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Flowers In The Snow

Chapter 12: True Music

After the Kamioroshi, Rin's nightmares stopped and the girl began to improve. It was now some time since the terrible incident and Kagome was at last satisfied that Rin was well on the mend. The only thing that bothered Kagome was that the girl had lost confidence in herself, and was quiet and overly shy.

Jaken had a different approach to the altered Rin altogether. Previously fond of scolding and teasing her, he was now at a loss how to deal with the quiet, sorrowful woman. It was worse that he felt it was his fault she was kidnapped. If only he had been more alert that night. He fussed over her constantly, bringing her trinkets and delicacies to try to cheer her up, till Rin had told him finally, "Jaken-sama, no more hair-ribbons! I only have one head!"

"Ak, Rin..." the little toad retainer patted her arm, "Jaken only wants to see you pretty and smiling again."

Rin smiled sadly at him. "I know, Jaken-sama, but Rin still has a sadness in her heart."

"You can tell Jaken about it, surely?" Jaken gave a 'humph' as he tapped his toe impatiently on the ground.

Rin looked at her broken fingers. "Rin will never be the same again."

"Stupid girl!" Jaken scolded gently, "If you are worried about the shamisen, forget it! There are more important things in this world."

Rin nodded, "Hai, I know Jaken. But the fact that I can never play again will always remind me of that day."

"Rin-chan?"

Jaken opened the shoji-door to let Kagome in.

"This girl is foolish and moody," he declared huffily, "See if you can cheer her up. Her face is so long these days it could touch the floor."

He looked to see if his joke had made Rin smile, but the girl simply stared at him.

Kagome and Rin sat on a stone bench in Rin's private garden. This was the first time Rin had brought her to see it. Kagome was stunned by its beauty. The flowers here were far more beautiful and more abundant than in any other part of the castle. Red, blue, yellow, pink, white... all bloomed with a fiery splendor even though it was already autumn. Sakura trees lined the gorgeous pavilion, and a little stream flowed through it all.

"I planted all of these," Rin said quietly to Kagome, as she touched the white blooms of a peony bush, "The peonies, the roses and chrysanthemums. We collect the specimens on our travels."

"They are beautiful, Rin."

Rin rose from the bench and stopped by a patch of young seedlings. "This is the newest."

"What is it?"

"Shoujinya...the Flame of the Night. Sesshoumaru gave me the seeds a few days ago."

Kagome had heard of the extremely rare flower from Kaede-bachan before and she wondered where Sesshoumaru had managed to get hold of its seeds since the flower was said to have been extinct in Japan for hundreds of year understood. Kaede had told her, that Kikyo had told her, that the Shoujinya was a flower with many magical qualities, not all which were fully understood. If a miko ever found it, it would be a great flower to have, but Kikyo had also told her that the flower was extinct.

"Where did you get it, Rin? This flower is supposed to be extinct!"

Rin smiled, "Absolutely by chance! I was walking by a muddy river-bank and saw a beautiful yellow flower blooming in the dirt. I don't know what made me bend to pluck it, but it seemed important at that time. I couldn't leave it lying there in the mud, and now, it will flourish in this palace."

"So-deska. Many good things happen by chance, Rin. And sometimes we don't know why they happen till much later."

"Sesshoumaru-sama says it will bloom even in winter, amid the whiteness and coldness, this Shoujinya will brighten the place."

"You are very fortunate to find it, Rin."

"You know, Kagome-sama, I always think it is the flower that was fortunate to be found...if not, it might have withered and died in that muddy river-bed."

"Both of you were fortunate."

"I have to sit down." Rin sat on the stone bench, suddenly giddy. Although she had healed rapidly since the kamioroshi, she was still weak and prone to faints. Kagome smoothed Rin's hair gently and the young girl leaned into Kagome for security.

Kagome knew that Rin was not fully healed yet. She was too serious and quiet. She seemed to have lost confidence in herself.

"I was very frightened, Kagome-sama." Rin said suddenly.

Kagome perked up, this was the first time Rin had spoken of the ordeal she went through.

"Of course you were Rin. But you were very brave too."

"He broke my fingers."

"Yes."

Rin stroked her broken fingers against each other. They were healing but were stiff and could not bend properly. She could not bear to even look at her shamisen, much less ever play it again. But aside from what she had told Jaken, there was another matter that was weighing on her mind.

"He took off my clothes and scratched a word into my stomach. It felt very wrong."

"I know, Rin."

"For the first time in my life, I felt shame." Rin clutched her kimono around her tightlt.

"It was a hard way to learn it, for sure."

"But it was in the past. Sesshoumaru-sama came to save me, and I am grateful...so I want to go forward and move on with life."

Kagome admired Rin greatly. It had taken her courage to say those words, and Kagome knew she meant them.

"Sesshoumaru cares a lot about you, Rin."

"He is searching for a way to make me immortal, so I can stay with him forever."

"Huh?" Kagome was surprised, "He said that?"

"Yes. But we have not been successful so far."

"Rin, what will you do by Sesshoumaru's side if you were to become immortal?"

Rin smiled, "We will travel together and see many wonderful sights. He will teach me lessons from those great books in his study and we will read poetry together. We will sit in his garden and admire the flowers, and thus forever will be wonderful."

"Rin-chan..." Kagome almost felt guilty that she had the shikon-no-tama inside her to make her immortal. Rin deserved the same, but that particular method was now closed to her. "...Do you not want a husband who will love you and give you children?"

"Iye," Rin said, "I am happy enough."

Kagome knew that Sesshoumaru taking a human wife was unimaginable, despite his great care for Rin. The tai-youkai despised all humans, so it was puzzling to her the relationship betweem Sesshoumaru and Rin. The tai-youkai and human girl existed in a kind of emotional limbo – that of obedience, loyalty and affection...and yet, seemingly without commitment or love from his side.

"Rin," Kagome was shaking her gently, "It's time for lunch."

"Hai." Slowly, the slim girl got to her feet and leaned on Kagome for support. The two women exited the garden arm in arm. They made their way to the dining hall only to see the half-brothers seated at opposite ends of the table glaring at each other. This was not an unusual occurrence, it simply meant some fight or other during the course of the day.

Sesshoumaru did not eat, he was there simply to make sure Rin ate her food, though he need not have worried because Kagome also made sure of that, feeding Rin like a baby from a spoon (from the future) since Rin herself could not hold chopsticks properly with her damaged fingers. Inuyasha slurped up two bowls of rice under his brother's disapproving eye.

Kagome prepared to spoon the soup into Rin's mouth as the girl sat patiently, waiting for her food.

"No." Sesshoumaru's deep voice cut through the silence of the dining hall. "Today, she will feed herself."

"But Sesshoumaru, her fingers are not yet..." Kagome stopped talking as she watched Rin take the spoon clumsily in her hand and attempt to feed herself. The girl really was totally obedient to Sesshoumaru.

Rin ate slowly. Her still-crooked fingers shook and eating was a long, slow process for her. In frustration, she clutched the spoon clumsily and raised the rice to her mouth. Half of it fell off the spoon. She repeated this action, and again half fell off. Kagome watched Rin with sympathy but admiration as the girl finished her food.

That day, Rin's rice was flavoured with the salt of her tears.

At supper-time, the same command was given by Sesshoumaru. "Rin, feed yourself."

Again, Rin clutched the spoon in her hand and clumsily tried to lift the food to her mouth. Kagome and Inuyasha watched her grimly. Suddenly, there was a crash as the green tea cup slipped out of Rin's stiff fingers, spilling over her kimono. With a cry, Rin swept the broken cup and her half-eaten dinner off the table.

"I can't do this!"

"I will feed you, "Kagome said placatingly, putting a new set of food before her, and taking the spoon into her own hands.

"No. She will continue to feed herself." Sesshoumaru said.

"Heartless bastard." Inuyasha muttered under his breath.

Rin took the spoon from Kagome again and began the difficult process of feeding herself. Kagome and Inuyasha sat there, their own meals long finished waiting for Rin to finish. The effort was tremendous for Rin whose fingers trembled and shook to hold the spoon steady. Tears streamed down her face, but the girl continued till the last scrap of rice was cleared from her bowl. Then with a cry, she leapt up from her seat and ran from the room, leaving the shoji door wide open behind her.

"Poor girl," murmured Kagome, "Perhaps it is too soon."

Sesshoumaru rose and bowed to Kagome. To his half-brother he merely nodded slightly.

"You made Rin cry, you heartless wretch!" Inuyasha said. The kind-hearted hanyou found his brother's behaviour unnecessarily cruel.

"What I do is my concern." Sesshoumaru said, leaving the room.

He went to his private rooms and summoned Kyoko.

"Hai, Sesshoumaru-sama?" the kitsune handmaiden bowed low before her master.

"Bring Rin's shamisen here, and fetch Rin also."

"R-Rin's shamisen? B-But she cannot play...her fingers are damaged!"

"Do you question me?"

"N-No. Gomen Sesshoumaru-sama, I will fetch both at once."

Kyoko wisely brought Rin's shamisen to the room first before bringing Rin, the girl absolutely refused to look at the shamisen and who knows what she might have done if informed she would have to play it for Sesshoumaru.

"You wanted to see me, Sesshoumaru-sama?" Rin knelt on the floor before him, her head bowed deferentially.

"I want you to play this for me."

Rin looked up at where he was pointing, and gasped.

Her shamisen.

"No!"

"Rin, you will play the shamisen for me."

Although it took every fibre in her being to resist him, Rin managed a second, "No!"

Sesshoumaru simply repeated himself calmly, knowing that Rin never refused him for too long. "Rin, play the shamisen for me."

Stretching out her stiff fingers, she took the instrument into her arms, her fingers brushed over the strings.

"Onegai, Sesshoumaru-sama...Rin does not want to play."

"Rin, play 'The Song Of The River In Spring' that you were learning last."

Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment, tears in her eyes, Rin plucked clumsily at the strings. The notes, once so easy to her dextrous little fingers, now were difficult beyond belief. Sometimes she plucked two notes when she meant to pluck one, sometimes one when she meant to pluck two. She could not pluck the correct string with her right hand nor press the correct string with her left. The 'Song Of The River In Spring' came out mangled and halting, a parody of itself. Finally, Rin stopped at the last note, tears pouring down her cheeks. She put the shamisen down and buried her face in her hands, her body racked with silent sobs.

The mangled notes of the shamisen had faded away in the night air, but their discordance still rang in Rin's ears as if she were still playing that awful piece. Why was Sesshoumaru-sama humiliating her like this? Wasn't it bad enough she endured feeding herself clumsily for his sake? To make her play for him with her damaged fingers was a humiliation more than she could bear.

When Rin took her hands from her face at last, she was surprised to see Sesshoumaru kneeling on the tatami in front of her. The shamisen had been moved to the side.

"Rin," Sesshoumaru's voice was more gentle than she had ever heard it before. He took her mangled fingers in his hands and held them with a tenderness she found wonderfully familiar and reassuring. ""You have no confidence because you think you are broken and may not return to your former ability. That is why I had to start making you use your fingers again, because I do not believe that you are broken. You will use your fingers again Rin. Look at me."

Rin raised her eyes to his. Sesshoumaru's face glowed gently in the lamp light, it was the face she had grown up with and learned to trust. So he had not meant to humiliate her, he had only meant to help her.

Sesshoumaru enjoyed the soft pressure of Rin's fingers in his own. It had been a long time since he had held them like this. In the soft glow of the lamp, his beautiful Rin glowed softly like the golden shoujinya flowers of the South. There was an ache in his heart: this young woman he had nurtured and protected from a child to adulthood, was more beautiful, more precious, more dear to him than any treasure in his palace.

Rin would stay with him through everything, she cared not that he was a bloodthirsty demon, she cared not that he was proud, she cared not that he had failed to protect her. Her undying faith in him made his life worth living, did it matter that she would fade and die with time? No, all that mattered was that she was alive now and she was here with him... what more did he want? Sesshoumaru looked at her full lips and knew what more he wanted... though he stopped himself from doing it. He did not want to alarm her, it was too soon to speak of such matters. Instead, he raised her fingers to his lips and kissed them.

Rin drew a sharp breath. Her Sesshoumaru-sama's lips were soft as silk. This was like a week ago when he had covered her hands with his own in her garden. Why was he touching her so much more, these days? And yet, why did it always never seem enough for her? She wanted those soft lips to touch more of her, she imagined them trailing up her neck to her cheek.

Sesshoumaru watched a blush begin to grow on Rin's cheeks. She had never blushed in his presence before. Her smell changed to the warm spice of desire, yearning and confusion. This was enough for tonight, for both of them. The tai-youkai let go of Rin's small fingers. If he understood her smell correctly, it would soon be time to give her the kubikazari his mother had left him.

"Rin, I want you to practise your shamisen again."

"Hai."

"Because true music, Rin, comes from the heart, not from the fingers."