...
They were dragged further into the underground tunnels for what felt like forever. Norv had a surprisingly strong hold on the back of Bailey's shirt and refused to let go. Morty kept a tight grip on Bailey's leg with one hand while he used the other to try digging the wagon wheel into the tunnel floor.
"Come on, dammit!" He growled through gritted teeth.
Smaller chunks of the wheel started breaking and chipping off as he attempted to sharpen his only available weapon. His heart skipped a beat when a piece bigger than he'd hoped for broke apart. But, he still managed to make a slightly sharper end than what he had before. That, at least, gave him a small spark of hope.
Yet, Morty cursed himself. He just had to buckle when Bailey wanted to stay for the Andralleans' whackadoodle party. He really should have just put his foot down in insisting that they go and find Rick and the ship. And now they had no Rick and no ship for backup. Rick probably wouldn't even know where to go looking in order to assist them now.
"Gee, way to go, Morty!" The teen pictured Rick chastising him. "You've really screwed yourself this time. Y-you always cave way too easily, little dummy."
And… Morty knew he would have nothing to say that could refute that because Rick would be right. He doesn't stand his ground. The teen figured his grandpa would probably still be lecturing him while Morty was about to be eaten alive by this thing. He shook his head at that thought.
Why did he have to have such weak willpower when it came to girls? Why couldn't he have just done the one simple task of getting Bailey back to the safety of the ship? That was all he wanted- to get her back to Earth safe and sound. And he failed her.
Maybe he really is as dumb as everyone around him says he is. Maybe it was stupid of him to ever think otherwise. He hung his head in defeat, letting the worst of his thoughts flow through his mind and drag him down further.
A small whimper sounded from near Morty, who looked up to see Bailey, eyes closed, clutching the small heart necklace she still had on. She was whispering, so quietly that Morty could not make out what she was saying. Was she praying? Now would be the best time to be doing so if she were religious.
In an instant, Morty's pity party mindset switched gears. He had to do something now because he was currently the only 'help' Bailey had. He needed to stop wondering why he hadn't done differently and start devising an escape plan. Morty took in a deep and steady breath, once again finding that small amount of determination to get Bailey and himself out of there.
Multiple shrill sounds echoed from further down in the caves. Both Morty and Bailey looked ahead with widen eyes. Was this thing taking them to share with its family?
"Yes, oh, great beasts! Let us appease you. Spare others!" Norv cried out.
"Shut up, Norv!" Morty screamed at the Andrallean. He was not about to become a shared meal for these things. They could have Norv, though, for all Morty cared.
"If this stop Chazoowa from going back for my people, I will gladly let me be eaten. And YOU, humans, will get eaten so that what was done will be undone."
"Oh, that is such bull-"
"Bailey, please don't get him started back up again," Morty cut in with annoyance. "These people are so backwards, the-they'll probably resort to eating each other alive to… I don't know, bring their families and themselves good luck in their next life."
"Is that not how that works? Have we been doing it wrong?" Norv asked.
Bailey locked eyes with Morty.
"What do we do? How do we get out of here?"
Morty looked away from her to see that they were being pulled into a much bigger cave. In this one, three smaller Chazoowa creatures were lying in wait, crying out hungrily as the big one dragging its victims got closer. They were so skinny that Morty could see, and count, each of their ribs. Their long tongues, though not nearly as long as what Morty assumed was their mother's, showed the rows of sharp teeth just waiting to tear into their flesh.
"Oh God!" Bailey screamed. She tried to tug herself free of Norv's grip. The alien was caught off guard and Bailey escaped his grasp for a moment. But, the Andrallean quickly snagged her once more and held on.
"NO!" Norv shouted. "You die here with me."
"Bailey, we're going to have to fight our way out," Morty stated, raising his battered wagon wheel as he prepared to reach out and strike the bigger Chazoowa's tongue. "Right now!"
...
Meanwhile
...
"You won't get it opened," Maric, the newly appointed Andrallean leader, said with clear irritation to Rick.
The old man approached the now closed entrance where the beast had dragged Norv and the kids underground. Pulling some device out of his lab coat, Rick quickly scanned the tunnel before returning the device to his coat pocket.
"It is no use, only open for Chazoowa," Maric continued.
Tired of relying on only Chamri's translations for understanding these natives, Rick had quickly -and painfully- injected another translator into the neck of their new leader. The nearby inhabitants, rushing forward to protect their new chief, were stopped in their tracks by Rick's ship's guns training onto them.
Terrified, Maric stayed planted right where he was, staring at the ship's guns and begrudgingly answering Rick's questions.
"You humans mess up all our sacred traditions. YOU, old one, brought ruin to our old leader. All you humans deserve to be eaten by Chazoowa so we can live in peace."
"Buddy, humanity has ruined a lot of things for a lot of people," Rick responded flatly as he walked back to Maric while messing with his ray gun he grabbed from the ship. "They're also in the process of destroying their own world, yet, at the same time, the thought of you big, scary aliens coming to destroy their precious home terrifies them."
"What?" Maric asked, dumbfounded. "Earth has nothing for us. Why would we go there?"
"Not -burp-, not you in particular. Just -no, no, I'm not getting into this now. Just tell me where these Chalupa things drag their meals down to."
"Cha-zoo-wa," Maric enunciated with an annoyed glare. "They are the great beasts. Take us down into their tunnels and then they share in eating our brains. But after a sacrifice is made, they leave the rest of our people in peace for some time. To be selected as sacrifice is seen as a great honor for us."
"And is there some sci-fi movie bullshit where they absorb people's knowledge as they eat them, too?" Rick asked dryly. "If so, I'm sure Norv's knowledge will be about as useful to them as eating the brains of a freaking tropioid."
Maric scoffed and then narrowed his eyes at Chamri, who stood silently behind Rick and stared back at his new leader.
"How can you just stand there?" Maric asked Chamri. "He is here insulting our people, insulting ME, and ruining our lives. He compares us to the TROPIOIDS, of all things. Yet you help him? You traitor!"
Rick glanced back at Chamri, who showed no emotion as he responded.
"I never cared for our rituals or customs or festivals. You know this. AND I liked our old leader. You, I do not like. Better if Chazoowa took you instead."
Maric looked hurt by these words and averted his gaze. Rick raised an eyebrow, briefly wondering if there was more between these two than just leader and follower. Those words should have been enough to warrant Chamri a death sentence right then and there, yet Maric said nothing.
Walking forward to stand in front of Maric, Rick waited for the alien's gaze to meet his.
"So, it's an honor to be selected as a sacrifice, yes?"
"Yes, this is what I already said," Maric answered, scrunching his face in confusion.
"Then congrats! You've been chosen as the next lucky sacrifice, my man. Take us to where these things go and you'll get to meet your honorable end. Sorry your reign among your people was so short lived."
"What?" Maric's eyes widened. "No, no!"
"Well, why not?" Rick raised his eyebrows comically in feigned surprise.
"You can't. Sacrifice was already made."
"Oh, I'm sure they'll still have plenty of room for more," Rick smirked. "Besides, what an incredible honor. You should feel proud to be chosen. Or do you people only say that if it's someone else it's happening to? As long as it's not you, it's fine, right?"
"And yet you all wonder why I dislike our customs," Chamri said with an eye roll. "Everyone here hypocrite."
"Alright, look, it is all shaloogunshit," Maric said quietly.
"What was that?" Chamri asked, leaning toward Maric with narrowed eyes.
"Yeah, a little louder, bro," Rick said, relishing this moment. "I don't think your faithful league of followers back there heard you."
"IT IS ALL SHALOOGUNSHIT!" Maric shouted. "It is everyone for themselves, but our way is only way to survive here. Unlucky citizen is chosen for sacrifice every time, and we only say that it is an honor. It is not an honor, but a lie!"
The onlookers nearby gasped and murmured frantically to each other.
Rick gasped theatrically. "Whoa! What? I never would have guessed that."
"It was all a lie?"
"My uncle died for nothing!"
"What do we do now?"
Outraged cries came from the natives as they all went into panic mode.
"Feed him to Chazoowa!" Someone shouted, pointing at Maric. Many other voices joined in, voicing their agreement.
"No! Please do not feed me to them! Chamri, human, have mercy!"
Chamri and Rick exchanged looks.
"I can assist you, Rick, if you let me," Chamri spoke softly. "I did cause you to land here in the first place. I can help you with this. After, I deal with Maric here."
"Alright, deal," Rick nodded.
"Lead us down there with zero complaints, and maybe we won't give you the death you deserve," Rick said to Maric. "BUT, you give me even one eye roll and you will be their next meal. You got that?"
Maric sighed, defeated.
"Fine. But, easier said than done. Can't get Chazoowa lair open."
Rick quickly pushed a few buttons on his wristwatch and waited as the guns on his ship all turned and fired at full power toward the lair's entrance. A gaping hole was left, exposing the dirt and rock tunnel down below.
"Couldn't you have done that this whole time?" Maric asked incredulously.
"Could have," Rick shrugged. "But it wouldn't have been nearly as enjoyable as watching you fall off your high, almighty horse."
Rick, Chamri and Maric made their way to the lair. Rick pushed Maric ahead.
"Wha-"
"Lead the way," Rick said coldly.
"Yeah, oh fearless, honorable leader," Chamri glared.
