Flowers In The Snow

Chapter 11: All Things Change

Rin sat in the garden with Kyoko and Reka beside her. She was wearing a new pink kimono but was also wrapped in a thick wool rug. Her handmaidens were afraid she would catch cold in her weakened state.

"You have kept the garden well in my absence," said Rin quietly.

"Arigatou, Rin." Said Reka proudly, "It was easy because you give it such great care every summer. We only did a little bit of watering here and there."

"There is one empty patch near the side, Rin," Kyoko said, "You said you were going to bring back some new flowers from the South to plant in it, did you manage to find any?"

Rin shook her head. "No."

Reka kicked Kyoko. The handmaidens had promised each other not to mention Rin's journey to the South at all for dear of upsetting her.

"I-I'm sorry, Rin ...I did not mean to remind you..."

Rin shook her head slowly, "It's all right, Kyoko. It's all right."

"Well, what do you want to plant there?" Reka said brightly, trying to change the topic.

Rin looked sadly at her hands. "My hands cannot even comb my own hair, much less hold a spade to dig earth."

"Oh come on, Rin ...don't worry, they will heal. Kagome-sama the miko said your fingers were setting really fast and well. She even prepared that special medicine for your bones, remember?"

Rin continued staring at her fingers. "I may be able to hold a spade, Kyoko...but I will never play the shamisen again."

"Kyoko, Reka."

Kyoko and Reka bowed at their master's voice.

"Leave us."

"Hai, Sesshoumaru-sama."

The two kitsunes ran off.

Rin lifted her head as Sesshoumaru approached her. She tried to smile at him "Ohayo gozaimasu, Sesshoumaru-sama."

"How are you feeling?"

"Much better, thank you."

Sesshoumaru stood awkwardly beside her, there were so many things he had to say to her, none of them easy. At last, Rin pointed to the empty space on the bench next to her, "Won't you sit down, Sesshoumaru-sama."

With a rustle of white silk, the tai-youkai sat down next to Rin. It was a small bench and they were so close their clothes touched. Both sat in silence for a long while, not unlike the way they used to peacefully enjoy each other's company in the past.

Rin's thoughts were anything but peaceful at the moment. The girl felt a rage of emotions...anger at herself for being such a nuisance to Sesshoumaru-sama, guilt for doubting him, sadness at her own injuries, fear at what the future would hold for them now that it was clear she was a liability to him. Surely he would not allow her to continue at his side now that it was proven that demons could and would use her against him? She was afraid of hearing those dreaded words, "You are only in my way. I will not protect you anymore, please leave."

Sesshoumaru was caught up in his own tangled web of emotions. He had failed Rin. The one person in his life who meant something to him, who he had cared for and cherished since she was a little girl, had been badly wounded because he had been proud and stupid enough to fall for Naraku's trick. She must doubt his ability to protect her, possibly he had fallen some way in her estimation, and god knows he deserved it. It was not over, Naraku was after Souunga, and Sesshoumaru knew that if Naraku ever returned, he and Inuyasha were probably prime targets for killing since vengeance burned in Naraku' shouki. Maybe Rin would want to go away from all this danger if she doubted his ability to protect her? Then what would he do? Spend the lonely years ahead alone, die without hearing her voice again? And on top of all this was that strange new emotion that had entered his heart when he had seen her lying there on her futon in her death sleep, the whiteness of her skin and the curve of her breasts and hips, making him consider putting the mating-mark on her neck so that he could claim her forever as his own...

"Gomenasai, Sesshoumaru-sama," Rin was speaking softly, "Rin was a big trouble to you and made you lose Tenseiga..."

"Rin..."

"Rin doubted you would come to save her, which was very wrong of her. If you want Rin to go away..." The girl choked and could not finish her sentence. But she decided it was better to have it out in the air, she couldn't bear not knowing what the future held for her. "...then Rin will go and never be a liability to Sesshoumaru-sama again!" Rin hung her head, her broken fingers trembled with emotion.

"Baka no koto," Sesshoumaru said gently. "Such a foolish thing."

"Huh?"

"You are not a liability to me, Rin." The tai-youkai said. "It is I who failed you this time."

Rin shook her head vigorously. "No, Sesshoumaru-sama. You did more than required to save me. I am here now and I am safe, you saved me again, at great cost to yourself. Me, a lowly human."

"Why did you not want me to apologize yesterday?" Sesshoumaru questioned her, "You knew I was about to admit my weakness to you."

"Sesshoumaru-sama never admits weakness," Rin said fiercely, "I didn't want to hear it then, or ever. Then he would not be Sesshoumaru-sama."

Sesshoumaru was impressed with Rin's loyalty to him. "All things change, Rin. If they did not, life would be... boring."

"Rin does not understand."

Sesshoumaru noticed she was still referring to herself in the third-person, which meant she was frightened or being extremely polite. He knew he had to speak gently to avoid upsetting her. "You changed, Rin, and I did too. You are not a little girl anymore, but a young woman. I have changed as well."

"Sesshoumaru-sama looks the same."

"I mean I have changed inside." The tai-youkai said. "The things that used to mean so much to me don't mean so much to me anymore. Other things have come to take importance in my life. When you were young Rin, you begged me for dolls and sea-shells...Do you remember the year when I asked you what you wanted for your birthday and you said you wanted a book of poetry? That year, you changed. It's the same with me, Rin. I don't want some things now, I want others."

Rin's heart was beating faster than it had in a long time. It was not like Sesshoumaru-sama at all to speak for so long about himself or to use such tender words. What was he trying to say?

"Do you understand me, Rin?" The tai-youkai took her broken fingers in his.

"N-Not really, Sesshoumaru-sama..."

"Rin, it hurts me that I failed to rescue you in time. That I let these little fingers be broken. It hurts me because your life has come to be very important to me. Yes, your 'lowly' human life is not lowly to me any more, Rin, nor can I honestly say it ever was lowly to me. Tenseiga I could let go... you I could not. If you have made me lose some things, you should know that I willingly give them up for you. I realized that I never wanted to lose you when I found myself searching for ways to prolong your human life, I have been searching for an elixir for eight years, Rin, because I do not want you to leave me."

"Rin can stay with Sesshoumaru-sama forever?"

"Sesshoumaru wants Rin with him forever."

"Then Rin is happy." Rin rested her head on his shoulder. "Rin was afraid that Sesshoumaru-sama would see Rin as a liability, that he would want to get rid of her. Rin is honoured that Sesshoumaru-sama wants to prolong her human life, but Rin also knows the truth now, that Rin's human life can end and that she might die one day. Sesshoumaru-sama...if Rin dies, will you please not forget Rin?"

"I will never forget you, Rin."

Rin nodded, "And I will never forget you, Sesshoumaru-sama."

"Take these, Rin. I notice an empty patch in your garden." Sesshoumaru let go of Rin's hand and Rin was surprised to see tiny brown seeds lying on her open palm. She could not close her broken fingers over them so they lay there, shining in the early winter sun.

"What are these?"
"Shoujinya seeds."

"Shoujinya!" Rin exclaimed, "How did you get them?"

"I believe you gave me a flower some time ago. I thought it should not be waste- from what I remember, the shoujinya is an extremely rare flower. I myself have not seen one for nearly two hundred years."

"Two hundred years!" Rin's eyes widened, it was statements like these that reminded her how old Sesshoumaru was in comparison to her. "Arigatou, Sesshoumaru-sama! But Rin will wait till spring to plant these, because it is too cold now."

Sesshoumaru smiled, "That is Shoujinya's other secret, Rin. It is an evergreen flower that blooms in winter as well as in summer. You can plant it today, even though the autumn leaves are falling."

"Sugoi! Wonderful...But Rin's h-hands...Rin's fingers...Rin's f-fingers cannot do it...So Rin will ask Reka and Kyoko to help."

"Do as you wish."

Rin shook the handful of seeds in her hands. "There will be flowers in the snow this year, Sesshoumaru-sama. Isn't that wonderful?"

"Yes."

Sesshoumaru saw an excited pink flush on the white of Rin's cheeks. The girl leaned closer to him and Sesshoumaru's nose filled with the musk of her excitement and pleasure. It made him happy too. Slowly, he put his hand over Rin's open palm. The girl looked surprised but didn't draw her hand away.

Rin was surprised by Sesshoumaru's show of affection. It was like when she was a little girl, but yet not. She didn't know what he expected her to do, so she sat there stiffly, his hand over hers. After a while, she began to relax, and she felt his clawed fingertips running over her palm. Things changed, Sesshoumaru-sama had said. She had changed, and so had he. He had never touched her like this before... was this part of the change he spoke of?

For the first time since regaining consciousness, Rin smiled.

Change, was good.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Come down from that tree, hanyou." Sesshoumaru eyed his younger half-brother with distaste.

"I can hear you perfectly well from up here... a hanyou's hearing is quite good, you know."

Sesshoumaru frowned in irritation. "It is not civilized for you to laze about in that manner, especially in my palace."

"Keh! I will laze wherever I want. If you've come to look for me, it must be important so I know you'll say it whether I come down there and look at your snobbish face or not!"

Sesshoumaru swallowed his urge to dokkasou Inuyasha and spoke again, "I suppose Kagome has already told you about Naraku's search for Souunga."

"Yeah, and I wish that fricken' bastard would just die already."

"You sitting in that tree is unlikely to achieve that purpose." Sesshoumaru said bitingly, "I propose that we pre-empt Naraku's attempt to control chichiue's sword by finding out what we can about it."

"Finding out?" Inuyasha's attention was roused and he sat up and stared down at his brother. "Who can we find out from?"

"That old youkai...Toutousai."

"Toutousai is an old fool," Inuyasha barked, "He gets more boggle minded every year, it is unlikely he remembers anything about Souunga or any other sword. Anyway, we already know Souunga's powers don't we? Gokuryuuha attack can cause hell to rise up on earth. What more do we need to know? We still have Tessaiga, I say we simply chop up the jerk when we see him."

Sesshoumaru looked at Inuyasha with distaste, "Fool, that is precisely what we cannot do...don't you remember that you need both Tenseiga and Tessaiga to defeat Souunga?"

"Eh?..."

"Naraku has my sword Tenseiga now," Sesshoumaru growled as he said this, "The combined powers of Souunga and Tenseiga will overpower that of Tessaiga...and though Toukijin is powerful, chichiue's sword still carries more power."

"Keh, it's time I visited Sango and Miroku anyway..." Inuyasha mused aloud, "They'll be wondering where the heck we are...it's been nearly a week since we parted ways."

"If you had not been so set on staying with Kagome, you would have been able to go with them to track Naraku's shouki."

"Like I would leave Kagome alone with you, you bloodthirsty maniac."

"Come down from that tree and say that again."

"Fat chance."

"Coward."

"Jerk."

"Well why didn't you visit those ningen friends of yours during the last two weeks anyway?"

Inuyasha scratched his head, "I...I didn't want to leave Kagome alone..." he admitted at last.

"I thought as much," Sesshoumaru said, a small snicker on his face, "That miko is carrying your child already, isn't she Inuyasha? Every youkai in this palace could smell it the moment she arrived"

Inuyasha blushed bright red, "So what?"

"So I'm saying if you want to protect her, you had better come with me to speak to that old bat toutousai before all hell breaks loose."

Inuyasha leapt down from the tree. "Okay, okay, I'll go speak to toutousai. Anyway, Tessaiga's been acting all weird too...lately, it's been shaking and vibrating in the sheath."

Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow. "You should have told me earlier, Inuyasha."

"Why?"

"We must leave this palace soon. Tessaiga must be reacting to the power of the other two swords, it is a magnet to where we are."

"Kagome will want to come with us," Inuyasha said worriedly, "She doesn't know she is pregnant yet and that wench is as stubborn as they come."

Sesshoumaru blinked his golden eyes. "Your miko woman may stay here with Rin, if you like. I need her to look after Rin, who is not fully healed yet."

"What? And act as one of Rin's servants? I think not."

"Kagome and Rin are friends, I do not treat your woman as a servant. Besides, I worry about Rin being left alone here."

Inuyasha tapped tessaiga's sheath and smirked. "Letting two human women stay in your palace? Why Sesshoumaru, what happened to that oath you swore when you chased me out of your palace. Let's see now...how did that go...I will never suffer another human to step into this Palace of the West."

"All things change."

"Well, if that's how you see it..."

"We leave in a week."

"Whatever, but I'm still gonna visit Miroku and Sango somehow. Kagome would insist."

"As you wish." Turning away from Inuyasha, Sesshoumaru strode into his study. Speaking with his half-brother always put him in a bad mood. If he were not so indebted to Kagome, he would have sliced Inuyasha through with Toukijin without hesitation. To think that the idiot hanyou had not spoken sooner about tessaiga's strange vibration...the fact that Tessaiga was vibrating was not good news at all. Searching through his father's scrolls, Sesshoumaru looked for information on the Sanshinken: three divine swords, one of heaven, one of earth and one of the underworld.

When he was still alive, Inutaisho had mentioned the scale of their combined power to Sesshoumaru, and Sesshoumaru had a bad feeling that Naraku knew about it too.