A/N: points to AU tag

I'm pretty sure the show has made my headcanon for Buck's backstory completely inaccurate at this point, but I'm going with my plan anyway since I only watched a few episodes of season 2 before I quit.


Abby's just returning to her hotel after a full day of exploring when her phone unexpectedly starts ringing. She and Buck weren't scheduled to talk again until the next day, and Matt had already requested a weekend chat, so she tucks herself into a quiet corner of the lobby and curiously paws through her bag until she finds the device and sees Buck's name on the screen.

"Buck," she says when she answers, a little concerned. "Hey, is everything ok?"

He's quiet for so long that she's beginning to think that maybe he pocket-dialed her, but then she hears him take a deep breath.

"He's mine, Abs. We got the test results back this morning."

All the oxygen in the room seems to disappear in an instant, and it's not until that moment that Abby realizes that somewhere in the back of her mind, she'd convinced herself this whole situation was just a false alarm. Luckily for her there's an overstuffed armchair within stumbling distance, so she collapses gratefully into the soft cushioning before she can embarrass herself by falling over in shock.

"I…..," she trails off, momentarily speechless. The hand not holding her phone finds the edge of the cushion beneath her, and she squeezes it until her knuckles turn white. "Wow, ok. Buck, you're a dad. Wow."

She cringes at her less-than-ideal reaction. Get it together, Abby.

He hasn't said anything else, so she clears her throat and attempts to redeem herself.

"Buck," she tries again softly, "It's going to be okay, whatever you decide to do. You know that, right? Talk to me, what's going on in your head right now?"

It's apparently the right thing to ask because he finally lets out a sound that's half a sob and half a laugh of disbelief, and it makes her heart twist painfully.

"I can't be a dad, Abs. I can't even keep a plant alive. My roommate's girlfriend, she brought a little cactus to our place once. I was supposed to watch it while they went on some trip somewhere, and I guess I accidentally watered it too much because I killed it. Cacti are supposed to be like the most low-maintenance easy plant in existence, and I couldn't even do that right. How is anyone supposed to trust me with their kid?"

There's a beat of silence before he quietly adds, "I don't even know why I agreed to do that test, anyway. He's obviously better off without me."

Abby immediately puts her own complicated feelings toward this turn of events aside and launches into crisis management mode. She's never heard him demean himself like this before, and she swears that she's never wanted anything as much as she wants to reach through the phone and gather him into her arms.

"Buck, hey. Listen to me," she instructs him, falling back on her dispatcher voice so that he really hears her, "nobody is better off without you, ok? You're great with kids, I've seen it in person. In my opinion, he's the luckiest kid in the universe. And you'll learn as you go. Nobody knows how to be a parent right away. Think of it as an adventure, a challenge to tackle with all your characteristic enthusiasm."

She'd be lying if she said she wasn't hoping for at least a chuckle out of him after her last remark, but his tone turns pensive instead.

"You mean that?"

"I do," she assures him firmly. "Buck, I've never known you to throw anything less than your whole self into something if it was important to you. And I'm not an expert, but if I've learned anything from my brother, it's that kids don't need you to be perfect, they just need you to love them."

"That's what Bobby said," Buck replies doubtfully.

"See? And you said that both Hen and Athena have kids too. You'll get so much parenting advice you won't know what to do with it all. Plus, you know what they say. Everything your parents did that you hated, do the opposite."

That statement earns her a snort. "Yeah," he says bitterly. "Well, I've got a lot of material to work with if I start there."

The bottom of her stomach drops out as she realizes that he's never really talked much about his family.

"Oh Buck, I'm sorry, I –"

"There's nothing to apologize for," he tells her, cutting her off, "you didn't know."

She goes quiet, wondering if she should press for an explanation, but she doesn't have to because he gives a heavy sigh and continues.

"I…uh. I was a foster kid, Abs. My parents should have never been together. My dad drank, and they fought constantly until he finally took off. My mom, well, she got high to cope. My grandparents raised me for a while, but they were old and got sick, and I ended up in the system. I aged out, and I've been on my own ever since. I heard that my mom finally overdosed a while back."

"Oh," she says feebly, giving herself a mental kick in the ass. Well done, Abby.

"I'm scared," he confesses in a painfully earnest voice that cracks her heart open, "and I have no idea how to do this, but I know it has to be the right thing, Abs. I can't just abandon him, right? I can't make him think he wasn't wanted. He doesn't deserve that. I need to be there for him."

"Okay, then." Abby hears herself say decisively. "Okay. We're doing this."

"We?" Buck asks, his voice laced with surprise.

"Yes we," she tells him with more confidence than she feels, "he's your family, Buck. You're my family. I'm in."

"Are you sure? I mean, Abs….," he pauses, his voice tentative, "this is a lot to throw at you right now. You're supposed to be off on this once-in-a-lifetime trip to find out who you are and what you want, and well, maybe this isn't it."

She doesn't answer right away because she knows he's not wrong. Traveling through Ireland has finally allowed her to do something entirely on her own, something just for herself. It was the right choice at the right time, and she'd do it again in a heartbeat. The longer her trip stretches on, however, the more she's realized that part of the fun of the adventure was having someone to share the experience with. As much as she was enjoying all her exploring, one of the best parts of her trip was talking to Buck about everything she was doing. She knew he was taking real pleasure in her joy, and it made her feel more loved than she'd felt in a very long time. No matter how unsure she may be feeling about this whole situation in the moment, she finds that she's still determined to reciprocate the kind of love and support that he'd so freely given to her.

"Abby?"

"I'm here," she assures him softly.

"Have you ever seriously thought about having kids?"

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. The raw vulnerability in his question makes her want to bend the truth just enough to soothe all the fears she can hear hiding behind it. Instead, she answers honestly, hoping that it doesn't make things worse.

"I gave it a lot of thought, Buck. When I was younger, and it seemed like everyone around me was settling down. I thought a lot about what I wanted and how I saw my future."

"Yeah?" he asks, and the small note of hope in his voice makes her words catch in her throat.

"I…I had my tubes tied. Back when my whole life was traveling from one swim meet to the next, and I didn't want to take the chance that anything could potentially compromise my ability to compete. I had this whole exciting nomadic life planned out. Kids didn't really figure into that. They need stability, and I never expected to be in one place long enough to put down permanent roots. But then my mom started to get sick, and my plans eventually changed completely. Once I decided to take care of her, I barely had enough time and energy for a relationship, let alone kids. I made my peace with that a long time ago."

"Oh," he replies simply.

"I like other people's kids," she continues gently, "I just never wanted to have any of my own."

Buck stays quiet when she's done, and Abby can practically hear him thinking over the phone line.

"Abs, I don't want to lose you, but I won't force you into something that's going to make you unhappy. If you decide you want out, I get it."

She lets out a small chuckle at that, because of course he wouldn't be Buck if he didn't prioritize her feelings ahead of his own, but also, the irony of the situation wasn't exactly lost on her.

"I seem to remember us having this exact same conversation about me taking care of my mom, and how that would affect our relationship."

"That's different," Buck protests immediately.

"How?" she challenges him, amused.

"Because I knew about your mom before we started this," he insists. "The whole reason we even met in person was because she was lost, and then we made this official. I knew the deal before I signed on."

"You didn't know the extent of the deal until later," Abby reminds him. "And I still tried to chase you away for your own good. You wouldn't go, and I'm not giving up that easily either. Sure, this isn't the kind of situation I thought I'd find myself in at this point in my life, but he's a piece of you. I may not want my own kids, but in this case, he already has a mom and a dad, right? I think I can handle being his dad's girlfriend."

He doesn't argue back, seeming to accept what she's said at face value. "So, this really isn't a dealbreaker for you?"

"Getting to know a tiny version of you?" she asks affectionately. "Not even a little bit."

Buck goes quiet again, and Abby's beginning to think she said something wrong when he breaks the silence with a chuckle of his own.

"Abs, do you even know how amazing you are? I'm throwing this huge wrench into your life, and you just handle it like it's no big deal."

"I'm amazing?" she repeats, surprised. "Your grieving girlfriend gave you less than 24 hours' notice that she was going on an open-ended trip to another country, and you gave her your unconditional support. You're also willingly taking responsibility for raising a whole human you didn't know anything about for almost a year."

"Well," he says, and she can hear the smile in his voice, "maybe we're both amazing, and that's why we get along so well."

Sensing that the hard part of this conversation was over, at least for now, Abby rises from where she's nestled in the hotel armchair and makes her way toward her room. Luckily, with it being dinner time, there weren't many people around, and she only has one flight of stairs to climb.

She rolls her eyes fondly as she goes. "I miss you, you cheeseball."

"I miss you too, Abs." His voice is all warm affection, and it fills her with such serenity that she practically floats down the hallway.

"You know," she says, unable to stop herself from teasing him just a little, "I do have one bit of parenting advice that I've picked up along the way."

"Oh yeah?" he asks, amused. "What's that?"

She enters her room and drops her bag on the floor, kicking off her shoes on the way to the bed.

"I read somewhere that kids are, in fact, different than cacti. They can tell you if they've been overwatered."

Buck lets out a bark of laugher, and Abby smiles to herself, victorious.

"That's the wisdom you have to share with me, huh?"

She drops comfortably down onto the edge of the bed. "That's it," she says playfully, "groundbreaking, huh?"

"I'll file that one away for later," he says dryly.

"You never know when that kind of knowledge will come in handy," she agrees before switching gears a bit. "How are you doing, better?"

"Yeah," he replies. "I'm still convinced I'm going to screw this all up and make them both hate me somehow, but I need to do this."

"You really are going to be a great dad, Buck."

"Well," he tells her jokingly, "if you say so, it must be true."

She makes a frustrated sound in the back of her throat, because to her, this is important. "Seriously, I mean it. Even when you inevitably screw up. You have so much love to give, and you're easily one of the most generous people I've ever met. This kid doesn't know how lucky he is."

This time Buck's voice is thick with emotion when he responds. "Thanks, Abs. Really. It's just gonna take me awhile to believe I can live up to that."

"I know," she says warmly, "but you will. Just let me know how everything goes, ok? Keep me in the loop."

"I will," he promises. "I love you, you know that, right?"

"I do," she replies, smiling softly to herself. "I love you too. Goodnight, Buck."

"'Night, Abs."

They hang up then, and Abby sits there on the edge of the bed with her phone still in one hand, just thinking. She lets herself fall backward, her hair fanned out around her on the bedspread, and wonders if she's just gotten herself in way over her head.