hair, while trying not to vomit from the putrid stench emanating from her own body.

"Ughh…all of this because my sisters are a bunch of sheep!" Luan grumbled when she heard loud rustling and came across an agitated bighorn rubbing his horns against a birch tree.

Upon seeing her, and more importantly, smelling her, he glared angrily, lowered his head, and stomped the ground.

"I take it back!" Luan cried and ran as fast as her legs could carry her, pursued by the ram.

Luan screamed her head off until she stumbled into a small clearing and found another ram, accompanied by a group of ewes.

He was bleating loudly and kicking dust, making Luan back away in fear before seeing the other ram appear right behind her.

He clenched his teeth, grunted, and gave the other male a glare that said, "Bring it on!"

The two charged at each other, making Luan shriek in terror and jump out of the way just before the beasts' heads collided.

Running behind some trees, Luan cringed. "Talk about butting heads."

She slinked away from the testosterone-fueled battle and tried to find her bearings. She had strayed far away from her family.

"Not that they care…" she thought despondently.

But she perked up upon spotting the clear blue lake, partially obscured by trees. If she just followed the beach, she would find her way back.

Pinching her nose, she traveled onward but her path got blocked by a thick cluster of reeds. Luan shoved them out of the way until she was in ankle-deep water.

That's when she froze on the spot and grew a look of utter horror. No. No. It couldn't be. Fate couldn't be that cruel to her?

There, in front of her, was a flock of Canadian geese, all slumbering while floating on the water. Noticing this, Luan slowly backed away, mindful not to make even the faintest noise.

But she couldn't do anything about her rancid body odor and the sleepy birds slowly woke up as they breathed in the noxious smell, much to their displeasure.

Luan went pale and gulped as all of them sent her death glares, hissed, and spread their wings.

She could do nothing but scream as they swarmed her.


A bit of a breather chapter. Not much happening here besides setting things up and giving you an idea of the new location. Seems Luan is taking over from Lola as the resident butt monkey, since she has bitten off far more than she can chew XD