A/N: An update less than a week later! Shocking, I know, but you might be able to figure out why as you read.
Hermione didn't know how Astoria had done it, but she was sure the sweet, loving young woman was responsible.
Autumn would typically be in full flow in England at this time of year, and you would be foolish to venture outside without warm clothes and/or an umbrella to protect you from the elements. And yet every year, without fail, the weather on the eighteenth of November was always glorious: clear, blue skies and bright sunshine, showcasing a stunning mixture of red, orange and yellow on the trees. Birdsong filled the air and small creatures could be seen darting through the woodland if you were able to keep still long enough to wait for them to appear.
It was beautiful and joyful - just like Astoria.
Hermione appreciated whatever Tori did to make the setting so lovely, but there was never any getting away from the heartbreaking reason why the small group had gathered there.
The three adults and three children walked along the woodland path in subdued silence. James was old enough to recall making this journey each year, but Hermione was unsure whether Al or Scorpius remembered that they had walked this path before. Even if they didn't, the two youngsters had taken their cue from James and the adults, and had stilled their normally chatty tongues.
Al's hand reached out for Hermione's and she was glad she was wearing lace hand gloves, because she would've found it difficult to hide her sadness from him if their skin had touched. She did her best to mask her inner heartbreak from the boys every single day and she got so used to pretending to be happy that sometimes she even fooled herself. But there were times when she needed to be sad, to mourn those that she had loved and lost. It was important that Jamie and Al saw that it was OK to be upset, but she never wanted them to feel the true depth of her despair when they reached out to her for love and comfort.
The path led them into a small clearing and Hermione's breath hitched slightly at the sight of the white tombstone. The group stilled for a few moments and the adults and Jamie let their eyes wander over the short message carved into the gleaming stone. Astoria Malfoy ~ Beloved wife and mother ~ Truest of all friends ~ Her love was a light that will never dim.
Tears formed in Hermione's eyes as she recalled the love and generosity that had practically shone from her friend. To lose Tori after the crippling losses they had already endured was another cruel dagger in the heart to all that had held her dear. And the sickening truth of it was that her death had certainly been a byproduct of that devastating event. Tori had been ill for some time because of the blood curse, but there was every likelihood that she would live many more years if her health had been managed properly. In a sick twist of fate, the healer who had been treating Tori for years, the world's only expert in blood curses, had been one of the victims of the Snap. Despite Draco's best efforts to find someone who could save his wife, and Hermione's own personal healing efforts, Astoria steadily got weaker and within six months she had passed away.
Brave, positive and loving until the end, Tori had tried to comfort her husband and friends as her death crept closer, attempting to ease their pain and reassure them that all would be well.
Heartbroken though Hermione was, she had found Tori inspirational. To this day she still tried to live her life following the example Astoria had shown her. They may have only been friends for two years, yet it wasn't the length of time that gauged a true friendship but the impact it had. Tori's generosity with Salter House had given Hermione and her family so much happiness and brought others their freedom along with it. In the dark days that followed, Tori had been there quite literally to hold her together on more than one occasion when Hermione's grief threatened to overwhelm her. Hermione only wished she could have given Tori more in return.
Swallowing the lump in her throat, Hermione stepped forwards, bringing Al and Jamie with her. Letting go of the boys' hands, she conjured up a posy for each of them to lay beside the tombstone and then created a wreath of her own, making sure to include the flowers and colours she knew Tori liked. She held it tenderly for a moment and then placed it slightly to one side to leave room for the others.
As she stepped back, Hermione's eyes ran over the inscription again. Truest of all friends. Through her grief and heartache, she tried to smile at those words. They had been Hermione and Natasha's choice.
Retaking her place, Hermione reached out and gripped Nat's hand tightly, knowing that the other woman felt the pain of Tori's passing even more acutely. Despite their obvious differences in background and personality, something about Natasha and Astoria had just clicked. Hermione suspected that if Natasha had attended Hogwarts, she would most likely have been sorted into Slytherin, and therefore the closeness of the two women made a strange sort of sense.
And they had been close, particularly in the end. Natasha had lived her life with death as a constant companion but her experiences of it had always been instantaneous and something to react to after it had already happened, or a high-stakes fight to keep her friends from falling in the battle. Astoria's slow, lingering death was a new experience with mortality. There was no enemy for Natasha to defeat in that battle. She could only watch helplessly as her friend weakened day by day. But remain by Astoria's side she had, even when it would have been so easy to take a step back and bury herself in trying to fix the myriad of other problems the world faced, like Hermione had done.
Hermione had felt bad for it at the time and still did now, but Astoria had insisted that Hermione keep doing what she could to try and heal the world for those that had remained. Tori had been a firm supporter of magical revelation and as the idea gained momentum across magical communities, Hermione was sure that the possible historical moment kept Tori hanging on. Within just four days of the declaration of support from the initial seventy-three volunteers, Astoria peacefully slipped away. Hermione wondered what Tori would make of the state of the world four years on from her death. Would she think Hermione was fulfilling her pledge to create a future for the likes of Jamie, Al and Scorpius? She hoped so, and pulled her two boys into her sides and delivered a kiss to the top of each head.
Hermione's gaze slid over to Scorpius. The young boy looked like a Malfoy through and through, but he was much more like Astoria in his character: very affectionate and kind-hearted, and surprisingly helpful for one so young. Many children of Scorp's age could only see the world through their point of view and therefore had themselves at the centre of their world, but he demonstrated a heightened level of emotional intelligence that would have made Tori beam with pride.
Hermione watched Scorpius's sombre gaze follow Natasha's movements as she placed her flowers by Astoria's tombstone. Nat murmured something the rest couldn't hear, then kissed her fingertips and touched them against Astoria's name. She smiled encouragingly at Scorpius as the boy walked forwards with his father to lay down the final two tributes to Astoria.
Scorpius was a dutiful son and laid down the flowers for the mother that Hermione was quite sure he didn't remember. They had tried their hardest to keep her memory alive, just as Hermione did for Jamie and Al in regards to Harry and Ginny, but the truth of the matter was that the youngest two boys had just been too little to have memories of their own of the parents they had lost.
Draco watched his son proudly. Scorpius hugged his father tightly for a few seconds, then walked back to Natasha and glued himself to her side. Taking a deep breath, Draco crouched down before Astoria's tombstone, flowers clutched in his hands. Like Nat, he spoke quietly for a while, his face flickering through a number of emotions but always returning to the pained sadness of one who had lost a beloved spouse. Eventually, he placed down his flowers, brushed his fingers tenderly over Astoria's name then turned back to the others.
Hermione embraced him tightly, knowing from first hand experience that no words of support or reassurance, kindly though they were offered, could ever make up for the grief you felt when your heart had been taken away from you. In the immediate aftermath of Astoria's death, Draco had turned to Hermione for support. He had been reluctant at first but even if Hermione hadn't already promised Astoria that she'd look out for Draco after she'd passed, she still would have tried to help him along the wretched widowed path that she had found herself on since losing Steve.
Hermione kissed Draco on the cheek and then squeezed his arms bracingly before he rejoined Scorpius and Nat. The group of six started to make their way back up to the house. The few minutes of solemnity had been enough for the boys and they called out to each other as they charged up the path and hid behind trees.
"Are you sure you and the boys don't want to stay for lunch?" Natasha asked as the three adults followed behind at a more measured pace.
Hermione shook her head. "We can't - we're going to the Burrow. It's been nearly a month since we've seen Arthur."
"Will anyone else be there?" Draco asked.
"Maybe Ron, or George and Roxanne," she replied. "I know Bill often stops by with Dominique, as does Audrey with little Molly." Compared to the old, bustling days of the Burrow, it would be a depressingly small number no matter how many actually showed up today. Just as everywhere else, half of the Weasley family had disappeared in the Snap. The number of survivors only ended up increasing by one when Percy's wife, Audrey, had given birth a couple of months after she'd lost him. Arthur was a shadow of himself and moved through each day with no signs of the eccentric enthusiasm that had endeared him to Hermione so many years ago. She didn't enjoy going to the Burrow, the strength of the memories were too overwhelming for her, but the boys loved it there and she wouldn't dream of keeping them away from their grandfather and other relatives.
"Pass on our regards, won't you?" Draco requested and Hermione nodded. "We're going to be here until the end of the week before returning to New York. Feel free to bring the boys over whenever you want."
"Scorp's really into castles at the moment so we were thinking of visiting one tomorrow," Natasha added. "Fancy it?"
Hermione grimaced. "I've got a meeting in Singapore first thing and then we're based in south east Asia for most of the next week." Although Hermione considered the house in West Sussex that she had bought for herself and the boys to be their home, the truth of the matter was that they stayed there very little. Hermione's work kept her extremely busy all around the world and she took Al and Jamie with her everywhere that she went. Countless times over the years she had asked herself whether she was doing the right thing by them and, when he was old enough, she had talked to James about what he thought of their lifestyle. To her immense relief, he was mostly positive about 'going on adventures' all the time and his only real complaint was never being allowed to use the practical jokes that his uncles had given him from their shop. Hermione knew that she was exposing the boys to many different cultures and environments when they travelled together and this formed a key part of how she fulfilled her obligation to educate them, but sometimes she knew they were missing out on just being normal kids spending time with their friends. Playdates happened every now and then, but not enough for Hermione's liking. "I know they'd really enjoy going to a castle though," she told Nat and Draco. "I don't suppose you would want to take them while I'm getting set up in Singapore? I could bring them to me through a portal later on."
Natasha smiled. "Of course we can have them - Scorp will love having two more knights to help him storm the defences."
Hermione smiled. "They'll love that. Make sure you send me some pictures."
Natasha nodded her agreement and then the adults continued their walk in silence for a few moments.
"We saw your Global News interview," Draco said, his tone revealing a hint of hesitancy. Hermione felt Natasha glance sharply in her direction for just the briefest moment. Apparently they considered this to be a sensitive topic of conversation. "You did well," he told her, his voice soft as he reassuringly nudged her shoulder with his own. "It couldn't have been easy to open yourself up like that."
Hermione swallowed against the sudden lump in her throat. "It wasn't," she confirmed, resisting the urge to shudder at the recollection of intentionally bringing up such painful memories when she was so used to locking them away. She regularly found healthy outlets and releases for her grief - she'd been battling too long with her mental health to give up now - but forcing her emotions away was the only way that she could get through each day. And she had to keep going: there were people depending on her. Millions and millions of them. "Everyone's still hurting. I wanted anyone watching to know that they weren't alone - that I was still battling through the pain and always would, that theirs was a life worth fighting for." She shrugged. "I don't know if it helped anyone."
"From what I saw, your comments stirred up quite a storm in the media," Natasha told her. "I think you really resonated with people."
Hermione nodded. Her PR assistant in Stranger Enterprises had told her as much. She didn't particularly like having to court good PR but the truth of the matter was that SE was a business and she was its figurehead. She needed to come across well or the people that SE helped would suffer. She hadn't done the Global News interview to gain personal acclamations or generate capital for her company, she'd simply felt the need to try and help those who were struggling. The interview had only aired four days ago but there had been a flurry of other media offers in the wake of her interview - from hopes of further interviews to book and movie deals and everything in between. Hermione's PR assistant was mournfully turning down every single one. For now, the interview had been a one-off. She had no desire to be in the public's eye so regularly.
"How are you?" Natasha asked when the moment had stretched into silence. "Be honest," she added when Hermione instinctively opened her mouth to give an easy, barely thought-out answer.
Hermione closed her eyes and sighed deeply. The house had come into view as they emerged from the trees onto the wide sloping lawn. The three of them paused.
"I'm tired," Hermione admitted wearily, looking at her friends. "I'm so damn tired of it hurting all the time."
Natasha reached out and squeezed her shoulder. "I know."
In the early days and weeks following the Snap, the survivors comforted each other by proclaiming that things would get better, that the pain would fade. None of them promised that any more because they knew it wasn't true. The agony of losing the people you loved was an acute pain that never healed. You may be able to numb yourself to it for a period of time, but the torment was always there waiting for you in the end. The knowledge that she would carry this overwhelming ache with her for the rest of her days was utterly exhausting. But it wasn't the type of fatigue that any amount of rest or sleep could repair. It was just her burden to carry and everyone else had their own. What a life to live. If you could call it that…
There was a shriek from the lawn and Hermione's gaze zeroed in on the three boys chasing each other across the grass. Hermione's gut clenched guiltily at her bleak thoughts. No. She had a life. She did. She was living it with Jamie and Al. Well, more like living it for them. They gave her all the purpose she needed to take another breath, to put one foot in front of the other and see each day through. They made her smile when it would be so much easier to cry, they held her tight even though they didn't know that she was falling apart inside, they gave her hope for the future when she felt like giving up. They were her life now, her everything, and she was so thankful that she had them.
Hermione could feel Nat and Draco's eyes on her as she worked through her turbulent emotions, and she took her gaze away from her sons to turn back to her friends. They looked concerned. That wasn't surprising. She suspected that most of her friends worried about her but she understood why. She smiled at them. "I'm coping," she told them truthfully. "Merlin knows it isn't easy but I'm getting by."
Natasha looked like she wanted to push for more of an answer. "You'd tell us if you weren't, wouldn't you?" she asked.
Hermione didn't even hesitate. She knew the importance of reaching out, of having people around to support you. She, herself, was that person for so many people and she was only too aware of the friends she could rely on to support her through anything. "Yes. I swear, Nat."
Natasha held her gaze steadily for a moment and then nodded, squeezing Hermione's shoulder again. "OK."
"We're always here for you," Draco told her. "You know that, right?"
"I know," Hermione confirmed. She took a step forward so that she was closer to them both and held out her arms. The three person hug wasn't exactly comfortable but it made Hermione's heart feel lighter than it had done for a long, long time.
A/N I don't know about yours but my weather on the 18th November has genuinely been blue, sunny skies :)
I am sorry about killing Tori off because I genuinely LOVE her and adored writing her.
Next up we have a mini ficlet within this story that is titled 'A month and a day in the life of Hermione Rogers' and each chapter will (hopefully) be updated on the actual day that the events 'take place'. It features cameos from some of our survivors and how they've been coping. I cannot believe four and a half years have passed since Infinity War came out(!) but I couldn't miss the opportunity to post in real time.
Anyway, it's always lovely to hear from you all.
Love,
Lil Drop of Magic
