Chapter 22 – He Fucked Up


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Sirius wanted her for so long and now she was straddling his lap, a hand in his hair and one on his bare chest. His mind went fuzzy when her lips travelled over his skin. But they never travelled upwards, her lips never met his and then it hit him that she just wanted sex, knowing kissing him would change everything. When he denied her, how much it hurt him to do so, she pushed off him and turned her back towards him.

"Izzie, don't push me away." He pleaded.

"I'm not." His heart broke how her voice trembled, how he knew she was close to tears. He wanted to reach out and pull her into his arms. "But I think I'll head to bed. Night, Sirius." She walked out without glancing back. He bounded after her.

"Izzie!" He called after her, but the music was still blaring in the common room, swallowing up his words. He ran down the stairs but saw how she grabbed a bottle of whiskey and headed up to the girls' dorms. "Fuck!" He cursed, crashing down on a chair in the corner of the room.

On the table next to him was a bottle of scotch, he grabbed it and drank straight from the bottle. Trying to forget what had happened. He couldn't remember the rest of the party, he couldn't even remember how he got to bed. But the worst thing was that his heart had stopped beating from the look on her face the next morning.


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"Hey, what are you doing here?" Remus asked with a smile. Izzie was lying in his bed, the empty bottle of whisky on the floor next to her. She groggily lifted her head.

"Been drinking, can't take sleeping potion." She said with a slurred voice.

"Alright." Remus nodded without another question and hopped into bed with her. She rolled over until she was curled up into Remus's chest. "I've never seen you this drunk."

"Got carried away." She lied. "Thanks for the party, Remus."

"Anytime, love." He kissed the top of her head. "Are you sure you are okay?"

"As okay as I can be." She muttered in his chest. "Goodnight, Remus."

"Sleepwell, Izzie." He tugged her a little closer to his chest before they fell asleep.


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Izzie's stomach clenched when she woke up, not from the whiskey she had been drinking the night before, but from what happened with Sirius. She groaned in her hands and Remus's arm tightened around her protectively. She looked over her shoulder where Remus was sleeping soundly, his sandy blond hair fell in front of his eyes. She needed to apologize to Sirius, she knew what she did was wrong. She could blame it on the booze, but she wanted him so much. The booze just pushed her over the edge, otherwise she would have kept her distance until she was really ready. She climbed out of Remus's bed, still in her clothes from the party. Remus frowned a little until she stuffed a pillow under his arms.

She walked over to Sirius bed, heart pounding rapidly. "Sirius?" She whispered. "Sirius? I wanted to apologise. Yesterday -" She opened the curtains a little and her breath got caught in her throat. Sirius was naked and he was desperately trying to cover up a naked, sleeping girl. Her stomach clenched together so harshly that it made her physically sick, her heartbeat stopped as Sirius eyes found hers. "Oh." She breathed out. "So, you meant you just didn't want to do that with me. Good to know!" She screamed, probably waking the others. A tear slipped from her eyes, and she let the curtains go, hiding Sirius and his latest prey. She ran out the door.

Remus had shot up from her scream. And although he didn't know what had happened, he smelled another person in the room, a girl and the whole room smelled like sex. His blood began to boil because after hearing Izzie's voice, he knew who it was. He jumped out of his bed. He saw James looking confused as he put on his glasses, sitting on the edge of his bed. Peter was still dead to the world. Sirius came out of the bed, wrapping a sheet around him.

"You didn't!" James's eyes were large and full of disbelief and... and disappointment.

"Get that fucking girl out of our fucking dorm!" Remus growled. "I need to find Izzie. After that, you're dead, Black." He sneered at him like he had never done before but he has never felt like this before either. He turned and ran out the room, hoping to find his best friend.


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A week had passed since that faithful morning, a saying it was chilly in the castle was an understatement. Izzie, Remus and Lily didn't talk to Sirius, even though she told them not to ignore him just for her sake. She had told them everything about what happened at the party and that morning, she didn't want to have secrets about that, she wanted them to know to whole truth. How she was in the wrong that night at the party. So, they weren't mad about that, they were quite relieved actually that Sirius turned her down, but the morning after... Even James ignored Sirius the first day but being best friends and all. Regulus wasn't in the know, and she was happy about that, they had just cemented their bond again. But that changed after the first week.

"Isabelle?" Regulus voice pulled her from the book in her lap. "Why are you here?"

"It's not the first time that I'm here." She said as she leaned against the window facing the black lake. The green water moved slowly behind her, once in a while a grindlelow swam by.

"But you've been here for the past three days." He said rolling up his parchment.

"Don't you like my company?" She raised an eyebrow.

"You know it's not that. You can come here every day, but I know you, Isabelle. Somethings wrong. And I know Remus has been hiding something too."

She sighed, knowing she had to tell him. She wouldn't cause a rift between him and Remus. So, she told him everything. She saw his face grow red and angry; his hair trickled with magic. She reached over and held his hand. "Don't let this ruin what you and Sirius have rebuild, okay. Promise me." She didn't know if any promises were even real anymore.

Regulus was shaking his head, not meeting her eyes. "I can't make that promise, Isabelle."

"I know it's hard, but this is your brother. I'm just-"

He leaned forward, his hand squeezed hers. "You're my family. Don't forget that."

"Well, since I still might become your wife..."

Regulus anger deflated a little as she changed the subject. Not really a better subject but still. "I could do much worse you know. If I marry you, I'm marrying someone I love."

"I love you too, Reg."

He pulled her hand until she was standing and hugged her fiercely and with so much emotion, emotions he rarely showed on his face. "Want to head to the great hall?"

"Can I sit with you?" She asked as they pulled back. He nodded. "Then I would love to." She packed up her things and slung the bag over her shoulder before looping her arm through his.


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"Hey, Belle." Barty's happy voice came from the side. He was sauntering towards them casually, but his eyes looked worried. They were standing in front of the great hall were the buzzing voices filtered out.

"Hey, Barty."

"I'll go save you a seat." Regulus kissed the top of her head before walking inside the great hall.

Barty glanced around and tugged her to a more secluded spot. "I don't know what happened during easter break. But I know you were at the hospital wing and Reg was out of his mind for weeks. But then you were back, and it seemed you were doing fine. But the past week -"

"You've been paying attention." She said in surprise.

He chuckled, giving her his charming, crooked smile girls fall so easily for. "We may not be dating anymore but you're still my friend and Regulus best friend. And since he's my best friend – you know it's a repeating cycle." He laughed. "So, what happened? Did you and Sirius break up or something?"

"We were never a couple." She said avoiding his eyes.

"Huh." He mused. "You sure?" She slapped his chest playfully. "Whatever it was then, he hurt you." He stated. When she didn't meet his eyes, he knew enough. "You know you can always come to me for anything." He leaned down so their eyes met. His eyes sparkled with something, something she recognised from last year. He wrapped a hand behind her neck and kissed the top of her head, letting his lips rest a little longer.

"Alright." He clapped his hands, straightening up. His was almost a head taller than her, making her crane her neck. "Let's go get something to eat." He wrapped an arm around her. She looked at him questioningly, he licked his lips as his eyes stared forward, leading her inside the great hall. Then he leaned close to her ear and whispered. "Let's make you non-boyfriend jealous and regret all the mistakes he made that involves you."


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Almost four weeks had passed since Izzie started ignoring him. Not only Izzie, but Remus, Lily and Reg too. Reg even hexed him about two weeks ago. He knew from James that Izzie didn't want them to ignore him, but they still did anyway. Not that he could blame them. It was entirely his own fault. He has been thinking of ways to make up for one of the greatest mistakes in his live, but he couldn't find one. He needed to get her alone, so she could talk to him, but she was invisible on the map and none of his friends would help him in locating her. Not that he knew what he would say to her.

He had hoped to spot her in the morning as she left Remus's bed, but she was never there. She didn't come back in their dorm. Remus wasn't there either some of the nights, so he thought he was sleeping in her bed or when he was here, she would be with his brother. But still something gnawed in his stomach as she disappeared in the night.

He was wandering around the castle aimlessly when he suddenly saw her standing in front of a wall. Her caramel brown hair was resting loosely over her shoulders. She was wearing sleeping shorts and one of Remus's old shirts. The scars on her legs reflected in the candlelight on the wall. Then suddenly the wall slid open. Oh, the Slytherin common room. A hand shot out and pulled her in as she giggled. He ran towards the part where she had disappeared, but the wall had closed once again. He pounded on the wall for five minutes before resting his head against it.

"What are you doing here?" His brother sneered.

"I - I thought she was with you." His mind started to race thinking who else it could have been, but he didn't wait long as Regulus just bluntly told him.

"Not today." His smirk was borderline evil. "Some nights she sleeps with Remus, others with me but sometimes it's with Barty."

"Barty." He said through gritted teeth.

"Don't start." Regulus snapped. "You screwed up more than I thought was possible. Here I was starting to believe you actually cared for her! So, don't start. The thing with Barty, it makes her feel something, something good. He makes her feel safe. It's not something serious but it's doing her some good. Especially since you rejected her, saying you're not that guy anymore and then fucks another girl in the same room!"

Sirius cringed at that, because nobody ever put it so bluntly like him but that was Regulus's specialty. He was right, of course. That's why he had been trying to think of ways to make it better.

"I know I fucked up! I had way too much to drink, I don't even remember all of it. I know that isn't an excuse but – FUCK!" He fisted his hands against his eyes. "She means the world to me, Reg. She is my world. I can't think I can live without her. I know that sounds dramatic but ever since easter... I love her, Reggie. I'm so fucking in love with her it breaks my heart every time she walks by without glancing my way."

Regulus looked stomped for a moment; his mouth slightly open. "Nice way of showing it." He said dryly. Sirius groaned, rubbing his hand over his face.

"I don't know what to do." He slumped against the wall.

Regulus watched his brother's expression for a long moment, the silence stretched around them. "I don't know either, brother. She's been through more than you think."

"So, you know?" He asked quietly, looking at his brother.

"I do. I wish I didn't, I wish she didn't remember but that's why she needs this with Barty, what she asked of you. I think it's her way of healing. Try with an apology, a real one, not just her but Remus and Lily too. Explain exactly what happened, don't know if they accept your apology. I don't know if I would." He shrugged. "And telling her that you just don't like but are in love with her might help." He added off handily.

"I can't just say that! Not after – Besides I don't even get her alone."

"That's an excuse. You still have classes together and you know some of her hiding places. If you really want to, you can find her."

"Thank you, Reg."

"Don't think that I have forgiven you. I do this for her."

"I'm going to make up for this, Reg. I promise." He pushed himself off the wall, but let his hand linger. "About -"

"I told you, it's just physical."

"Doesn't make it easier."

"I know. It didn't make it easier for her either." Regulus said before the wall slid open. Sirius could just see inside the green filled common room. He saw her sitting on a desk, Barty between her legs as he whispered something in her ear. She laughed wholeheartedly, slapping his chest playfully before the wall closed again.


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Please, don't hate me. 🙈 They'll make up soon enough, this won't be stretched out too long.