This chapter's kind of different…but it's important (as you will see and likely agree)…let's just say that this story is running away from me, making itself longer than I originally anticipated.
Disclaimer- Why, after all this time, am I still doing disclaimers? I mean, seriously…why? It's not like I really think anyone's going to sue. O.O Gah.
I watch as you run from me. You looked at me like I had burnt you with my very touch. You flinched when I took your wrist. I can't remember when I last saw you look so terrified.
When I followed you, I expected a simple answer, I guess. Maybe a "home life's been rough" or a "school's been tough" or even a "you've been doing this or that, and it's ticking me off." Instead, I get jittery, deer-in-headlights look and a stuttery, obviously untrue "nothing's wrong." For a moment I read you like I used to, but I saw a clouded and urgent confusion. I was able to read you, but it was like you were in another language.
As the heavy metal door of your dormitory building thumps shut, I chew the inside of my cheek and turn to walk away. When did you become such an enigma? Why wouldn't you just talk to me?
I'm not sure where I'm going, but just standing there won't help…maybe I should find Guy. Maybe that will help.
I walk to the quad and see him standing by the bench talking to a pretty redhead. I try to swallow the pang of jealousy as I walk up and place a hand on his forearm. "Guy?"
He jumps and looks at me. "Oh, hey Cons. Charlie okay?"
Another pang stabs at me when he mentions you. "Umm."
Guy turns back to the girl and gives an…apologetic smile? 'Oh, I'm sorry, it's my girlfriend. You know how they sometimes get,' I could imagine him telepathically telling her.
I shake the thought from my head instantly and feel a wave of guilt. I shouldn't be thinking that…I interrupted their conversation. Who am I to judge apologetic looks?
But you know about my insecurity regarding Guy's female friends. You're the only one I have to turn to, afterall. When I try to tell him, he spouts off that they're just friends and that I need to stop being so paranoid…that I flirt with guys all the time, so he should get some leeway.
But…there are just times I feel like he's far away from me. Like he's slipped away from the relationship, and we're just going through the motions…The years we've been together…it's been a long time. I'd like to say it hasn't dulled…that everything is perfect, and I still feel the same for Guy as I have for so long…but when I'm honest with myself, I know it isn't true…it's the one thing I never told you. The one thing I just couldn't share…because if I told you, than that would make it true. Make it real. How am I supposed to hold on if I can't pretend it's a figment of my imagination? That Guy and I are still deeply in love with each other? That's right. I can't.
But the way he smiles at her as she walks off…that fresh smile I haven't been able to wholly summon in quite some time…my jealousy is ebbed and numbed.
I know he would never physically cheat on me…he's way too sweet for that. But I also know that that sweetness has its downfalls. I know he'd suffer through a relationship with me long past the point he wants, just to keep me happy…It makes me wonder if he's just settling for me…holding himself back so he doesn't hurt me. Sacrificing his freedom for me.
The more I think about it, the more sense it makes. My thoughts are further confirmed as he watches her for a few moments longer than one would watch just anyone.
Maybe it was time that we admitted some things.
"Guy," I said softly, my heart suddenly thumping louder than it was before. Was I really going to do this?
Someone had to.
When he looks at me with those baby blue eyes, though, the thought of backing down flitters through my mind. What if I'm not doing the right thing?
I look into his eyes and suddenly realize there aren't anymore butterflies. I don't feel a blush rising on my cheeks. I don't feel like I'm looking at my boyfriend.
"Guy…we've…we've gotta talk," I say, and my throat nearly cuts off my words. I hope I don't sound too much like a frog.
He furrows his eyebrows. "Alright," he says and sits on the bench. "Shoot."
I swallow and sit beside him. I hope and pray I'm reading the signals right…I hope and pray I'm not the only one who can't feel it anymore.
Taking in a shaky breath, I look him straight in the eye. "I…I think," Just say it, Connie, "I think that maybe it's time we, uh, time that we…we ended things." I swallow. I'm scared to look into his eyes and see his reaction, but I'm scared to look away. Whether or not I'm still in love with him has no affect on how incredibly hard this is.
"What?" he says, blinking with slight confusion as he searches me for any hint at it being a joke. He finds none. "You want to break up? But…why?"
I continue to stare into his eyes and find something I didn't expect…I saw confusion, surprise, maybe defensiveness?
"I just…I think it's time. You know I love you, I really really do…I need you to know that. You'll always be special to me, but I'm just…I'm not…" I say, looking down at my lap and struggling desperately for what I wanted to say.
"In love?" he finishes.
I look back up into his eyes and stare for a minute before slowly nodding. "Yeah…yeah, I'm just not…in love with you anymore." I take his hand and give it a gentle squeeze. "I really hope you understand, and I hope desperately that you feel the same, as terrible as that probably sounds. Something I never thought I would ever want."
He gives a small quirky smile, and I realize he almost looks as relieved as I feel at this very moment. "It's never something I thought I'd want either…but you know, I'm surprisingly okay with it. You know, like Twilight Zone-esque okay with it. I just want you to be happy, and if it's not with me…well…then we'll just think of our time together as something special that came to its eventual end. I love you too, but lately it's just…"
"Different," I say with a laugh as tears gather a little in my eyes.
"Yeah, different," he says with a laugh as he pulls me into a tight hug.
I rest my head on his shoulder and let out a sigh. "You a such a wonderful guy. Don't ever let anyone tell you different. I wish it could have turned out differently, but I guess that's life…gotta roll with the punches."
"Exactly. Life doesn't take its cues from us," he says as we part. Then he smiles again and pats my shoulder. "And just for the record, you're a pretty wonderful girl yourself."
"Well, you dated me for a long time. There had to have been something special about me," I say with a soft laugh, causing you to laugh as well. I can't explain the tremendous relief I felt at that very moment. Another moment of silence passes between us before I speak again. "You know, I get the official right to interrogate all of your new girlfriends, now…starting with that redhead."
He laughs and shakes his head. "Marissa and I are just friends."
"Uh huh. Take your story somewhere else, 'cause I'm not buying. I've dated you long enough to know that look. I expect you to be happily dating that girl very soon, Guy Germaine, or I'm gonna have to intervene. Don't make me intervene because you know you don't want me to intervene."
"Oh course not. I'd be crazy to let you intervene," he said with a grin.
We both laugh again, and I stand up with a smile. "Well, I'll catch you later, Germaine. You better take care of yourself."
"Back at ya, Moreau," he said with a grin. "And I better see some boyfriends pretty soon. No endless angsting and moping because of little ol' me."
"Oh, are we forgetting who broke up with who? I am sooo not shattered," I said with a teasing grin, and he placed a hand over his heart as if he was wounded.
"Ooh, burn."
I laughed and patted his cheek. "You'll live."
Walking away backwards, I smile and give a small wave goodbye before heading back to your dormitory. You may be avoiding me, but by no means am I going to wait until you're out of your little funk to tell you this.
Tiff- Thank you. :) I'm glad you like it… :nods: Yeah, Charlie is very hug-worthy; I just tend to give him a boost. Lol. Thanks again!
Meme- :giggles and watches Charlie get poked: Aww, poor baby. :P Hehehe. No love. Don't worry, he'll get his act together. :nearly bounces off the wall: Yay! I absolutely loved it, afterall, because sweet Charlie/Connie love is precious! This arrangement might be too bad if we both keep whipping out C/C for the world to read! XD
Banksiesbabe99- :giggles: Silly. I got cheered for! XD Lol, you missed the 'e' in 'subtlety,' but it was close enough, my dear:is an English nerd: I will pretend that I saw the 'e'. :) :claps hands: Yesss, Connie and Charlie are indeed meant to be. It's all my fault! Yay! I converted someone to the BEAUTIFUL Charlie and Connie love! Score! Hehehe…yes, Guy needs to understand that Connie and Charlie are madly in love. Hehe, thanks for the review, darling, and I hope you liked that chapter!
B- Thanks:) As you see, Connie came to her senses…She's a smart cookie. :P Hope you liked that chapter, and thank you for the review!
Stef- Steffie-dahling! Hehehe, I like being stalked by the author-stalker-alerts. XD …Hehehe, I'm that predictable, huh? ;) I'm glad you caught on to the Charlie/Connie lovin'. Hope to see more of you around the RPG, yourself! That poison is going stale, and Charlie and Peter need to torture Scott. ;) Thanks again, hon.
Sarah- Yes, Charlie just can't catch a break, can he:) Thanks for the review. Hehehe…and ONE DAY, I will update "One Way Ticket"…I swear I will. Lol.
NoLaBeLs- Yay! Another Charlie/Connie fan. There are very few, yes. :nods: It's sad. Meme and I are trying to beef up the fandom again. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. ;)
