Wow, the formatting of the author's note and review replies were kind of messed up in the last chapter, but oh well. I trust that you guys got the drift. Oh, and just for the record, this isn't in fact the last chapter…I did it again. I have no control over the lengths of any of my stories, really. They have minds of their own.
And you can all thank Meme for blackmailing…errr…I mean, encouraging me to get off my butt and update this. :P
Disclaimer- I don't own the Mighty Ducks. Hmm.
There are times that I wonder if this will ever get easier. I've been sitting at this table with my pizza, attempting to look inconspicuous as I watch you, but I'm not exactly the king of subtly, am I?
I stand up to leave. I can only take so much of him draping his arm over your shoulder, carefully feeding you a French fry like you are newlyweds. It makes my stomach turn every time.
You look up, slightly puzzled, but I sneak no more than a small glance at you as I pick up my pizza and start for the trash can, though I've hardly touched it. Throwing up what little I've eaten would not be a good exit to our little group gathering. Then again, if I did, then at least I could say I didn't feel well, thus allowing me to go back home in peace…then I could lay around and feel sorry for myself without anyone to bother me.
"Charlie?" you say, tilting your head to try to catch my eye; I do everything in my power to not look. I doubt you could make this any harder for me if you tried.
As I'm about to throw away my pizza, Goldberg asks me if I'm going to finish it. When I tell him I'm not going to, he asks for it. As I hand it to him, he claims he can't believe I almost wasted a perfectly good piece of pizza. I catch your eye and feel the sick feeling come up again.
"I don't really feel that great, guys. I'm gonna head back to the dorms."
You lock your eyes on mine, not allowing me to break free and retreat. You probe at me, and a feeling of vulnerability washes over.
I clamp my eyes and take a breath before turning to leave. A few seconds after I'm out the door, I hear it open and close again as your soft footsteps patter after mine.
"Charlie," you say again, though this time it's a command to stop rather than a question.
I stop walking but don't turn around. My insides knot themselves as you catch up to me, pausing at my side to try and get me to look at you…of course, I can't but you don't understand that.
"What's been up with you lately? You're acting really weird."
I keep my eyes diverted and shove my hands in my pocket. Maybe it would've been better to wait it out until you left first. That way you couldn't follow me.
"I'm fine. I just don't feel all that great at the moment."
I hear you shift and see the slightest movement of your head out of the corner of my eye.
"I didn't mean just this very moment. I mean for awhile now; we never talk anymore." I hear a soft tone of hurt in your voice, and I can't stand it. I start walking again.
You follow.
"Charlie," you say persistently, "Don't you walk away from me." You take hold of my wrist, and my breath catches for a second. Though I could easily pull from your grip and keep walking, I let my arm go limp. You let go, and my arm falls back to my side.
I swallow and let out a quiet sigh. "What do you mean?" I ask softly, referring to your original statement.
"I mean just what I said. We never talk," you repeat, and I swallow dryly.
"Sure we do."
"No we don't," you say with such quiet, calm fierceness that I want desperately to look at you – I can imagine the fire in your eyes. "You won't even look at me."
Your words make me wince a little as I look to the concrete. I open my mouth to speak, but no words come out. We're almost to the dorms. This situation is almost over. I don't know how much longer I can go without screaming my harbored feelings…which I know I definitely can't do.
"Look at me," you demand. I still can't.
We walk into the quad, not far from the dorms when you grab my wrist again and twist me around to face you. A look of fiery determination flickers in your eyes.
"Look at me."
I swallow and stare into you, hating myself for the way my brain ceases to function right. You're waiting for me to speak, but all I can do is stare. You hold my eyes with yours and wait, trying to pick me apart like you've always done. Analyze me. Find out the reason I can't look you straight in the face without hesitation.
Your eyes soften and your grip loosens, though your fingers are still wrapped around my wrist. I feel my heart pounding in my head, and I wish desperately I could just disappear and be alone in my room.
"Was it something I did?" you ask softly, your eyes wide and sad.
I stare back with a small frown. "No, of course not." What could you have possibly done? You're perfect.
"Then what's up?" you ask as you run your thumb over the back of my hand. A completely innocent gesture. A completely innocent gesture that nearly made my insides twist and flip inside out.
"N, nothing," I stutter, cursing my inability to think clearly when you're so close, looking so sad. Sad because of me and something that isn't your fault.
"I don't believe that for a second," you say, looking so deeply inside of me that I worry you'll figure me out. But you can't figure me out. Not this time. I can't let you…You understand, right?
"It's true," I reply lamely, knowing I can't even convince myself, so how am I supposed to convince you?
I'm protecting you.
"That's a load of bull, Charlie. Tell me what's wrong." I head a tiny strain in your voice, gently prodding.
"I…I…" Love you. "I've gotta go."
Pulling my wrist from your grip, I take a few steps back and suck in a breath while avoiding your eyes. My heart is beating a mile a minute. I have the get out of here.
You call after me as I make a beeline for the dorms. All I can think about is how I've got to get this in control. This can't keep happening.
I'll never climb out of the hole if I just keep digging.
Adriana- Thanks. :) Heh, sorry for the confusion. I'm glad it wasn't a "bad" confusion though. You weren't the only one. I'd have been really surprised if you weren't confused at all. Yeah, the first chapter was Charlie's POV. Hee, again, thanks a ton for the feedback, and I'm glad you weren't too confused.
Sarah- Thank you. It's fine. I'm really glad you've liked both chapters. :) And I totally agree on the Charlie/Connie front…because they do rock, yo! They are the OTP. Heh.
Meme- Thank you! Hee:squees: I'm so glad you like it. It is our OTP, after all. We can look past the sadness and see how precious they are! We gotta REH-PREE-ZINT the Charlie/Connie love. ;)
Banksiesbabe99- Yay! Hee, I appreciate your enthusiasm. :) Thank you. Hehehe, yeah, I guess that was a wee-bit confusing, yes? ;) Gotta throw y'all off the scent. I'm trying to be spontaneous and unpredictable. :P Hee hee. Yeah, I'd say we would have quite a bit more to worry about if Guy was kissing Charlie. XD :claps hands: I'm glad you liked that. :) I'm trying out "subtly." Heh. I'm glad it finally clicked. Thanks dahlin'. :)
Punkteacher- Awww. :) That made me feel all happy inside. I'm very glad that you it. I hope that you enjoy them; I know that "Defiance is a Hard Game" is definitely one of my favorites. :) Heh, trust me, dragging-on could be my middle name. A story that was originally thought to end up roughly thirty chapters ended up with seventy-one chapters for me. Heh. :) I'm sure you're doing a fine job. I may try to read through your story sometime. :) Thanks for the review.
Duckfluff- Thanks so much. :) I'm glad you like my stories and characterization of Charlie. I hope you enjoyed this part as well.
