Edward's Point of View


I was a miserable bastard. The worst kind of low. I had given into my desires. And now I've stripped Bella of her remaining innocence. Even now, as I waited on her to finish getting cleaned up in the shower, I couldn't even hold my head up. I had thought I had better control over myself then that. No, I'm sure that I do. What happened between us… it can't be explained. My resolve completely melted away, the moment she looked into my eyes. Like some kind of invisible power had taken over and disrupted my self-control.

In honesty, it was the best moment of my entire life. And I wanted nothing more than to do it again, over and over. Just with Bella. Our bodies uniting into one. There wasn't a better feeling. But that wasn't going to happen again. There is no way that I'll give in again. It was incredibly wrong of me. I would have to find a way to make this up to her.

Worse yet, everyone was in attendance for this little… mishap. There was a range of thoughts throughout the house, all different. Carlisle and Esme seemed to be in agreement that this situation was completely surprising and a bit worrisome. Carlisle's thoughts called out to me immediately after we had finished making love.

This isn't like you Edward, this kind of behavior doesn't align with her treatment plans. We agreed that she should abstain from any further sexual acts, until she has finished her treatment. The tone of his thoughts weren't harsh, just disappointed. Which made me feel worse. Esme's thoughts were almost identical.

Of course, Emmett found immense humor in this situation and has been taunting me nonstop. Finally gave up your virginity. It's about time Eddie. I bet that's all you can think about now, isn't it. You can't wait for round two.

He wasn't wrong, but I wasn't about to admit that. This was embarrassing enough. I couldn't understand what went wrong. One moment I was completely prepared to cast off her advances, but in the next second she was disrobing… and her body… and the yearning in her eyes. I wanted to fall to my knees and do anything she asked. She deserved the world and I wanted to be the one to give it to her. Was that why I couldn't say no? Bella has already been through so much pain and hardships, did I really overlook my own morals just to make her happy?

Or was there more behind this? It was clear since day one that Bella is very sensitive to others around her. She could sense the trauma that others had gone through. It's like there is a window into someone's past, that she can just see right through. Although she doesn't have any clear details, she can feel it. It's close to Jasper's abilities. But I've never heard of a human being able to do that. Not to mention I can't read her thoughts. Could this be another gift she has? She can remove self-control from others as well?

No. That's a bit of a stretch. But still. I needed to be a bit more careful. I couldn't let this happen again. It wouldn't be helping her heal. She needed to remove herself from the past. She wasn't a prostitute anymore. Sex isn't something that just anyone has the right to have with her.

But this seemed different. It didn't seem like she was doing this for any reason but purely to be closer with me. The soft look in her eyes. She trusted me. She wanted to know what it felt like to make-love with someone that she truly cared for. This wasn't another job for her, this wasn't her way of repaying me. This was different.

I felt my shoulders tremble as I heard the water shutting off in the bathroom. I kept my eyes firmly on the floor. My body went rigid as I heard the door to her bedroom open. Her footsteps sounded so light and quiet. I wanted to look up. Possibly get a glimpse of her exposed skin, just one more time. But I didn't move. Not until I felt her hand on my shoulder. The warmth took me by surprise. I looked up for a moment, my eyes widened as I took in her completely naked body. Quickly I looked away.

"Don't tell me I upset you…" Her voice was quiet, full of sorrow.

A pinch of pain bit at my chest. "No, not at all. I'm just ashamed of my lack of restraint. I shouldn't have done what I did. It wasn't right. I'm sorry." I keep my eyes on my feet. It was the only safe place to look.

"You have nothing to apologize for. I practically forced you. And for that, I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have used my charms on you against your will." She was the one that sounded ashamed now.

I couldn't help it. I looked up, careful to only let my eyes on her face. But out of the corner of my eye, I could see the outline of her body. I trembled, feeling the stiffness starting in my pants again.

"What do you mean, you used your charms?" I cocked my head to the side a little, searching her dark brown eyes. Her mahogany curls hung damply to just the top of her shoulders. I had been a little sad to see her cut her hair, but I had to admit, her short hairdo was incredibly attractive. It brought an air of innocence and youth to her appearance.

Her cheeks flushed pink as her eyes flickered away from me. She chewed her lip for a moment. Pausing. I wanted to groan. It was so frustrating, not being able to read her thoughts. I was left at the edge of my seat, each and every time she closed her mouth. It's true, I could get a lot of information through her facial expressions. But that only went so far.

Finally, she replied, looking a bit embarrassed. "It's a skill that I've been honing for the last year. I've gotten pretty good at it. It's just something that you pick up from my old profession." She stopped talking for a minute, to sit down next to me on the bed. Still completely naked, and slightly wet.

My eyes darted to her feminine features a few times, before I quickly wrapped a blanket off the bed around her. "I'd appreciate it if you would explain that a little further." I said clearly my throat, before finally being able to properly look in her direction.

She hugged the blanket around herself, hiding her gorgeous body completely from sight. Part of me was disappointed. But this was necessary. I couldn't tempt myself to make another mistake. I would already be paying for this blunder for a while.

"Well, I'm sure you are aware by now that I have a talent for sensing trauma in people." She started quietly.

I nodded, eager for her to continue.

"To be honest, it's not about the trauma, it's really just pieces of someone's past that creates negative feelings. Or weaknesses." She again starts to chew on her lip. She appeared distracted. "I can pinpoint someone's weakness, to some extent."

I raised a brow. "Can you give me an example, I'm not sure that I quite understand."

"It's hard for me to understand myself. At times, it just feels like I know things about people. If I'm meeting with a new client, just after a short period of time, I know what will turn them on the fastest, I know what torments them at night, I know about their greatest shame, and how much pain they carry along with them." She replied, ducking her head a bit. "I knew just what to do, to seduce you completely. And I used it against you… to get my way… And I'm so, so, so sorry. I'll never do it again."

Ridiculous. She thinks that she has taken advantage of me? She was fascinating, to say the least. Even if she was able to deduce my weakness for her, there is still no excuse for me to give in the way I did.

"No Bella, you have nothing to apologize for. I should have remained in control of myself. I was careless." I reached out, unable to help myself, I stroked her warm cheek. Again her eyes met mine, and just like before, I felt like I was getting sucked in. It felt like I was floating. I desperately wanted to kiss her.

"No one has ever been able to refuse my charms, Edward. I don't think, even you, would be able to say no." She smiled faintly. Her body inched towards me, sweeping me in. I couldn't move away. It felt like invisible restraints clasped around me. I couldn't move and I didn't want to.

She was just inches from me. Her hand ran through my hair. Shivers rolled down my spine. If I had been human, my heart would be racing. My eyes flickered to her lips. What was coming over me? I tried to force myself against this feeling. But nothing worked. I was caught in a vice-grip. I couldn't get my thoughts under control. Flashbacks of a few hours ago went through my mind. Her naked body against mine, the pleasure, the way my name fell from her breathless lips.

I closed my eyes, just as I felt the softness of her lips against mine. My body finally was permitted to respond. I gently moved to cradle her in my arms. I felt her body press into mine, the blanket shifted a bit, revealing her breast. The urge to reach out and cup it was overwhelming. But I remained in control.

Instead, she broke off our kiss, catching her breath. A smile was on her face. One that completely lit up the room. I found myself smiling as well. I couldn't help it. I loved to see her happy.

"Do you see what I mean now Edward?" She asked quietly, letting her head rest on my shoulder. "It felt like you didn't have a choice. Didn't it? Like you couldn't move away, even if you tried."

Her words sunk in. "I think I do see what you mean." I admitted, letting my chin rest on the top of her head. I took a few deep breaths. My throat was burning like a raging fire. But it was easy to ignore at this moment. I wasn't about to let her out of my arms.

"I promise, I'll never use my charms on you again. Like I said before. I am truly sorry. That was selfish of me." She said gently.

I lightly rubbed circles against her back. "No harm done. I'm just relieved that I didn't hurt you. That's the last thing I'd ever wanted to do."

"I trust you Edward. And I promise, you will have complete control over when we have sex again."

Again? She really wanted to do it again? The thought nearly sent me over the edge. My eyes traveled back down to her breast, that was still out in the open. I imagined leaning down and letting my tongue flick across her nipple. But instead, I carefully moved the blanket back around her, to cover her again. I couldn't allow myself to lose control again. Not while she is recovering. That would be completely selfish of me. But I couldn't deny that I looked forward to the day that we could try it again… Until then. We will take things slow. Learn a bit more about each other.

She has an entire human life that she needs to rediscover. And I would remain by her side.

I cleared my throat. "Well, alright," I glanced towards the door to her bedroom. "I'll wait for you outside, so you can get changed."

Before I could move, she clung to me a little tighter. "Don't bother leaving. I'd rather you stay close." She admitted with a sheepish look. "We have already seen each other naked. So, this shouldn't be a problem. Right?"

I swallowed hard, resisting the urge to stay. "I'll just be right outside the door. Trust me Bella, it's best this way. For now."

My words seemed to be acceptable to her. She nodded, before lightly moving from my lap, but I didn't fail to notice her hand just slightly grazing the bulge pressing up firmly from my pants. Of course she noticed my excitement. Her touch sent a wave of pleasure through me. It was almost intoxicating, how good it felt. I almost talked myself out of leaving. But with all the will-power I had remaining, I left her room, closing the door behind me.

The second I made it to the hall, I was greeted by an annoyed expression. Rosalie stood, her arms folded across her chest. She didn't appear thrilled in the slightest. In fact, out of everyone, she was the most angry with me for giving in and making-love with Bella. To put it plainly, she was completely disgusted with me. And I didn't blame her.

Did you finish enjoying yourself with that poor child? Hasn't she been through enough. Don't you realize you are supposed to be the person she trusts and can turn to for help? How can she see you that way, if you are sleeping with her? You're becoming someone used for comfort. Instead of giving her tough love and helping her get through all the trauma, you are just distracting her from the pain. Smothering it with sex. It isn't a healthy way of coping, Edward. I should know. I've tried doing the same for years before I met Emmett. Rose's thoughts slammed into me, loudly and full of judgemental aggression.

"It isn't like that. I appreciate that you are looking out for her, but this situation isn't the same as yours Rose. And this isn't your business." I tried to remain calm, but she noted the sourness of my tone. This only seemed to anger her further.

If you aren't actually going to help this girl. Then let me be the one to take care of her from now on. If you are just going to use her for sex, get out of her life. You aren't helping. You are only going to make things worse for her. Stop being a selfish asshole. You even have her convinced that she was the one that needed to apologize. Now Rose was just making things up. At this point it was useless to even speak with her. She wasn't being rational.

Emmett seemed to sense that, and quickly came to my rescue. He came casually up the stairs and right to her side, appearing out of nowhere. His massive arms came around her, before nuzzling her neck with his nose. This seemed to completely melt Rose's anger away. Her shoulders slumped and she looked completely away from me. Without another word, Emmett guided her away, down to the end of the hallway, to their room.

I got your back Eddie. Go to town on the girl. I won't judge. She wanted it just as bad. There is nothing wrong with showing someone you care with sex. It's a language of passion. Nowadays, it doesn't have to be taken so seriously. But if you ask me, the both of you are completely whipped. The lightness and humor of Emmetts thoughts were actually welcomed. Even though it was pretty embarrassing. I was thankful that at least a few of my family members didn't think I was scum. Him and Alice always seemed to be on my side. I could count on them to understand me. Even when I can't understand myself. I was lucky to have them.

I just hoped that I wouldn't end up making anymore mistakes with Bella. I was about to open her up to a new world. And hopefully, she would allow me to become part of it.


A/N: Sorry it took so long to update! I'm back at work on some of my stories and I'm in the process of writing a new one in the next few days. Thanks to all those who have returned for this update! I'll try to stay more consistent with this story from now on! Again, thank you so much!