Once again, joey51 and mel39 are owed my gratitude. Thanks.

Bachelor Party


Luke was drunk and his goal was to get everyone else to join him. It didn't seem to be a problem. Thank God Sandy and Caleb had opted not to come. Although it was the Best Man's responsibility to set up the bachelor party, Ryan had allowed Luke to partake in the planning. That had probably been a mistake. In fact, staring across the room through beer-goggles at half-a-dozen strippers, Ryan knew it was a mistake. But what was done was done. At least Summer couldn't blame him. His idea would have been to forget the whole thing, go back to his room and sleep through the wedding.

At least they weren't too far away from Ryan's hotel. He could just walk back and crash when he got tired of pretending.

"A lime is a terrible thing to waste," Luke remarked, downing a shot and squeezing a ripe lime into his mouth. Shaking out his body like a wet dog, Luke's lips pursed together and he squinted. Recovering, he slapped Ryan on the back, pushing a shot toward him. "Come on, buddy, drink up!"

Ryan was a little tired of having a clear head, of thinking about and analysing everything. He picked up the drink, licked the salt off the back of his hand, downed the shot and sucked hard on the lime - the sourness supplementing the fiery sting of the tequila.

The sharp, hard beats coming out of the speakers were irritating. Ryan decided to have that cigarette he'd been craving since crossing into Newport Beach two nights ago. He stood off to the corner by himself, the top three buttons of his shirt undone, exposing a white wife-beater underneath, his tie hanging loosely from his neck. The smoke hung in the air and curled around him, encompassing him in a protective veil. Only Seth would think it was okay to invade his private moment. And only Seth did.

"Dude, why are you way over here? The party's over there, in case you hadn't noticed."

Ryan shrugged, taking another long drag. It filled his lungs and seemed to make things more bearable. "It's not exactly my thing."

Seth took a look behind him, saw Luke being mauled by three frisky dancers and smirked. "No, I guess not, huh?"

Feeling good and relaxed from the alcohol he'd consumed, Ryan took the time to look at Seth. Sometimes he wondered if Seth had ever discovered the truth of his own splendour. It wasn't just one thing, it was a combination of things that made Seth so magnificent. At first it was the innocence that Ryan was drawn to, but underneath that, there were layers of depth. And no one had ever been able to make Ryan laugh the way Seth did. There hadn't been a lot of laughter at all in his life, until Seth came along.

"So, you going to stay in the corner for the rest of the night?"

"That was my plan," Ryan said. "This all is a little much."

"Yeah. Yeah, I guess."

Ryan tipped his chin. "Luke seems to be enjoying himself, at least."

"Yeah, well, it's strictly Pavlovian, dangle some breasts in front of his face and he starts salivating."

Ryan smirked. "You do realize Summer's going to kill you when she finds out about the strippers, right?"

Seth nodded, pulling his glass of beer away from his mouth. "I'm aware. Hopefully she'll never have to know. And, I mean, it's not like I've done anything really wrong. I've barely looked."

"Sure."

Alcohol had made conversation easier. Seth wasn't nearly as aloof or nervous. It was weird. There had been a time when all Ryan had to do was look at Seth to know how he was feeling, but a lot of time had passed and that skill had faded.

They fell into a rhythm of drinking and talking. Mostly, Seth talked while Ryan listened and smoked. Before they knew it, two hours had gone by and Seth was slurring his words and moving closer with each sip of beer.

Seth had let his head drop onto the bar. Ryan nudged him. Instinctively his head snapped up and Ryan moved out of the way just in time to avoid a collision. Rubbing his eyes, Seth half-turned, looking around. "Hey, where'd Luke go?"

Ryan tugged on his tie, pulling the knot until it came undone. "He took off about half-an-hour ago with one of the strippers."

"That guy hasn't changed much." Seth laughed. "Dude, I'm so wrecked! There's no way I can drive home like this."

Ryan butted out his cigarette, steadying Seth when he stumbled off the stool underneath him. "I can take you."

"No, man. I think I'm just going to get a room and crash. Besides, you've been drinking too."

Ryan agreed and assisted him out of the bar.

The walk to the hotel Ryan was staying at, was fraught with stumbling and the compulsory stop to pee on the city street. Ryan stood guard while Seth urinated. The last thing they needed was to get caught by a cop and spend the night in jail for public intoxication. If Summer didn't hate Ryan enough already, that would definitely tip the scales. Not that Ryan really had any idea if Summer actually hated him, but he knew she probably hated the idea of Seth spending time with him, at least.

In the lobby, Seth crashed into a potted plant so Ryan made him wait in a chair while he got him a room. In the five minutes it took Ryan to secure a room, Seth had curled up on the chair and begun to nod off. When Ryan kicked the heel of his shoe, Seth straightened out, nearly falling to the floor. "What!"

Ryan dangled the key in front of him.

"Oh, yeah, right." He dropped the key in Seth's hands. Seth struggled to stand and put the key into his pocket at the same time. Ryan grabbed him around the middle to keep him upright. "Thanks, buddy. I don't think this floor's even. It's totally, like, moving or something."

"Sure, Seth, it's the floor and not the tequila swimming inside your stomach."

"Hey, man, hey," Seth said. He smacked his forehead and was silent. As they waited for the elevator, Seth seemed to remember what it was he wanted to say. He tilted his head and tried to catch Ryan's eye. "You, maybe, wanna hang out for a bit, catch up?"

It was a bad idea. A very bad idea. "Yeah...sure."

"Cool, let's go to your room."

Inside the elevator, Seth pushed every button except the one to their floor. Ryan waited patiently, holding Seth by the upper arm to keep him from falling, as the elevator pinged and stopped at each floor.

Inside the room, Ryan dumped Seth onto his bed and appraised the situation. "You need coffee."

"Yeah, coffee sounds good," Seth mumbled, struggling to turn himself over so he faced Ryan. "I should, maybe, phone Summer, let her know where I am." Getting the phone out of his pocket was another task Seth struggled with. Ryan hoped he at least dialled the right number.

"Good idea. Stay here and don't do anything stupid."

Ryan left Seth where he was. With any luck he would pass out by the time Ryan got back and they wouldn't have to talk at all.

Thankfully, the coffee shop across the road was open twenty-four hours a day. Ryan got coffee and hurried back.

From inside the room, he could hear Seth on the phone. Debating whether to walk in or not, Ryan decided that he didn't want to interrupt. He stood listening at the door. Seth's voice was muffled. Ryan could just barely make out what he was saying.

"Hi, Summer. I seem to have had a little too much to drink, but don't worry, I'm fine. I'm with Ryan. I... I'll see you tomorrow."

Waiting a minute before opening the door, Ryan was positive he heard voices inside. Pressing his ear against the door, he heard what sounded like...

"You're watching porn?" Ryan said, entering the room and setting the coffees on the dresser. He supposed it was the price he paid for renting a room at the cheapest motel Newport offered.

Seth looked away from the television and gave Ryan a lopsided smile. "Ryan, my friend, this is my last night as a bachelor. I've got to get in the debauchery where I can."

Immediately Seth restored his attention back to the movie where some guy was doing impossible things with his own body. Ryan took a step closer and tilted his head to the side. "How the hell...? Who's that flexible?"

"I am," Seth answered, his attention unwavering.

"Shut up, you are not."

"Swear to God! Got my tongue to touch it when I was thirteen!" This time he did look at Ryan, appearing plenty proud of himself.

Ryan scoffed. "Right."

"Swear, dude. I totally would have gone for it if I hadn't gotten a cramp. It was proudest moment of my life. Well, so far."

"That's...impressive," Ryan said for lack of anything else to say. This was such a bad idea. He should have told Seth to go to his own room...he should tell him that now, because now Ryan had a visual in his head that wasn't exactly helping him to think of Seth as his brother.

Ryan distracted himself by handing Seth the cup of hot coffee. Taking a sip of his own, he let his eyes travel back to the television screen.

When Ryan looked back at the bed, Seth had moved over to the other side. Ryan eyed the spot. There was a chair in the corner, and that would have been the logical choice, but Ryan wasn't thinking too logically.

Ryan was half-starving for affection, if he was honest with himself. He just wanted someone to care again. Or, not just someone. Seth. He wanted Seth to care.

Sealing his fate, Ryan lowered himself onto the bed next to Seth. Seth relaxed, and if Ryan wasn't mistaken, moved closer. Their arms barely brushed, but it sent tingles of awareness through Ryan's body, straight to his groin.

Seth's attention was locked on the television. He bit his lip in concentration and tilted his head ever so slightly. Ryan watched him; he could do nothing else. Seth's hand, sweaty palm facing up, rotated, landing on his knee, and he wiped it dry. Kicking off his shoes, his toes wiggled in his socks as he stretched out and got comfortable. Ryan wanted to protest, tell him to stop it; stop pretending everything was okay between them, that they could sit here together and watch a fucking porno and everything was still going to be okay. Seth was manipulating him. Or maybe that was wrong, and he was the one manipulating the situation, but either way, something was about to happen that he couldn't take back. The more Seth relaxed, the more rigid and filled with tension Ryan became. Seth's hand kept moving, nervously smoothing over the grooves in his pants. His other hand was red from the warmth of the coffee cup. Ryan could almost feel what that heat would feel like massaged over his body.

"Drink your coffee," Ryan suggested, his throat hoarse.

Seth tore his eyes from the screen and faced Ryan. Ryan was surprised to find how close they actually were. He could make out every tiny fleck of green and light brown in Seth's dark eyes. "I'm not that drunk, you know." It wasn't Ryan's imagination that Seth's voice had dropped, becoming a near-husky purr.

Ryan unconsciously licked his lips. "You're drunk enough," he said and tore his eyes away.

"When did you get so motherly?" Seth huffed.

"Just drink it."

"Okay, but it's just going to make me more hyper. Coffee really doesn't do anything but wake a drunk person up."

"Well, good. Maybe you'll become alert enough to find your own room and then you can go beat-off there instead of here, where I eventually have to sleep."

Seth choked on the mouthful of coffee he'd just taken. He coughed until his face was beet red, but managed to keep himself, and the bed, dry. At least he had the good sense to set down his cup on the small table beside the bed. "What!"

"You heard me."

"Dude, I wasn't... and, hey, even if I was-"

"Seth, just stop talking and get in your debauchery because I'm kicking you out, after this stupid movie, so I can sleep." Ryan didn't really give a damn how he sounded. At least if Seth thought he was mad at him, it would lessen the chance of him doing something stupid.

An entire five minutes of silence had passed. Ryan had hoped, by some miracle, that Seth had fallen asleep, but that wasn't the case.

"So, hey, you think girls ever watch porn together? "

"Yeah, it's right up there with naked, sweaty, pillow fights at slumber parties."

"Really? You think so? 'Cause that would be hot."

Ryan sighed, frustrated. "I don't know; I'm not a girl."

If Seth would just stop talking...

Ryan was desperate enough to actually start paying attention to the movie. And, even if they were, possibly, watching different people on-screen, it was starting to affect them in the same way.

From the corner of his eye, Ryan could see Seth's hand edging ever closer to the zipper of his pants. He could also see the bulge that Seth wasn't even trying to hide. Ryan waited. He knew, that if he touched him, if he let his hand find him, that Seth would not, could not, respond the way he wanted.

Seth advanced closer, practically rubbing his shoulder against Ryan. Taking a chance, Ryan let his own hand fall to Seth's thigh. Looking sideways, his lips parting, but otherwise okay with it, Seth seemed to give his consent. Ryan proceeded to let his fingers dig into the corduroy as his hand inched upward toward Seth's crotch.

Seth's head rolled to the side. He swallowed thickly. "Do you remember the day you got your first A in college."

Ryan's hand stopped. "Yeah."

"That night, when we..." Seth closed his eyes, taking in a long, deep breath. "It was the first time I ever felt...normal. Like what I wanted wasn't wrong. But I can't- It can't be that way between us anymore. I'm getting married tomorrow. I don't even know why I'm still here. I should go."

"But you won't." Ryan's groin stirred with tempered arousal.

"Ryan." Ryan pulled back his hand, letting it drop to the bed between them. Seth watched. "I mean, it was a stupid thing we did in college, right? A phase, if you will. It was just something that happened. I'm over it."

"Right." It hurt. Ryan couldn't pretend it didn't. "Look, I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to."

"I don't know what I want." Seth sounded like a lost child.

"Don't you think it's a little late to try to figure things out? Like you said, you're getting married tomorrow."

"I know."

Repairing their friendship had taken time. They were almost back to where they'd been before their friendship had evolved into a relationship and the fall-out that had destroyed everything. And, even if Seth would never admit to it, things were about to change again and he was encouraging it.

"Sometimes..."

"What?"

"Huh?"

Ryan looked at Seth curiously. "Did you say something?"

"Yeah, no, I was just saying that sometimes, sometimes when I'm with Summer...sometimes, I dunno, I just let my mind go blank. It's like I have to, you know? Otherwise...I dunno."

It had been Seth who'd initiated everything. Seth who'd kissed him that first time and slipped his belt loose from his pants. But now it was Ryan's turn.

Ryan's hand took up its previous position, rubbing Seth's thigh. He was sure this was the wrong thing to do. In fact, he was positive it was wrong, but he couldn't stop himself. Somewhere he felt his spirit separate, his mind and heart part ways, and he allowed himself to not care, to not believe in right or wrong, if only for however long it took to get them both off. Because it had been too long without Seth's touch and he wanted-needed it-like he'd never needed anything before.

This time it was Ryan who leaned in and Seth didn't stop him. Their lips connected, coffee-warmed and desperate. Seth's tongue, alcohol-soaked and eager, prodded Ryan's mouth open and their tongues touched, tentatively. Something broke. There was a struggle for control, and the easy pace turned frantic. They fell into the kiss, falling so deep, it seemed they'd never find their way back out. It was too much and not enough at the same time.

Ryan pulled back, looking between Seth's red mouth and wide eyes. "Is your mind blank now?"

"Now? No, not so much. I can honestly say that-"

Ryan kissed him again, cutting off his words. Twisting his fingers into Seth's curls, Ryan directed the kiss. He was lost in it. Shifting away from his mouth, he worked a trail down Seth's jaw to his neck. His tongue dipped and laved, feeling Seth's pulse jump under his skin. Moving down his collar, Ryan's teeth sank into the muscle there. His reward was a deep groan from Seth's throat as he pushed himself against Ryan, seeking more contact.

Seth's fingers had somehow wormed their way under Ryan's shirt and were tracing patterns against his spine. And because of that, because Seth was responding, Ryan's hesitation all but left him. His fingers worked blindly unbuckling, unbuttoning, unzipping Seth's pants. His mouth came back to Seth's, dipping in once again to the madding heat.

Seth shucked his pants and pulled his shirt over his head and pressed himself against Ryan, seeking his mouth. It was fevered and clumsy and so fucking good.

Back at school they had spent whole afternoons doing just this, being rather thorough and lazy but Ryan feared, if he slowed down now, took the initiative to really touch him, it would give Seth just enough time to think things through and end what was happening before it ever began.

If their relationship before had been a slow, passionate build-up, this, right here and now, was an explosion.

Ryan never thought it could be like this... Whatever it was. Not cold, not detached, but something was missing. The way Seth's hands slid around and over and inside-like his fingers were searching for truth, something to set him free...

Seth's skin tasted bitter and Ryan kept testing it, tasting, to get to the sweetness he used to find right underneath his collar, but it was hiding, and the longer Ryan searched for it, the heavier his heart got.

They were different men now. Ryan sometimes bordered on callous these days. He was hardened and closed-off, an enemy against love -an enemy against anything that made him feel. He didn't believe in anything anymore. It was penance for letting Seth slip away. And Seth had lost some of that beautiful innocence that Ryan used to sink into and try to absorb. It was painful to see it reflected in his eyes. Ryan wouldn't give up, though. He needed to remember it just one last time.

And there it was. Right there at the corner of Seth's mouth as Seth pressed his tongue against Ryan's lips, he found what he was looking for.

"Need this..." And that was Seth moaning in his ear, his hands disappearing under Ryan's shirt.

Seth reached for him, but Ryan held his wrists captive and continued exploring Seth's warm skin. Sliding his tongue across Seth's stomach, Ryan meandered a plea of attrition against his skin.

"Wanted..." And that was Ryan trying to express everything he never had before, but the words were clumsy and stuck in his throat.

Taking off his own shirt and tossing it to the side, they rolled around, grasping and clutching to each other. His naked chest pressed against the skin of Seth's back. A warmth flooded him which brought a torrent of repressed memories to the surface. Seth was made of broken glass. Ryan could feel the bones in Seth's back and ribs cutting into him. Seth's hips felt sharp under his palms. And Seth's words, his pleas, pierced through him. All of it, combined, made it hard for Ryan to navigate his way through this suddenly unfamiliar act. He wanted nothing more than for it to be okay, for it to stop hurting.

Ryan scrambled for his bag and blindly searched for lube and condoms. He barely made it back to the bed before Seth was grabbing him and pulling him into another hot kiss.

Their erections strained against one another, the friction sending spikes of warning throughout his body. If they were going to do this, he was going to watch Seth come as he fucked him.

Ryan squeezed the bottle and a stream of slippery liquid coated his hand. It was cold. He had put too much on. It trickled off onto Seth's skin. Seth shivered and a deep need roared inside Ryan.

There was something amateur about the exchange, like it was the first time; like they were stumbling their way through something they had only just learned. His fingers fumbled with the condom and he could barely stop shaking long enough to slide it onto his erection.

"Ah, fuck!" Seth's hips came off the bed, and Ryan bit his lip at the sight of it.

Ryan couldn't wait any longer. "Seth."

"Ye-ah, go ahead."

Then Ryan was penetrating him, gentle and slow. They coalesced, becoming a single entity. Each thrust a sign of worship. The rhythm was gallant, gauged. His hand, wrapped around Seth's dick, worked in tandem with his hips. And Ryan wanted to laugh and cry with the well of memories and the imperfectness of the moment. It was everything to one of them and nothing to the other. And maybe that was wrong...because in this moment it felt like existence had toppled them and nothing else mattered. Pulse and breathing syncing, they sped up, slowed down, moved together and apart, stretching and bowing, conceding to a fast, slapping beat. The hot gush of fluid coating Ryan's hand alerted him to Seth's climax. Ryan thrust harder, throbbing and shattering inside of him.

Their eyes locked for a split-second and then Seth turned his head. Everything went dark. The television screen flickered-the movie long over-whispering blue across their bodies. Ryan pulled out and lay on his back, his breath an uneven metre, contradicting Seth's shallower breaths.

Neither one of them spoke. Ryan couldn't make words form and that had always been the problem. He wanted to call up memories, whisper treasured thoughts he'd only ever held for himself, tell Seth exactly what he meant to him. Everything began and ended with 'I love you,' and that had never been enough. They were drowning in a well of silence.

Ryan had always been able to solve problems in other people's lives, but when it came to his own...he was useless. When it came to things he wanted, Ryan didn't know how to ask, he couldn't just take them.

When he finally got up the nerve to look at Seth, his eyes were closed. Ryan settled in beside him, watching him, until his own eyes refused to stay open.


Note: Adhering to the R rating of this fic, I have omitted some of the sex scene. If you'd like to read that, I will make it available upon request.