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Thank you to my fabulous pre-readers, my co-writer and BohemianRituals!
Chapter 12:
Bella: Comings & Goings
Surprised.
Shocked.
Amazed.
Five days ago, Grayson told me how he felt, and it surprised the hell out of me. I was blown away, speechless, after he said everything.
When he said he was glad neither one of our relationships worked out, I had no idea what was going to follow that.
He wants to be with me, have a relationship with me.
I'd been too tied up in what Edward did and getting over him to see anything or anyone else.
That's something else I realized before we left those campgrounds, I'd devoted too much of myself to him and that relationship, if that's what you want to call it.
Summer break is a time you're supposed to hang out with your significant other, family and friends, having fun, however, I dealt with lies and deceit.
But no more… I've allowed him to have too much of my time and too many of my tears.
I've grieved long enough.
Which is exactly what my best friend is telling me now.
"Bee, I know he was your first love and they're usually the hardest to get over." She took a sip of water. "But he doesn't deserve another second of your time."
"You're right. You're not getting any argument from me about that." I leaned in closer to her. "I'm done."
Tanya saw the determined look in my eyes, she knew I wasn't playing.
I'd never said that before.
Her face beamed, with a wide grin before she enveloped me in a tight hug. "I'm so proud of you, Bee." She released me and I looked into her misty blue eyes.
"Stop." I teased. "You're gonna make me cry."
"Okay, okay." She fanned her eyes. "Enough with the heavy, let's get back to the good stuff." She squealed, clapping.
I chuckled, shaking my head. "Girl, you're all over the place today."
"You know I'm like this every month around this time." She popped a piece of chocolate in her mouth, chewing. "Now, back to Grayson."
Grayson kept his word, nothing had changed between us. He didn't act funny towards me because I hadn't given him an answer nor did our conversations get awkward. We continued to talk and text as usual.
"We've weighed all of the pros. Are there any cons?" Tanya asked.
I leaned back on the couch trying to think of some, but I couldn't. I knew he wasn't perfect, who is but he's been the same guy since we've met.
He's arrogant and cocky when it comes to sports but that's it.
"No." I nodded. "I can't think of any. At least not any that would concern me."
"I can't think of anything either, but you'd know better than me since you've been around him more than I have."
"True."
"So?" Tanya questioned, excitedly.
Flashback
"Bella, sweetheart, there's no pressure, okay?" He licked his lips. "Your friendship means too much to me to lose it because I tried to push you into something, you're not ready for."
Warmth radiated throughout my body.
He wasn't trying to force or influence me to do what he wanted, he was being patient.
He got up, sitting next to me, intertwining his fingers with mine. "Please give yourself time to process everything and when you're ready to talk, I'm here."
I embraced him in a hug, as my eyes became teary.
Grayson had been nothing less than a gentleman the whole time but for him to be open and vulnerable, like this, it did something to me, made me feel something I've never felt before.
He hugged me tighter, as if he had a renewed determination.
As I slowly pulled away from him, I looked him in the eyes. "Thank you for sharing your feeling with me." My index finger and thumb inches apart. "I'm a bit surprised though." We both laughed lightly.
"I know I unloaded a lot on you, but I wanted to honest with you, no matter what you decide."
I lightly ran my hand along his jawline, his body shivered a bit. "Gray, you've always been honest with me and I see nothing but honesty in your eyes now." A slow smile spread across his face.
"I meant every word I said, Bee."
"I know you did." I agreed. "And I am going to think about everything you said but I'm going to need some time, okay?"
He ran his thumb across my jawline. "You take all the time you need."
"Thank you." I smiled.
"Anything for you." He gently grabbed my other hand, kissing my knuckles.
Flashback end
Of course, when Garrett dropped me off at home, I asked Tanya to come in for a minute and when I told her, she let Garrett know she was spending the night.
She's been with me since and all we've been doing is talking about what Grayson said, holed up in my room, ordering takeout.
"So, I'm still thinking everything through. I don't want to mess up again, getting all emotional and not being logical."
"I get it. I really do but he's not Edward." She began counting off on her fingers. "Grayson is not a liar. Edward is. Number two, I don't think Grayson would cheat on you either, he's honest. I don't think Edward has an honest bone in his body." She pursed her lips.
"I think you're exaggerating a little T, in his whole body?" I asked.
She arched one eyebrow. "You heard what I said."
I laughed and waved her to continue.
"He's stable, he has a plan for his life." She rolled her eyes. "He's not aimlessly going to school, without declaring a majoring after two years."
Correct again, Edward still hadn't decided on a major.
"Not to mention…" Tanya smirked. "Grayson Walsh is fine as hell."
We both squealed, giving each other high-fives.
After we came down from our squeal-fest, I became serious. I wasn't going to make the same mistakes over again.
"Everything you said is true, Tanya but I don't want to date him because he's everything Edward isn't. I don't want our relationship to be about me always comparing him to Edward. That's not fair to me or Grayson."
"And you shouldn't." Tanya added. "But Edward is the first real relationship you had, no matter how shitty it was, you genuinely loved him. So, of course, you're going to compare Grayson to Edward in the beginning, in some ways."
I listened intently, nodding, as she continued. "You don't really have any other relationship to compare it to." She waved her hand dismissively. "That other little stuff in high school and before doesn't count because you were too young."
I repositioned on the couch, sitting up straighter. "Good point. I never looked at it like that. I've been so hard on myself but forgot this was my first real relationship as a young adult."
"Exactly." Tanya smiled. "Stop beating yourself up. What happened, happened. You can't go back and change the past. Learn from your mistakes and move on."
"The hardest part for me to get past is knowing I allowed him to lie and manipulate me." I scoffed at myself, shaking my head.
She scooted closer to me rubbing circles on my back. "Love can make us do some crazy shit, especially when we're looking through rose-colored glasses."
"I think I had on more than one pair then." I laughed at myself as Tanya joined in.
"I know this isn't the summer you had planned when we came home but at least now you know and have accepted the truth. You took those glasses off and saw him for who he really was. I know it hurt but you're okay, you're still standing." She bumped her shoulder with mine.
And I was.
"You're right." I let out a huge breath. "It's time to move on with my life, no matter if that's with Grayson or not."
Tanya wiggled her eyebrows, grinning. "But it'd sure me nice to move on with him."
We squealed and high-fived for the millionth time.
"He does look good but it's more to him than just his looks."
"Girl, he's the full package."
"I kno—" I was cut off by my ringing phone.
I leaned over looking at my phone sitting on the side table. I didn't recognize the number, so I ignored it.
"You getting that?"
"Nope. Don't know the number." I shrugged one shoulder.
"Okay." She shrugged it off too. "Hey, I'm hungry. Want to order in a pizza?" Tanya asked rubbing her stomach.
"Yeah, but let's order some hot wings too."
"Okay." She nodded, picking up her phone.
My phone rang again.
It was the same number.
"Maybe you need to answer it to see who keeps calling, it might be important."
"I guess." I picked my phone up answering it.
"Hello?"
"Thank god." He exhaled. "Please Bella don't hang up on me."
"Edward?"
Why the hell was he calling me?
The sneaky ass was smart enough to call from another phone.
Saying his name made Tanya turn around quickly.
"Yeah, baby, it's me."
I ignored that. "What the hell do you want?"
"I—we need to talk?"
"No, we don't. I said everything that I needed to say already."
"It's important Bella." He pleaded.
"What the fuck does that asshole want?" Tanya blurted out.
Edward snorted. "Damn, does she ever go home?"
I was glad Tanya ordering distracted her from hearing that.
"We can talk now."
I wasn't in the mood for Edward and his bullshit.
"No, I think it would be best if we talked face to face, please, Bella."
I'd never heard him sound like this before.
He sounded desperate.
I sighed, loudly, running my finger through my hair.
"What does he want?" Tanya whispered yelled.
I hit the mute button. "He wants to talk face to face."
"Fuck him! Why?" She scoffed.
"I don't know. He won't tell me over the phone."
"Hello? Bella are you there?" Edward said.
I unmuted the phone. "Yeah, I'm here."
"It's really important, that's why I've been calling you every day."
He calls all the time, I thought nothing of it.
I was curious so I asked. "Whose phone are you calling from?"
"Janey's." His breath was shaky. "Please Bella."
"Is this about us getting back together?"
"No. I promise it's not that."
I had to admit, he's never gone to measurements like this to get in touch with me.
I pinched the bridge of my nose, tightly squeezing my eyes. "Okay. We can meet at my house and talk on the deck."
"Okay." He let out a huge breath.
"But I'm letting you know now, Tanya is not leaving. Whatever you have to say to me, you can say in front of her."
"But…" He stammered.
"Take or leave it Edward. I'm already going against my better judgement."
"Okay." He capitulated.
I ended the call without another word, heading to my closet to change out of my pajamas.
Tanya followed me in the closet. "So, he still didn't say what he wanted?"
"Nope." I rolled my eyes. "He said we needed to talk in person."
She watched me put on some leggings. "Why are you changing?"
"Do you see how short these shorts are?" I held them up. "I don't want to give him any ideas."
"Makes sense." She nodded. "Is there any popcorn downstairs?"
"Why do you want popcorn with food on the way?"
"Because I know some shit is about to go down and I want to be ready." She smirked.
I rolled my eyes, waving her off. "Yeah, it's in the panty."
She made her way to the stairs as I walked out of my closet plopping down on the couch.
I rubbed the base of my neck trying to ease the tingling feeling I was getting.
I already knew…this was not going to be good.
CCCCCCCCC
"Thanks for letting me come over, Bella." Edward rubbed down the front of his pants.
"You're welcome."
He glanced over at Tanya. "Um, do you think we can talk in private?"
"No." I was short with him.
Tanya giggled, waving at him from the lawn chair in the corner.
He squinted his eyes at her about to say something, but I cut him off.
"Edward?" He met my gaze. "Say what you came to say."
His hair was already a disheveled mess, but he made it worse as he continued to run his fingers through it.
He opened his mouth to say something but closed it, looking away from me.
I sighed with exaggeration, crossing my arms.
After another minute or so of him wordlessly, looking in the distance past, I spoke up. "You need to go."
His facial features sagged. "Okay, I'm sorry. I'm afraid to tell you."
"But you were the one pushing for us talking face to face?" I narrowed my eyes.
"I know, I know."
"Edward, please say what you came to say or leave."
"All right." He took a small step closer to me. "I talked to Piper and—"
"Hold on, you wanted to come over here to talk about Piper's skanky ass?" Tanya snapped.
His head jerked in Tanya's direction, as his jaw clenched. "No, I didn't. Why don't you go somewhere else? This doesn't concern you."
"I'm not leaving unless Bella tells me to." She laughed without humor.
"I can't stand your nosey—"
"Edward?" I stood up snapping my fingers in his face. "Finish what you were saying." I turned to Tanya. "And you be quiet."
She did the zipped lip sign across her lips.
I was tired of it already.
I wanted him to spit whatever this was out.
I pointed to Edward. "You go."
He began to pace back and forth. "Piper came by the shop and told me she has Chlamydia." The last word was so soft I almost missed it.
"She what?" My chair flew back.
"I'm not the least bit surprised." Tanya said sarcastically behind me.
He shifted from foot to foot.
"I'm sorry." He hung his head.
I didn't care how contrite he looked.
"So…" I gestured for him to continue.
I knew it was more to the story.
"So…I—I, um." He cleared his throat, glancing behind me, where Tanya stood. "…went to the doctor and he told me I have it too." He swallowed and Tanya gasped. "And I needed to tell you so you could get tested too."
Heat flushed through my body as I stared at him.
I wasn't a violent person, but I wanted to pound my fist into his face over and over again.
I was forgiving, too damn forgiving, loving, understanding and faithful.
And this is what I get?
He marches in here telling me he has an STD he caught from her nasty ass and all this could have been avoided if he kept his dick in his pants.
Oh, hell no!
My hands clenched and unclenched.
"I always knew it would catch up to your trifling ass." Tanya tsked. "You got exactly what you deserved."
"Fuck off, Tanya." He stepped closer to her.
"That's why you're in trouble now, Herpasourous!" She crackled.
It was funny but I wasn't in a laughing mood.
"You." I jabbed my finger into his chest. "…exposed me to an STD that you caught because you couldn't keep it in your pants." I moved closer to him. "I could have chlamydia right now because you didn't know how to be faithful to the one you claimed you loved?" I kept walking into him, forcing him to walk backwards.
"Bee—Bella, I'm so sorry." He whispered.
"Yeah, you said that already."
"Please believe me. I didn't mean for this to happen."
"You mean you didn't mean to get caught or get an STD?"
"Yes—No." He shouted, confused.
"Which one is it?
"I." He tripped over the leg of a chair walking backwards.
More than likely what he was going to say wouldn't be anything but I another lie.
I'd had my fill of his half-truths.
"Edward Cullen, I don't believe a damn word that comes out of your mouth. You have lied to me the entire time we were together."
"I wasn't lying when I told you I love you."
"Do you know what love is." I backed him into the wall. "Love would've let you cheat."
"Exactly." Tanya added.
He looked irritated about to respond to her, but I spoke up. "No, answer my question, forget what she said. You've thrown that word around a lot, but do you even know what it is?"
He looked at me, blinking.
Crickets.
He said nothing.
"Just what I thought." I stepped back from him. "You don't love anyone but your damn self."
"That's not true." He barked.
"Okay, you say you love me, right?" I sneered. "I'll indulge you for a few minutes. If you loved me so much, why were you screwing Piper? Why wasn't I or your love for me not enough for you to be faithful?" I arched one eyebrow, titling my head.
"I—I don't know." He shrugged his shoulders.
"You don't' know?" I asked sardonically.
"I'm sor—"
"Save it." I cut him off. "Have you ever sat down and thought about why you are the way you are?"
His laugh was brittle, his gaze bouncing from place to place.
"No, seriously, have you thought about it?" I moved so he could see me. "Why you fuck over every female you've ever connected with. How you went from one female to the next with no remorse, even coming between some friendships."
"Every one of them knew what they were getting into from the beginning?" He smiled smugly.
I knew the cocky Edward would make an appearance.
"And that goes for me too, right?" I pointed to myself.
I thought it would hurt me to say that out loud, but it didn't.
His smile faltered. "N—no, that's not what I meant."
"Really? So, what did you mean?"
"Bella." He took a step towards me with his hands out but when I flinched back, he immediately stopped.
"Stay right there." I pointed.
He held his palms up, staying in place.
This conversation was going totally left and it was time to reel it in.
"You know what, Edward? It doesn't even matter anymore, none of it." I said nonchalantly.
"What do you mean?" His eyebrows squished together.
"Just what I said." I half-shrugged. "You're free to do anything and anyone you choose to."
He laid his hand against his breastbone. "But that's not what I want."
"It doesn't matter what you want." My tone was emotionless.
His eyes bulged.
Yeah, I'm sure that shocked him.
I wanted it to.
I was done.
"Did you say everything you came to say?"
He deflated, nodding slowly. "What about you getting tested?"
"Edward." I laughed arrogantly. "Do you think that after everything came out, I wouldn't have sense enough to go get tested? Do you know how embarrassing it was for me to have to tell my doctor that my boyfriend was having sex with other partners and I couldn't give a count?" I curled my lips. "Having to wait for days to find out if I had anything because you'd fuck any cunt that offered."
He looked down stepping back.
I kept going. "So, to answer your question, I was tested already and thank god, the universe and everybody else out there that I didn't have anything. But I guess karma wasn't as good to you, huh?" My lips twitched. "Maybe Piper was just as faithful to you as you were to me."
"What goes around… comes around?" Tanya grinned from ear to ear. "Your nasty asses deserve each other."
Edward's face turned red as Tanya inched closer to him in a standoff.
I held my hand up so the two of them wouldn't start arguing again.
I was over him and this conversation.
He had taken up enough of my time.
I had more important things to think about.
"I appreciate you going through such lengths to get in touch with me, making sure I knew. Thank you." My eye contact was steady.
"You're welcome." He ducked his head.
"And now that you've delivered your message, you may leave." I said with finality.
Tanya snorted in the background.
I gestured towards the entrance.
He dropped his head, closing his eyes.
I walked away, unlocking the gate for him to leave. "Take care."
He walked past me but turned around. "Bella, I love you."
I had nothing to say to that.
I had played the fool long enough and I wasn't doing it a second longer.
"Goodbye, Edward." Then I closed and locked the gate.
