Nighttime; when the twin moons shined at their brightest, the decorative knight armors in the cafeteria came to life and began dancing with grace, when funny noises came from Kirche's room, and when most people were asleep. It was at this time that a Princess managed to escape her guest room while wearing a coat that hid her identity from anyone who'd notice her.
Of course, the Princess of Tristain was not a fan of this plan, but what else was she supposed to do?
She wanted to meet her childhood friend, and yet her bodyguard was insistent on her staying in the guest room the Academy provided her with!
As if this Academy was a dangerous place with traps that could end her life, or spies that would kidnap and murder her for the sake of other Nations!
What a ridiculous way of thinking!
But Agnes refused to think like her, so Princess Henrietta de Tristain was forced to escape through her window with the help of a Levitation spell, and the coat was an in case… Completely unaware she looks more suspicious in that outfit.
Anyways, she had memorized the entire layout of the Academy in the little time she had been here, so she knew the exact path to the tower the students were staying at. The problem would usually be finding Louise's room, but the Princess had that covered. How did she do that?
"Your Majesty, why did you want a map of the Student's tower with the name of every student's room and floor numbers?" Old Osmond asked while handing Henrietta said map.
The Princess gave a simple reply; "An important political matter that allows me to see the safety and quality of each student's dormitories and understand-"
"Lady Valliere is on the fifth story, third door from the left." Osmond said before walking away, not having the time or age to listen to the obvious lies of this politician teenager.
Yeah, Henrietta is not proud of how she got the information, but she got it!
Sneaking around was easy, as guards don't really tend to wander around this area of the Academy due to lack of belief in anyone seriously getting so far past them, and as she ascended through the tower, Henrietta began pondering on how Louise had changed since last time they met various years ago.
They were mere children playing to be the Mommy and Daddy of their doll house. Or had they been playing in the dirt that time? They had done just about everything and anything there had to be done to play, too much to remember exactly what it was the last they did together. And much to the dismay of the Maids that were looking after them back then.
So while she was excited to see her friend again… She was a little worried as well.
There had been various rumors about Louise Francoise Le Blanc de la Valliere lately, rumors that had been the least pleasing. She wanted to believe they were baseless rumors, but when they come out of various mouths instead of just one, well, it becomes hard to stay optimistic about her friend's innocence.
Still, she shall be the judge of it!
Standing before the door Osmond told her, Henrietta felt her heart pounding much harder than before… It was time to meet Louise again!
But of course, manners first.
The Princess in disguise knocked on the door and got no response. "..." After a few moments she knocked again. There still was no answer. "Hmm…?" Was Louise asleep? If so, then Founder she was a girl who respected the schedules, unlike Henrietta right now. But that couldn't be it. She can clearly hear noises coming from within the room
Being a little careful, and deciding to be a little disrespectful at that, the princess opened the door gently, "Hello, is this-"
Nothing could prepare her for the sight she witnessed.
"M-MOM! DROP THE WHIP! DROP THE WHIP!" A girl who looked just like Louise but slightly older, and who was wearing nothing but an extremely skimpy underwear with various cute fish drawings on it (a bikini), was crawling backwards on the floor while clearly looking terrified of her life.
The other girl, who was holding a riding crop, Louise de la Valliere, was dressed in-... A strange bunny outfit? It looked nothing like a bunny save for the ears on her head, and even then what-... What is that perverted clothing!?
There was a third girl in the room, who had somehow been shoved into an equally perverted outfit that consisted of various small amounts of fur covering her nipples and crotch, and wearing-... wolf gloves and boots along with a wolf tiara?
Siesta, forced into a Wild Beast outfit, tried to defuse the situation taking place, "L-Louise! Beatrice didn't mean for this to happen! It was an accident, I'm sure!"
"Accident my nonexistent balls!" Henrietta cringed at the response of her old Childhood friend. "This whore said she had a great spell for the Exhibition tomorrow, and next thing we know, she's prepared us for an orgy!" She glared back at her Familiar/Daughter, "And this is not a whip! It's a riding crop! Know the difference!" Louise then charged in while swinging her deadly weapon.
Beatrice yelped and moved out of the way of the lash, just barely avoiding it. Louise hit the wall and made a crack on it… Riding crops aren't supposed to do that and Louise's arms are as thin as she is busty! What the hell?!
While the Mother and Daughter duo were chasing each other around the room, destroying it as they moved, Henrietta was frozen in place at the bizarre sight her eyes were viewing.
… Hey, there's a sword in the place too, and it's wearing a single leaf on the lowest part of its blade as if it were hiding its modesty? "Uh…" Did the sword just make a noise? "Girls, I think you should stop fighting…" And it noticed the Princess standing in place. Also, a talking sword to further add into the bizarreness of the scene.
"Never! Not until this daughter of a bitch dies and admits she lies out loud!" Louise swung her riding crop again, and Beatrice side-jumped just in time to avoid the lash, which ended up hitting one of Louise's pillows, tearing it in two almost instantly.
Beatrice, thankfully enough, knew the best way to end this problem. Get everyone back in their original clothing!
Holding her wand up, a dark aura surrounded Beatrice, "Oh, Unholy Goddess of Fashion, undo the terrible mistake I made." Unholy Goddess of Fashion? Is this heresy, an insult to said Goddess, and nonsense in a single chant? "Poruno Eiga!"
FLASH
Good news: They weren't wearing the lewd clothing they had been a mere moment ago.
Bad news: Every single person in the room was now wearing a sexy belly dancer outfit, face veil included, and anything else they had been using vanished from this reality, possibly forever.
"..." Beatrice looked at her wand, then looked down at herself "Cool.", her gaze changed to her Mom, "Meh." She then turned to Siesta, who was just looking at the two of them with a dead look, unable to bring herself to even judge them, "OwO"
"BEATRICE!" Louise tackled the girl to the ground and after a hard fall, she pinned both her hands above her head with a single hand while she clenched her off-hand into a fist, ready to maul her daughter's head into mush!
"Hey, Princess, why don't you shake those hips and show us what you got?~" Everyone froze at Derflinger's perverted suggestion.
Quickly, like a pack of wolves realizing a nearby prey, they turned to Henrietta's direction to find the Princess devoid of clothing, save for the sexy dancer outfit of course, and tears of embarrassment forming in the corners of her eyes.
Silence filled the room before the Princess broke the silence by calmly asking Beatrice to undo her spell, "KYAAAA!" … I said calmly asking Beatrice to undo her spell, not break down in tears and fall to your knees after screaming like you just witnessed a murder scene!
"A-AH! PRINCESS!" Louise got off her future daughter and tried to rush at her sovereign, something Beatrice was quick to stop by grabbing her Mother's ankles and pulling them, causing Louise to trip and fall face first against the ground.
"Dumbass! Auntie Anne doesn't need a meanie with the grumpies! She needs the comfort of her sweet and sexy niece!" The girl got up from the ground, kicked her Mother's riding crop away from her, and approached the half-naked Princess, "Hey there, Auntie Anne. My name is Beatrice Hiraga de la Valliere, future daughter of Louise de la Valliere. May I kiss you(r hand) in order to show my respect and love to you?~"
She wasn't an idiot, she knew perfectly her Father knew what he was doing when he french kissed a Ruler on their first meeting. He couldn't have been be retarded enough to not know what kissing a Lady's hand meant (false, he was), and of course, she'll just pull the same trick and add her second thot to the harem!
"WAAAAAAAA!" Strangely enough, Henrietta did not seem to like the girl's words and began crying even louder at the shame and humiliation.
"E-Eh?" Beatrice took a step back upon seeing the reaction of the country's sovereign. "Hmm… was I too direct?"
"No, you were just a stupid deviant!" By now, Louise had gotten up as well and tried to approach Henrietta to calm down her Princess, "N-Now, Princess, how about we-..." Hearing the voice of her childhood friend, Henrietta looked up with some hope… And she found the pink-haired loli staring at her tits without an ounce of shame, "... Huh, they're bigger than they looked from afar."
Hugging her chest with an arm, Henrietta actually pulled out her wand with her free hand (from where did she pull it out?) and aimed it at the two Valliere's, causing Siesta to quickly hide under the bed.
"H-HOLD ON-!"
"SON OF A-!"
"Water Splash!" A sphere of water formed on the tip and blasted the two pink-haired girls, sending them crashing to the wall behind them, and leaving them trapped in a tight hole they made with their exact shapes. Soon afterwards, the Princess resumed crying herself in shame.
Siesta got off her hiding spot and sighed, taking one of the bed's blankets and walking to her Ruler before kneeling next to her and wrapping her on the blanket, "Don't worry, the two of them can't do anything to you anymore." After that, the Maid(?) patted the Princess' head gently.
Somehow that made Henrietta relax a bit and feel safe as she suddenly turned and hugged Siesta desperately. The commoner sighed and returned the hug while rolling her eyes. Founder, even Mott paid Siesta more for handling his deviant shit than Louise pays her for just being near her.
Not long after this, Agnes and a squad of Musketeers arrived at the scene after realizing their Boss had left her room and having heard the screams coming from here, "Princess! We've arrived, what's the prob-!?" Agnes stopped dead in her tracks at the scene before her. "..." She looked at Siesta, who casually pointed a finger at the two Belly Dancer Nobles stuck on the wall. "Arrest them."
Derflinger began thinking he may need to wait for a new Gandalfr to be summoned after this.
The horses neighed as they finished pulling the carriage inside of the Academy's grounds.
It was the middle of the night and the poor animals did not want to finish the journey today; neither did the coachman but the people he was transporting decided they had to arrive today because they were not arriving the day of the event!
And really, it wasn't that they were late, the problem were the various monsters that somehow kept appearing!
Goblins, Orcs, Wild Salamanders and Wyverns, Dragons, a vampire, and even a pack of Werewolves!
It was as if the Founder didn't want them to arrive on time or something!
The door of the carriage opened up and Cattleya was helped out of the vehicle by one of the Academy guards, the Noble ill girl feeling like she could fall onto any bed and take a good sleep on it and wait until tomorrow to meet Louise and Beatrice.
Her illness and the constant attacks to their carriage were not anything she appreciated, and at various times she believed her Mother would drag her back to the Manor just out of paranoia. Thankfully, that wasn't the case.
One by one, the members of the family got off the carriage as well, and they watched the crowd of people that arrived to meet them: Professors of the Academy and various servants to help move the family's luggage into their guest rooms. While not as prominent or important as the Princess, the Vallieres were still an influential family, so renowned that at least the teachers had to welcome them despite the late hours.
As Karin, Sandorion, and Eleanore began meeting and talking with old acquaintances and doing proper greetings, Cattleya looked around the wide courtyard. Due to her illness, the woman was never allowed to come to this Academy and become both a more proper mage and Noble, unlike her other two siblings, so coming here for the first time in her life; It really did feel like a good place where children could learn all they needed without any hint of toxicity! There even was an old looking thin tree in the courtyard where her youngest sister and possibly even youngest lost sister are about to be executed!
"..." Cattleya squinted her eyes at the group as they finished setting up a quick wooden wall and put up both Louise and Beatrice before it. The two girls were still wearing belly dancer outfits, as well as blindfolds with their hands cuffed behind their backs. Of course, that wasn't the entirety of the musketeers working on the wall; the rest of them were busy making sure their rifles were in perfect condition to execute the two criminals. "... M-MOM!"
As the young Noble girl ran up to her Mother, in the execution site literally a couple meters away from the other, the family in it was also enjoying their last conversation.
"-and when we get up there, you'll see! I swear to you! The Founder will judge you unworthy of entering his kingdom and you shall burn along the Elves in hell!" Louise screamed to the left at her daughter who was actually on the right, but Beatrice didn't bother correcting her Mother… Mostly because she thought Louise was actually aiming in the right direction.
"Look, I don't know where I went wrong. I could have sworn Auntie Anne was a pussy who would, at most, give me a slap in the wrist, not do this." Beatrice didn't have it in her to be mad or sad, she was just confused at the way things played out.
Thankfully, Agnes appeared to fill in the plot hole, "Oh, no, the Princess is too busy crying over the humiliation you and your accomplice made her face. I decided all this on my own. I don't think she'll mind much." Her answer was casual and done while she was cleaning her blade to give her troops the order of fire.
"Ooohhh~ So effective, Auntie Agnes!" Agnes did not miss the obvious seductive tone put in that sentence and thus the commoner walked up to Beatrice and smacked the back of her head. "OW!"
"I will be sure to write a report on you plotting to kill the Princess, just in case she gets sad over this." Beatrice whined at Agnes' admission of lying, but the blonde refused to spare anymore time on her, "Musketeers!"
Everyone tensed up at the change of tone from the Princess' bodyguard.
"Load!" The musketeers quickly put the gunpowder in their weapons along the bullet, "Take aim!" The two pink-haired girls shuddered as they felt death being so near upon them, "Fire!"
BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG
Louise and Beatrice shook in place, the smaller of the two even crying and screaming in panic… only for them to then feel nothing.
The musketeers had their eyes widened as a violent gust of wind sent their bullets flying away from their targets, going off into the distance and losing speed too quickly and falling to the ground. Their eyesights tracked where the wind came from… And found Duchess de la Valliere glaring at them with the same expression she used to give Louise on a daily basis back when she was still living in the family state.
"... Wind Blast." Karin finished the chant and then sheathed her wand-blade while taking a deep breath, "What the hell did my stupid daughter do now?" She wanted to know how hard she had to smash these incompetent idiots. If Louise truly did something stupid, she'd give them a smack on the back of their heads and call it a day. If not, they'd know why Karin is known as the Heavy Wind.
Louise's panicked expression filled with tears was quick to change to a wide hopeful smile. Yes, her Mother is here! Karin may hate Louise's guts, but she'd never let anything bad happen to her!
"They caused the crown of the Princess to be lost, got rid of her clothing and forced her into a prostitute's attire, only to then sexually harass her."
Karin kept on glaring at Agnes… And then her glare turned into a deadpan, "Very well, you can execute Louise."
"Wait, what!?"
Fortunately, one of the Musketeers did not fire during the first round due to noticing the Heavy Wind on the side, so the order was followed quite immediately.
BANG
As if blessed by the Founder the wound Louise received wasn't mortal and she wouldn't die!
At the same, as if the Founder was trying to amuse himself, the bullet somehow missed Louise, bounced on the wooden wall (don't ask), kept bouncing around without any kind of control or logical sense… And finally hit a tree! The only tree in the courtyard which also just happened to need a single push to fall off and land conveniently on top of Louise… The probabilities of this happening and Louise surviving are so astronomically low, Louise's runic name went from "The Zero" to "The Luckless".
Bell officially considers himself the unluckiest being in existence, ironic given his white hair usually getting him confused for a lucky rabbit.
For context as for what happened here, you dear readers need to know that we're in the city of Orario in a land where the Gods descended a long time ago and give adventurers of different races part of their essence, their Falna, in order for them to become official part of the guild and fight monsters in an underground system of magical caves divided by floors known as the Dungeon.
If this sounds like the plot of a videogame, you'd be wrong, it is the plot of a light novel which is more "romance" than actual adventure. But enough of breaking the fourth wall.
Bell, a level 1 adventurer, thought it'd be a good idea to go to the fifth floor of the dungeon. The place has about 70 confirmed floors, maybe more, so the 5th one can't be so bad. Except he almost died at the hands of a Minotaur and ended up running away like a coward. In his defense, minotaurs were supposed to be beyond the twentieth floor, so it was more bad luck than anything.
And just when he was about to die, a strange energy blade pierced through the monster and slashed upwards, revealing a pink haired loli in the skimpiest suit Bell had seen ever since the Amazons! And she was flying too!
Next to her was her husband, Saito, who was just trying hard not to cringe at Louise's attempts at being "cool".
They saved him and rather quickly became part of his team, his Familia, all in order to "get more hacks before leaving" according to Louise, whatever that meant.
And… It wasn't that bad in the beginning. Louise could feel magic hidden deep within him and decided to help him a little, while Saito taught him more blade to blade combat, even giving him a strong knife he supposedly crafted, which according to Bell's Goddess, it was probably better than any knife the Goddess Hephaestus (yes, Goddess) could craft.
He even met a cute Maid who seemed to have the hots for him, if Saito's words were to be believed at least! And thanks to him, Bell even managed to gain enough courage to ask her out! (Much to the dismay of his Goddess, but according to Saito, Bell didn't want to mess with a "Tsundere Loli" while having a traumatized face)
All was going well!
Until the third day arrived and the couple declared they had to go, all while saddened by the little amount of "hacks" they got… And of course Hestia, his Goddess, whined about their stats being so high already that it was nearly impossible to raise them so fast in the low levels of the dungeon.
Still, as a 'thank you' for hosting them, they decided to take Bell to higher leveled floors in order for the boy to get a better kick at what will be awaiting him in his journey to make a harem…!
And that's where the problems began: The moment they got in, the dungeon had a different reaction from usual. Sure, when these two were around it seemed like the amount of monsters that spawned was higher than normal, but Bell brushed it off as just some bad luck… Until today.
Level 3, a dragon boss appeared from nowhere and tried to kill them, being defeated by Saito's and Louise's teamup and earning them quite a hefty reward. Level 4, the entire floor was filled with giant Minotaurs, which Louise and Saito committed genocide upon. Level 5, a giant tentacle thing calling itself a Demon Lord from Solomon appeared… and Bell actually needed to act as bait alongside Saito to give Louise time to one-shot it!
Thankfully, they survived and decided to call it a day. Bell was no longer mad about the married duo leaving, mostly because the drops he got were insane today, without counting the increase in his stats, and if he hadn't met them he would still have come to the dungeon today, and would have been mauled by the Dragon without having much of a chance to react.
So they left the dungeon, and Bell just had to comment about how his Goddess would be so happy about the drops, which finally inspired Louise to say; "You know, Saito and I are Gods too, kind of, why don't you worship me a bit before we go?~"
That made Bell snap: The dungeon hates the mortals that dare to invade it and go deep within it. But if the dungeon hated something more than mortals, it was Gods.
And these two… decided to keep such important info for so much time?!
Bell, of course, confronted the two of them and explained to them the entire situation, the dangers of the dungeon towards Deities, the way some monsters react to seeing actual deities and the possible reason the dungeon became much more aggressive than before, and how it was once considered a place that'd bring destruction to the world! Grant it, that last one was only before the Gods came and began their groups called Familias, but it still happened!
Once he finished telling them how their reckless actions put them in danger, the duo thought about their decisions… And decided to do something to make it up to Bell and do something good for this world.
"I'll destroy the Dungeon." Louise declared out loud, gaining various looks from random passersby who simply were existing in the area near the dungeon. Before Bell could ask her if there was something wrong in her head, the pink-haired child woman pulled out her staff of Magnus and casted a spell, "Conjure Archer of Babylonia!"
A golden light formed, and the spirit of a man wearing gold appeared. He-... it-... the Spirit clearly didn't want to be there.
"C'mon, Gil! Destroy the dungeon!" Louise commanded her conjure, which tried so hard to refuse. Sadly, the nature of the spell did not allow for any kind of disobedience. Bell watched as the spirit raised to the sky, then pulled out a black sword from somewhere and aimed it at the tower of Babel, home of the Freya Familia, the highest Familia in all of Orario which decided to locate their home just above the dungeon just to show their superiority.
"ENUMA ELISH!" Bell watched as the spirit blasted a dark energy onto the general area… and not only did it possibly destroy the dungeon (they'd need to pay a whole party to look inside of the giant hole in the ground), but also murdered everyone who had been inside of it, and everyone who had been inside the Babel Tower too. Its only survivor would be discovered to be the Goddess Freya who was at a tavern pretending to be someone else at the time.
Back at the scene, there was nothing but silence for a whole minute, in which the Conjured spirit vanished from existence, making Louise give herself a pat on the back over successfully mixing Tohsaka's magic spells with Skyrim's. By the time the silence ended, there was a huge amount of panic being spread around, mostly over the fact that the city's main economy spot was utterly annihilated beyond repair, and over the obvious genocide caused, alongside the fears of repercussion this would have over the whole world.
Still, Saito and Louise decided to not look beyond the "good" they did on this world. They patted Bell's head, wished him luck on his dream of fucking as many girls as he could, and casted World Gate to try their luck again on the next world.
By the time Bell came to his senses, he was surrounded by a mob of angry adventurers who had been making their way to the dungeon, blacksmiths, authority forces, and even some Gods that were furious over their "children" being murdered like that!
"... I-... I didn't-... it was-... I'm just an innocent passerby?" He tried to excuse himself, but the angry mob was having none of it.
This day would be remembered in history as "Rabbit Season".
AN: The answer to this chapter's title is yes, yes it is wrong if you do it the Hiraga de la Valliere way.
Another chapter has been released, and first of all, is Christmas a full month earlier? Because we're 50 people following the story!
Thank you so much for all the love you've given to it, it has done nothing but make me work harder on writing the best I can for you, people. ^_^
I'd wish to say I have a gift here, but lately things have been a little rough in my place and I really only had the time to get this piece done, but that doesn't mean I won't do my best for each and single one of you, including those that read and aren't following, all of you are great and give me strength to keep on going! :D
As always, thanks to Porpol for beta-reading, and let's go to the reviews~
Anchovyisbest: I can't argue against this statement because it's a fact.
Reishin Amara: Actually, fun fact, Tiff and Mathilda aren't blood related sisters, not even in the half sense, Mathilda is part of the Saxe-Gotha family who was simply close friends with the Westwoods, and they happened to be visiting when all went down, thus how the two girls ended together.
sarah2cold: Good guess, but no, it was the Armor of the Old Gods~
Bobb1: Eh, it's fine, the show really lost me in s3 and I haven't had the chance to try and finish it up to go to s4.
Nope, Armor of the Old Gods… and yes, I just realized half the sets have deer horns, my bad there XD
And close guess, exhibition is next chap. This was just the prepping~ And don't worry, Guiche will have his moment one day, not today, not tomorrow, maybe nowhere in this year but someday! (*Press S for Sus*)
No one guessed Louise's armor correctly, but that doesn't matter, y'all still get a reward! A virtual hug! (*Hugs*)
… Yeah, sorry, only the winner was getting the cash transfer, better luck in the next century when I do something like this again. ;3
Anyways, seriously, thanks for the support you've all brought to me and this story, I'll be doing my best to update as much as I can, though I might not be able to upload for a week or two, University's starting to show its fangs and I need to reply properly, but as soon as I got a new chapter, you'll be able to read it~ (And once it's beta-read ofc XD)
Shadic out, sheeple~
... Also, yes, Adult Louise and Adult Saito are slowly working their way into Touhou levels of hacks. How broken do you think they'll be by the end? XD
