Chapter Four
Ianto continued to hug Jack. "I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that,' he whispered to the older man. "If you're ever in pain like that again, please don't make yourself go through it alone. Talk to me about it, and I'll do what I can to ease it, okay cariad?" He realized a moment too late what he had called Jack, but he didn't take it back.
"Okay." Jack put his arms around Ianto too, and the two of them sat on the couch like that for a couple of hours, until Ianto dozed off. Jack slowly pulled out of Ianto's warm embrace, and gently lifted him and carried him to bed. He removed the younger man's jacket and shoes, but left on the rest of his clothes. Sleeping in clothes wouldn't be the most comfortable, but he didn't want to undress the Welshman and make things awkward. When he got up to walk away, he felt a hand brush his leg. "Stay," Ianto whispered. Jack undressed down to his underwear and t-shirt, and slid into bed next to Ianto, wrapping an arm around his waist and snuggling close. That night, he slept the best he'd ever had, the nightmares staying away for once.
When Ianto woke the next morning, he was momentarily confused by the warm embrace he found himself in, before remembering that he asked Jack to stay last night. He shifted, and felt Jack's arm tighten a little. Jack was awake then. He turned over, his face now mere inches from the other man's. He closed the distance, softly kissing Jack's lips. When they pulled back, the older man was smiling again. "Morning Ianto. Slept well?"
"Morning. The best I've ever had. How about you?"
"I could say the same thing. Usually after discussing what we did last night I tend to have nightmares, but not last night. I think that was thanks to you." He leaned forward and kissed Ianto again, before pulling away and getting up. "Right, we should dress and eat. We've got more work to do," he said as he started dressing. He didn't want to see the emotions in his eyes- what he felt for the Welshman. It was too soon, he didn't want to scare off Ianto, and he didn't want to admit his feelings just yet, even to himself.
As soon as they got back to Ianto's lab, Jack threw himself into his research. The whole day he was working on his own, if he had questions he looked it up instead of asking Ianto. He barely even stopped to eat lunch - he just ate something quickly and continued working. He wouldn't make eye-contact with Ianto, wouldn't talk to him, and he stopped "finding reasons to walk past Ianto and "accidentally" brush his fingers over the younger man's arm. When Ianto offered for him to stay the night, he turned him down, instead making up an excuse which he knew Ianto didn't believe and it sounded feeble to himself. He made the mistake of looking into Ianto's eyes, and he could see the confused hurt there. Jack badly wanted to make it go away, but he was scared and confused himself, and needed some time to process everything.
That night, as sleep eluded him, Jack lay in his bed, berating himself. He had broken his own rules, and let himself feel for someone again. He had opened up to someone who he didn't know all that well personally, just because he seemed trustworthy and because he let his heart rule his brain. Jack knew he more than just "liked" Ianto, and he was afraid of that. If he let himself fall in love again, he knew he'd outlive them. Watching them as they aged, himself looking barely any different. Them not wanting him to stay anymore because they felt too old next to him. And they'd start feeling resentful. He couldn't bear to see them die, either. So usually he'd leave. Before things got too complicated.
The problem was, it already wasn't simple with Ianto. He couldn't pinpoint an exact moment when it had happened, but he already knew he was falling for the Welshman. Jack cursed his traitorous heart. Just that morning Ianto had called him cariad, and it had made Jack's heart flip. He made up his mind to talk things out with Ianto the moment he had a chance.
Ianto, too, was having a restless night. He thought over everything they had done to see what could've made Jack start acting distant. Was it because he had asked Jack to stay? Was it because he had called Jack "cariad" and he knew what it meant? The older man hadn't given any indication that he understood what Ianto had said. Jack's actions during the day left him with feelings of confusion and he was hurting too. He wished he could just message Jack, but he figured it wouldn't be answered even if it was possible. He sighed, tears falling once more. He hadn't known Jack for too long, but he already felt strongly for the older man.
Sleep was very long in coming for the two men.
Five days later, and they still hadn't spent any more time together outside the lab. And Ianto was still coming in every morning with red-rimmed eyes, as though he'd been recently crying. It was his own actions that had caused it, and he wished desperately to be able to do anything to go back in time and change it. He settled on talking about it with Ianto. However, any time he approached the younger man in the lab, Ianto would tell him to get back to work. He was getting a little frustrated, and was torn with how to proceed. Any time they talked, it was only about research or anything pertaining to what they were working on. Jack could feel his heart slowly breaking.
Two weeks later, Jack cornered Ianto after he'd left the lab for the day. Jack had left a little earlier, but decided he had to do something, anything, to get Ianto back. "Is there something you needed, Jack?" Ianto asked politely.
"Yes! You! We need to talk. Or rather, I need to talk to you, and I'd like it if you listened. Please," Jack was almost begging Ianto.
Ianto considered for a moment. He was still hurting, but he owed the man a chance to explain. He had to stop avoiding him. "Alright," he agreed, "but not here. Let's go home." Jack smiled a little at Ianto's misspeak. He definitely would like it if Ianto's house was their home.
