Our Feature Presentation:
Philip Williams writes:
KILL PHIL
A rip-roaring tale of blood, death and fanfiction.
Chapter eight:
"Showdown at the House of Azure Flora"
Part Two
Welcome back. Let's recap:
Helen is upstairs with the Templar Knights Rubus and Garnet, and some of her bodyguard. We'll talk about them soon, I promise. They're all a little tipsy by now, but if what I've heard about her bodyguard is correct that probably doesn't make much of a difference…
That Trainee Girl was ordering something, but has just gone into the bathroom. Opposite the bar is the stage, where two annoying musicians are trying and failing to serenade me. There's plenty of Japanese natives dancing, but not too many. This must not be a busy night, and anyway no-one would want to be too close to the private army of the Fatal Cobras. The restaurant, although laid out like a Western club slash dining establishment, is completely made up with traditional Japanese styles. Paper white walls separate the private dining quarters upstairs for example.
I remember that, at the time, I was really looking forward to kicking someone through one of those walls…
Noticing Sofie enter restroom area, Tcutla seized on the opportunity and followed her. Sofie, and Tcutla stalking just out of view, exited from the main room and left into one of the less frequented hallways. She turned and entered a room on the right, the girls' bathroom. Tcutla did not enter, she propped herself against the wall and waited for her prey.
This bit takes a few minutes…Eventually Sofie came out and moved to return back to the main room. Tcutla thrust out her arm and blocked her passage.
"Can I help you?" asked Sofie.
"I'm looking for the scribe for Beloved Fool. Would you happen to know her?"
"Why yes," said Sofie. "Actually, that's me."
Tcutla punched her in the face.
-
And what is Beloved Fool and her squaddies doing during this almost pointless act of gratuitous violence? Why, they've formed their own rap group of course!"Bounce wit it!" hiccupped a bodyguard dressed as Duo from Gundam Wing.
Another, dressed in a blue plug suit, attempted to sing some lyrics to a tune hummed by one of the Power Rangers. Unfortunately it came out as a blur of pure nothingness.
For the sake of sanity, those garbled lyrics shall not be printed here.
Helen giggled and laughed at her amusing servants.
When, all of a sudden...
-
"Dude, this is just like that movie!" shouted Jack, worried
"You mean Kill Bill?" said Kyle, also very worried.
"No, I mean The Game of Death. Check out that Uma Thurman look-alikes outfit!"
"Maybe we should get out of here…" suggested Kyle.
-
All of a sudden, there was a very loud commotion in the main room. Helen screamed for quiet. From the main room, the powerful roar of a she-wolf was heard:
"BELOVED FOOL! YOU AND I HAVE… BUSINESS"
Outraged by this, Helen stood up. Her bodyguard followed her out of the room.
And…
In the centre of the main room, which was now almost empty of guests, was Sofie, her arm stretched out. But, there was someone behind her…
Tcutla stepped out from behind Sofie.
"Who the?" mumbled Helen.
Garnet and Rubus stood by their mistresses side. The bodyguard dressed as Power Rangers stood on the middle of the staircase, guarding her. The other five bodyguard, dressed as Duo, Shinji, Arucard, Joker and a crappy cardboard Gundam respectively, formed another wall at the bottom of the stairs.
Tcutla grabbed Sofie's arm forcefully. Sofie whimpered, but could not offer any resistance at all.
"Beloved Fool! I'm sure you don't need to hear the details," yelled Tcutla. "But for my money, my employer and my pleasure, you will die now!"
And to prove I'm not bluffing…In one graceful twirling movement of the arm, Tcutla gripped, unsheathed and swung her sword. Sofie screamed. Her left arm fell to the floor. The stump of her arm squirted out arterial blood like a fountain. The young girl fell to the floor, screaming in absolute pain, creating a larger pool of blood around her. The nearby walls were stained with her blood.
"You bastard!" screamed Beloved Fool. "You dare attack an affiliate of the Fatal Cobra Fanfiction Squad! I'LL SEE YOU ROASTED IN THE DEEPEST PIT OF HELL!"
"Nice Integra impression," commented the Arucard-dressed bodyguard.
"Really? You think so?" said Beloved Fool. She smiled. "But enough of that…"
Tcutla span her blade around in her arms, shaking the blood off it.
"This really is a well-made blade!" she commented.
"You heartless bitch!"
"I get that a lot."
The last of the screaming guests ran out. Helen made an announcement to them:
"I'm sorry everybody, but I'm afraid we're going to have to close the place. There's some private business matters that we must attend to now."
Tcutla, the mysterious group of bodyguard, Beloved Fool and her two henchman all held their ground without moving a muscle. Now the entire restaurant known as "The House of Azure Flora," was deserted of every human not engaged in the face-off that precedes the combat.
"I trust you know about my bodyguard?"
"I've heard stories."
Helen waved her finger at Tcutla.
"Ah-ah-ah, stories can be so misleading. I think you'll find the Krazy 88 are much more deadly than any rumour can make them seem."
"Krazy 88? Is that what they call themselves?"
"Don't get cocky women!" snarled Beloved Fool. "Don't you have any idea of who you're dealing with?"
Tcutla smirked. With her ACROSS Blade, she pointed to Sofie, lying in the pool of her own blood, whimpering and cradling her lost limb.
"Very well then," said Beloved Fool. "An introduction then,"
She clapped.
"Costumes off then boys, switch back to uniforms."
In one seamless motion, the bodyguard grabbed a part of their anime outfits and yoinked them off. In a strange, perhaps near-magical, movement of the hand they pulled off, without ripping, their outfits. In place of their anime outfits they now all wore black and white suits, with Japanese Kato masks covering. Clipped to their outfits were swords of various makes. Every single one of the Krazy 88 looked the same; unusually pale skin, midnight black hair, and a strange pale-whiteness clouding their eyes. All had an identical dreadlock hairstyle.
"Ten Krazy 88 and two super-sized armoured knights, versus one film star look alike with a sword," smiled Helen. "Hardly fair."
"Hardly fair," repeated Tcutla, a mocking tone in her voice. Beloved Fool's eyes narrowed.
"Virus Tom," said Helen, pointing to one of the Krazy 88. "Kill"
The Krazy 88 member raised his samurai sword high and charged, screaming a banzai scream. Tcutla turned to face him, the screaming fool. She slowly raised her ACROSS Blade into a striking position…
The Krazy 88 member swung his sword and… Tcutla swung hers. The ACROSS Blade cut straight through the inferior blade of the Krazy 88 member.
Tcutla cut her way into his abdomen and sadistically twisted the blade around a bit, making the young man scream. She pushed him off the blade and he landed, gargling on his back, quickly running out of vital fluids. Tcutla looked at the dying member, and – with a sharp kick – knocked his body into one of the decorative ponds near the bar.
Beloved Fool looked at Tcutla, her eyes filling with indescribable anger. She barked another order, to all of the Krazy 88.
"Tear the bitch apart!"
The nine other members yelled and drew their weapons. Tcutla jumped back and made sure she took everything in. The Krazy 88 moved to surround her. They formed a circle, a swords length away from Tcutla, and paused. Tcutla took the initiative. She thrust her blade into one of the Krazy 88's chest, killing him, then pulled it out and blocked an attack by another. She ran out of the circle, and cut across the heart of another member with her ACROSS Blade, incapacitating him. She had to block a furious assault by two of the Krazy 88, but she did skilfully, and ducked low and cut off the legs of one of them. Then she kicked a chair at the sword-wielding mob and leapt onto one of the circular tables near the bar. The Krazy 88 attacked, but Tcutla deflected the first blow easily and sliced off the head of the attacker. She blocked again and again, and cut off another head. The five remaining members swung their swords, and rather than try to block them Tcutla gracefully leapt off the table. She landed behind one of the bodyguards and cut off his head as well. She blocked another attack, then counter-attacked and removed an entire arm. The last two came from both sides, but Tcutla blocked a sword swing from one of the attackers and disabled another with a strong high-kick to the throat. Whilst the one of the last two Krazy 88 gasped for breath, Tcutla blocked and blocked the attacks of the other.
Cling! Cling!The metal clashed, until the Krazy 88's samurai blade could take no more. The ACROSS Blade cut straight through it and embedded itself into his skull. Tcutla pulled the blade out, taking several fragments of the skull with it, and proceeded to remove the head of the last, gasping member of the Krazy 88.
The main room was more or less coated in the blood of the fallen.
Tcutla looked at her blade, completely covered in the blood of all ten of the Krazy 88. She looked at Garnet, Rubus and finally, Beloved Fool.
"So," said Tcutla to Beloved Fool. "Which one of them do you want to die first?"
Rubus pulled out his heavy morning star. Garnet took out his ridiculously oversized great sword. Helen smiled.
But, just then… the long, heavy droning sound of motors echoed throughout the restaurant. Cars and fast motorbikes, mainly. There was a hideous screech as every single vehicle skidded to a halt at the same time. Car door slammed; followed by loud boot-like foot steps, as though an army were approaching. It was. Reinforcements.
"Disabling ten Krazy 88 members before they even have a chance to show off their real power," said Beloved Fool. "You didn't think it would really be this easy, did you?"
"You know, for a second there," said Tcutla, catching her breath. "Yeah, I did."
"Silly rabbit…" Helen smiled; the sort of smile an evil genius gets while they stroke their fluffy white cat."…Trix are for kids."
