Disclaimer: The Loud House and associated characters belong to Nickelodeon and Chris Savino.

TheAllSeeingEye4812: In what way is Lola sus?

marz-senpai: Lana is seven, and despite his feelings for her Lincoln would never ask that of her.

Mud and Love

By Lola Presents

Chapter 7

Lola stared at her sister for a few moments, seemingly void of emotion. Then, as her senses returned, Lola locked their door, unwrapped her hair, and lightly tossed it, knowing that vigorous scrubbing could cause breakage. Finally, she tossed Lana the used towel before addressing her.

"Here," Lola instructed. "Wipe that garbage off your face. I'll glam you up properly after I get dressed."

Lana was not one for trendy clothing, much less makeup. Lincoln once told Lola how Lana had referred to one of her old dresses as a sparkly towel, and she couldn't help but chuckle as she finished drying off, figuring her sister must genuinely be in love if she were willing to go through all that.

"Why?" inquired Lana, studying her application in the vanity's lighted mirror. "What's wrong with it?"

"Honey..." sang Lola as she browsed her closet. "You look like a five-layer cake. Less is more."

"Phooey!" exclaimed Lana, folding her arms and leaning back in Lola's chair. "I only wanted to look nice."

"For Lincoln?" added Lola, smirking as she chose the day's outfit, which ironically didn't look any different to the naked eye.

"I don't know what you mean," muttered Lana, furrowing her brows.

"Oh, don't start denying it now, missy," Lola chastised her twin. "Who else would you be trying to impress? Bobby? Come on, I already know you like him. And what's wrong with the way you usually are? It was fine yesterday. Or has something changed?"

Lana refused to answer, hoping the issue would go away. However, she knew it wouldn't. Not with miss nosy in the room. Reluctantly, Lana released a deeply held sigh and relaxed somewhat. She needed her sister's help, and arguing with her wouldn't solve anything.

"Yeah..." Lana whispered dreamily, propping her head in her hands as she stared past the mirror to the untold wonderland beyond.

Finally dressed, Lola pulled Lana's little red wagon, which usually sat near the foot of her twin's bed, over to her vanity and sat on the pile of unwashed clothing inside before studying her sister. Something had happened to make Lana this loopy. The question was, what?

"Lana?" the worried girl asked as she grabbed the damp towel and cleared her sister's face. "Tell me everything. I need to know what I'm dealing with here."

Lana blushed and told her trusted twin what had happened between her and Lincoln the night before. While Lola could be a nosy brat and a malicious snitch when she wasn't holding her siblings for ransom, the twins had a special bond regarding certain things.

"You did what to his what?" gasped Lola, feigning vomiting. "That's disgusting!"

"Not really," Lana promised. "And one day, when you fall in love, you'll understand. Trust me."

"But that all? Right?" pleaded Lola. "I mean, you didn't..."

"No..." sighed the atypically dressed tomboy as Lola began a more professional application of cosmetics. "Not that I haven't thought about it. It's just..."

"You don't want to get pregnant?" finished Lola.

"Well, yeah," muttered Lana. "That, and I can barely get my finger in there. There's no way I could..."

"Lana!" barked Lola in grave disappointment. "You were supposed to tell me if you ever did that! Remember? I wanted to know how it feels."

"Oh yeah..." sighed the distracted girl. "Why don't you just try it yourself?"

"Ew! No!" gasped Lola. "And get all gross and sticky, let alone smelly."

"Fine..." conceded the more experienced girl. "You know that feeling you get on Christmas morning when the only light in the room is from the tree and the fireplace as it warms the room? A tingly sensation, both warm and cold, spreads throughout your body like the first sip of a hot cup of cocoa."

"Really?" responded Lola, her jaw dropping as she gazed at the faraway look in Lana's eyes.

"Mmhm," murmured the lovestruck girl. "You immediately forget everything around you. It's like only you exist, and nothing else matters. I'm telling you, it's better than that satisfying feeling when fixing an engine!"

"Or winning a pageant?" prodded Lola hopefully.

"Or winning a pageant!" nodded Lana, having won one.

"I don't know..." muttered Lola as she put the final touches on Lana. "I might try it sometime. You do make it sound interesting."

Just as Lola finished with Lana, a loud commotion downstairs got their attention. Both girls looked at their door, forgetting about their intimate conversation. Instead, they rose in unison, rushing to see what was happening. Though it didn't sound alarming, anything was better than nothing.


Most of the family had already assembled in the living room, boasting about who would win their mini-golf tournament that afternoon when someone knocked on the door. Lynn Jr. was the worst offender, claiming she'd put everyone under the rug as Lori answered the door.

"Oh, hi, Booboobear!" exclaimed the tall blonde, greeting her long-time boyfriend. "Hi, Ronnie Anne," she added after giving her boyfriend a warm hug. "I didn't know you were coming along."

"Yeah..." replied Ronnie Anne sheepishly, rubbing one arm. "I wasn't planning on it. Golf isn't my thing, regular or mini, but I wanted to check out Lincoln's new girlfriend to ensure she's on the level."

"Girlfriend?" chuckled Lori, cocking one eye. "What makes you think he has a girlfriend?"

"Just something he said while chatting with me," came Ronnie's answer. "It seems he didn't want me to come, and that could only mean he has a girlfriend he didn't want me to know about."

"Right..." sighed Lori, lazily pointing at Bobby's little sister. "Good luck with that."

"Hey, guys!" chirped Luan as she bound down the stairs with several of her sisters in tow. "We're almost ready to go."

"Yo!" echoed Luna, flopping onto the couch to put on her purple boots. "Sup?"

"Not much," sighed Bobby, never knowing how to respond to Luna. "You?"

"Oh, you know. Just chilling," replied Luna, tying her laces.

"What's she doing here?" gasped Lana, gawking at the girl Lincoln kissed twice, only to get smacked both times.

"Well," complained the mortified target. "Hello to you too, Lana." Then, changing position, she countered. "What's wrong with me being here?"

"Oh, well..." stammered Lana, fidgeting with her fingers. "Nothing. I guess. Only, I wasn't expecting you."

Relaxing somewhat, Ronnie took a good look at the youngster and paused before bursting into laughter. Ronnie was never one for tact and was more than a little rough around the edges. Her ecstatic laughs and pointing uncharacteristically embarrassed Lana, who lowered her gaze.

"What's with you?" Ronnie chuckled. "Where's the little dirtball Lincoln's always talking about?"

"Oh, stop it," commanded Bobby, scolding his sister. "She looks practically radiant."

"That's the point, dingus!" Ronnie spat. "She never looks like this! Something is up, and I'm going to figure it out."

Before anyone else could comment, Lana turned and ran from the room, heading for the kitchen. And, if Lori didn't know any better, her sister appeared to be crying. Deciding to let her family entertain their guests, Lori quietly excused herself and sought out Lana.

"Lana?" called Lori as she strolled into the kitchen, craning her neck as she searched.

Finding her sister sitting near the cellar door, her arms wrapped around her exposed knees and her head resting forlornly on them, Lori knelt before her. Lori may have been the house taskmaster, but that was a role she no longer filled. Instead, she was now the comforter.

"Lana..." she sighed, adjusting Lana's hat. "What's the matter? It isn't like you to run away from an insult."

"I just wanted to look pretty for one day," bawled Lana. "And she couldn't even let me have that."

"Oh, come on," consoled Lori. "You look gorgeous. And, you know how Ronnie can be. It'll be alright. Only, why did you want to look pretty? We're only going mini-golfing."

"You wouldn't understand," Lana sniffled, wiping back her tears. "Besides, it's complicated."

Unlike Leni, Lori was a smart cookie and began putting things together, recalling Lincoln's attention to Lana, her sister's recent advances in sexuality, and the new look, not to mention her reaction to seeing Ronnie Anne.

"Oh, my, gosh..." cooed Lori. "You have a crush on Lincoln. Don't you?"

"Maybe..." muttered the self-conscious girl.

Lori pursed her lips and drew her head back slightly. It wasn't uncommon for a young girl to get a crush on an older brother, and she could understand why. Lincoln was always doing things for them and had paid particular attention to Lana over the past few days.

"Listen," instructed Lori as she sat down beside her sister. "I understand. Lincoln's a great big brother. And I think it's cute that you have a crush on him. But you do know that he can't be your boyfriend. Right?"

"I know," whimpered Lana, still not meeting Lori's eyes. "But what if I don't care?"

"You might not care now," Lori whispered. "But everyone else will. Besides, Lincoln is older than you and will soon need a different kind of love, not just a crush, and you won't be able to give it to him. Look..." she said soothingly. "I'm sure this is just a phase, and it'll pass soon. In the meantime, go and enjoy yourself. It'll be a good first step toward finding a real boyfriend. Just don't take it too seriously. Okay?"

Lana finally looked up and nodded, though Lori hadn't convinced her. Lana knew how she and Lincoln felt about each other and that it wasn't just a phase. However, nobody else needed to know that. Instead, she smiled as she came to her feet, smoothing out the wrinkles in her dress.

"Fine..." she muttered. "Let's go. But if Ronnie Anne tries anything stupid, I'll pound her good."

"Try anything?" inquired Lori, following her sister's lead. "Like getting back together with Lincoln?"

"Mmhm," hummed the stoic girl. "If she flirts with him, it's pow, right in the kisser."

"Oh, Lana..." chuckled Lori as they headed for the living room. "They're old news. Trust me."


With the crisis temporarily averted, everyone headed outside, where half the majority hopped into the van while the remainder tagged along in Lori's car. Of course, Ronnie ensured that she rode with Lincoln in hopes of meeting her competition.

Lincoln offered Lana the window seat as everyone filed in and slipped in beside her. Ronnie took the remaining seat on Lincoln's other side, sitting entirely too close for Lana's comfort. But Lori's talk reminded her how important it was that their relationship remain secret.

How long it stayed that way remained to be seen, though. Lana could only take so much of the Latina's intrusion into her date. And as Lana glared into her lap, her hand twitched as if it wanted to reach out for Lincoln's, only to get brought back in line by its pair.

"You look lovely today, Lana," observed Lincoln, speaking softly and sweetly. "What's the occasion?"

Lana shrugged.

"I don't know," she eventually offered, shyly wrapping her freshly braided hair around her neck for comfort. "I wanted a change."

"Hah!" laughed Ronnie. "For who? Bobby? Sorry, but he's taken."

"Pipe down," Lincoln said, scolding his friend. "That's not nice. Besides, I recall you going through a phase like this too."

"You're right," sighed Ronnie Anne as she stifled her laughter. "You do look nice, Lana."

"Darn tooting!" Lola interjected from the back seat. "Better than you! Thanks to moi. So don't even think about trying anything funny."

"Anything funny?" quipped Ronnie, peering back over the seat. "Like what?"

"Like interfering with Lincoln's..." barked Lola accusingly, catching herself before she revealed too much, "...love life."

"Oh? Now that's the most interesting thing I've heard all evening," chirped the nosy girl. "What love life would that be? I see no girlfriend here."

"Alright!" barked Lincoln, growing nervous. "Can everyone drop it? Please?"

"Sure," chirped Ronnie, pretending to fawn over Lincoln. "Whatever you say, sweetheart."

Lana's cheeks filled with blood. Not only from Ronnie's boldness but out of pure anger. All Lana wanted to do at that moment was unbuckle her seatbelt and strangle the meddlesome girl with it. Instead, she sat there, trembling in rage as her face flushed and her hands twitched.

The rest of the ride was relatively silent as the other siblings desperately wanted to change the subject. According to the sister code, it's best left to the siblings involved to handle things independently. Getting involved was a big no-no. However, Ronnie Anne was an unknown.

When they finally arrived and Mr. Loud parked the van, Mrs. Loud stepped out and opened the sliding door. Many years of abuse left the inside handle broken, and it always felt like opening the floodgates on the Hoover dam. As the door slid open, Rita stepped deftly to the side.

Flowing from the van's interior, the mass of children did seem like undulating water, and the man behind the counter braced himself. He'd seen this lot before, and it was always chaos.

The establishment would've hung up "no admittance" signs years ago, but they were some of their best customers. Instead, he swallowed as he got their clubs and balls ready.

"Welcome to Hole in One-derland!" the man welcomed them as always, beads of sweat dripping down his back.

Without thinking about things, Lana stuffed her ball into her pocket, then grabbed her club with one hand, leaving the other free to grab Lincoln's hand and pull him excitedly toward the door.

"Come on, Lincoln!" she squealed. "I bet I get a hole-in-one before you!"

Lori merely chuckled as her siblings grabbed their implements and spread out.

"Kids..." she sighed, shaking her head.

Ronnie Anne was the only one not entirely enthused over the day's activities. Instead, her eyes were focused on Lincoln's and Lana's hands as the latter dragged the former toward the first green. Ronnie could overlook Lana's new appearance if that's all it was.

However, Lincoln couldn't keep his eyes off his sister, which troubled her deeply, though she didn't know why. Lincoln had always been kind and attentive toward his sisters, but he wasn't one to hold hands, even with her. The confused girl had to know what was going on.

Once everyone assembled outside, Mr. Loud called for their attention.

"Alright, everyone," he said after blowing the little whistle that hung around his neck. "There are eighteen holes and fifteen of us. I want you all to pair up to ensure that nobody gets lost. Lily will stay with her mother and me. Now, who's first?"

"Ooh! Ooh!" declared Ronnie Anne, jumping as she waved her hand. "I want to be with Lana if that's okay."

"What?" complained the surprised tomboy. "Why me? I wanted to be with Lincoln!"

"Alright, calm down, everyone," ordered Rita. Then, facing Ronnie, she facilitated a dialog. "Why do you want to pair up with Lana?" she asked.

"Well..." sighed the raven-haired girl. "I was a little mean to her on the way over. I wanted to make it up to her."

"Alright," chirped Rita, turning toward her daughter. "I take it you have no objections?"

"Well, I..." the cornered girl stammered. "It's just..." she tried again despite knowing she couldn't say what she wanted. "Fine," she conceded angrily.

"It's okay," Lincoln whispered. "There will be other outings. Go on. Have fun," he urged his sister.

"Okay..." muttered Lana, letting go of Lincoln's hand. "At least she didn't pick you."

"Heh, that's my girl..." whisperedLincoln as he began searching for another running mate.

Lori and Bobby paired up, Luan and Luna, Lucy with Lynn, and Lisa with Lola, which left Leni.

"Hey, Leni," chirped Lincoln enthusiastically as he strolled up to her. "Wanna be my partner for the day?"

"Um..." thought Leni, putting her finger to her mouth. "I don't know. Do I?"

"Yes, you do," replied Lincoln authoritatively. "We're the only ones left without a partner."

"In that case, I'd love to!" Leni chirped. "But you must know, my father wants me home by nine."

"What?" chuckled Lincoln. "It's not a date, silly. Just partners while we play."

"Oh! Right!" apologized Leni. "I almost forgot what we were doing!"


As the groups lined up and took their turn at the first tee, they slowly began to spread out. Being last in line, Ronnie Anne found every excuse in the book to delay their tee-off. It wasn't until she got assured of some privacy that she relented.

"So..." the brash girl opened as she set her ball down and lined up her putt. "Does Lincoln have a girlfriend or not?" she grilled Lana.

"How would I know?" retorted Lana, waiting her turn. "Maybe?"

"And how do you feel about that?" continued Ronnie after her first stroke.

"What do you mean?" spat Lana, growing hesitant and angry again.

"I don't know," shrugged the Latina. "You seem pretty clingy, and he couldn't stop staring at you earlier. Is there something going on here that I should know about?"

"Is that what this is about?" posed Lana defiantly. "You didn't want him when you were his only choice. Now, you're jealous?"

"Of Lincoln? Please..." sighed Ronnie Anne, grinning at how effectively she manipulated the younger girl. "Although..." she added, putting a finger to her cheek as she stared into space.

"You can't have him!" declared Lana. "So back off before I take this putter and get a hole-in-one on your ass!"

"Interesting..." muttered Ronnie Anne, returning her gaze to her irate partner. "That sounds just like something a girlfriend would say."

"Shut up!" barked Lana, brandishing her putter menacingly. "It's not like that!"

"Mmhm..." hummed Ronnie Anne, ignoring Lana's threats. "Cute clothes, new hairstyle, makeup, leading him by the hand," she offered as evidence. "I know crush when I see one. The only thing I don't understand is why Lincoln didn't want me to know. Unless..."