How I Met Your Mother- "Of Course…Michael…"
Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended
Summary: There was a little more to the "Of Course" episode as Mr. and Mrs. Scherbatsky-Stinson relate after a chance meeting.
Part XI
2019, Maclaren's…
"Ok, that's fantastic. We both appreciate it so much. Say, did you and Delphine get the wedding present? Ah, great…Oh, glad you liked it." Nod to Robin who beamed.
They loved it…Barney mouthed.
"We're so grateful, Cosima. And tell Helena and Arthur we will be there, with bells on…Wouldn't miss it for the world, even world newsworthy events." Wink to Robin. "Ok, our best to everyone and I'll keep those samples comin'." Pause. "Oh, sure…You tell Sarah, Kyra's school is a done deal. And when she can't come down, Robin and I will look in on her. Ok, great. See you in two months. We'll bring the good stuff, I have a guy in LA. Oh, sure, Marshall and Lily will be coming. If it looks like it's time, we may bring the whole gang. Yes, send me that report as well…I wanna keep a handle on everything. Yes? Oh, yeah…There'll be a special on it in the next 'Gentlemanly Bro's Guide', 'Ladies, Suit Up, the Bro Way for that Special Someone!' Well, be speakin' to ya, Cos. Robin says love ya!" holding up phone, Robin calling "Love ya guys!"
He closed phone…Nodding happily. "That's one great kid…And brilliant scientist. Ted, she could make even you understand the science."
"Barney? I've never had a problem understanding Science. I was an A student in Biology and Chemistry." Ted frowning. "So, the gist is, Robin's ok?"
"Absolutely. I don't know why you freak out so much." Barney nodded. "So, where were we?"
"Lily had something…" Ted, a bit anxious. "And how did she guess it was Michael?"
"Please, Ted. It's Lily. Accept it." Barney shrugged.
"She's amazing. She really should write a book." Anita noted, happily.)
…
Metro News 1, 2010
"So, what does Lily say, Barney?" Anita, anxiously. "Can I…?"
"One mo…" he held up hand, then covered ear on phone.
"No, Lil'…Patrice has been trying this line. I'm not using this to get ideas for some lame Playbook attack on Fortress Robin…"
("Nope." Robin beamed. "'Cause he was already letting his own fine wheels subconsciously spin in that most awesome brain. And Fortress Robin was already bein' undermined. By her very own self." Beam at Barney who smiled fondly back.
"With a little help from…?" Ted, insistent.
"In a bit, yet, from then, Mosby…" Tracy noted. "But thanks.")
"Anyway, as to the situation at hand…Right…Right. Ok." Shrewd nod. "Not bad, Aldrin, not bad. Thanks, Lil', I knew you'd come through. We'll let you know." He closed phone.
"She didn't want to tell me…?" Anita stared.
"Well, she said she didn't have to…You already know." Barney eyed her.
"Oh…" Anita sighed. "Yeah…"
"Oh, oh, oh…I got it!" Patrice beamed, waving hands.
("What did Lily say?!" Ted, Tracy.)
"'Try again', huh?" Anita noted. "She's right." Patrice beaming and nodding eagerly…
"Yeah, try again. Tell him you mean it. Oh, but she did have one question about his daughter, natch." Barney nodded.
"Oh, God…His daughter." Anita gasped. "Of course…"
("'Of course'? What?" Ted, frowning.)
"Beautiful." Anita noted to Barney's stare.
"She thought so…" Barney nodded in return, shrewdly. "Available? Hey…" he regarded the two women. "Playa Anita may have retired, Playa Stinson is on the field still."
("Oh, God. You didn't bang his daughter?" Ted stared, Tracy a bit concerned as well.
"Immaterial to the story, Mosby." Robin noted. "And I was a bit of a playa still then myself."
"But in fact, I did not. Respect to my fellow playa who couldn't have her bid for happiness complicated." Barney noted. "But no question a beauteous one, meaning…?" he looked around the table.
"Hmmn…Oh…" Ted raising hand suddenly. "Michael had a hottie ex-!" pausing. "Michael? Our Michael?" he blinked.
"Excuse me?" Anita, a bit frostily.
"Oh, just saying…" Ted, a bit lamely. Tracy sighing…
Ted…
"Indeed, he did. Remember that series 'Parks and Recreation'? Jerry, the office klutz, who was rapturously married to a Queen of hottieness?" Barney noted.
"Yeah, that was hilarious that he was married to Christy Brinkley or on the show, her lookalike." Ted smiled. "I remember he told the Rob Lowe character once…Oh, my God!"
"Right." Barney agreed. "Our Michael was once a paragon of a man, no offense, Anita."
"Moderately taken. But he remains so." Anita, firmly. "Just a bit more of my relaxed honey lovey, blinding fools to his true awesomeness." Beam.
"See." Barney pushed forward on table a photo he'd removed from his wallet. Michael, at about 30…Truly a paragon of physical perfection.
"Holy crap." Ted blinked. Whoa, Tracy whistled.
Phew…Robin mouthed to Tracy.
But, I'd seen this one already.
Though rather lucky he'd "relaxed" before we'd first met. That boy was Scherbatsky-worthy, in the day.
"He really hasn't changed much…" Anita, fondly. "Just become even more sweet, and relaxed. Of course, the shallower sort chased him a bit more in those days. Though even then he never succumbed to the Dark Side of the Playa Force."
Hmmn… "Relaxation" might well be the ultimate solution to the "Stinson Skank leftover" problem. And likewise my Barnabas would remain awesome, just less obviously so…Robin pondered.
Well, it's probably better to put twenty-five or thirty on him than lay them six feet under…
"So, Michael had been hurt before…" Tracy, shrewdly. "After he 'relaxed' a bit?" she eyed Barney, then Anita, a bit apologetically.
"Oh, no…The whore dumped him while he was still something of a Greek god." Barney shook head. "It was his choice of career. She wanted mucho bucks and a champagne wishes, cavier dreams lifestyle, he wanted to do what he loved."
"He loves working behind a camera at Metro News 1?" Ted stared.
Uh…At Anita's colder stare.
"That's one of his gigs, to pay the steady bills. Dude…" Barney smiled. "Michael's done some amazing jobs, all around the world." To Anita's pleased high-five.
"Oh, geesh…That reminds me I gotta set the TV DVR for 'The Crown' while Mike and I are in Afghanistan next week." Anita noted, anxiously.)
"So, there it goes." Barney noted to Patrice and Anita. "He was vaccinated against Playas female, nonspecifically by his ex-, and his daughter's illness represents the booster after he'd become again susceptible to very high dose hotties."
"To wit, me. So, I go back…?" Anita, a bit nervous. "I agree I should try again as soon as I can but I don't know if I should just now, when he's so worried about his daughter? It's a bit self-centered."
"Which Lily agreed with…" Barney nodded. "So, the solution is a long campaign. A siege. Possibly leading to a winter in the trenches…"
"Oh…That sounds right to me." Patrice noted.
"Ok." Anita, taking breath. "I'm up for it…But what's the…"
"Take a letter…" Barney raised forefinger. "I mean that literally." Eyeing Anita who turned to Patrice who pulled a yellowpad and a pen from her desk drawer, handing them to Anita.
"This is Lily's letter…In the two minutes she was on the phone?" Anita stared
"Well, she is that good. But, no. She left the details to me, knowing my talents for literary seduction…" Barney beamed. "Plus, she had to feed Marvin."
("Talents, indeed." Robin beamed.
"Guys, you've read the Playbook and the Gentlemanly Bro's Guide…" she noted to the somewhat uncertain as to potential eehew level, Ted and Tracy, shrug to Anita who nodded.)
"Attend… 'Dear Michael, I want to apologize, profusely…' Profusely, we want to emphasize that…" Stern look, Anita nodding as she wrote. "'…for my lack of consideration for your daughter's situation. I know this is a very difficult time for you both. But I had to let you know how I feel. I know I have treated you terribly unfairly these past months, even been a bit cruel…It's just, Michael.'…Yes?" he eyed Anita's anxious look.
"You think I should use his name again?" Anita asked.
"We want to let him know this isn't some generic apology you write to all your victims, right?" he noted.
"Right." Nod.
"…'I've never been able to really trust the men who are attracted to the persona I've created, Anita Appleby, the pop-culture star. And I instinctively distrust them, armor myself against them. When I finally met a man who wasn't just pulled in by cheap glamor, I wasn't ready for it.'…"
"Oh, this is good." Anita beamed, pausing. "Sorry…" to Barney's stare.
"'And I instinctively reverted to using the image I've created to face the world. I won't say more, not at a time when you need to be there for your girl, but I had to let you know I meant what I said, I truly regret hurting you, and I do so want to see you again, whenever you'd be willing. If I can do anything for you and her, don't hesitate to call on me, please. Yours, Anita.'"
"That's nice…" Patrice beamed.
"Maybe we could change it to 'desperately want to see you again'?" Anita suggested. "I don't want him to think I don't care…" anxious look.
"Oh, 'do so' is sweet." Patrice noted. "And 'desperately' sounds just a bit 'grovelly'."
"Agreed." Barney nodded.
"You sure? Cause I'd grovel, no problem…If it'd work." Anita sighed.
"He might take it as you making fun of him…" Patrice suggested, carefully.
"Again, agreed. We don't want to overdo. And it was enough that you came crawling to him." Barney pointed out.
"I did, didn't I? Well, good for me." Anita smiled wanly. "About time Michael got someone who loves him that much. You're right about his ex-, Barney. Terrible woman, worse even in some ways than Playa Anita. Thank God his daughter doesn't take after her. You know she, the ex-, actually called me after someone at Metro here called her to say Michael was seeing the famous Appleby. She assumed it was just that he'd been made my gopher or something and made a joke about it being so ridiculous that I could possibly been interested in him, but could I connect her with either Oprah or my publisher 'cause she had a book idea she'd been wanting to put out? One time I was grateful for Playa Anita's arrogance and disdain…" shaking head. "Who knows what could have happened if she'd realized…And it would have been all my fault." Sigh.
Frown… "She hasn't even come to see their girl after he and she called her…" pausing. "Though I guess I should be grateful she's so foolish…" smile.
"They usually are…" Barney nodded.
"You mean, 'we'…Don't you?" Anita eyed him. "And you're right. And Patrice is right, you need to call Robin."
"Girls…You mean well…" Barney frowned. "But lets leave my crashed-and-burned romance in the bookcase and focus on the relationship that can be saved."
"Well, I'd best take this over to Mike's…" Anita rose, carefully folding letter. "No way I'm mailing it…" Pausing… "Though would express overnight be better?"
"Hmmmn…Supposedly casual but in fact life-determining social matter…Postal snail service is a bit artificial as well as slow, express says too needy." Barney pondered. "I'd say drop it in his mail slot, but no knock. Patrice?"
"Oh, yeah. But I'd knock." Patrice noted. "You wanna be sure he gets it."
"A good point…" Barney agreed. "…but not the bell."
"I agree." Patrice nodded. "Too insistent."
"Right? Isn't that what I always say to my friend Ted? That doorbell is a killer." Barney agreed. "And do not stay. At least not on the doorstep." Raising forefinger. "Give him a little distance."
"Ok…Mailslot, knock, no ring, but distance. It sounds right to me." Anita nodded. "Oh, I'm so nervous. What if he comes out before I can get away?"
"Tell him why you came and give him the letter." Barney, firmly. "But don't get rattled and start pleading…It looks creepy and needy."
Patrice nodding shrewdly…
"I am needy." Anita smiled. "And maybe a bit creepy…You could call it honesty."
"Anita…" Barney, Patrice…
"Ok, ok…"
