Chapter 10

Announcements

Monday morning was wonderful quiet. Nobody does love a holiday's Monday morning more than a teacher! The time I got up was the same as it was during school time, but there was no need to hurry, no headless sprint into the chaos that often accompanies a new week. Still, by six o' clock I was dressed up, as usual, and in my study at the PC. The social worker was an old acquaintance of mine and would be (or at last I hoped she would be!) delighted to find a mail from me, describing a "hypothetical case" of a neglected child, a special runaway seeking shelter in an uncommon place - and asking about the options she saw. I hoped that I knew her well enough to judge her action: she would answer me as fast as she could and as good as she could - and would give me some time to plan my actions according to her answer.

One galling job was done, now there were two more left, and one of them urgent.

There was no sound from Erik's room, so I did prepare breakfast carefully and quietly, then went to housework - imps are rare in monasteries.

By half past eight, I decided the boy could quite well get up, and knocked softly. I was surprised again that he was awake and dressed fully. "Good morning, Erik, dear, did I wake you up today?" 'Erik, dear' - why did that phrase sound so weirdly common?

"No, Ms. Lubov, you didn't. The sun was up when I awoke, and so I thought I could get up as well." His room was situated to the east. Did that mean he was awake since half past four!

Erik seemed much more comfortable today, though he kept a safe distance, he was not as tense as yesterday, and he was a bit more talkative. It seemed as if he was practising small talk. We decided to finish our tour round the church. Perhaps, I thought, that was the chance to introduce him to my abbess. And so, while he was searching for masons' ciphers, I sent a little SMS . . .

We met in the cloister, when Erik and I were on our way back to the flat. The child shot back and hit around a corner fast as can, but I called him back. It was not an elegant solution, but a straight one, and one he could not avoid. "Erik, come here. You have to meet my abbess, Ms. Copp. The sooner you two become acquainted with each other, the better it will be!"

He came with the same distrustful caution he had shown against the parson. Though he did walk upright, one could not deny that he made a somehow pitiable sight. The child did move with a grace and litheness that was adorable, but he was painful thin and small, and the broadness of the clothes he wore did nearly bury him.

By the time he had reached us he must have felt like an animal on the market, at least I would have felt like that in his place. Ms. Copp unmovable watched him approach us, her face as stern and aloof as usual. When he stood beside me, she made a single step towards him, lifted one hand and said unsmiling: "Good day, Erik. My name in Ms. Copp."

Had I awaited him to run, or at least flinch, I was surprised by his reaction. He swallowed, but then he carefully took the outstretched hand (though evidently with much difficulty!), looked up to her and answered, his voice just the tiniest bit shaky: "Good day, Ms. Copp, Madam, it is nice to meet you." That sounded exactly as recited as had his words two days ago in the kitchen, but it was a quantum leap, and I beamed with pride of him! And furthermore, she was the first person he touched willingly in my presence! That was going a lot better than I had thought!

A smile had crept into Ms. Copp's eyes and to the corners of her mouth. She let go Erik's hand and asked him: "Now, how do you like our place? Have you seen everything already?"

"No, I have not yet seen more of the monastery but the way from here to Ms. Lubov's house. But I wanted to ask her if she would perhaps show the gardens to me tomorrow morning. But I have seen most of the church. I like it very much, though Ms. Lubov says it is dark and damp and cold and run down." By now I had a head like a tomato! "But I think you are very lucky to be allowed to live here. And Ms. Lubov's flat is nice, too."

"Then you like being here, Erik? Aren't you bored inside these old walls, among old women? Without friends of your age? And without your family?"

The boy and I felt both queasy, but while I cast annoyed glances at my abbess, Erik stared at his feet and shuffled his feet. "I like being here very much. And it has not been boring a single minute, Ms. Copp, Madam."

She made a few steps to a bench at the wall and sat down, motioning us to follow, but she did invite none of us to sit with her. The trick was as old as school. But the bench was quite long, and, sitting down at the opposite side, I patted on the wide gap between us and said: "Come on, boy, sit down here, there's a lot of room left for you!"

Catching Ms. Copp's condemnatory glance, I could hardly suppress to poke my tongue out to her. If she wanted an interrogation, it would not be exclusively on her terms!

Erik hesitantly obeyed, and, after a short glance over his back, decided that it was better to have me near his back than her near his front. But still, he was careful not to touch me.

Ms. Copp went on: "But aren't you missing your family, Erik? Your mother?"

He had started to tremble again. Was that necessary? I cast her a view that clearly said: "Stop that, do not torment him, or this 'conversation' is over!"

"I have no family." The whisper was nearly lost in the cloister.

For a moment we both sat and looked at the boy, who tried to calm his breathing. The moment I decided that this farce would be ended now, he spoke again, louder this time, and looking at her directly. "There is no one who misses me, no one who cares. But you do not want me here, Madam, and I shall not bother you any longer." With that he was up and away, running.

"ERIK!" I had tried to hold him, but had not even touched him, and he did not seem to hear my shout. To run after him would have been pointless, but I had the home field advantage. His flight was not well calculated, for he had run into the wrong direction. The only open door out was now two sides away from him, and only a half from me. By the time he reached that door, it was shut and locked, and I was standing in front of it like an ancient warrior, ready to defend the most important treasure with the deployment of my live.

He stared at me desperately, panting from sorrow and agitation. "You promised you would not trap me or try to catch me! You promised me to let me go whenever I wanted! Let me out! Open that door!" He was yelling, and sobbing as well. The aura of grief around him was so thick that I wondered he could still breathe. I could feel it with my bare hands and in my stomach. Helplessly I lifted my hands towards him, but he drew back, the pain around him only growing and getting tighter.

"Let me go!"

"Erik, boy, calm down!" As if he could even hear me! "She did not mean to harm you." As if I was sure about that! "Please, Erik, stay! Don't leave me alone! I care for you, and I will miss you! I want you to stay. Erik, do you hear me?"

He was still standing there, sobbing, legs set wide (breitbeinig), hands clenched to fists . . . I turned to unlock and open that door. He was right, I had made a promise. He did not run past me. When I turned again, he had not moved at all. Only his eyes had changed behind the mask. They still were tearstained, but the wild fury, the black despair were gone. Doubt was left, and fear, and something new seemed to glow deep inside them. Maybe hope?

Tears were rolling down my cheeks by now, and I slowly knelt down on my knees, my feet did no longer support me. We stared at each other for another long moment, then he took a step towards me. Slowly, he lifted a hand, as if to touch my cheek . . . his eyes grew wide and he gulped by this effort . . . but he could not do it. Slowly, his arm sank to his side, and he dropped his head, the small light in his eyes started to extinguish . . .

Carefully, soothingly, I put a hand on his shoulder. Gently, I pulled him towards me.

He was still half an arm's length away. But now, he was looking at me again, and with such dread and disbelief, I found it not to be wise to pull him closer. Instead, I put my other hand onto his other shoulder, and stroke him gently. Looking into his eyes, I tried to smile. "Hush, my dear boy. Everything is all right. Come, we will go home now."

"Home" he echoed softly, as in a state of trance. When I rose, he seemed to gather his senses again, for when I wanted to take my hands from his shoulders, he grasped at one hand and repeated: "Home? We will go home now?"

The light was back. "Yes," I answered," we will go home now."

-

Ms. Copp came the same day in the late afternoon. I gestured Erik, who had come with me into the hallway, to his room, then opened the door to let her in.

We sat in the living room, and I patiently waited for her to say something. Had she already come to an decision regarding Erik? What would she say? How should I react if she was not willing to tolerate him here?

"I think," she finally spoke, "the boy is in good hands here. We shall try to convince the convent of that, too. And I will see what I can do if there should be any problem with the youth welfare agency. That's what I wanted to let you know. My interaction with children has never been pretty good. Perhaps you can tell the boy that I did not want to hurt him."

"You only did do your duty. You have to care for all the nuns here, and you have to watch over them." The voice came from the door. We were both shocked to see Erik standing there.

"Erik! One does not do eavesdropping!" I exclaimed.

He took the rebuke guiltily and turned to leave, but then looked back "I only wanted to let Ms. Copp know that I do understand her." And he was gone.

Lord, how happy I would be when this day finally was over!

But there were more evil tidings that awaited me today. I had an e-mail waiting for me from the social worker that read:

"Dear Ms. Lubov,

concerning the letter of inquiry you sent me this morning: please meet me at my office tomorrow morning at half past eight. We badly need to talk about that! If such a case had happened, there would be necessary steps to be taken at once.

Sincerely yours . . ."