No new chapter yet, but I had this almost finished, so I found the time to edit and complete it properly. Enjoy.
(XX)
False Lovers' Relatives and the Hobo Household
When Shota Aizawa had agreed to take in a teenager – or more correctly, had opted to take in a teenager because the alternative was strangling Majima to make him stop calling and ask if he had considered his request some more – He had expected her to be obnoxious, loud, annoying and/or make his house explode with continuous experiments. This was a Power Loader Certified Student, after all, and whether Majima liked to pretend otherwise, his favorite students tended to be and do most of those.
As it turned out, Melissa Shield was the first Power Loader Certified Student that didn't subscribe to any of those. The worst he could say about her was that she insisted he sleep in his bed, instead of putting his sleeping bed on the floor in front of the door – rude, he wasted two whole minutes between getting up from the admittedly comfy bed and getting ready to leave now – and that his white cat Oro seemed to like her a lot and spend his day with her. Which he was not jealous of. At all.
Either way, Shield was not a complete disaster. As he opened the door, he wondered if he should try to order some food for the night or if his cooking was e-
The door exploded outward. Had he been a teenager in some silly manga, he would have likely woken up with a girl on his chest, probably getting to see her own. Luckily, Shota was an adult, so instead he got knocked against the wall face first.
Indeed, what a lucky man he was.
He shakily stood back up and rushed in through the door, trying to figure out what had just happened. What he found was Melissa, covering her face, sitting with a cackling, taller, black haired clone of Midoriya, a girl with white eyes that seemed on the verge of screaming, and a pink-haired girl also cackling maniacally as she pushed back together the pieces of some sort of contraption.
All except the latter turned toward the door as he stumbled in.
His face was probably quite terrifying, seeing that the girl with white hair and eyes gave one look at him and immediately screamed. Or the fact that the guy immediately jumped in front of Melissa and the pink-haired girl. "Shit, a Villain?!"
"No, just a very pissed-off Hero." Aizawa replied, "Who are you?"
"Ah! As if! What kind of Hero looks like a burning hobo?!"
"Ok, first of all, ouch, I'll have you know I take at least a shower every day. Second of all, burning?"
"M-Mister Aizawa, your shirt is on fire." Melissa offered with a shaky smile. Aizawa looked down. Uh, so it was. He sighed, walked into his bathroom, and splashed some water on his burning shirt. 'Ugh, and now I have to go shopping, this was one of the last from the previous batch.' He shivered. Going shopping meant he had to either ask Mic and get his ears tortured or ask Nemuri and get dragged for hours through clothing stores as she tried to 'fix his style'.
It had never worked before, but the woman just refused to take the hint. She had even bought him a formal suit that he had never touched and would likely never touch.
The final option was going by himself, but the last time he had done that, Nemuri and Mic had looked once at his shirt and then had raided his wardrobe to burn them all as an 'insult to style and decency'.
He sighed, walked back out, and just did his best 'teacher look' toward the room. "What is going on? And where are my cats?"
"They are hiding in your room, sir." Melissa said sheepishly, "And Mei is sorry for the explosion." She added.
"No, I'm not! That was some excellent yield!" The girl offered in response, "It wasn't the plan, but I can make a bomb out of this!"
"Do not build bombs in my apartment." He said, ignoring the 'killjoy' and Melissa's resigned sigh to turn to the other two. "And who are you two, anyway?"
"I'm Yo Shindo, and this is my younger sister Hana Shindo."
"U-Uhm, n-n-nice t-to meet y-you sir…" She said, stuttering wildly.
"Wait, you are the saleswoman from the Sports Festival." Aizawa finally realized, as both girls clicked into place. "Ectoplasm was crying like a baby the night after, you know? It's been years since someone from his Course made a splash at the Festival."
"I-I…"
"Yeah, Hana is amazing. She will sell so many babies one day." Hatsume – that was her family name, now he remembered, along with the absolutely dreadful stories Majima had told him – interjected.
"… I'm going to assume you are talking about your machines and not child trafficking." Aizawa turned to stare at Shindo. The older one. Yo. There was probably a childish joke someone else could make, but Aizawa was not in the mood. Not that he ever was, but this was a particularly 'not in the mood' mood. "What are you doing here?"
"I invited them over, sir. Uhm, the Shindos are my cousins."
"Yeah, we are just catching up." Shindo offered, and Aizawa sighed. Made sense, she had mentioned relatives before. He looked around. They had been eating some chips and watching tv, apparently, before Hatsume's 'baby' had gone off and decided that Aizawa's living room needed less furniture. "We weren't really planning to… do this."
"I would hope so." He sighed again – man he had been doing that a lot – glancing at Melissa, "You are paying me back for that couch."
"Yes sir."
"Wait, why should Mel pay for it?" Shindo argued, "Hatsume is the one that bombed your living room."
"Because I remember what Majima told me about Mei Hatsume, and Melissa still decided to bring her in here."
"That's… Actually fair."
"Yeah…" Melissa scratched the back of her head. "Uhm, I kinda feel it's on me, true."
Aizawa sighed. "Either way, get comfortable again. And Hatsume?"
"Yes?"
"If you try to build that thing again, I will remind Majima to lock the lab at night."
"How did you…"
"I know what you Supports are like." He said, sighing. He opened a pack of chips and filled some bowls, bringing them to Melissa. "Here, have a blast kids."
He sat down in the chicken, making himself some tea and listening to the kids whispering to each other, before Shindo suddenly perked up and turned toward him. "Wait, you are Eraserhead?!"
"Yeah, why?" He asked, sipping his tea.
"You are Miss Joke's boyfriend!" He shouted, and Aizawa promptly spit out his whole cup. Melissa clearly didn't expect that either, since she started choking on the chip she had just swallowed.
"I'm not."
"But she says you will get married one day!"
"Yes. Yes she says that." He replied, non plussed. Frankly, if he ever decided to settle down for good, Joke wasn't a terrible idea. She was efficient, logical behind the dumb persona she put on, and she was also fairly attractive. But Aizawa was A) not interested in settling down, B) too busy to give a relationship the proper time, and C) really didn't want to imagine what Nemuri and Mic would do if they knew he was going to marry someone.
He sighed as time passed, the teens getting louder for a good hour, before they started leaving. Hatsume was the first, remarkably on perfect time to sneak into UA just as Majima left the school for the day. A friendly colleague would have called the man to tell him.
Unfortunately, Majima that morning had helped Mic in his newest prank against Aizawa, so fuck him.
The Shindos left next, inviting Melissa over, and Aizawa finally had the house all for himself. He sighed in relief and sat down on his couch.
Click
Click?
-x-
Hatsume patted her pockets. "Uh, I must have left the glitter bomb for Can't Stop Twinkling's arsenal at Melissa's place." She realized.
Eh, it probably didn't matter.
-x-
Melissa walked back in the apartment and stared at a decidedly shining and pink professor Aizawa, his air, face and skin a patchwork of pink and white glitter.
"… I'm sorry."
"You are expelled." Aizawa replied flatly.
"Can you do that?"
"No, but I can ban you from petting my cats."
"You wouldn't!"
"Watch me." Aizawa replied, and he quickly picked up all three cats – who didn't seem that happy to be picked up by their currently glittery owner – and walked to bed, locking the door of his room.
Melissa pouted.
-x-x-x-
False Lovers' Relatives and the Heir
Isana Shindo always had a hard time in public. While his costume as the 'Villain' Curator did a good job covering the left half of his face, the one that could probably make women faint at the sight and children run away screaming in fear, the fact he was not here to be Curator was the problem.
In the end, he had to go for a metal contraption that covered the deformed half, one shaped so his white hair were uncovered and the red, swollen eye and blue skin covered. It was annoying, but when half of your face looks like a monster chewed it up and then spit it out, you got used to keeping it out of sight.
"Yo, Isana!" Volcano waved, and Isana sighed. Well, time to be friendly, he supposed.
"Maguma, how are you?"
"Good enough. Are we waiting for the others?"
"Just me." Hisashi said, almost appearing out of nowhere, even if he likely had just been waiting for them both to show up before joining. Of course, while they looked alone, each of them had a bodyguard hiding nearby, and they all knew it. Still, hopefully they wouldn't need it. "So, I hear there is a good restaurant nearby. Want to go?"
Isana nodded, yawning. While for the official family dinners a big, elegant restaurant was needed, it didn't mean the Green Valley Clan didn't know the value of appearing unassuming. After all, officially, none of them was a criminal. Hisashi was a newly promoted employee at a large company, and Maguma was a small entrepreneur that owned a bunch of shops around the city. He was even on the newspapers once or twice a year, shaking hands with some small politicians that promised help for small businesses.
As for Isana, his cover-up was running a small Aquarium in Ushimitsudoki. Cool place, but nowhere near as big as its competitors, and Isana was completely fine with it. The man sat down at the table Hisashi took, and they shared a round of beer first, before getting down to business.
"So…" Isana sighed, "What is your son even doing?"
"What do you mean? Izuku is clearly training to become the next boss."
"And going to UA was important for this?"
"Yes?"
"Why did you say it like a question?"
"I don't know, why did you say that question like a question?"
"What…"
Maguma just shrugged, "Isn't your son also going to a Hero school?"
"Yes, but my son isn't the heir of the whole Clan. Him joining the Hero business makes sense. He can build connections that would prove useful in the long term while becoming stronger."
"Which is what my son is also doing." Hisashi said, nodding confidently.
"And what does he gain from putting himself in the spotlight?"
"Right now? The Number Nine and a Triad family." Hisashi countered.
Isana and Maguma stared at him for a long moment, before Maguma burst into laughter. "Are you fucking with us?!"
"Nope." Hisashi pulled out his work phone, tapped in the password and showed them a new mail. "Here, photographic proof of Ryukyu swearing fealty to us. Along with it is also the weirdest mail I ever got."
"Why?"
Hisashi sighed. "To the graceful Hisashi Midoriya, leader of the Green Valley Clan, my name is Hiryu Rin. As a now loyal follower of your son, Izuku Midoriya, I wish to offer you my formal greeting as heir of the Azure Dragon Clan and future subordinate of your son." Isana gasped so loudly a couple people from nearby tables turned towards them to make sure he wasn't suffocating. In response, they got a glare strong enough they turned back around. "And I want to let you know I am continuously amazed by your son's progress. His plans prove intricate and sharp, and I am sure he will be the next leader of Japan and America's underworld. Yours sincerely, Hiryu Rin."
"What the fuck Hisashi, what is your son?" Maguma said.
Isana was finished choking on his own breath, instead just staring at Hisashi's phone. "The Azure Dragons alone are among the biggest gangs in China and Korea. Your son in one move probably just opened up for us a market that will double our yearly gains. And then Ryukyu?!"
"Oh, and I also got this other mail from one of the girls- I mean, one of the bodyguards we sent to keep an eye on him." He continued, "Tokage Setsuna here to report, sir. I just wanted to inform you your son has recruited Yuga Aoyama from the League to the Clan. He was directed to us by Kyoka Jiro, and he informs me his parents will contact you shortly."
"Aoyama…" Maguma frowned, "Where have I heard- Why is Isana turning pale?"
"Aoyama Industries… That's one of the biggest conglomerates in Japan, it's only behind the Yaoyorozu Conglomerate and Detnerat, I think…" Isana grabbed a bottle of beer, "I take back everything Hisashi, you have raised the most promising heir you could have."
"Of course he did…" Maguma passed a hand over his face, "Can't believe you had a son that is just as much of a genius as you are."
"We should have expected it. Hisashi became the boss because he was the smartest of the three." Isana replied, "I admit it, it seems the son is following in the father's footsteps."
"You have no idea…" Hisashi said.
"Reminds me of when Hisashi single handedly set up I-Island for the Clan." Maguma replied.
Hisashi sighed, "I guess it does…"
-x-
"It's an incredible idea, Hisashi! A whole island dedicated to the research and development of all kind of technologies! It will change the world forever!" David said, and Hisashi nodded. His cousin had some intriguing ideas, even if Hisashi himself hardly saw the point of making a whole island for research. What was wrong with a regular campus?
"I will finance the project." Hisashi said, nodding.
"Great!"
"Of course, though, I expect we will have a use for the island too. It wouldn't do for the Clan to gain nothing from it."
David gulped, "I… Will see to it."
Hisashi smiled.
-x-
'I just wanted a private beach and some real estate on it, how the fuck did he translate that as 'let's build underground weapons and drugs factories?!' Hisashi thought.
Isana sighed, "Let's not forget that he is also the only criminal boss that ever defeated All for One." Isana replied.
'Yeah, sure, let's go with that…'
-x-
"I'm really sorry Hisashi." Izuku Midoriya said. His father, the boss of the family, looked legitimately terrified, a rare look on his face, "I really wanted you to succeed me as the next boss, but now it feels… hollow."
Hisashi sighed. He was glad he got to spend those final moments with his dad. He wished Inko could be here too, but after their brief call, it had been nothing but fighting. He had been on the frontline, using fire and guns whenever he could, but now Gigantomachia and All for One were coming. He wanted those final moments to be spent with his father, if he had a choice. "I know dad. I…"
"Boss! It's incredible!" One of his father's followers shouted, rushing back in, "We thought it was over, but your son saved us all!"
"He what?!"
"I w- I mean, it worked?!"
"It did sir! I should have known your call to miss Inko wasn't just to say goodbye! You had organized for her to arrive just as we had defeated all the enemies we could and forced Gigantomachia and All for One to come out! It was perfectly timed sir!"
"It was also absolutely brutal." A second goon said, marching in and shivering, "I never want to see that again."
"The things she did to Gigantomachia…"
"I didn't know a creature that big could scream at such a high pitch…"
"And All for One's eyes…"
"So much blood…"
"She pulled out every single bone from that guy's body…"
"Hisashi!" Inko shouted, running into the room. Hisashi would have said her clothes were bloodstained, but that was underselling it. It was more like she was painted red head to toe, her eyes the only part that wasn't painted that way.
"Is that all blood dear?"
"That's not important, it's not mine anyway!" She shouted, rushing to him, hugging him – oh god he was covered in blood – and then kissing him – she tastes of blood and strawberry- I mean, oh god they are covered in blood. "I'm so glad you are ok Hisashi…" she murmured, before dragging him into a second kiss.
His father waited respectfully for several seconds, that turned into over a minute, before awkwardly coughing in his hand. "Ahem, Inko, can I take my son for a moment?"
"Of course, sir. I'm sure he knows there is more where that comes from." She replied, with a grin that made Hisashi feel things. His dad coughed, and then waited as every survivor of the Green Valley Clan walked in the room.
"Today, we won a battle no man has ever won before!" He shouted, and everyone clapped and cheered, including Hisashi. "And this battle was won thanks to only one person!"
Hisashi felt a smug smile grow on his face. His girlfriend, the Hero of the Clan.
"My son!"
"Yes- Wait what?" He asked, but it was covered by the cheering of the crowd. His father put a hand on his shoulder.
"Excellent work son." The man said, "I trust you will lead the Clan wisely." He glanced behind his shoulder, "Also, you better marry that woman, she looks scarier than your mother."
"Wasn't mom an assassin for the clan?"
"Did I stutter, son?"
In that moment, Hisashi decided that, as much as he loved Inko, he would make sure his son, if he ever had one, found a normal girl without a body count.
-x-
'And I did. Izuku better thank me for that one.' He thought with a grin.
Yeah, his son was doing rather well for himself. He just had to hope he was actually planning this, he didn't want to consider the option his weird luck was hereditary.
What father would wish that for his son?
-x-x-x-x-
False Lovers' Relatives and the Love Advice
Kaina Tsutsumi was doing her favorite thing, which was laying slumped on the couch, watching some stupid comedy, and very much not thinking about all her problems. She was national champion of laying slumped on the couch, watching some stupid comedy, and she was going to go for the world record.
Then her doorbell rang. Kaina groaned, saying goodbye to her world record as she stood up and walked to the door.
Two girls stood in front of her door, a frog-like girl with green hair and a girl with long earlobes ending in a pair of jacks. "Can I help you? Is it a Security issue?" She paused, "Is it beating up a journalist? Or did the HPSC finally decide to take out Nedzu because they want to impose their own way of being Heroes in every School in Japan?"
"No we- Wait is that a thing?"
"… No?" She coughed, "What do you want?"
"Uhm… We need advice."
"If it's homework…"
"No it's… Romantic advice."
Kaina stared at them. "Ok…" She managed to say, "But why me?"
"Well, the boss said we should have asked you."
"The bo- Are you girls Midoriya's bodyguards?" Kaina finally realized, looking at them, "Wait, are you Mika Jiro's daughter?" She frowned, "And you… I remember there was a frog girl of some kind in Inko's group too, wasn't there?" Both girls nodded, and she sighed, "Alright, but why me?"
"The boss said your advice helped him, and we need advice too."
Kaina looked at them, then shrugged, "Sure, why not. Sit down and tell me everything, I suppose. Do you girls drink?"
"We are minors."
"Ah right." She shrugged, "So do you drink?"
"No!"
"Damn, you should, booze always helps in love and war." She paused, "Just don't drink too much. Puking on the shoes of the person you fancy won't leave a good impression."
The two girls sat down on the couch, and she sighed. Man, teens those days were boring.
-x-
"So let me get this straight, you like a girl, you like a boy, and you are also sure the girl likes the boy, while you aren't sure if they boy likes either of the girls. Do I get that right?" She asked once they were finished. They shakily nodded, and she glanced a Jiro, "And you aren't into boys?"
"I never found one, so I think the answer is no."
"Damn, toss polyamory out as an option then." She sighed, disappointed. Poli was the solution to every harem story. "Mh… Well, first of all, you need to prevent them from getting all chummy chummy, but without making it too obvious."
The two nodded, "And then?"
She tilted her head. "I guess… Just talk with them. Figure out what they like, offer to help them, spend your time together… All that good romantic stuff, you know?"
The two girls nodded, and Kaina smiled. Man, giving advice was easy.
-x-
'I didn't mean I wanted to do it again!' She shouted in her head as Hagakure explained her situation.
"And so, uhm, I just… I'm a bit worried, you know? What if he doesn't like me after a while? I'm invisible after all, every other girl isn't-"
"You." Kaina interrupted her, and Hagakure looked up, staring at her. "Every other girl isn't you. Instead of focusing on whether he might be distracted by other girls, remember he chose you. Being invisible doesn't mean being invisible- wait let me rephrase that…"
"You mean that he sees my personality, and that matters more?"
"Yes! Smart girl!" She said, pointing at her, "That's what I mean. Focus on that, and you won't be disappointed."
"A-Alright." Hagakure nodded.
-x-
Kaina sighed. "Fuwa, that was your name right?"
"Y-Yes?" The white haired girl nodded.
"If he is already taken, you shouldn't try to break them apart. That's morel likely to make you hate you. Instead, try to be a good sport about it. If he breaks up with his current girlfriend, that's when you go in."
-x-
"So your problem is that you worry that, if you fall for someone, they might be put off by your religion and your adherence to some of its precepts about purity?" Kaina asked.
The bright red Ibara slowly nodded, her vines closing on the glass she had been handed.
"That's dumb. If they have a problem with it, they need to get their shit together. Either they accept you with your values, or they get the boot. It's one thing to discuss where the relationship should go – trust me, there are ways to go around the 'no sex before marriage' – but it's a completely different thing to make yourself uncomfortable for the sake of the other person."
"So you are saying that if it happens, I should discuss it, reach an understanding, but not just roll over, right?"
"Yup." Kaina nodded.
"Thank you ma'am." The girl smiled, standing up, bowing and heading for the door, "This helped a lot putting my mind at ease. I don't have anyone yet, but I will keep it in mind. I will tell all my friends about the help you gave me."
"Please don-" The door closed behind her, "Fuck."
-x-
"I'm not sure if she likes me."
"You won't find out if you don't try."
-x-
"I think he is a bit too young, but my friends say it's dumb, we are two years apart, but that's like, a lot when you are both teens…"
"If it makes you uncomfortable, you shouldn't go for it."
-x-
"Me and a friend made a bet, can you guess which of the Quintuplets from this old anime the protagonist chooses? I said Miku, but he keeps insisting it's Nino."
"Get out."
-x-
"I assure you, you are not having a heart attack."
"But I feel…"
"You are in love."
"I see. I needed an unbiased opinion, thank you."
-x-
"And they all say I'm a stalker, but I just took some of his stuff, and I returned it after…"
"Please stop. Seek help."
-x-
"Ok, look, this is a serious discussion, he says Hanekawa would have been better, but I think going for Senjougahara was the right decision…"
"I said get out! And stop watching century old anime!"
"But it's peak fiction!"
-x-
"I know we broke up, but I can't just forget her…"
"If you broke up over some minor stuff, maybe you can patch it up, but if it was the result of continuous arguing, or if the argument that ended it all was too angry, I'd try to look for other people."
-x-
"And like, we kissed a few times, but now I wonder if he actually likes me…"
"If he doesn't, give me the name, I'll inform Nedzu. He probably won't like the idea."
-x-
"I don't get why I'm not popular!"
"Have you tried not perving on the girls?"
The short purple teen gasped. "It's that easy?! But anime said-"
"Highschool DxD is not an accurate depiction of school life."
The diminutive teen gasped again in bewilderment.
-x-
"Makima or Power?"
"Trick question, the answer is Kobe- Get out!"
-x-
Kaina slammed her palms on the desk, "Why does every single student at this school come to me when they have romantic issues?!"
Hound Dog blinked, "What?"
"It's been a whole week, those kids just keep knocking at my door, ask for romantic advice, or that fucking kid that keeps asking for anime opinions, and then expect me to give them something wise! It's insane!" She slumped back down on the chair, "It's like I have a sign outside my door that says, 'if you are here for advice, ring the bell."
"You have that sign, I saw it walking in."
"Yeah, I gave up yesterday and just put it up. Better than people knocking on my door. Or that creepy purple guy that was just staring at me through the window." Kaina sighed, "Seriously, isn't this your job?"
"Well, Tsutsumi, I find that kids often see authority figures as someone you can't open up with on your minute problems." Hound Dog chuckled, "Students will come to me if they were involved in a Villain attack and need someone to talk to, or if they are being bullied and need someone to vent their frustration to – and believe me, when that happens I take care of it –" He smiled showing the large fangs that would have probably made a normal bully just shit themselves on sight, "But romantic advice? From someone who they call Professor?" He shook his head, "You on the other hand seem more approachable, I suppose. They see you walk around in your Security uniform, maybe, but once they figured out you were not a Villain, I guess they started to realize they could ask you." He shrugged, "I expect originally the people that came in were friends of the first person that did, right?"
"… You could say that."
"Then I guess the rumor spread from there."
"Definitely."
He looked at her, "Do you want them to stop? It would be a pity, I notice a remarkable increase in your sociality, but if it disturbs you…"
Kaina frowned. Did she want it to stop? Sure, it was annoying, but… She kind of enjoyed it. It was nice to help solve problems whose solution wasn't shooting them with a gun. "I think I can survive. What's the worst that could happen?"
-x-
The doorbell rang, and Kaina opened the door. It was late at night, so she was ready to scold a student that had the galls to break into the school just to talk with her.
She stared at Handjob.
Handjob stared at her.
She aimed her sniper rifle at Handjob.
"Wait!" He shouted, "I'm here to talk."
"About what?!"
"I need…" He bit his lip, "I need he…" He bit his lip again, "I need… a walkthrough for romance."
"… Are you fucking mental?"
"I'm perfectly sane."
"The guy with the Villain name of Handjob that walked up to an ex-Hero's house, located within a Hero school, is sane?"
"I really need that walkthrough. This RPG-Visual Novel mix is really hard, the main rival is annoying and I don't even know where to start." He said.
She put her finger on the trigger, "Ok so you are fucking mental, nice to kno-"
"I'm Himiko's older brother, and I brought you some beers." He said, looking like the words were being plied out of his mouth. She blinked twice, then retracted her rifle once she was sure he had been honest.
"Well fuck me, lead with that next time. That means you are the boss' future brother-in-law, right?" He made a sound that sounded like a mix between a yes and a gurgle of pure agony. She sighed. On one hand, Nedzu had gotten her out of jail, so she owed him. On the other, getting his boss' brother-in-law arrested would probably piss off the clan. And his dad, who was All for One.
… Yeah, the guy wasn't here to cause trouble, either way. She could let it slide. "Oh, by the way, how did you get in?"
"I have my ways."
-x-
"A Hero here, sir?"
"Yes, it says a guy called Shimura Togaraki visited." Nedzu read, "Did he come to you?"
"No, sir." She lied.
Wow, the Hero system had really gone to shit without her around.
Good.
(XX)
Next real chapter soon, but for now enjoy. I don't really have much to say. As usual, everything in the Archives is canon, but is all relatively minor stuff that would break the rhythm of the main story.
Oh, also.
Sasuga, Hisashi-sama.
