Chapter 12
The Official WayAstonishment showed on the social worker's face when I repeated assertive: "No, Mrs. Fenck, I don't think that we are talking about one and the same boy. Erik did not show any severe aggression against anybody, in the contrary, he did behave quite well towards me and my abbess and Mrs. von Spaeth. That is a clear sign of development, something all the scientists and specialists could not arouse. It can't be that we let the boy be imprisoned again under such circumstances!"
She cut me off impolitely: "But you do not deny that the boy is with you, in the convent?"
"No. I can't. I wish I could . . ."
"Mr. Knopf, the psychiatrist, will be very happy to hear that. I told him I would try to find out more about the child, and he decided to wait here for some news to come. He resides in the "Altes Forsthaus" in the neighbouring city. Please, stay seated!"
I had jumped up, making my chair topple down, at that - as I saw it - deceit, and was willing to leave immediately.
"Ms. Lubov! What do you want to do? Why are you acting like that? Don't precipitate anything until you have heard all the facts."
"What else could there be said? You betrayed me, worse, you betrayed the boy! To make him go back would mean to kill him, if not physically then at least every single rest that has been left in his soul! But we won't give up easy. We will seek sanctuary for him among us. And I want to see him who dares to try and force the child out of our shelter!" I had my hand on the doorknob by now, and was nearly shouting.
"But, Ms. Lubov, please! Sit down again, I tried to tell you that there could be a way! Mr. Knopf said something similar, of his own accord."
"He did WHAT?"
"If you just have the patience to wait a minute, I'll introduce him to you and give us the chance to find out what will be the best solution for the boy- wasn't his name Erik? Mr. Knopf said he would be here at about nine, and nine it already is. I suppose he is already waiting in the hall. Is it all right if I ask him in now?"
Reluctantly I lifted my chair from the floor and sat down again. "Do I have a choice at all?"
The man who came in did not at all look like the heartless monster I had imagined. In fact, hadn't I made my choice long before, he could quite well have attracted me, with his gentle smile and the warm handshake he gave me.
"Ms. Lubov, I am so pleased to meet you! So you really achieved to keep Erik with you of his own choice? Marvellous! I can hardly believe that he should have trusted you enough to grant you his name, and even more spend a night - no, several nights - under your roof. It is a true miracle!"
I sneered at him sarcastically: "Well, Mister, all it needed was some heartfelt warmth, and to show him that he was accepted as a human, and not seen like some research object!"
He seemed truly concerned when he answered: "I understand that you cannot have any high opinion on my colleagues and me. But I want you to try to understand us, as well. Assumedly you have not seen Erik's face yet. Well, I brought with me some pictures, from his birth up to this spring, if you want to see. The prenatal disfigurements are severe. As I do not want to bore you with medical details, which I hardly understand myself, I will shortly say that they could not be corrected medically by plastic surgery now, and can only insufficiently be concealed by means of cosmetics or epithesis.
Due to these disfigurements, the boy was not only abandoned by his relatives at birth, but also the children's homes did not feel able to take him in, and the children's welfare agency declared there would not be a possibility to find a foster care for him. So the physicians decided to keep him in the hospital, and tried hard to help him. It was not their fault that the psychic and social needs of the child were not attended sufficiently. Nor was it our fault that, when we finally took care of Erik, the traumata where already so severe that we could not reach him with our limited possibilities. A child's soul cannot heal and develop without a psychological parent really caring. And the psychiatry's locked ward by no means is the place where such an attachment figure can be found."
The man seemed exasperated by that long apology of his, but bravely went on: "Now, if I understand Mrs. Fenck correctly, you say you would like to keep the child. That, of course, is not as simple as we might wish it to be!"
"We?" I interrupted coldly.
"Yes ma'am, 'we'. Despite the fact that you obviously still think that we would desperately want to keep Erik as our research object, our first aim is the child's well-being. And if we should come to the conclusion that being with you is better for Erik than being with us, then we will of course support you."
"Wait a second, Mr. Knopf," I had to cut him off again "if you want to tell me that we are now discussing where the child may stay not only during the next few days but perhaps until he chooses to live elsewhere, and if you say that we are to discuss if the boy can stay here, then I beg you for a short break, for I want to inform my abbess and ask her to come, for after all I am a canoness and have to obey to her decisions."
Luckily I reached Ms. Copp on her mobile phone, and she promised to come immediately - and to send Mrs. von Spaeth to look after Erik, whom I did not want to be all alone all along.
