It's beginning to look a lot like

Their first clue that the fluffy white ovine they came upon after returning to their makeshift shelter, had any connection with Uryu Ishida was the fact that the Quincy's rectangular specs were perched on the animal's wooly muzzle as if they belonged there.

"What the… you think that thing ATE Ishida?!" Ichigo sounded on the brink of losing it.

"As far as I know, the sheep in your world are not carnivorous, right?" Rukia said dryly. "But…if that WERE him, it wouldn't be the first miraculous transformation we've seen this night, would it?"

The sheep, not at all unusual looking except for the spectacles and the mop of blueish-black wool on its head, contrasting with the creamy white of the rest of its body, just stood idly by the pedestal that carried the Arrancar baby. It didn't show much interest in either of them, and allowed the kid to grab fistfuls of its wool. The baby was obviously having a blast of a time, producing nonstop happy coos, gurgles and babbles.

Ichigo wearily sank down on the straw-covered floor. "Okay, let's go over this step by step. First, we find an Arrancar baby in the park. Then we get assaulted by Hollows that look like Christian devils. We chase them away, then our Zanpakuto's turn into random objects. And finally, Ishida here turns into a sheep. Am I missing something?" He rubbed his temples, feeling a headache coming up. His Christmas dinner seemed literally miles away now.

Rukia wrinkled her forehead. "I can't make heads nor tails of it. Perhaps those Hollows cast some sort of strange Kidō on us, causing us to hallucinate?"

"I thought of that, too.", Ichigo sighed. "But even if that were true, and the effect still wears on after I got rid of them, they could never have gotten Ishida as well. And if Ishida was unaffected, he'd be here trying to fix us up, instead of being there looking like a sheep."

The Quinsheep behind them let out a vigorous 'baaa!' as if to punctuate that point.

"Besides, these 'hallucinations' are all way too random and specific…. I don't see any pattern.", Ichigo went on.

Rukia walked over to the crib with the lively infant. She carefully picked it up, holding it against her chest.

"Perhaps this little guy is the cause of it all?", Rukia wondered aloud. "After all, these happenings started when you found it? Maybe we should-"

"What have you two been up to?" a loud familiar voice from the entrance of the pavilion roughly interrupted her.

Renji Abarai, in full Shinigami garb, came striding flamboyantly up the stairs. When he saw Rukia with the infant, he shot Ichigo a lecherous smile "Wow you move pretty fast, brother. I had no idea you two had a lover's nest here, and were busy producing offspring with Kuchiki-san…"

"Don't be an ass, Abarai," Rukia said in a chilly voice.

Renji grinned and walked over to his fellow Shinigami. "I was on my way to Urahara's when I ran into him passing the park," jabbing his thumb over his shoulder. Ichigo looked past the red-haired Shinigami and saw another familiar face coming into view. Yasutora Sado slowly mounted the set of stairs.

"Yo, Ichigo. Hello, Rukia," he said calmly in his characteristically deep voice. "We heard quite the commotion here so we thought to check it out."

Ichigo lifted himself up from his sitting position. "Hey Chad. You didn't happen to run into two Hollows on your way here, did you?"

His bulky friend shook no. "There's nobody around tonight at this hour, I doubt Hollows would find any victims outside. What are you two doing here?"

Ichigo sighed. He didn't feel like explaining the whole story again to their two visitors, not to mention there seemed to be more weirdness added every time he had to tell it.

"Kuchi-kuchi-kuchi-koo!", Renji tickled the baby underneath its chubby chin, enticing happy giggles from the infant. The baby looked up at Rukia, drooling a bit from the corner of one mouth. "The poor thing," Renji teased, "it must be so hungry, and now it's looking for something that isn't there…" He let out a volley of braying laughter at his own joke. Rukia reddened when it sunk in what Renji meant.

"Die, Renji." Her fist shot out sideways, hitting the pineapple-haired Shinigami straight on the jaw, face-planting him on the straw-covered floor, laughing all the while like a maniac.

"You two better make yourself useful and go look for those Hollows," she said gruffly. She put the baby back in its crib. Then, on a sudden whim, she took the wooden pacifier that had been her Zanpakuto, and put it in front of the baby's face. The child did not hesitate to grab it with both hands, and stuffed it in its mouth. "What do you know…", she muttered.

"K-Kuchiki-san…", Ichigo, his eyes almost popping out of his head, pointed behind her. She suddenly became aware that Abarai, knocked down behind her, was still laughing, and his braying had taken on a slightly inhuman quality… Afraid of what she might see, she slowly turned.

Prostrated on the layer of straw, was a good-sized donkey, braying loudly. It's fur was rust-colored, and a bright red tuft of hair sprouted from its elongated head.

Rukia covered her mouth with both hands, suppressing a hysterical laugh, which came bubbling through anyway.

Ichigo, on a hunch, forced his voice to remain calm and without turning around, said "Chad, perhaps you'd better-"

"Moooooo!"

Too late!

Turning, he saw that in place of Sado, a thick-muscled bovine now stood next to the railing framing the pavilion. As expected, a telltale dark mop of hair covered the beast's head and eyes. It chomped leisurely on some hay, a small pile of which was in a wooden through on the floor before it that seemed to have materialized along with the ox.

Ichigo pounded his fist against one of the pavilion's wooden supports in frustration.

"Gaaahhh! Jesus Christ! Why does everything here keep turning into a friggin' ZOO?", he called out, to nobody in particular.

Then suddenly, something made a click in his head.

Baby. Crib. Sheep. Donkey. Ox.

"Rukia!" he called out. "I've found the pattern! It's the Nativity of Christ!"

Rukia pulled up a puzzled eyebrow.

Ichigo sat down next to her, excitedly. "You do know about Christmas, right?"

Rukia shrugged. "Sure. We put up and decorate trees as well in Soul Society. And we exchange gifts. I think the tradition was imported from your world in the far past…" I just don't see what that has to do with-"

Ichigo interrupted her. "Ok, but since you skipped most of school while you were here, I think you missed out on the whole meaning behind the tradition here…" Ichigo went on to fill her in on this particular part of World of the Living culture, straining his own memory for what he remembered from long-past religion classes. Meanwhile, the farm animals around them leisurely chomped up hay and let themselves be heard occasionally. The baby had fallen asleep, the pacifier still solidly fixed into its mouth.

They were both sitting on the floor now. Rukia distractedly petted the rusty donkey that was lying by her side.

"Okay, so your people think that your god manifested itself into a baby that was born in a stable thousands of years ago?" she asked incredulously. "You do know that only the Soul King governs over life and death, right? I mean, he's like, the real thing, not just some mythological folktale."

Ichigo shrugged. "Hey, it's just a story."

"But let me get this straight," she went on. "Your working theory is that someone or something is turning us into props for enacting a live version of this 'Nativity of Christ' tale?"

Ichigo stood up. "If you have a better one, I'd love to hear it. Besides, look around you." Ichigo only now noticed that during their conversation, there had been more changes. Spiky green-leafed branches had crept across the bottom of the domed roof above their heads, dotted with bright-orange berries. Silvery strands were hanging down from the sides of the roof.

"Holly and tinsel. Nothing to make a scene more Christmas-like," he waved.

Also standing up, Rukia still didn't look ready to believe yet. "But what about us? Why weren't we affected so far?" Ichigo smiled triumphantly. "Ah! Point in favor." He produced the wooden hammer that had replaced his Zanpakuto from a fold in his shihakushō. "Remember that I told you Christ was a carpenter's son, according to the tale?"

Rukia looked up at him, doubtfully. "so that would make you this…Joseph person?"

"Father of Christ, baby!" he let out suavely. "I always wanted to play the part of Joseph in the elementary school Christmas play, but they made me be one of the shepherds every time." Right after finishing that sentence, his Shinigami garb suddenly seemed to 'poof' out of existence, and was replaced by an altogether different outfit. This didn't even surprise him anymore at this point. The roughly-woven loose brown tunic felt more comfortable than he'd have imagined.

He went on to point at the stunned Rukia before him. "And you know what that means for your role, dear…" Sighing, she decided to jump on the bandwagon. "Mary? That means we're…husband and wife?" Her cheeks reddened slightly. "That's right!", Ichigo continued, getting really into it. "And not only that, you just gave birth to HIM." He jabbed a thumb at the slumbering baby behind him.

"Thank god for immaculate conception," Rukia grumbled. She crossed her arms. "So assuming that what you say is true, and I'll get a wardrobe change any moment now, sounds to me that you just want to…play along with all this?"

"I'm not sure," Ichigo said, hesitatingly. "I mean, it's Christmas, it all doesn't seem that malevolent to me. Except for our friends turning into animals of course, and those Hollows that looked like they came straight from hell. Christian hell."

"Yeah, about that," Rukia picked up. "I was wondering, Christmas is a tradition from your world, and is also celebrated in the Soul Society, but why do Hollows have to come into play? With a little Hollow 'Messy-er no less."

"It's 'Messiah'," Ichigo corrected.

"Well excuse me. Anyway, the baby still seems at the heart of it, right? I say our best option is to ask for help. Someone must be able to see what's so special about that kid to cause all this, and how to revert it" Rukia said, her eyes on the crib.

Ichigo nodded. "When you say 'someone', first person I think about is…"

"Urahara," They finished in unison.

"So, we go to his place?" Rukia asked.

Ichigo looked at the menagerie surrounding them. "We can't leave our friends alone out here. What if they escape into town? I say one of us goes to Urahara's to give him the low-down. And we better leave the kid here, too. If what you say is true, and it is the cause of all this, taking him along might transform everybody at his place into a Christmas tree or something else weird."

"Ok," Rukia nodded. "You want to stay behind, Joseph? Perhaps if I leave now, I can still keep my uniform from turning, and -"

Poof. Too late.

Her unimpressive brownish-red cotton dress matched Ichigo's tunic, and the image was completed with a creamy-white headscarf that covered her hair as well as her shoulders.

"Welcome to the gang!" Ichigo smirked. Rukia rolled her eyes.

Ichigo continued. "You could pass for- ISHIDA STOP SNIFFING MY CROTCH!"

Turning red, the substitute Shinigami tried to push away the wooly headful of sheep that came pressing up against him.

"Maybe he thinks you're hiding a carrot in there," Rukia said with a straight face. "But seriously, I think it's getting colder, the animals feel it too." The wind had picked up again and they both suddenly became aware that they were only partially sheltered from the cold by a thin piece of tarp, otherwise exposed on all sides.

Ichigo had to agree. "Before you go, could you perhaps help me make a fire?"

"What with? We don't have – oh." Before she could finish her sentence, she saw their needs were already provided for. A cast-iron tripod was resting on the floor in the middle of the pavilion, carrying a rusty metal tray. Next to it were a neat pile of wood chips, a slightly larger pile of branches and wood blocks, and a flint and steel.

"I don't need the flint," she said while Ichigo started to pile up the wood. "I can use a very weak Shakkaho to start the fire. That is, if that sort of thing still works now."

"Just make sure you don't blow up the place," her fellow Shinigami said uneasily.

The Kido turned out to work fine, and before long, the gazebo was filled with a cozy orange glow that drove out the cold night air. The overhanging tinsel reflected the flames and cast orange specs across the domed ceiling, like fireflies.

"Look at us now," Ichigo said, both of them squatted down in front of the fire bowl. "A Christmas stable if I ever saw one…" All three of the animals had fallen soundly asleep amidst the hay, bellies full and warm.

Rukia stood up. "Okay, now that everyone's nice and warm-"

"Hey fellows. What's the kerfuffle?"

The telltale voice of Kisuke Urahara drifted inside.

Rukia facepalmed. "So much for keeping him away from this place…"

"How does everybody keep finding their way here? " Ichigo exclaimed, frustrated.

Urahara unsteadily mounted the stairs to their now-cozified hideout.

"You do know that you've got a huuuge flashing Don Kanonji shign on your roof, right?" he asked, slightly slurring his words.

As if that wasn't enough of a clue, the boozy whiff he brought with him inside clearly told Ichigo that the man was drunk.


Next time: Urahara brings in his own brand of Christmas spirits. And the herd keeps expanding.