For those who have read this story I uploaded chapter 2 wrong so I removed the story and put ch. 1 & 2 together I'm very sorry for the mistake.

This is my first try at fan fiction and It probably won't go to well either but here's my shot at a humorous take on Final Fantasy 8.

I do not own Final fantasy 8 Square/ Enix does and what fine work they did.

Now for the story Final fantasy 8 just plain wrong. This story rated R for violence, drug use, and language.

Chapter 1 the begin

Opening Fmv plays and we get to the battle portion as the gunblade stick into the ground Squall attempts to pull it out but it won't give.

Squall : come on you son of a bitch rahhhh!!!!

Seifer : hahaha you can't even pick up your sword.

Squall : Fuck you, I just kick you ass unarmed.

Seifer : bring it.

Squall rushes Seifer and Seifer does a vertical slice to the head of squall knocking him back. Squall watches the blood pour on to the ground and a new rush fills him. He pulls his blade from the ground and give one more charge at Seifer

. Squall wakes in the infirmary with a wicked headache.

Squall : Dam hangovers.

Dr. Kadowaki : how do you feel.

Squall : like I have a fucking hangover.

Dr. Kadowaki : say your name for me.

Squall : default

Dr. Kadowaki : alright your ok I'll call Quistis.

???? : Squall you my last hope

Squall : what the....

Quistis enters and gets Squall they walk down the hallway

Quistis: Squall is there something wrong?

Squall : no

Quistis : are you sure

Squall : yes

They walk to class

Quistis: class those who completed the written test are free the rest of you must clean the bathrooms, oh and Seifer don't injure your partner in training ans Squall I need to talk to you.

All leave but sqaull Quistis: did you go to the fire craven yet.

Squall : no.

Quistis : meet me out front ok.

Squall walks out of class down the hall and WHAM something hits like a ton of bricks. ?????: Sorry

Squall : .....

????: is home room over

Squall nods

????: oh no this is so much bigger than my last garden could you give me a tour.

Squall nods and to the directory the go and squall brief tour and out the front gate he goes to meet quistis.

Quistis : are you ready ?

Squall: yes

Quistis: just real quick let me explain/Squall : NO YOU NOT EXPLIANE ANYTHING ALL YOU DO IS WATE MY TIME WITH YOUR NON STOP BABBLING ABOUT SHIT I ALREADY KNOW HOW TO DO DAM./

Quistis ( crying ) fine we'll just go then

At the entrance of the fire craven

Quistis : Squall you know how to/Squall glares at quistis/ Quistis .....

Garden guy: 10,20,30,40

Squall : 20 GG: good luck

Quistis : you know squall most boys choke when I accompany them on this test.

Squall: that's cause your psycho dribble bores them to suicide.

The move through the craven at a blinding speed. They reach Ifrits lair

Ifrit : I'm Ifrit fear me!!!!! Squall leaps in to the air and with on slices fells the beast.

Quistis: how did you do that? Squall holds up a little black disk gameshark never leave home without it.

They leave the craven and head back to the garden. Quistis: Squall go prepare for the seeD exam.

Squall in his room Squall puts on his uniform and heads to the directory.

Quistis: Squall over here,

Squall you'll be in squad B let me see your partner is Zell Dincht quite a lively fellow

. Squall : he not lively he just ADD.

We cut to Zell doing his kicks and flips but he forgets to stop slams in to the directory.

Zell : oh that hurt.

Squall thinking { great I'm stuck with hyper retard}

Zell : wow I'm with you cool, oh hey didn't you get yo ass whooped by seifer.

At this comment Squall grins and then headbutts Zell followed by a knee to midsection into a backbreaker. Squall looking down at Zell ( wax on wax off that you dumb fuck.)

Quistis : that seifer you speak is your squad leader.

Squall: shit, fuck

Zell : pataders

Siefer and co stroll up.

Seifer: is this my squad

. Quistis: yes

Seifer : just great were screwed I got retard and wuss boy.

Squall grabs seifer and slams his head in to the directory, then clotheslines fujin and kicks rajin in gut and elbow him in the head and for good masure kicks zell in the nads. Squall : I'll be in the car. And walks off

Now we'll skip ahead to sub ride after the mission briefing.

Zell : hey squall show me your gunblade.

Squall { does he want to see my sword or my unit} NO

Squall : quistis who was the girl in the infirmary today.

Quistis : I don't know I didn't see anyone.

Seifer begins to laugh Squall : got something to say little bitch.

Seifer : no um but could you look outside ?

Squall get up and goes up top and checks the map then there subs speeds up crashes through the wall and squall goes flying.

Squall : aaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! ( hits the ground then gets up checks his pockets) I've lost my weed NNNNNNNOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Seifer runs ahead zell meets up with squall. Zell: I guess we follow him.

The follow seifer and get in to a battle with G army soldiers. GS : seeD's must kill.

Squall : don't think so ( beheads one of the men )

Zell : hiiiiiyyaaa lays a beat down on the other.

Now at the central square Seifer : man the is boring you guys want to go up to that communication tower?

Squall & Zell: sure

So they go and the get to some stairs and they see a solider on the ground Solider: be careful there's monsters up there aaaaaaahhhhhhh.

Gets pulled away by a giant snake. Seifer : leave the final blow for me so I can get the most points.

Squall runs and slices the snake in half. Squall : oh well I guess I get the points.

They gut up to the cliff and they have the dream talk the seifer jumps off the cliff. Then a girl appears on top a pile of rocks and the falls off on to her face.

Girl : are you squad B. ( they nod ) where is your leader ( points down at the bottom of the cliff).

Seifer appears. Seifer: maybe later I'll tell you my romantic dream.

Squall { does he mean the one where I'm shirtless wearing assless chaps and riding a mechanical bull } shudders.

Girl : squad leader wait ( jumps off the cliff)

Zell That's a long way down Squall kicks zell in ass sending him off the cliff then squall jumps off and hits a swanton bomb on zell at the bottom.

Girl: come on we got to follow him oh and my name is Selphie Doors of the tower burst open and soldiers come running out with seifer right behind with his pants down

Seifer : come on all I want is for someone to hold it. ( then runs back into the tower and up elevator ) the three also go up the elevator and at the top a man in red is working on something Mir: ah there done.

The towers flickers on with the satellite dishes popping out with the beam and all. Man in red turns to see our heroes

Mir : I think I'll leave now ( runs toward the elevator and seifer pops up at the top pants still down )

Seifer : would you like to hold it.

Man in red turn around again and get into it with our heroes. Mir : I biggs shall send you to hell Selphie smacks him with her chucks and wedge comes running in I'll save you sir and gets dropkicked by zell then a mighty gust a wind blows them away and down comes that bird thing

BT: muhahahah

Squall draws siren

BT: hey man that's my bitch OH it's on now.

Squall runs forward and delivers the lionheart to bird thing.

Selphie : oh I am to tell you that we have to with draw and be at the shore in 30 minutes.

They board the elevator and go down to the bottom.

Biggs: uuuhhhhh I will kill with this they are now the targets.

At tower entrance our heroes encounter the giant metal spider.

All : what the fuck is it ?

Selphie hits it with a thunder spell it drops repairing 10%

Zell : let's haul ass

So they do and the spider keeps come after them they get to the boat and squall just a bit behind and then he leaps and the spider is about to get him when Quistis unloads with the chain gun.

They make there way back to port.

Quistis : your free for a while

Seifer runs off and takes the car and our heroes walk back to the garden upon entering the garden they here an announcement : All those who when in the field exam report to floor 2 hall NOW!

At the hall garden guy show up. GG: those who passed are Nida, Selphie, Zell, and Squall the is all the rest of you sucked ass.

Now In cid's office cid give a short speech and then hands a report to selphie psst the garden festival should be good but I'll be to stoned to remember it

then hands one to nida psst no one cares about you and you will never get laid.

Then he hands one to zell psst get some dam medication.

And hand one to squall psst one day maybe I'll get to play with you gunblade.

cid : that is all dismissed.

They leave and we follow squall to his room and he's changes into his seeD uniform.

Selphie : wow you look good let's party

At the party squall stands alone and a waitress come s by with a drink tray and hand squall a glass of champagne he downs it toss' the glass over his shoulder and it hits zell in the back of the head.

Then selphie comes running up :you want to join the garden festival committee.

Squall : ok

Selphie : tee-hee that's great. Runs off

Then a girl approaches squall Girl : you're the best looking guy here dance with me

Squall : no

Girl : so you only dance with people you like ok ( starts twirling her finger in squall face) you like me you like me please like me, did it work.

Squall : ok I'll dance with you

Girl : yea! They begin dancing and run into another pair of dancers

Guy : hey watch it asshole.

With that said squall punches him in the face and begins kicking the shit out of him a guy come over to stop it who gets an f-u from squall and another try's to stop squall gets f-5ed for his trouble and the last guy on dance floor take a run at squall and gets tombstoned.

Girl : ( scared) I gotta go bye! Runs away

Squall looks up : cool fireworks.

Squall now out on the balcony smoking a blunt Quistis walks up to squall

Quistis : squall get changed and meet me in the secret area that's an order.

She then takes the blunt takes a hit blows the smoke out in the form of her snapping her whip squall takes the blunt back does a hit and blows out the smoke and it forms Bahamut doing the mega flare attack blowing quistis' smoke figure apart.

Then squall changes and meets quistis by the training center.

Quistis : Squall have you fought t-rex yet.

Squall : yup done it already

Quistis : ok then on to the secret area. In the secret area

Quistis : squall what time is it.

Squall : about 12: 18 am why?

Quistis : I am no longer an instructor now I am just a seeD like you because I couldn't cut as an instructor. ( begins to cry)

Squall : it's ok ( puts one arm around her neck and puts his leg around hers hooking his foot around her ankle and delivers a russian leg sweep bouncing her head off the concrete knocking her out)

Squall : I'm gonna go get some sleep. ( walks off to his dorm)

Zell : squall where have you been man I've been standing here for hours and I gotta take shit real bad but I have to tell you new room is right across form your old one. ( runs off)

Squall : ok thanks now time for sleep.

Hope you like the new and improved chapter 1 remember read and review.