Hide locked the apartment door behind him, pressed his back to the door, and slid down to the floor.
The bottles in his pharmacy bag clattered noisily.
"Nagachika."
Orange sneakers stepped into his vision.
Hide tilted his head back. "You think Dr. Kano has people watching me?"
̶"̶T̶h̶e̶r̶e̶'̶s̶ ̶a̶ ̶l̶o̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶c̶o̶n̶s̶i̶d̶e̶r̶,̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶c̶o̶u̶r̶s̶e̶,̶"̶ Nagachika said, crossing his arms. ̶"̶B̶u̶t̶ ̶i̶f̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶b̶e̶s̶t̶ ̶g̶u̶e̶s̶s̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶n̶o̶.̶ ̶I̶t̶'̶s̶ ̶k̶i̶n̶d̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶a̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶t̶e̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶t̶i̶m̶e̶.̶ ̶E̶i̶t̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶d̶i̶e̶,̶ ̶o̶r̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶.̶ ̶I̶f̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶e̶x̶p̶e̶r̶i̶m̶e̶n̶t̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶s̶u̶c̶c̶e̶s̶s̶f̶u̶l̶ ̶h̶e̶'̶l̶l̶ ̶h̶e̶a̶r̶ ̶a̶b̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶.̶"̶
"Right." He pulled the bag into his lap and held a clear bottle full of dark green pills above him.
He squinted at the label. Some long name, something, immunosuppressants.
They didn't look anything like the pink pills Dr. Kano gave him. He dropped the bottle back in the bag, laid on the floor, and fell asleep.
The sun was in his eyes when he woke up again.
He squinted, shading his face as he found the window it was coming through. It was paperwork that'd stopped Dr. Kano from discharging him right after he'd left his room.
He'd instead discharged him in the middle of the night like someone who really wanted to be eaten.
It wasn't supposed to be allowed, but Dr. Kano wouldn't stick around for much longer. They'd have to find him to bring him in front of a board to talk about his mistreatment of his patient.
He was hungry. He wished he could choke down more of those pink pills. Or was it the blue ones?
"Nagachika."
̶"̶I̶ ̶c̶a̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶g̶o̶ ̶a̶n̶y̶w̶h̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶I̶'̶m̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶a̶ ̶g̶h̶o̶s̶t̶.̶ ̶S̶o̶ ̶s̶t̶o̶p̶ ̶c̶a̶l̶l̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶m̶e̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶a̶ ̶d̶o̶g̶.̶ ̶I̶'̶m̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶h̶e̶a̶d̶.̶ ̶M̶y̶ ̶h̶e̶a̶d̶?̶"̶ Nagachika crouched in front of him and stuck a finger in his face. ̶"̶I̶f̶ ̶a̶n̶y̶o̶n̶e̶'̶s̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶g̶h̶o̶s̶t̶,̶ ̶i̶t̶'̶s̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶.̶"̶
Hide squinted up at him. "It's so bright."
̶"̶T̶h̶a̶t̶'̶s̶ ̶w̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶e̶d̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶a̶t̶t̶e̶n̶t̶i̶o̶n̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶?̶"̶
"You know this whole world isn't real, right? How can you still smile like that?"
Nagachika dropped his hand and looked away.
"Even if I am Haise, you coming back won't change what'll happen."
̶"̶Y̶o̶u̶'̶r̶e̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶H̶a̶i̶s̶e̶,̶ ̶d̶u̶d̶e̶.̶ ̶I̶ ̶d̶i̶d̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶c̶r̶e̶a̶t̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶.̶ ̶T̶h̶e̶r̶e̶'̶s̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶e̶s̶c̶a̶p̶e̶.̶"̶
Hide checked the second bottle in the pharmacy bag. Antacids. He screwed open the top and peered inside. White pills with letters written on them in red.
̶"̶K̶n̶o̶w̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶I̶ ̶l̶i̶v̶e̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶a̶ ̶m̶a̶n̶g̶a̶ ̶d̶o̶e̶s̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶c̶h̶a̶n̶g̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶f̶e̶e̶l̶s̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶l̶.̶ ̶O̶k̶a̶y̶,̶ ̶a̶n̶s̶w̶e̶r̶ ̶m̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶s̶,̶ ̶i̶f̶ ̶I̶ ̶p̶u̶n̶c̶h̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶f̶a̶c̶e̶ ̶r̶i̶g̶h̶t̶ ̶n̶o̶w̶,̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶h̶u̶r̶t̶?̶"̶
Hide focused on him. "You can't."
̶"̶P̶l̶a̶y̶ ̶a̶l̶o̶n̶g̶,̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶?̶"̶ Nagachika said through his teeth.
"I get the point—"
̶"̶D̶i̶d̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶h̶u̶r̶t̶ ̶w̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶t̶h̶o̶s̶e̶ ̶b̶e̶a̶m̶s̶ ̶f̶e̶l̶l̶ ̶o̶n̶ ̶t̶o̶p̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶?̶"̶ Nagachika leaned closer to him.
He wish his head injury meant he'd forgotten it.
help, why was no one helping him when he was in so much pain...?
why was he still awake...? why was he—
Hide covered his eyes.
—still alive?
̶"̶E̶x̶a̶c̶t̶l̶y̶.̶ ̶I̶f̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶w̶e̶r̶e̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶I̶ ̶k̶n̶e̶w̶ ̶w̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶I̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶n̶o̶w̶,̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶c̶h̶a̶n̶g̶e̶ ̶a̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶.̶ ̶I̶'̶d̶ ̶s̶t̶i̶l̶l̶ ̶b̶l̶e̶e̶d̶ ̶i̶f̶ ̶I̶ ̶g̶o̶t̶ ̶a̶ ̶p̶a̶p̶e̶r̶c̶u̶t̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶d̶o̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶b̶e̶s̶t̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶d̶i̶e̶ ̶i̶f̶ ̶a̶ ̶g̶h̶o̶u̶l̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶a̶f̶t̶e̶r̶ ̶m̶e̶.̶ ̶M̶y̶ ̶c̶o̶n̶n̶e̶c̶t̶i̶o̶n̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶K̶a̶n̶e̶k̶i̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶l̶.̶ ̶T̶h̶e̶ ̶p̶a̶i̶n̶ ̶I̶'̶v̶e̶ ̶f̶e̶l̶t̶ ̶u̶p̶ ̶u̶n̶t̶i̶l̶ ̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶l̶.̶ ̶W̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶I̶ ̶l̶a̶u̶g̶h̶,̶ ̶i̶t̶'̶s̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶l̶,̶"̶ Nagachika said. ̶"̶W̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶w̶h̶y̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶s̶h̶o̶u̶l̶d̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶l̶a̶y̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶a̶ ̶s̶a̶d̶ ̶s̶a̶c̶k̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶s̶t̶a̶r̶v̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶d̶e̶a̶t̶h̶.̶ W̶a̶s̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶g̶o̶o̶d̶ ̶e̶n̶o̶u̶g̶h̶?̶"̶
Why shouldn't he get a third chance? A third life? Why couldn't he live without needing to suffer?
Was he imagining the hand on his shoulder?
̶"̶G̶o̶ ̶a̶h̶e̶a̶d̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶d̶i̶e̶ ̶i̶f̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶,̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶i̶t̶'̶l̶l̶ ̶h̶u̶r̶t̶.̶ ̶Y̶o̶u̶'̶l̶l̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶a̶g̶o̶n̶y̶ ̶u̶p̶ ̶u̶n̶t̶i̶l̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶e̶n̶d̶.̶ ̶H̶o̶w̶ ̶m̶a̶n̶y̶ ̶t̶i̶m̶e̶s̶ ̶w̶i̶l̶l̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶l̶e̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶s̶e̶l̶f̶ ̶d̶i̶e̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶?̶ ̶I̶t̶'̶s̶ ̶a̶ ̶l̶i̶t̶t̶l̶e̶ ̶p̶a̶t̶h̶e̶t̶i̶c̶ ̶i̶f̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶a̶s̶k̶ ̶m̶e̶.̶"̶
He opened one eye, staring blearily at the pill bottle on the floor.
̶"̶It ̶m̶i̶g̶h̶t̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶e̶a̶s̶i̶e̶r̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶g̶i̶v̶e̶ ̶u̶p̶,̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶w̶i̶s̶h̶ ̶w̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶i̶t̶'̶d̶ ̶t̶a̶k̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶g̶e̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶o̶n̶ ̶a̶n̶y̶o̶n̶e̶.̶ ̶H̶o̶w̶ ̶l̶o̶n̶g̶ ̶d̶o̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶n̶k̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶c̶a̶n̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶s̶t̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶s̶t̶a̶r̶v̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶b̶e̶f̶o̶r̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶b̶r̶e̶a̶k̶?̶ ̶A̶ ̶f̶e̶w̶ ̶h̶o̶u̶r̶s̶?̶ ̶A̶ ̶f̶e̶w̶ ̶d̶a̶y̶s̶?̶ ̶Y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶c̶l̶o̶s̶e̶s̶t̶ ̶n̶e̶i̶g̶h̶b̶o̶r̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶a̶ ̶l̶i̶t̶t̶l̶e̶ ̶o̶l̶d̶ ̶l̶a̶d̶y̶,̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶.̶ ̶A̶ ̶l̶o̶t̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶n̶e̶i̶g̶h̶b̶o̶r̶s̶ ̶a̶r̶e̶.̶ ̶I̶t̶'̶s̶ ̶w̶h̶y̶ ̶I̶ ̶c̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶a̶f̶f̶o̶r̶d̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶p̶l̶a̶c̶e̶ ̶o̶n̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶s̶a̶l̶a̶r̶y̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶a̶n̶ ̶o̶f̶f̶i̶c̶e̶ ̶a̶s̶s̶i̶s̶t̶a̶n̶t̶,̶"̶ Nagachika pulled his hand back. ̶"̶C̶o̶u̶l̶d̶,̶ ̶p̶a̶s̶t̶ ̶t̶e̶n̶s̶e̶.̶ ̶T̶h̶e̶y̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶d̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶w̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶I̶ ̶s̶h̶o̶w̶e̶d̶ ̶u̶p̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶ ̶w̶o̶r̶k̶—̶"̶
"They'll understand why you didn't," he sniped.
Why had he liked Tokyo Ghoul so much?
Ken Kaneki's strength hadn't come from his friends. He was so strong because he'd decided the world had owed him his life.
Nagachika rubbed his chin. ̶"̶Y̶o̶u̶ ̶c̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶p̶r̶o̶b̶a̶b̶l̶y̶ ̶g̶e̶t̶ ̶b̶y̶ ̶o̶n̶ ̶d̶i̶s̶a̶b̶i̶l̶i̶t̶y̶ ̶b̶e̶n̶e̶f̶i̶t̶s̶ ̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶I̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶n̶k̶ ̶a̶b̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶i̶t̶.̶"̶
He pushed himself up. He walked to the lone kitchen counter and grabbed the bag of snacks that Nagachika had never gotten around to putting away.
Shrimp Chips was the first one he saw. He opened it and stuffed a handful of noodle-shaped chips in his mouth. It hit his tongue like shrimp that had been left in the sun for a day and deep fried.
He dropped the bag and slipped on the spilled chips as he ran to the bathroom. He shoved up the toilet seat and retched into the bowl.
̶"̶W̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶a̶r̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶t̶r̶y̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶d̶o̶?̶"̶
It tasted worse. He wiped his mouth, held onto the wall as he stood, and went back to the kitchen. He picked up the bag of Shrimp Chips and went back to the bathroom.
̶"̶D̶u̶d̶e̶,̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶o̶k̶a̶y̶?̶"̶
He ate another Shrimp Chip. He barely felt it on his tongue before he was bent over the toilet. "I'm going to eat like a person," he said weakly, leaning on the rim.
Nagachika crossed his arms. ̶"̶I̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶n̶k̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶'̶r̶e̶ ̶d̶o̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶r̶i̶g̶h̶t̶.̶ ̶F̶r̶o̶m̶ ̶w̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶I̶ ̶r̶e̶m̶e̶m̶b̶e̶r̶ ̶f̶r̶o̶m̶ ̶w̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶r̶e̶m̶e̶m̶b̶e̶r̶ ̶a̶b̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶w̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶M̶r̶.̶ ̶Y̶o̶s̶h̶i̶m̶u̶r̶a̶ ̶s̶a̶i̶d̶—̶"̶
"I don't need the old man." He pulled out a shrimp chip and forced it into his mouth. His teeth chattered as he made himself bite down and pieces spread out inside his mouth. He vomited.
̶"̶I̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶w̶h̶e̶t̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶s̶t̶o̶p̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶o̶r̶ ̶e̶n̶c̶o̶u̶r̶a̶g̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶.̶"̶
His stomach clenched and he bent over, groaning. He was a ghoul, and he couldn't do anything about it.
unfair.
He ground a shrimp chip between his teeth, forced its putridness down his throat, and violently threw up.
He chose this.
He reached into the bag and found it empty.
Had he?
unfair, unfair, unfair—
̶"̶U̶h̶,̶"̶ Nagachika said in concern.
He flushed the toilet and collapsed on the floor, holding his stomach. "I'm going to keep something down by sundown."
̶"̶O̶k̶a̶y̶.̶ ̶S̶u̶r̶e̶.̶ ̶B̶u̶t̶ ̶w̶h̶y̶ ̶s̶u̶n̶d̶o̶w̶n̶?̶"̶
He tried to speak and burped. "Oh man..."
Nagachika rubbed his chin. " ̶W̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶d̶o̶e̶s̶ ̶K̶i̶m̶i̶ ̶b̶e̶c̶o̶m̶e̶ ̶a̶ ̶g̶h̶o̶u̶l̶ ̶d̶o̶c̶t̶o̶r̶ ̶a̶g̶a̶i̶n̶.̶.̶.̶?̶"̶
He tried again, "Meet someone."
̶"̶T̶o̶u̶k̶a̶?̶ ̶I̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶n̶k̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶'̶s̶ ̶a̶ ̶g̶o̶o̶d̶ ̶i̶d̶e̶a̶.̶ ̶S̶t̶a̶y̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶h̶o̶s̶p̶i̶t̶a̶l̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ ̶m̶e̶s̶s̶e̶d̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶s̶e̶n̶s̶e̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶t̶i̶m̶e̶,̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶n̶ ̶I̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶K̶a̶n̶e̶k̶i̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶s̶u̶p̶p̶o̶s̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶m̶e̶e̶t̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶a̶t̶ ̶l̶e̶a̶s̶t̶ ̶t̶w̶o̶ ̶w̶e̶e̶k̶s̶ ̶a̶g̶o̶—̶"̶
Nagachika glanced down and realized that his double had passed out. He was even drooling. ̶"̶T̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶g̶u̶y̶,̶"̶ ̶he said, shaking his head.
Hide tossed a pizza flavored chip in his mouth, chewed it into crumbs, and swallowed it.
It tasted like his own vomit. His stomach felt liquid in a way that used to tell him that he was about to have a really bad time in the bathroom.
He held the bag up. "Did you have to buy three of these?"
̶"̶I̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶'̶v̶e̶ ̶b̶o̶u̶g̶h̶t̶ ̶m̶o̶r̶e̶ ̶i̶f̶ ̶I̶ ̶c̶o̶u̶l̶d̶'̶v̶e̶ ̶a̶f̶f̶o̶r̶d̶e̶d̶ ̶i̶t̶,̶"̶ Nagachika said, chin on his palm. ̶"̶Y̶o̶u̶ ̶j̶u̶s̶t̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶g̶e̶t̶ ̶i̶t̶.̶ ̶T̶h̶e̶ ̶h̶o̶n̶e̶y̶ ̶f̶l̶a̶v̶o̶r̶e̶d̶ ̶o̶n̶e̶s̶ ̶a̶r̶e̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶g̶o̶o̶d̶,̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶y̶'̶r̶e̶ ̶i̶m̶p̶o̶r̶t̶e̶d̶.̶"̶
He really missed the taste of blackberry shakes. Not that they had them here.
His stomach clenched painfully and he bent over, grimacing. He pushed open the trash can and vomited.
̶"̶S̶o̶,̶ ̶w̶h̶a̶t̶'̶r̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶g̶o̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶d̶o̶ ̶n̶o̶w̶?̶ ̶Y̶o̶u̶ ̶s̶l̶e̶p̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶r̶o̶u̶g̶h̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶e̶n̶t̶i̶r̶e̶ ̶n̶i̶g̶h̶t̶.̶"̶
He was so hungry.
He'd been ignoring Kaneki's calls.
"She meets Kaneki twice," he answered.
̶"̶I̶n̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶m̶a̶n̶g̶a̶.̶"̶
He glanced at the bathroom door. He'd dropped a cleaning pod in the toilet and sprayed disinfectant, but only time would tell if it'd be enough.
̶"̶T̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶c̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶g̶o̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶w̶a̶y̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶a̶n̶i̶m̶e̶.̶"̶ Nagachika waggled his fingers at him. ̶"̶O̶r̶,̶ ̶w̶o̶r̶s̶e̶,̶ ̶R̶o̶o̶t̶ ̶A̶.̶"̶
He'd stood in the mirror for a long time looking at the scars over his left lung, his kidneys, spleen, and intestines. He couldn't see all the scars down his back, even twisting to look in the mirror.
Nagachika had seen him bend over the sink and drop his head in his hands.
̶"̶A̶r̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶n̶ ̶l̶i̶s̶t̶e̶n̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶m̶e̶?̶"̶
"Nah."
Pink pills? Blue pills. Blue pills?
He'd wanted to know... what it felt like.
She smelled like a pink pill.
He knew now he wouldn't be able to starve—
Who cracked open the pink pills and emptied them in his nose?
—long enough to die.
Why did people smell... so good?
Blue pills for his smell and taste. Suppressants? When did Dr. Kano start to wean him off them?
He took them every day. Four hours. Twelve hours. He wanted to eat every day. Wanted to fill his mouth with pink pills until he was full enough to sleep.
Why was he in a sea of pink pills? Where did the people go?
He wanted to crush them in his mouth and taste something that didn't make him sick.
Where was he? Walking? Standing?
Outside.
In the street? On the sidewalk?
Open his mouth and feel the pills explode between his teeth—
̶"̶ ̶ ̶ ̶ ̶ ̶ ̶ ̶ ̶ ̶ ̶,̶"̶ someone shouted. ̶"̶G̶e̶t̶ ̶a̶ ̶h̶o̶l̶d̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶s̶e̶l̶f̶,̶ ̶m̶a̶n̶!̶"̶
His voice? Wait, no, not his, but whose name was that?
What name had he said? He'd already forgotten.
Hide froze. He heard conversations around him suddenly, the sound of feet moving, hands adjusting coats or digging in pockets and—
It was dark. No, no, his hand was covering his eyes.
Something told him not to move his hand away from his left eye. He opened his fingers to look through his right and saw that he was standing over a woman.
She had frozen in the middle of turning around, staring at him with shocked eyes. Ice cream dribbled down a cone and dripped from her hands.
Hide could feel the chill on his face. He realized two things.
His mouth was open, and he was dangerously close to her fingers.
Nagachika crouched behind her, dragging a hand down his face.
Hide had come up behind her, and it wasn't until she'd seen his shadow in the streetlight that she'd turned around. He could hear people walking around them on the crosswalk, trying not to get involved.
But it would only take one to turn and take a good look at her face to see they needed to intervene.
Hide took a giant bite of her ice cream.
Her mouth fell open. She stared at the teeth marks in her ice cream.
Hide swallowed and took a step back. "I'm really sorry," he said, forcing an embarrassed smile. "I usually don't do stuff like this. I just haven't eaten in a few days. I was so hungry, and your ice cream looked so good. I couldn't stop myself."
She looked everywhere but at him. "O-oh," she said. Her hand clenched tight around her handbag.
"I live in the subway," Hide went on. "There's this nice business guy who usually gives me something to eat to make me go away around here, but I haven't seen him in a long time. He wears a suit. Blue tie. A real clean-shaven guy. I think he works around here?"
She finally looked at him again. Her eyes were less afraid, but she still looked uncomfortable. "I'm sorry to hear that, but I can't help you," she said stiffly. "I don't have anything—I don't carry money with me."
Ice cream dripped onto the crosswalk.
She adjusted her bag on her shoulder and glanced around like he was physically keeping her in the conversation.
Hide took another step back. "Ah, that's okay. I wasn't asking, I just wanted to explain. I'm really sorry."
She dipped her head at him and said, "Good luck." She didn't look at him again as she hurried away.
Hide felt sick. The smell of meat was in the air around him.
He breathed out through his mouth. He focused on his stomach clenching as he walked. His steps were slow, but his mind was wandering, focusing on—
a little pink pill in a stroller. he could swallow it whole without tasting it.
He stumbled into an alley and vomited.
He wanted to hide.
"Nagachika, where do you live again?" he asked, coughing.
Nagachika said something behind him.
Why hadn't Dr. Kano left him with a bottle, a handful?
He sniffed, tasting something in the air, a faint, no strong, scent. Something stronger than the pink pills with the capsules that kept their insides from him.
His mouth watered.
̶"̶Y̶o̶u̶ ̶i̶d̶i̶o̶t̶.̶"̶
He followed the smell deeper into the alley. The medicine inside the capsule would make the haze in his head go away—
He stopped short.
"—damn him for leaving me with this mess to clean up," she griped, nudging a headless corpse with her foot.
A splatter of blood in front of her where Nishiki fell before he fled. A head with red and black eyes. The smell, the blood, still trickling from the neck of another corpse.
"Hm?" she turned around, keeping her foot on the corpse.
Should he? Could he?
He was on his knees in front of the body before he realized it, filling his cupped hands with blood and tilting his head back to drink.
It was like water after days stranded in the desert.
"Hey—"
He choked as the tip of a shoe dug deep into his stomach. Pain needled in his gut. His vision blurred. His shoulder scraped the ground as he tumbled into the wall, gagging.
"—what do you think you're doing?"
He looked up at her. Wait, Touka?
What had he been...?
His eyes caught on the corpse behind her as he tried to sit up, and he slowly looked at his hands.
He left behind red handprints.
He tasted it when he swallowed. Tangy, like spiced meat. He wanted more.
"You deaf? I asked you a question." She stepped more firmly between him and the body. "You with that bastard Nishki—?"
She stopped herself. "Wait, you're the creepy customer from the other day. The one with that bookworm and..." she trailed off, eyes widening.
̶"̶C̶r̶e̶e̶p̶y̶?̶"̶ Nagachika slumped against the wall. ̶"̶G̶i̶r̶l̶s̶ ̶a̶r̶e̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶h̶a̶r̶s̶h̶,̶ ̶m̶a̶n̶.̶"̶
More.
He dragged his tongue across his palm.
he'd been drinking blood like it was a water fountain. it was all over his face—
"If you were a ghoul—? Why would she—?"
His body wanted more.
He swallowed and pushed himself up. If Nagachika hadn't shouted at him, or if he knew how to use his kagune, he'd have killed someone already.
Touka tensed as his feet dragged closer to her, watching in surprise as he went right by her and dropped down in front of the dead human. But under his hood, she saw—
"You only have one eye."
The bleeding had stopped. He grabbed the right arm and pulled the upper part close to his face as he leaned down. He felt cold flesh in his mouth and the aftertaste of salt on the skin. He knew it would taste like salted meat.
He couldn't bite down.
"Your scent has completely changed from before," Touka said incredulously. "You were human."
He'd go mad. He had exposed himself to the smell of people on purpose and still lost it.
in this world, the strong survive.
He bit down hard and jerked his head back, ripping a meaty chunk off the upper arm off.
Touka felt unsure as she watched him rip into the flesh, barely swallowing between bites. "Weren't you?"
so good. he couldn't fill his mouth with it fast enough. he wanted to eat the whole thing.
He kept having to stop to wipe water out of his eyes.
"Isn't this kind of thing supposed to be taboo for humans? And why do you—"
̶"̶D̶u̶d̶e̶,̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶'̶s̶ ̶e̶n̶o̶u̶g̶h̶.̶ ̶Y̶o̶u̶ ̶a̶t̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶w̶h̶o̶l̶e̶ ̶a̶r̶m̶.̶"̶
"—smell kind of like Rize?"
He stopped in the middle of licking the bones. He looked down at the mess of blood and skin on the ground in front of him and couldn't hold onto the hand.
It cracked against the pavement as he stood.
"I couldn't tell you," he answered.
Touka's eyebrows shot up. "You made a mess. You're—what are you?"
He went over to the body of the dead ghoul. He crouched and lifted the arm to his mouth. The skin was hard under his teeth like overcooked, unflavored meat.
Tough and grisly. Chewing it was like trying to eat wood bark.
"What...?" she stared at him. "What are you doing?"
He didn't like it at all. He took another bite.
"That's a ghoul."
He tore apart more of the bicep and didn't feel sick, but not any more full.
Touka was next to him in an instant, eyes black and red as she drove her fist into his cheek. "I asked you what the hell you think you're doing, asshole!"
His hands flew up too late and by then he was already on the ground, dizzy from his head bouncing off the pavement. He spit gravel.
Touka had his sweatshirt in her fist before he could do more than grimace. She yanked him up and forced him to meet her blazing eyes. "If I were you, I'd think carefully about what you say next."
He could still smell the body behind her, but not as strongly as before, like smelling a barbecue but having the self-control not to leap onto the grill.
It was messed up how relieved it made him.
He spit again, this time to rid his mouth of the taste of ghoul. "What did it look like I was doing?"
Her eyes widened.
̶"̶I̶f̶ ̶s̶h̶e̶ ̶d̶o̶e̶s̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶k̶i̶l̶l̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶,̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶i̶l̶l̶,̶"̶ Nagachika said, hands covering his face. ̶"̶T̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶h̶o̶w̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶m̶a̶k̶e̶ ̶f̶r̶i̶e̶n̶d̶s̶.̶"̶
Red wisps floated in the air behind her shoulders. "You want to act neither like a human, or a ghoul, huh? Then die like the nothing you are—"
"That's enough, Touka."
Her head jerked up and the wisps vanished. "Mr. Yoshimura, I— what are you doing here, sir?"
He followed her gaze. Yoshimura stood at the other end of the alley, Nishki's blood stains between them. His eyes were open slightly, and he didn't smile kindly at him.
"Touka, what happened to that errand I sent you on?"
"Oh!" she dropped him. "I, uh, got distracted. I'm so sorry." She walked around him like he wasn't there. "You didn't have to come looking for me. I can handle myself."
"You can never be too careful," Yoshimura didn't look at her as he said it.
"But—the café—it has to have closed by now—?"
"I've already paid Koma for the overtime. It wasn't like you to not come back on time. If not me, it would've been Yomo. I think we can agree on how much you'd have wanted to avoid that since you can barely stand lectures from me."
"Sir," embarrassment colored her voice.
̶"̶H̶e̶'̶s̶ ̶l̶o̶o̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶a̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶'̶r̶e̶ ̶a̶ ̶w̶i̶l̶d̶ ̶a̶n̶i̶m̶a̶l̶,̶"̶ Nagachika whispered, a hand in front of his mouth like he was telling a secret.
Hide crossed his legs, smiled, and waved. "I'm Hideyoshi Nagachika. Nice to meet you."
̶"̶I̶ ̶n̶e̶v̶e̶r̶ ̶u̶s̶e̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶f̶u̶l̶l̶ ̶n̶a̶m̶e̶ ̶w̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶I̶ ̶i̶n̶t̶r̶o̶d̶u̶c̶e̶ ̶m̶y̶s̶e̶l̶f̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶a̶n̶y̶o̶n̶e̶.̶ ̶S̶o̶ ̶l̶a̶m̶e̶.̶"̶
Touka looked sharply at him. "He's nobody, sir. Just some ghoul too stupid to live for long." She walked past Yoshimura, but he didn't follow.
"Sir?"
Yoshimura kept looking at him. "You should come back with us."
"What—? Him? Sir, didn't you see how he—"
"Do you remember Anteiku's policy, Touka?"
She fell silent.
"Ghouls help one another. No matter who he is, I would be betraying not only Anteiku, but also myself if I didn't extend an offer to him."
Hide scratched his cheek. "Anteiku? Does this mean that everyone at Anteiku are ghouls?"
Touka tch'ed.
"The staff, yes. The customers? Only some of them, some of the time. Are you coming, Hideyoshi?"
He had no choice. Who else would teach him to fight like a ghoul?
His stomach twinged painfully as he got to his feet. "Sure. Call me Hide."
