Chapter 12
A few days passed. Hiyori's mother opted to stay home with her just to make sure she was going to be okay. Kira and Matoko kept Hiyori safe and entertained. Strangely enough everything had been fairly quiet. Hiyori tried to keep herself occupied and retain her strength but she desperately missed her friends; she missed Yato.
She stared out of the patio window at the birds as they flew by. Hiyori hoped they were doing alright. Kira continued to encourage Hiyori and tell her everything was fine. She said that Yato was taking some time to get his thought together. Hiyori felt as though it was her fault it was taking so long. She must have done something bad to make even Yato want to stay away.
"Hiyori!" her mother called cheerfully from upstairs.
"I'm coming!" Hiyori skipped up the steps to her parent's bedroom. Her mother was standing by the bed folding laundry into neat little piles.
"Oh there you are," her mother said glancing at her quickly and smiling. "I'm about to leave for the store to get a few groceries. Do you think you'll be ok by yourself for a bit?"
Hiyori felt bad. "You don't have to stay home with me, mom" she tried to reassure her. "I'll be fine."
"I just wanted to be 110% sure before I left you alone," her mother turned and handed Hiyori a pile of her clothes. "I won't be gone too long."
"It's fine, take your time." Hiyori smiled at her.
"By the way, I went ahead and made a reservation for a restaurant for your birthday dinner," her mother said. "I know we wanted to take some time to pick a place but with everything going on I figured I would just go ahead and do it. I hope that's ok."
"That's fine," Hiyori agreed. "I'm not very good about making those types of decisions anyway."
"Alright, we'll go over the details later." Her mother finished putting up the clothes and walked downstairs to grab her purse and leave.
Hiyori honestly forgot all about her birthday and the plans. Kira said she'd suppressed Hiyori's memories and that even though she tried to only hide so much, other memories might seem fuzzy and some details may be completely forgotten.
She went to her room to hang up her clothes. Matoko was taking an afternoon nap in her computer chair and Kira sat in the window messing with something in her hands. Hiyori walked up to find Kira carving something out of wood.
"I didn't know you like to do crafts," Hiyori said with a smile.
Kira didn't look up. "It helps kill time. Our lady Izanami has quite a few of my works in her chambers. Matoko is a good painter. She loved everything we made."
Kira's memory sounded happy yet sorrowful. Hiyori could feel the hurt in her voice as she spoke. She wondered what would happen if they were able to defeat the conjurer and break the curse but Izanami didn't go back to normal. What if it just made everything worse? Hiyori imagined a room filled with little figurines and canvases covering the walls. All of it would be for nothing if Izanami didn't see the error in her ways. Kira and Matoko could only hope that everything would work out how they wanted it to.
Kira put away her knife and threw her bag around her shoulder. "I have to go back to the underworld tonight." She stood and faced Hiyori. "Yato and Yukine will be back tonight to start watching over you again."
Hiyori's heart jumped but she wasn't sure if it was from excitement or fear. What would Yato say? She'd spent the last few days trying not to think about him or what had happened. Even though she still couldn't remember she was sure it had to be bad.
"Don't worry," Kira assured her. "I'm sure he's recovered and had some time to collect himself. Besides, I know he's been wanting see you."
"In a bad way?" Hiyori asked warily.
Kira chuckled. "No. He isn't mad." She grabbed Hiyori's hand. "He thought he'd lost you for good back there. It was a bit traumatizing. He just needed some time to get himself back together again."
Hiyori chest filled with pressure as she fought the onslaught of emotions. This would be the worst time for a phantom.
"You're going to be alone for a few hours today but I think you'll be alright," Kira added. "I figured it would also do you some good to have some time for yourself. In these stressful times it's good to try to take advantage of any moment of peace."
"What happens if I'm alone and something comes after me?" Hiyori didn't understand how being alone would be a good idea at all.
"I've put a temporary cloaking spell on you and your house. It won't keep phantoms from appearing from the inside if you fall into a depression so try to just relax. You'll be hidden from an negative energy outside the house until nightfall. Yato and Yukine will be here before then."
Hiyori nodded. "Thank you, Kira. I don't know how to show you how much I appreciate you."
"There was a time when I was shown unconditional kindness," Kira looked out of the window and smiled. "It's only fair that I show that same kindness to others."
Hiyori's shoulders relaxed and Kira's words made her feel lighter. "Be careful, Kira."
Kira nodded and headed out of the window. Hiyori watched her as she turned into a large black bird and Matoko on the ground a big tabby cat running after her. The house was silent. The clock on the wall ticked angrily as if to remind Hiyori that time was still moving and she should be too. She thought about what to do with her time. A long bath and dinner sounded perfect.
She ran the bath water and organized everything as it ran. The towel hung over the sink. Her favorite shampoo and body wash on the corner of the tub. She'd bought a bath bomb months before thinking she'd use it right away and never did. Unwrapping it she took in it's sweet strawberry scent and plopped it in the water. It began to fizz and turn the water red. She threw her hair up in a quick bun and got undressed. Stepping into the water, goosebumps raised up all over her body from the warmth. She had accidentally run it a little too hot. Oh well. She couldn't change it now. She slowly lowered herself into the tub. The rest of the bath bomb fizzled out and the bubbles surrounded her. She grabbed a wash cloth and got it wet. Draping it over her eyes, she allowed herself to sink further into the water. She didn't get to do this as often as she'd like. Mostly she had just enough time to take a quick bath or shower and hop out.
Just as she was beginning to completely relax, Yato's face flashed in her mind and she sat up quickly. The cloth on her face fell into the red, murky water and she looked around wondering if someone was there. After realizing nobody was there, she slumped back into the tub. All she could think about was Yato coming over that night. Kira told her it would be alright but Hiyori wasn't so sure. She's seen Yato upset before. When the previous Ebisu died in his arms, he couldn't express how sorry he was to the young Ebisu. Even though little Ebi had no memory of his previous life, Yato couldn't let it go. He was distraught for a while after that. In fact, one could say it was what made him change completely. After losing Ebisu, Yato couldn't bare to lose another person due to unnecessary violence. But Yato couldn't forgive himself even when everyone else did. Even after all these years, Hiyori knew he still blamed himself. Though Yato wears many faces, most of them are to hide his pain.
Hiyori ached for him all over again. She couldn't imagine running from a past that you could never get rid of. A past like Yato's doesn't disappear. Those memories will haunt him for as long as he's alive. He is strong and Hiyori admires his ability to persevere even though some days he drowns in his failures. His strength made Hiyori strong. That was what drew her to him. That was why she loved him.
Hiyori loved Yato. She definitely couldn't deny it. Though there were many complications and countless drawbacks, she was undoubtedly in love with him.
Unfortunately Hiyori couldn't spare much thought on it. She'd hoped that maybe down the road it was something they could revisit but right now it wasn't feasible. She washed her hair and finished up her bath. Her mother had come home and she finished getting dressed.
"Everything alright up there?" her mother called up the stairs.
"Yeah!" Hiyori replied. "I'm fine!"
"I'm going to finish putting these things away and start dinner. Do you want to cook with me?"
Hiyori took a deep breath. Cooking with her mother sounded wonderful. "Sure! I'll be down in a second."
She threw on a long, button-up shirt and some black cotton shorts that were too short to be seen under the shirt but she wasn't planning on leaving the rest of the night so she didn't care. Her mom starting chopping up the vegetables and Hiyori joined beside her cutting up onions. Her mother had the news playing on the TV in the background. Hiyori mostly ignored it though occasionally would pay attention to the weather for the week or some world news. The pot on the stove bubbled away with vegetables seasoned with curry while the rice cooker steamed on the counter. Hiyori put out plates and bowls on the table.
"Hey," her mother cleared her throat, "your dad isn't going to be home until later tonight so it'll just be you and me eating tonight. Why don't we just get comfy on the floor in the living room?"
Hiyori smiled. "That's perfect." She put the dishes on the table in the living room instead. When the rice cooker dinged to signal the rice was done, Hiyori turned off the stove and put enough in a serving bowl for her and her mom. Her mother carried a pitcher of water and two glasses to the table as well and they both sat down on the mats on the floor. Hiyori made a plate for her mother before serving herself. Neither of them spoke but the silence between them was comforting for once. She enjoyed the meal slowly and listened to the newscasters talk about events happening around town. A traveling carnival was coming through next week with rides and games and fun foods.
"That sounds like a lot of fun," her mother spoke up.
"I suppose," Hiyori hadn't thought much about it. It had been a long time since she had 'fun'. She tried to actually remember the last time. Kira's spell to make Hiyori forget made it difficult to remember much from the last couple of months. She could remember important details but things she'd done or places she'd gone were very fuzzy. Usually she needed help remembering those things. Flashes of lights in the dark. Stars twinkling above her. The wind on her bare shoulders was chilly.
Then it hit her. A song someone was singing in the background. Yato had held her against his chest and wrapped his arms around her shoulders to keep her warm. His nose nuzzled in her neck. Goosebumps rose all over her body and she felt feverish. A bright blue stone dangled from a bracelet she had just bought him.
Hiyori turned away from her mother to try to hide the blush that had made its way to her cheeks. So many emotions that she'd forgotten from that night flooded back in like they were brand new. Then she remembered that Yato would be at the house soon with Yukine and her stomach summersaults. Suddenly she didn't feel like eating dinner anymore.
"Everything alright?" her mother sounded concerned. She put her bowl down and started to reach across the table to Hiyori.
"I'm fine," Hiyori said quickly. Her mother sat back down. "I think I just overdid it a little tonight."
"Why don't you get to bed a little early tonight, dear?" Her mother picked up the dishes. Hiyori nodded and crept up the stairs. Each step felt like she was carrying fifty pounds on each ankle.
She finally made it to her room. Her insides felt like they were turning in every direction. That nervous yet excited feeling washed over her again. The sun was beginning and to set and they'd be at her window any moment now. Hiyori looked at the window and realized it was already open. Did she leave it open from earlier? She couldn't remember. The wind whistled through the curtains and caught the bedroom door making it swing slowly and creak. The room was dark and Hiyori began to feel uneasy. Shadows seemed to move about in the corners.
"Hello?" she said into the emptiness. No response. Light continued to dwindle and the eeriness made its way from one side of her room to the other. She stood there like a deer in headlights. Somehow she felt trapped in fear.
"Hiyori?" someone behind her said her name casually but Hiyori was so petrified that it made her jump and yelp.
"Is everything okay up there?!" Her mother called from downstairs.
"Y-yes!" Hiyori replied with a shaky voice. Yukine stood in the doorway with his hands in his pockets as usual and his head tilted slightly to the side. One of his eyebrows raised in confusion.
"You scared the hell out of me!" Hiyori said in an aggressive whisper. She put both her hands on his shoulders for support and hung her head taking deep breaths.
"You left the window open. I thought you knew we were coming tonight." Yukine said.
"I did. I just didn't know you were already here. Sorry."
"It's alright. How have you been?" Yukine asked with a smile.
Hiyori had so missed that smile. It almost made her cry. She pulled Yukine in for a hug.
"H-Hiyori?!" Yukine seemed concerned.
"I'm so glad you're here." She hugged him tighter. Yukine gave in and hugged her back.
"Anything happen while we were gone?"
Hiyori pulled back but held onto Yukine's arms. She shook her head. "It's been quiet, actually. Kira took great care of me. Matoko too."
"I can't imagine Matoko being much help with anything," Yukine said sarcastically. "So, did Kira say how long she'd be gone?"
Hiyori chuckled.
"What's so funny?" Yukine asked, annoyed.
"Nothing," Hiyori smiled. "She didn't say. But I'm sure she won't be gone long."
Yukine shrugged his shoulders.
"She did ask about you," Hiyori said.
Yukine turned to Hiyori with wide eyes and a grin that grew from one ear to the other. "Really?!"
"Yup! We talked about how you became Yato's blessed vessel and I told her how much you've grown since you became a regalia."
Yukine's smile disappeared. "You know I don't grow, Hiyori…"
"You've grown in more important ways than just horizontally or in age, Yukine."
He met her eyes. In them were truthfulness and love. It put him at ease and he sighed. "I guess you're right."
"You're more mature than most people I know. Though you may never age or get any bigger, you'll grow in grace, wisdom, and strength. Those things don't often come to people even in a hundred living years. You've learned the value of life in the short time you've been with Yato and I think Kira can really relate to that. I think she feels a connection with you that she's afraid to admit to."
Yukine's face glowed. "Maybe…" he said shyly.
Hiyori turned on her bedroom light and looked around. "Say, where is Yato?"
"Oh," Yukine said discouragingly. "He's sitting on the roof. He said he wasn't ready to come in yet."
Hiyori's heart dropped. "Yukine, what happened?"
"Kira told us not to say anything about it. She said it could be overwhelming for you to remember It all at once."
"But, Yato won't even come in to see me. I must have done something wrong…" Hiyori's voice trailed off.
blacover-think things sometimes."
Yukine tried to reassure Hiyori but it wasn't working. She just stared out the window hoping he'd hop through it with that smirk on his face like he always did. But the summer breeze was the only thing coming through.
"Listen, he'll come around. He always does," Yukine said. "In the meantime, is it okay if I use your bathroom for a bit? The water line at Kofuku's broke and I have cleaned myself in a few days." He laughed nervously. It made Hiyori smile briefly.
"Of course. I'm gonna get settled in and read on my laptop for a bit."
"Alright. Just yell if you need anything. Yato is just outside on the roof. He didn't want to be too far." With that, Yukine disappeared into the bathroom. Hiyori grabbed her laptop, turned on her besides lamp, and turned off her bedroom light before hopping onto her bed. She scrolled through social media videos and replied to messages from her friends. Yama and Ami talked about how excited they were to go to dinner for her birthday. Her mother had told them while she was in the hospital recovering. It made Hiyori happy to have something to look forward to. She thought about the carnival and how nice it would be to go. Maybe they could all go together. Even Kira could stand to have some fun for once.
After about fifteen minutes Hiyori couldn't help but notice she was constantly looking at the window. She gave up and walked over to it. Peering out slightly, she found Yato sitting about five feet away leaning up against the house. He was staring up at the full moon. His jacket was tied around his waist like he usually did when it was too hot to wear it. He sported a black t-shirt with white writing on it and his favorite jersey pants. Instead of boots he'd opted for black and white sneakers. Looking at him sitting there, sometimes it was hard to believe he was a god. He looked like an average guy living in modern-day Japan. Growing up, people had always talked about gods as if they were angelic beings with golden auras and magical powers. Hiyori had learned, however, that gods needed people just as much as people needed them. Without the prayers and wishes of their followers, gods would cease to exist. According to Kofuku and Daikoku, many gods have fallen away because they were no longer needed.
The night's swift breeze jostled Yato's hair and he combed his fingers through it trying to push it out of his face. He was still unaware of Hiyori's presence. She studied his face for signs of anger but all she could see was a sense of calm that was held over him. Hiyori worried that if she tried to talk to him now she might ruin it. She let go of the side of the window but she must have been putting more pressure on it than she realized because it popped loudly when she released her weight from it and Yato immediately turned to see her. She stared at him; unsure if she should just turn and go back to bed or if she should just stand there and wait for him to say something. After what felt like eternity, he looked at the roof and patted the spot next to him. He wanted her to come sit next to him.
Hiyori slowly climbed out of the window and crawled cautiously over to Yato. She wasn't afraid of being next to him. She was more afraid of falling off. Once she reached him she pulled her legs up tight against her chest and covered her knees with her shirt. They both sat in silence. Yato continued to stare at the moon. Hiyori's mind was racing. Should she say something? Is this one of those moments in life where saying nothing at all would be better? She continued to debate in her brain. Yato could tell she was struggling internally. He took a deep breath in and exhaled.
"I don't remember much in the way of peace when I was a child and even less so when I was a god a calamity," he started. "But, I do remember looking up at the moon on summer nights like this and always feeling a wave of calm. I used to sneak away from my old man sometimes and climb one of the highest rocks in the village and sit there for hours just staring at the moon."
Hiyori looked over at Yato. He had somewhat of a Mona Lisa smile on his face. The stars burned bright in the sky and made his blue eyes sparkle like gems. Her heart ached for him.
"If you're tired you can go back inside," he tilted his head to look at her. That faint smile had left. Hiyori wanted to melt through the roof and disappear. He was mad. He would never admit it, but he was.
"I'm not sure if I would even sleep…" she looked at her toes sticking out from the bottom of her shirt.
"I wish I could say that you're safe and have nothing to worry about," his voice broke and he looked away. "I wish I could say that you could sleep soundly while I was here. But I'm not sure I can. Every time I try to keep you safe, you end up in more danger." He choked back tears.
Hiyori felt awful. He wasn't mad at her. He was mad at himself. She wasn't sure why but it must have had something to do with the incident. She delicately covered his hand with hers.
Yato looked down at her hand longingly. "I don't know what I'd do if I lost you, Hiyori." His breath was shaky. "But I don't know how to protect you, either."
"You don't have to protect me, Yato." Hiyori took Yato's hand in both of hers. "Just don't leave me. Whatever you do, don't leave."
Yato looked up at Hiyori. His long lashes were wet and his face was twisted with anguish. Hiyori didn't care anymore. She untucked her legs and crawled into Yato's lap. Without a word he wrapped her up against him. He ran his fingers through her hair and kissed her face. He kissed her forehead, then her nose, then her eyes. With each kiss, tears flowed down his cheeks and onto hers. She felt the heat of them as they splashed on her face. She didn't wipe them off. Instead she leaned harder against him. He tucked his hand behind her neck and pulled her up to meet his lips. Hiyori grabbed his hair in her fist and pushed him harder to her own mouth. The kisses were painful yet full of desire. Each one was full of each other's hurt and longing. Yato ran his hand down her shirt and slid it underneath; his fingertips were hot against her skin and she moaned a little. He wanted to do so much but knew it wasn't the right time or place. Instead he planted his hand firmly on her back under her shirt and continued to kiss her lovingly under the moonlight.
