Hi guys, Calborghete here, how are you all? I hope everyone is doing well.

Don't forget to like the page on Facebook, the direct link can be found on my Fanfiction profile page, or if you prefer search for "Calborghete" and locate an image of Shinji and Asuka. On this page I will post updates and it will also be easier for you to contact me.

So now without further ado, enjoy your reading.


"Dialogues"

- Thoughts -

"Radio Talk"

"Self talk."


Liability Note:

Evangelion, its characters and setting are the property of Hideaki Anno. Any brands, movies and series mentioned in this Fanfic are the property of their creators.


(*)


Chapter 19

With his eyes closed, Shinji felt the water run through his body cleansing the LCL, his chest ached in ways no one could imagine, he could still feel the solvent acting on his body, knowing that this was necessary.

Still with his eyes closed, he could taste the red earth in his mouth, still feeling amazed at the amount of earth he realized came out of his mouth and nose just a few minutes ago, he just wished he never had to perform this procedure again.

Opening his eyes, his vision again locked on the ceiling, seeing the lamps that illuminated the changing room his hand landed on his chest, feeling his breath and the oxygen inflating his lungs, the air felt like sand passing through his airways, each breath burning.

With a long breath, Shinji frowned as he felt the burning of the steam from the bath, but the satisfaction of breathing outweighed any pain, closing his eyes again, Shinji thought of the moments he stepped out of the cylinder, the concern in everyone's eyes, of Asuka's quickened steps and Mari helping him get out and stand up after the ordeal he had been through.

He remembered hearing questions being asked, but his concentration was on the moments he spent inside that test cylinder, each minute that passed seemed like hours in his perception.

Still with his eyes closed, Shinji was lost in thoughts and sensations, soon his mind brought the good times of his life, he remembered Misato's apartment, Pen-Pen, his friends from school, seeing Rei's image in his mind.

Opening his eyes abruptly, Shinji thought of her, remembering how different he found her, not because of her hair color or the color of her eyes, but because of something he couldn't describe at the time, not a feeling of strangeness.

Shinji remembered every time he stared at Rei's face, it was like a feeling of déjà vu, he swore he had seen his face somewhere before, but the memory seemed inaccessible.

Shinji still remembered the rare times he could leave his friends speechless, how he was always teased for being caught looking at Rei, but one thing his friends could not understand, his mind refused to see Rei with lust, with hungry eyes, his mind would not accept to see her with romantic eyes, there was something about that girl that Shinji's mind could not understand.

He remembers the first time he laughed in the presence of Toji and Kensuke, it was when he discovered that Kensuke had a crush on Rei and how he turned red with embarrassment when confronted by Shinji and Toji, even Hikari joined in the joke, how Kensuke stuttered trying to formulate a response.

With a low laugh, Shinji might have wanted to know what Fuyutsuki had revealed to him back then, but soon a thought popped into his mind, what would it be like if he found this out back then? What would it be like to stand next to Rei before? Those were good questions for him, he could still remember when he had finally come to terms with Rei in his head, he knew that that poor girl was not to blame for being raised from her mother.

Remembering the strangeness of being near her in the red earth, Shinji was afraid of her, afraid of what he represented, being a clone, having the same appearance as another person, but not being that person, this only made his mind deteriorate further, for it was there that he began to understand, it was there that Shinji learned what Misato had said about the Ayanami he knew no longer existing.

Knowing this didn't alleviate the guilt for being kept in the dark the way it was by WILLE, he would have understood if the cards were laid on the table that day, things might have been different, but how different would it have been? That still haunted his mind.

Soon his mind brought Misato's face, Shinji still didn't know why she had taken him in, this kept hammering in Shinji's mind every time he saw Misato, he wished he could know the reason for such humanitarian behavior from Misato, this was something he would never forget, something he would be thankful for the rest of his life, regardless of whether Misato loved or hated him.

A smile came to his lips as he remembered the state of Misato's apartment the day she took him in, a laugh escaped his mouth as he remembered pen-pen, how he liked that penguin, he really seemed to understand everything you said.

Soon his eyes saw when Asuka arrived, the so proud pilot of Unit 02, the girl who turned his world upside down, her strong and intimidating personality was a great contrast to Rei's calm and quiet personality.

In the beginning he didn't like her, her aggressive and arrogant attitude annoyed Shinji, all his aggression he received when he had something that disturbed her, once it was because the bacon wasn't at the right point, the television wasn't on the right channel and anything that could disturb the peace of the queen of the Katsuragi house.

He didn't like her, that was a fact, all Shinji wanted was for Asuka to go away, to disappear from his life, he didn't need any more problems to deal with, but everything changed one night, that particular night after the victory against Sahaquiel, after they had faced certain death that day, but that wasn't what shocked Shinji.

He could still remember lying there listening to her SDAT in bed, everything was quiet, until she came. Shinji swore something bad was going to happen, but he felt it when she lay down beside him, that was the day they had their first conversation, something changed in his mind, hearing how vulnerable she was at night, what a scared little girl she was, but what shocked Shinji the most, was after the conversation, when she slept.

"Mom."

Shinji changed that day, something in the way Asuka spoke those words broke something in his chest, after that night, everything in his head about the redhead who lived with him changed radically, he didn't know it, but somehow he discovered that Asuka was just a big facade, an arrogant and confident shell that hid a great deal of pain and sadness.

Opening his eyes, Shinji raised his right hand, he watched his fingers, remembering what that hand was capable of doing, it was the same hand, the same one he used to satisfy himself, the same one that guided the pills in his attempt to end his pain, the same one he used to reconcile with Toji, the same one he used to prepare the various dishes for Misato and Asuka, the same one that saved Rei from inside Zeruel, the same one he used to pull one of the spears, and it was the same hand he used to caress Asuka's hair.

Clenching his fist, Shinji looked at his now closed hand, seeing how it was used to hurt other lives, how he used it to take another life, still staring at his closed hand, Shinji thought as he closed his eyes, he never thought that one day he would be able to kill.

Seeing all the faces as flashes in his head, Shinji could describe each death as if it were the most normal thing in the world, even though people had attacked first, this was something he would never find normal, he would never forgive himself for taking people's lives, this was not him, Shinji was not a murderer as people judged him.

Feeling his body cramping with the direction his head was going, Shinji again took a long breath, feeling the air burning in his chest, feeling his mind returning to the real world, his mind still screaming out loud for what he had done, one thing was clear, it wasn't because he was helping WILLE that it was having any effect on Shinji's head, his guilt was still there, firm and strong.

"Hey puppy!" Mari's voice echoed through the locker room, Shinji only stared at the door, he knew Mari would respect his privacy and not enter the bathroom, but like any reflex, he looked at the door. "Everything okay in there?"

Shinji could feel the seriousness of the question, finally he can see how a girl like Mari could take things seriously for once in her life, opening his mouth to answer, but Mari spoke first.

"Do you need me and the princess to do mouth to mouth breathing on you?" Mari spoke, Shinji rolled his eyes, any seriousness he heard before was over, he could swear Mari was smiling staring at Asuka right now.

"Ouch!" Mari gave a small scream, a sharp sound echoed through the locker room, Shinji smiled, probably Asuka slapped Mari. "Why is that princess?"

"For being a pervert!" Asuka's voice came into the locker room, Shinji only widened his smile, listening to the two arguing outside was being very entertaining, he didn't know Mari yet, but he could judge that she already had an answer, he only waited keeping his smile.

"Me pervert?" Mari spoke smiling like a cat, Shinji could only wait for the screams. "I'm not the one who was doing all kinds of naughty things with the puppy just now." Shinji still smiling blushed, he still couldn't believe he had done something like that to Asuka.

"Pervert!"

Shinji felt sorry for his ears when Asuka's scream echoed through the locker room, but soon his mind defeated the mood he had, having thought of the beautiful moment he spent with Asuka, a question arose, what were they now? Some kind of couple? Friends with benefits? Was it right for Asuka to get so close to him like this? He was a person who had many enemies, but soon he remembered Mari's question, even though she had made a joke, the question was serious enough.

"Girls." Shinji spoke in as normal a voice as he could manage, his chest hurt with each breath, but it was nothing he couldn't handle, he could see that the arguing stopped the moment he opened his mouth. "I'm fine, you can rest assured."

Turning off the shower, Shinji grabbed his towel to dry himself, but not before he heard Mari again.

"Are you sure? I bet I kiss better than the princess." Shinji stopped his movements, he was already putting on his clothes when he heard Mari speaking again, he could feel the pride in her voice.

"Ouch!" Again he heard Mari giving a small cry of pain as she was hit again by Asuka, Shinji only shook his head as he got back into his clothes.

"What did I do that was so wrong?" Mari spoke with false indignation.

(*)

Kitchen - Wunder.

Looking at the ingredients in front of him, soon the chef chef began his work, he could see the knives at his disposal, picking up one of the extremely sharp knives, Suhail Jasem looked at it with a thoughtful look on his face.

In his mind was a person and like everyone else at some point Jasem also thought of Shinji, soon Shinji's face flooded the cook's mind, he could hear his colleagues talking about the new crew member, some hated, some liked and admired, but most just wanted to survive.

Preparing his meal with care, Jasem was a man who had lived a lot in his life, he was fifty-five years old and his strong middle eastern ancestry marked his intimidating face, his close shaved beard helped even more, his body was lean and he had a tired look on his face.

Suhail Jasem was a good man, he remembered when joined WILLE, it was shortly after the third impact happened, having lost himself in anger and resentment, Jasem vowed he would never be happy again until the death of those responsible, he was now a sergeant, he looked after the kitchen, he was not known for respecting ranks, Jasem just wanted to be left alone and do his job.

Looking at the ingredients, soon Jasem started cutting them, his knife skills gave surgical cuts to the ingredients, he considered himself a good cook, but life got to him, he used to prepare dozens of dishes for his wife and daughter, but the third impact happened.

After losing his family, Jasem lost pleasure in the most basic things, his food no longer tasted the same, not caring whether it was good or bad, he only prepared something that kept people from starving to death.

"Hey Jasem!" One of his colleagues called out, with a look of disdain he turned and stared at the young man with a strong look, it was not his intention, but this had already become routine for him.

"What do you think?" A young Japanese man asked as he turned on the machines that made the meals, he spoke normally.

"You think what?" Jasem retorted in his deep, cold voice, his eyes turned and went back to chopping the vegetables, but he already had a slight impression of what the young Japanese man wanted to know.

The boy looked at Jasem's back with a shocked look, he would like to know his opinion, lowering his instruments he walked over to Jasem's bench so they both had some privacy.

"From Ikari, who would that be." The young Japanese man spoke as he stopped next to Jasem, not sensing the presence of the young Japanese man next to him, Jasem turned his head and faced the young boy, he had an opinion formed about Shinji.

"Listen to something kid." Jasem spoke as he dropped his knife and turned around, a shiver ran down the spine of the young cook in front of him, looking at him intensely, Jasem spoke in a cold voice, "Why do you want to know what I think Takeda?"

The young Takeda gave a sigh, but answered the question by stammering slightly. "Just for the sake of conversation, I want to know what you think? "

Jasem knew of the younger man's curiosity, looking at Takeda intimidatingly, Jasem spoke unblinkingly. "I feel sorry for him."

Takeda blinked upon hearing this answer, he could have sworn that Jasem would be the kind of person who wanted Shinji's head.

Jasem saw the confusion in Takeda's eyes, still holding his gaze. "He was a child when he was put in the EVA, he didn't know anything, it's the same as putting a gun in a baby's hands."

Takeda nodded as he understood Jasem's point, but soon his eyes returned to the man in front of him. "But ... That doesn't change the fact that he caused it."

Jasem still had the penetrating, dangerous look on his face. "Yes, but I can't blame him ... Even though I lost my beloved wife and daughter, I can't blame him ... The real villain is in NERV ... But people are out for blood and unfortunately they are looking at the wrong person."

Takeda nodded slightly. "What do you think of him?"

"Young Ikari to me is a person who carries a huge weight on his back ... A weight he did not deserve." Jasem spoke as he went back to cutting the vegetables, the knife hitting the wooden board hard.

Takeda only smiled nervously, talking about Shinji was dangerous, people had to be cautious when talking about him. "You ... You speak very naturally about him ... Aren't you afraid?"

Jasem stopped cutting the vegetables, thinking about young Takeda's words, he just turned his head and looked Takeda in the eye, he could see the discomfort in him, the reality was that Jasem didn't care about others, people's opinions of him didn't matter anymore, the only people he cared to have respect for were dead now.

"I don't care what others think!" Jasem spoke strongly as he faced Takeda with intensity, he could see when Takeda swallowed dryly. "People ask, you have to be prepared to hear the answer."

Takeda felt the words, Jasem was right, he didn't have to be afraid to speak his mind about things.

"Listen to something Takeda." Jasem approached him, softening his posture as he crossed his arms, he again faced the boy in front of him. "If you want to learn something from me then there you go."

Takeda looked at him expectantly, Jasem seeing this continued. "Always do the right thing, never mind if it goes against what others do or say, always do the right thing ... For depending on the mistake, you will never be the same again."

Takeda lowered his gaze, still digesting the older man's words, but soon he listened again.

"Always remember that Takeda." Jasem again looked Takeda in the eye. "It is better to be alone with your mind at peace, than accompanied carrying a great weight on your back."

"Yes Senpai." Takeda spoke as he bowed his head, he could see Jasem returning to his post and cutting the vegetables, watching the older man's back, Takeda had Jasem's words in his head, returning to his seat, he soon returned to preparing the machine that would make the portions of the lunch that would soon be served.

Jasem was wondering if he had taken the young Takeda too hard, looking at the boy's reflection, Jasem thought again of his deceased family, soon his hands stopped working, Jasem closed his eyes with the harsh memories.

(*)

Shinji closed his eyes again, his hands caressed the back of a crying girl on his chest.

"I'm sorry." Sakura spoke between sobs as she felt guilty for suggesting the solvent idea.

"Sakura I already spoke, everything is fine." Shinji spoke as calmly as possible in hopes of being able to calm the young doctor in his arms, Asuka and Mari were watching everything.

Sakura to hear these words calmed down a little, letting go of Shinji and slowly walking away, her face showed shame and guilt for having cried again.

Shinji gave a sympathetic smile, holding Sakura by the shoulders he continued to speak words of comfort in the hope of making the young doctor feel better.

"Don't feel bad." Shinji spoke as he stared into Sakura's eyes, he was trying to show all the calmness in the world, not wanting to make anything be misunderstood and make things worse. "You just saved my life, didn't you?"

Sakura listened to those words and closed her eyes again, she thought about it a lot these days, with a long sigh she spoke, still in a crying voice, but her emotions were already getting under control. "All right."

"I don't want to see that sad face." Shinji spoke as she made her voice slightly annoyed, but she didn't carry that emotion, Shinji used it as a motivational way. "You are Toji's sister after all."

Sakura only nodded, thinking about her dead brother hurt, but she understood Shinji's point, Toji was always a very determined person, it was very difficult for something to break her spirit, she should honor her name in these times, taking her hand to her neck, Sakura soon took a necklace, it was simple.

"OK." Sakura spoke as she looked at a Tokyo 2 basketball team emblem, Toji was never seen without it, Sakura carried it everywhere, it was a way she was able to connect with her brother. "I ... I'll do it."

Shinji gave a smile as he released his shoulders, but maintaining eye contact at all times, with a long, painful breath, his mind soon turned to his pattern.

Soon his eyes fell on Asuka, he could see her eyes still on him, both thinking about what they had done and both had the same question in their minds, what were they now?

Mari seeing the mood that remained in the air decided to speak, smiling. "So ... I believe you two have a lot to talk about." With that held, Mari walked over and took Sakura by the shoulders guiding her outside.

Hearing the footsteps of the two echoing through the metal corridors of Wunder, an uneasy silence soon reigned between the two, Asuka held her arms in anxiety, desperately searching her head for any words.

Shinji gave a little cough, a nervous cough, he who had faced the sympathizers, fought certain death every time he piloted an EVA, was arrested and managed to do everything he had done, he was speechless to face this challenge.

Asuka let out a long sigh, this day had been extremely enjoyable and stressful, but they had to get along now.

"So."

Shinji only nodded at this simple word, but he knew very well that this was no way to keep quiet forever, his mind screaming at him to tell Asuka everything he ever wanted to, but fear and anxiety were in ample advantage in this regard.

Asuka closed her eyes as she remembered the kiss Shinji had given her in her room, she could feel all the emotion he carried, you couldn't fake all that in a single one-night stand.

Facing that feeling was not easy, Asuka knew that a lot would change if things developed to that point, even she didn't know if she was really prepared. "Baka-Shinji ... Since when do you have this feeling?"

Shinji knew what Asuka was referring to, he knew very well from when he really liked Asuka, he didn't want to answer, but from the way Asuka was staring at him, it showed all her determination.

Asuka, seeing how reluctant Shinji was to answer her question, felt her blood boil with the silence, soon Asuka's mind was wondering where was that brave Shinji who rescued her?

"You know what ... Forget it." Asuka spoke as she released her arms, she wished she could leave, but her legs refused to obey her commands.

Shinji seeing that Asuka was getting bored, decided to open the game, with a long inspired he began to speak, his voice showed calm, a strong contrast to his inner figure.

"Since that night." Shinji spoke as he stared Asuka in the eye, he could see that she began to think about it, seeing how her eye twitched at the recollection, seeing that Asuka was getting nowhere, Shinji decided to speak again. "The night I speak was when you broke into my room. "

Asuka finally realized, but Shinji continued to talk about that day.

"We had talked about why we were flying the EVA, but it wasn't that conversation that made my view of you change." Shinji spoke as he lowered his eyes to the ground, his mind could describe that day like an old movie. "When you finally slept, I turned around and was able to get a good look at you."

Asuka blushed at this answer, the proud part of her wanted to scream, to call him a pervert, of how he took advantage of her during the night, but with a great effort she decided to wait for Shinji to finish speaking.

"You were moaning and grumbling in German, I could see that you were suffering, but I didn't know how to help you. You were a very difficult person to live with, I didn't know how I could make you respect me more or treat me better." Shinji spoke everything he could remember about his feelings that day, Asuka listened to everything intently. "I was about to leave the room when I heard something, I saw it when you cried in your sleep."

Asuka's eyes widened softly as she heard this, her pride screaming to tell Shinji to stop talking, how she had shown her weakness in front of others, how she had broken her promise to never cry again, but all this was destroyed when Shinji opened his mouth again.

"That's when I could finally see the real Asuka ... The real pilot of Unit 02, I could finally see behind all that shell and armor." Shinji spoke as he brought sadness in his voice, Asuka frowned as she realized this. "That's when I realized that you were just like me, when I discovered that we were both two lonely, broken children."

"That was the day I started looking at you with different eyes, that was the day something was born in me." Shinji spoke as he felt the sadness gaining ground, these memories had come a few days before the third impact happened, many of the good memories were close to when he had messed up. "The only thing I can say is that I care about you a lot, more than you can imagine, there are no words to describe how I feel."

Asuka felt awkward by Shinji's confession, her heart tightened a little as she realized that Shinji didn't like her at first, but to hear that all changed when he saw her crying, it tasted bad in Asuka's mouth, but at the same time something warmed in her chest, she realized that people back then cared about her, that it wasn't just her pilot status that mattered.

Knowing that Shinji cared at this point about her made her armor take a big crack, feeling emotions that she would never think she would be able to feel, but one thing Asuka noticed was Shinji's change in posture, he didn't seem happy that he had revealed his feelings for her.

Asuka knew that the third impact had happened shortly after, she knew she would have to make Shinji talk about it sometime, she would have to make him talk about it in the future, soon she thought of Misato and it would be good for them to have a good talk about the third impact, everything they did to him in that time and having abandoned him in prison was just one of the things.

Asuka could see in Shinji and Misato's eyes that a lot had to be cleared up, that they only had a thin line of trust between them, a very fragile trust had been formed, a kind of trust that could end at any moment, this thought had scared Asuka.

But soon Asuka noticed something different, something that took her out of her thoughts, Shinji had turned and walked away with an extremely downcast look on his face, this made Asuka curious, why would he be sad to say how he feels? How could he be sad to reveal his true feelings to a girl?

"Where are you going?" Asuka asked as she saw Shinji turn and leave, she hadn't said anything yet and this had yet to be resolved, but when Shinji turned around, she only saw in his eyes all his pain, seeing how Shinji's defenses faltered and she could see how he really felt, words were not needed at this moment, only the look was needed.

"I ... I'll walk." Shinji spoke dejectedly, his head flooded with the memory of the third impact, how he had screwed up and ruined the lives of the entire world.

"Do you want to talk?" Asuka spoke as she sensed the sadness in Shinji's voice.

"No." Shinji spoke simply, still maintaining his downcast appearance. "There is nothing you can do, unfortunately."

"It's the third impact, isn't it?" Asuka only lowered her gaze in helplessness, now that she had gotten close to Shinji to the point where they were intimate, but her ears heard Shinji's next sentence and something that broke her heart.

"Asuka ... I only ask one thing." Shinji spoke as he turned and looked Asuka in the eye, it would hurt his heart to speak this, but unfortunately he had to. "It's not because we settled things between the two of us that anything has changed here." Shinji spoke as he gently tapped his finger on his temple, finished as he turned and left, his head had his guilt to deal with, he hated having to hurt Asuka. "The image I have of myself will never change."

Asuka only watched as Shinji turned and began to walk outside, her eyes locked on Shinji's back, she began to ponder Shinji's words, desperately feeling the urge to do something, but helplessness didn't help.

Mari and Sakura only saw when Shinji passed by without looking at them, but they both saw his look, having listened attentively to how he spoke about how he felt about Asuka and how he felt about himself.

Mari only lowered her gaze, soon her gaze saw Asuka still standing in the hallway, turning to her Mari spoke dejectedly. "We'll talk later Sakura." Mari knew that Asuka would need a friend at this moment.

Sakura nodded, she knew that Asuka was a closed person and that she would only listen to Mari at this moment, soon her eyes saw Shinji turn a corner, Sakura debated strongly if she should speak with Shinji, nodding to the words of Mari, Sakura followed the same path as Shinji.

Mari slowly approached Asuka seeing that she was down, Mari in one of the rare times didn't know what to do.

"What can I do?" Asuka spoke as she realized Mari's presence, looking at her sister with desperate eyes, her mind screaming at her to be able to find some way to help Shinji. "What can I do to help him Mari?"

Mari thought about Asuka's words, thinking quickly to be able to help her sister, but her mind was locked, Mari couldn't think of anything. "I don't know Asuka ... He has a lot to deal with ... It can't be easy being Shinji Ikari."

Asuka nodded, her mind was getting irritated, she finally found someone to care about her, but that was being destroyed because of the third impact. "Damn third impact!"

Mari listened to this, keeping her arms crossed, she finally had an idea. "Asuka ... You lived with him ... Wouldn't it be time for you and Misato to talk to him about it?"

Asuka lifted her head and looked Mari in the eye, she knew that a lot would have to be cleared up between all of them. "I don't know Mari, this is all too big."

"Asuka, a lot has happened between you and until this can be resolved, nothing is going to get better." Mari spoke as she slung an arm across Asuka's shoulder, she could see that Asuka was thinking about the matter.

"What if ... What if everything goes back to the way it was before? If everything gets worse?" Asuka spoke as she faced the ground, Mari tightened her embrace and spoke smiling.

"It won't." Still keeping the smile on her face, Mari continued. "He wouldn't have made love to you if he didn't feel something big for you."

Asuka blushed as she remembered, hearing it from Mari's mouth, but it didn't have malice or a joking tone, but in a way that she really wanted to help. "You think so?"

"Yes ... puppy doesn't seem like a person who uses another for pleasure, he's the kind of guy who makes love to someone it's because he really cares." Mari spoke as she started walking, pulling Asuka with her. "He doesn't seem like the scoundrel type ... He may think he's the bad guy and not deserving of happiness, but he just needs love and a little affection."

Asuka listened to her sister's words, feeling every word sink in, she knew that Shinji could be a lot of things, but a bad guy he wasn't, Shinji in Asuka's vision was that person that could be totally trusted, she just didn't have the courage to tell him so.

"Then let's help him, let's show him that it's still worth trying to be happy." Mari spoke as she released Asuka's shoulders. "The road won't be easy, but it won't be impossible."

Asuka gave a small smile on her face, but it soon disappeared, her mind soon thought of Mari's words, that Shinji and Misato had a lot to talk about, he had to get along about the third impact.

(*)

Jasem was in the kitchen, having prepared everything for lunch, he could see the movement starting to increase, everyone was waiting to start getting their food.

As lunch was served, Jasem looked at each face, wondering what truth this person believed? What was their story? What did each face represent to the world?

But soon his eyes fell on one person, looking at the empty food tray, Jasem looked at Shinji, soon their eyes met, Jasem could see the pain and suffering in his eyes, he could feel that feeling.

Seeing Shinji take his food and leave, Jasem looked at Shinji's back, he could see that some crew members were looking at him from time to time, but most just wanted to concentrate on their food.

Soon his eyes fell on one person, he could see this person looking at Shinji with anger and resentment, he could see how hard this person squeezed the cutlery.

Shinji sat at a table by himself, his mind still screaming in guilt from remembering the third impact, fiddling with his food dejectedly, Shinji was debating whether or not to eat.

Taking a small portion into his mouth, his depression was not allowing him to taste the food, he was only focused on his mind.

Midori was sitting a few tables away, next to her were Tama and Sumire.

Seeing Midori's gaze on Shinji, Tama spoke as he swallowed his food. "Midori, forget about him."

Sumire looked at Midori, soon her eyes fell on Shinji and she gave a sigh, knowing that confusion was near. "Midori, listen to Tama, it's not worth it."

Midori only turned her head and spoke strongly annoyed. "He doesn't deserve the food!" Tama only felt downcast at these words, he had already seen Midori being punished for her actions, he didn't want a repeat.

Sumire was about to speak further when she saw Midori stand up abruptly, soon her eyes widened as she started walking toward Shinji's desk. "Shit."

Tama only watched Sumire get up, he widened his eyes when he saw Midori going to meet Shinji.

Sakura was in the cafeteria, she saw when Midori approached Shinji, knowing that nothing good would come of it.

Shinji took the portion to his mouth, trying to hear the sound of people talking and as it started it ended, soon a silence reigned, he could have heard someone talking to him, soon his eyes rose and he saw Midori standing in front of his desk, she was with a strong scowl on her face.

"What is it?"

All eyes were on them, Jasem watched everything with curiosity and disdain.

Midori felt her blood boil at Shinji's cluelessness, clenching her hands tighter, she spoke threateningly. "You don't deserve this food."

"Really?" Shinji spoke dismissively, he was not intimidated by Midori, his depression was overcoming any other feelings.

"What you don't understand your place is not here!" Midori spoke as she felt a hand on her shoulder, Sumire was trying to remedy at all costs. "Your place is in hell!"

Sakura stopped a few meters away, she knew about Shinji's mental instability, she was afraid he would burst and a person like Midori would be no match for him.

Shinji only nodded slightly, then his eyes fell on the curious faces, seeing how each one wanted to know what was going to happen, Shinji again thought of himself, how easily he could kill a person like Midori, but he wouldn't do that.

Getting up slowly from the table, Shinji could see how Midori instinctively took a step back, picking up his tray of food, he spoke as he approached, his voice was calm and intense, conveying all his anger. "I don't care what you think of me! I don't care if I'm one of you or not. I didn't ask to be here! "

With these words everyone bowed their heads as they listened, they were harsh, everyone could feel the strength in Shinji's calm words, everyone only saw when he came even closer to Midori.

Seeing the intensity of Shinji's gaze, Midori felt fear and a shiver run through her body, she didn't expect this reaction, even more so when Shinji was surrounded by all the other crew members.

But unlike what she expected, Midori only felt Shinji place his tray of food in front of her, soon her eyes fell on the food, still feeling confused. "I really don't deserve it and if you're that hungry, have a good time."

Midori only watched as Shinji turned and left, all the other crew members made their way without saying anything, much of them bowing their heads as Shinji's eyes focused on this person.

Sakura only observed the bad atmosphere that settled in the place, her eyes never lost Shinji.

"I'm not eating this shit." Midori spoke as she threw the tray on the nearest table, her mind feeling disgust at eating what Shinji had eaten.

"You will!"

Everyone stopped when Jasem's cold voice echoed, everyone felt a shiver run through their body, including Midori.

Jasem left the kitchen area and stopped on the other side of the dining hall, he spoke calmly and intimidatingly, his cold eyes never leaving Midori.

"You can't give me orders Sergeant, go back to your kitchen!" Midori spoke strongly, but soon her eyes widened when Jasem looked at her more intensely.

"What did you say Lieutenant?" Jasem spoke coldly and threateningly as he stared Midori down hard, Midori swallowed dryly at the look on Jasem's face, he was known to ignore hierarchy.

Walking slowly until he was face to face with Midori, Jasem looked at her without blinking, his eyes were intense and dangerous.

Midori finally felt the weight of the gaze and looked away, feeling extremely intimidated, soon her eyes fell on the tray of food.

Jasem saw what Midori was looking at, seeing the food being wasted, he quickly reached for new cutlery and pressed it against Midori's body while speaking threateningly.

"Eat!"

Midori only nodded as she sat down, Jasem watched her take the portions and put them in her mouth, her gaze never returned to Jasem's, looking for a few seconds at Midori, soon Jasem changed his focus, his eyes locked on the other crew members who were watching everything.

Seeing all eyes on him, Jasem felt no fear, he felt nothing, speaking in his cool, authoritative voice. "All of you! Go back to what you were doing! "

Everyone quickly went back to their tasks, nobody wanted to face a man like Jasem, Sakura only saw when he returned to the kitchen, but that made her curious, Jasem did that not for his kitchen, but out of pity for Shinji? Sakura thought curious, but soon her eyes looked for Shinji, that she never found him.

(*)

After a few hours, Shinji was looking at the sky after what happened in the cafeteria, Shinji wanted to be alone thinking about the words that the pink haired girl spoke.

"Hell." Shinji repeated the words, it was heavy, it showed an eternity of suffering, not unlike what Shinji already knew he would go through, his thoughts were broken when the sound of the metal door opening.

Looking at who was in the way, Shinji quickly looked at the person who entered, it wasn't anyone he was intimate with or knew, but Wunder's cook, Suhail Jasem, in his hands was a metal box.

Shinji watched the man approaching cautiously, many people wanted him dead and he had never seen this person before.

Jasem looked to the horizon, seeing the Wunder sailing through the skies, it was a beautiful sight Jasem thought, but he wasn't there to look at the scenery.

Shinji only sat down, he kept his gaze on Jasem, soon he noticed the man approaching and stretching out his arm giving him the small metal box. "Here."

Shinji took the object, viewing it with curiosity, he opened it and soon came across a bento box, having lunch that had been served, he soon noticed Jasem handing him a set of cutlery.

"Sorry sir, but I'm not hungry." Shinji spoke quietly as he closed the bento, Jasem gave a sigh as he spoke.

"Kid, just eat."

Shinji watched him curiously giving a small smile, he sat down and opened the bento again, his body wanted the food, but he was too depressed to eat.

"Why are you doing this?" Shinji asked as he took some to his mouth. "Why are you helping me? Don't you know who I am?"

Jasem only nodded, she looked at the horizon and spoke calmly remembering her own words to Takeda. "Because it is the right thing."

Shinji only nodded, he began to eat again, his mind still focused on his life.

Jasem looked at Shinji eating and spoke again. "Don't let these people intimidate you."

Shinji raised his gaze as he listened, Jasem spoke again as he faced Shinji with his eyes. "Stand your ground and use your friends to stand your ground."

Shinji huffed in sarcasm and spoke again. "If you lived what I live you wouldn't think like this."

Jasem spoke as he leaned on the wall, the wind was mild at this hour. "The question is not that boy, but what is right." Shinji stared into Jasem's eyes. "The question is, are you a murderer?"

Shinji lowered his gaze, he thought about the answer.

Jasem seeing this spoke again. "Are these people correct?"

Shinji stopped eating as he listened to everything, his mind searching for an honest answer, looking into the back of his mind. "I'm not guilty ... But I'm not innocent, I can't blame that everyone wants me dead."

Jasem seeing this spoke up. "Not everyone kid." Shinji looked at him curiously. "If I wanted you dead you would already be, it wouldn't be an order from Katsuragi that would stop me."

Shinji stared at him slightly shocked, but from Jasem's eyes he could see that it was no joke. "You can't live with that."

"With what?" Jasem asked as he looked at Shinji.

"With all that guilt ... I can't live like this." Shinji spoke finishing eating, closing the box.

"Use it to do the right thing." Jasem spoke as he picked up the box. "For there's no use sitting around suffering, that won't work." Shinji looked at Jasem's face as he listened. "Guilt is the best ammunition against an enemy ... If you sit around staring at nothing like a piece of shit, he will win."

Shinji nodded, he was feeling that it was helping him in some way.

"Listen boy." Jasem spoke as he walked to the door, he spoke as he turned and faced Shinji in the eyes. "There are many people counting on you, there are many people who use you as an example ... Don't make them regret putting their faith in you."

With that, Jasem opened the door, running into a curious crew member who was spying, Jasem quickly walked past the young woman, his eyes locked heavily on the path he wanted to follow, ignoring the crew member completely.

Shinji nodded at this, getting up and going towards his room, he had a lot to think about, he walked around thinking about the life he had, Shinji soon came across the door to his room, but unlike before, Mari was there banging on the door hard.

Frowning at the sight, Shinji could tell by the look on his face that something was wrong. "Mari."

Mari turned her head and spoke, Shinji could see that she was anxious. "Hello puppy."

"What happened?" Shinji asked cautiously.

Mari was holding back her anger, she was pissed at what had happened. "I wasn't even supposed to tell you."

"Mari!" Shinji spoke sharply, slowly approaching Mari, he could see that she was intimidated by his posture. "What happened?!"

"It's Sakura." Mari spoke cautiously.

(*)

Sakura was sitting on a stretcher with tears in her eyes, her face had an impact mark on her left cheek, Rei was beside her, Asuka was trying to convince Sakura to tell her who had done this to her.

Opening the door abruptly, Shinji walked with heavy steps to Sakura, he could see the mark on her face, soon he felt the anger taking over his body.

"Mari." Sakura spoke as she saw Mari coming in behind Shinji, feeling betrayed that her friend had involved Shinji.

"Sakura what happened?" Shinji asked with restrained anger.

"It was nothing." Sakura spoke dejectedly.

Shinji let out a long sigh, his patience was quickly running out. "Sakura ... Who did this?"

"It's useless." Asuka spoke as she put her arms together. "She won't talk, I'll have to appeal to Misato."

Sakura felt a tear running down her cheek, she didn't want to involve her friends.

Rei watched the scene in front of her, she knew what had happened, Sakura had told her and ordered her not to say anything, but something was eating Rei up inside.

"She was attacked." Rei spoke gently.

"Why didn't you speak up before, doll?!" Asuka growled at Rei, feeling strongly annoyed that Sakura was speaking this information to Rei and not to her.

"I'm not a doll." Rei retorted, but before Asuka could say anything else, Shinji walked in between them, but his focus was on Sakura.

"Sakura." Shinji spoke keeping his calmness under control, or at least trying to. "Who did this?"

Sakura only looked at the face of Shinji, she did not want to say that she had suffered an attack for defending him, that the aggressors had taken the pendant of Toji, with a tear she spoke.

"They ... They hit me for defending you." Sakura spoke into Shinji's face, she could see him visibly cringing. "That's why I didn't want to say anything." Sakura spoke between sobs.

Shinji hugged the girl, his blood running rapidly through his veins, anger taking over his body, he only wanted one thing. "Suzuhara ... Who was it?"

Asuka and Mari shuddered at the tone of Shinji's voice, they could clearly see the violence in his voice, the lust for blood and revenge, they both swallowed dryly at how Shinji had changed.

Hearing who the attackers were, Shinji quickly got up and headed for the door, Asuka quickly followed him. "Baka what are you doing?"

"What does it look like?" Shinji retorted annoyed.

"Let's take it to Misato, she'll sort it out." Asuka spoke as she saw the murderous look on Shinji's face. "I want more than anything to blow those people away, but that's not how it's going to solve it."

"Asuka listen to something." Shinji growled, Asuka shuddered at those words, "Sakura was hurt because of me and I'm not going to wait." After speaking this, Shinji turned and walked out of the infirmary, Asuka only watched the door close with a pitying look, this would be another burden for Shinji to carry.

"Shinji." Asuka spoke as she listened to him taking the blame.

(*)

Inside one of the bathrooms of Wunder, three men were urinating bragging about having made one of Shinji's supporters get what he deserved, the leader held in his hand his trophy, Sakura's necklace.

Everyone was laughing and talking, but the sound of the door opening brought the conversation to a quick end, they all saw Shinji standing there with a strong, dark look on his face.

"Look who's here, the killer." The leader spoke with a smile as he put the pendant away in his pocket.

Shinji only nodded, he turned to the door and locked it. "It is."

"Idiot." Spoke one of the group, seeing Shinji wanting to face three of them, with a smile he spoke. "You think you can take us on? "

"Let's see!" Shinji spoke as he got ready, anger was his fuel.

Seeing everyone's gaze close, one of them shouted as he stepped forward, trying to land a punch right in Shinji's face.

With a deft move, Shinji grabbed the assailant's fist and promptly began to push him into the back wall, shouting for more strength, Shinji lifted his leg and delivered a powerful kick to the man's abdomen, watching as he hit the wall in a loud thud, Shinji turned around as he heard footsteps coming from behind.

Turning and looking at the fist of one of them, Shinji turned just in time to see the man's fist passing inches from his face. Soon his eyes saw when the first man stood up as he recovered from his kick.

Shinji turned around, he still had a small gap of time, looking at the man in front of him and another going in his direction, Shinji didn't notice when an arm came up in front of him, feeling a punch in his face, Shinji fell backwards and felt the wall supporting him.

Seeing that he had succeeded, one of the attackers gained confidence from this, attempting another direct punch, Shinji seeing this quickly turned his head away, seeing the man's fist hitting the metal door, Shinji quickly tried to elbow the man in the ribs with his injured hand.

Seeing that he had bought some time with one of the men, Shinji noticed when the first assailant came running, using his leg to block the oncoming punch.

Alternating between opponents, Shinji used his arm to hit the man closest to the door and his leg to the oncoming attacker, seeing that his blows were having the desired effect.

Feeling that he might be surrounded, Shinji quickly tried to grab one of the attackers and push him back, gaining the necessary space, but both ended up falling to the ground.

Seeing Shinji at a disadvantage, the assailant who was near the door ran trying to land a kick on the fallen Shinji.

Rolling to the side, Shinji quickly managed to stand up, coming face to face with his attacker, he easily managed to block his punches and hit back, landing a powerful punch to the man's face, saw him stagger back, soon Shinji realized he was going to be hit in the ribs.

With one swift movement, Shinji grabbed his attacker's leg, screaming to get the strength to lift him off the ground, Shinji roared as he spun around and slammed the man's back into the metal partition of Wunder's bathroom, watching him fall to the floor unconscious.

"Freak!" Shouted the third assailant upon seeing his companions in trouble, running towards Shinji trying to throw random punches in the air, Shinji easily dodged the punches.

"That's right!" Shinji blocked with his elbow and struck back with a direct punch to the man's face, seeing him stagger back, Shinji finished with a kick to the chest. Seeing the man hit the wall urinals hard, he realized that the man was groaning in pain.

Getting distracted, Shinji soon felt a strong punch to his back. "Ha!"

Turning his body and holding his enemy, Shinji held the remaining man and pushed him against the wall, yelling to gain more strength, Shinji soon felt the man lowering his arms and punching him in the nose, feeling the blood flowing, Shinji growled as he used his hands to hold the man's head and slam it into the wall.

Seeing how unconscious he fell to the ground, Shinji turned and looked at the only one still awake, seeing the look of fear on his face, Shinji smiled through blood stained teeth.

"No please!" The man spoke as he closed his eyes, he felt when Shinji held him by the collar and lifted him up.

"Where?!" Shinji spoke strongly as he looked at the man's face, his face was demonic. "Where is the necklace?!"

"Here." Spoke the terrified man as he trembled heavily. "Here."

Shinji let go of the man, seeing him fall to the ground, Shinji took back the necklace from Sakura, seeing that he had what he wanted, Shinji soon tried to lower himself and speak in a threatening way, the blood on his face helped in this.

"Listen to something you piece of shit!" Shinji spoke as he looked the man in the eye, he could see the assailant with his eyes closed, using his free hand and tried to make him look at Shinji. "Look at me! Look at me!"

Gaining the attention he wanted and overcome with anger, Shinji threatened. "Don't you ever come near my friends again, understand?!" Seeing the man nod, Shinji did not notice the door being forced open.

"If you have any problems come deal with me! If I catch you near Sakura or anyone else again I will kill you!"

"Okay!" The terrified man spoke as he saw the bathroom door open.

Misato was standing facing the bathroom door, feeling highly guilty for not being there when Shinji came out of the entry plug by having his lungs cleared, she couldn't face his gaze, Misato was feeling very depressed to be making Shinji suffer again, it was all taking a toll on her mind.

She knew she would have to put her uniform aside and have a talk with Shinji, she knew she owed it to him, he deserved to know everything, the reason she had abandoned him in prison, all the suffering she had somehow inflicted on him, she had lost count of how many nights she had spent crying out of guilt in her room.

Being captain of Wunder was taking its toll, Misato was further away from Shinji because she didn't want to lose her authority, she couldn't give the radicals the reasons for her losing command, but one thing was coming and coming fast, one day she would have to choose, Wunder or Shinji, but Misato already knew what her answer to that question would be, but before she could have that answer, she would have to get things back on track with Shinji.

Hearing all the screaming inside the bathroom, Misato quickly ordered the door to be broken down, seeing all the scene in front of her, Misato locked her eyes on Shinji holding a man on the wall, she could see that the two unconscious men on the floor and one terrified man in Shinji's hands.

"That's enough Shinji!" Misato spoke as she approached Shinji who kept the murderous look on his face. "It's over."

Shinji was gasping heavily, calming down as he felt Misato's hand on his shoulder. "It's not over!. "

Misato watched as Shinji again turned his attention to the man in his arms, his men were looking at everything in fear. "He hurt Sakura ... How many more will have to suffer because of me!?"

Misato spoke keeping her voice calm and quiet. "No one is suffering because of you Shinji." Misato saw Shinji's shoulders tense. "Don't be the monster they want you to be."

Shinji again turned his head and faced Misato, his words had the desired effect, he could observe the looks on the guards' faces about him, soon he softened to the point of letting go of his enemy.

Seeing Shinji's eyes, Misato saw how he was suffering, using anger to overcome guilt, she knew Shinji was at his limit, this episode just showed it, he was very close to exploding, Misato was already getting worried about how this might end when the dam finally bursts.

"Come on Shinji." Misato spoke as she guided him out, but not before ordering the immediate arrest of the attackers, but her focus was on the man in her arms, she knew that the third impact was increasingly eating away at Shinji inside and knowing that Sakura was hurt for defending him didn't help much, Misato didn't even want to know what was going through Shinji's head right now.

"We'll work it out Shinji ... I promise you." Misato whispered as she guided Shinji by the shoulders through the halls of Wunder, she was taking him to the infirmary, she could see the wounds on his face, his hands were bruised, but he had one wound that a hospital could never heal, his mind.

Misato only squeezed Shinji's shoulders, she totally ignored the people around her, her focus was on Shinji, she finally had the answer she wanted, she couldn't be Wunder's captain anymore, she had to be Shinji's guardian again, she had to help him, regardless of the consequences, she would have to ignore the people who would most likely see this with different eyes, finally she would have to do what she should have done a long time ago.

(*)

Somewhere in WILLE HQ.

Kaji was smoking a cigarette inside a tangle of wires, he was listening to everything that happened inside General Yamamoto's room, but his focus was not on the conversation, but on the computer screen that was collecting files, his search for the truth was advancing.

Typing on his keyboard, Kaji's eyes fell on a highly encrypted video file, his eyes sparkled as he saw the posting date in the WILLE records, he was there a few months after the third impact.

"Hi Hi." Kaji spoke smiling as he closed the computer, he would have a lot of work to unprotect these documents, but that was nothing compared to finding the truth.

A few hours later, Kaji was in his hiding place working fiercely on the files, he had already managed to unprotect a large part of it, but the video was giving him a hard time.

After almost throwing up the white flag, Kaji finally had what he wanted so badly, his eyes lit up as he saw the contents of the video, watching the movie with hungry and happy eyes, finally he had what he wanted, finally he had the information.

"How ugly WILLE."

Looking at the video running with everything he presented, his eyes widened as he confirmed his suspicions, looking at the video with tears in his eyes, finally he was going to show the world the truth, that it was not as the official reports were saying.

Lighting a cigarette, Kaji spoke as he took a long drag, with a victorious smile on his face he spoke as he let out the smoke, closing his eyes to all the confusion this would cause, all the people who would kill to get this information away from the public.

"It's a pleasure to really know you now, the world will know how you really happened ... It's time to show yourself ... Third impact."


Author's Notes: Hello Calborghete folks here, how are you? Did you like it? I hope so. As always be sure to follow and save it to your favorites so you don't miss any future updates.

Please review, your critiques (Good or bad) are very important to me, you know that I take a lot into consideration what is said and it also gives me strength to continue this translation project.

Don't forget to also like the Facebook page, search for "Calborghete" and locate an image of Shinji and Asuka, on this page I will post updates and it will also be easier for you to contact me.