Title: Lost

Author: Phaelas

Pairing: Alexander/Hephaistion

Rating: G

Author's notes: Short sequel to Left. Set years after, when Alexander has to turn back to Macedon.


The camp was alive around him. A continuously humming sound, different from the silence, the tensed up silence he had somehow failed to notice. Alexander stood by the fire in front of his tent, cut off from the world. It was over.

Soft footsteps approached from behind him, but Alexander gave no reaction. He could not think of anyone who would come to him now, nor could he imagine finding any solace in it. He couldn't even tell the other to go as the tall form halted beside him. He was the owner of the silence now.

But silence did not scare the other off, for it was often his company. And so the king stood side by side with someone unknown, sharing in the quiet that drifted in the air, the heat of the fire taking it upwards until it mingled with the stars.

Finally, Alexander could not stop himself, and his eyes darted to the side. Honest surprise and awe flooded over his features as his lips quietly formed the name. "Hephaistion…"

He was so different. The eyes, darker. The hair, longer and dirty. A short beard that covered his chin and cheeks and hid the form of his face in shadows. A confident bearing speaking of calm acceptance.

Alien eyes met his own in silent understanding and Alexander felt frozen. Never had a stranger seemed so familiar. He gulped in new air as his insides twisted. Why did regret finally knock upon the doors of his heart? It had been too late from the beginning.

Hephaistion's gaze returned to the flames unaffectedly at Alexander's thoughts. There was nothing to say, and Alexander's unfortunate slip of the tongue was ignored.

But he had nothing left, and there was no more he could lose. "I've lost everything…" His broken voice carried the words softly into the night air.

Deep silence answered him. The words only needed to be spoken. And now that they were, they almost seemed a lie. It could not be… "The end. This is the end."

Perhaps it were the first words Hephaistion had spoken to him since they had parted. "Yesterday the world was the same, but today all is changed."

The words cut through his heart, and already feeling crushed, it nearly made his knees buckle. Hephaistion had grasped his confusion. "Yes," he breathed, holding on. "I don't understand." His mouth opened again but no more sound came out.

Hephaistion did not turn to him. "They had faith in you and it was enough. But they don't understand, Alexander." A short pause. "They never understood."

A shudder passed down Alexander's back, and slowly he began to realise what his old companion had just told him.

His own whisper did not carry far. "At least there's something left of you."

"I know." Hephaistion turned his head so that Alexander could see his light eyes, absorbing the firelight, and the glitter in them seemed part of the flames itself. Alexander had to push the memories away, for they were of times that would never return. The dream was dead.

His intuition called out a warning as Hephaistion took a step closer, but he was still pinned to the ground as a warm breath gulfed over his forehead, and beard and lips caressed his skin softly. "Thank you, Alexander."

The moment lasted longer than the motion actually took, and when it was gone, it all ended quickly. For the first time, the lack of Hephaistion's presence left a gap in Alexander's heart.