Author: Arashi Faithful Beta Reader: Karina Kineshi who had beta-ed this post humorously! And sorry bout the old Author's note! No Yaoi here! grin
Author's Notes: How's everybody doing? I'm quite honored to have so many distinguished RK fanfic authors reading this thing! You guys rock! So are you all ready for round 4? We got the first accidental poofing from a lead female character in this chapter... I dare ya to try and guess who's first! (no cheating!) As always, don't take things too seriously. I like to torment characters/people that I love! grin Oh, by the way... did you get any good pics with that handy dandy camera of yours Kori? snicker There are actually one or two pics I'm tempted to draw for this fic. (partially nekked guys from RK? Yum!) And Mara, is the thought of Anji nekked that disturbing? Sure, completely nekked is ONE thing... but only partially naked he's not so bad! I mean... I think the man's studly as hell when him and Sano are beating each other senseless!
Disclaimer: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin or Fruits Basket. But I did just buy the 15th DVD of RK even though it's all filler episodes! C'mon guys... Sano and the doggie? Bwahahaha! Also, there's a bit of a borrowed conversation about "catalysts" from Karina's "Pandora's Box". I didn't realize this till her review, but I knew it was too funny for me to have thought it all up myself! You guys should check out "Pandora's Box" if you haven't already... it freakin rocks!
"Heeeeeeell no!"
"Just do it moron, stop making such a big deal out of this." Saitoh had a few extra packs of cigarettes in his Kyoto office desk. They were there for emergencies, and he decided that if there was ever going to be a time he could label as such, this was it. In fact, he was tempted to light two.
"Then why don't you do it, Saitoh? Since it's not a big deal and all!" Sano refused to go along with the 'wolf of Mibu' turned 'dog of Mibu's' orders. The last few hours had proved most effectively how vulnerable the generally intimidating man actually was.
"I saw the way you and Battousai sprawled on top of each other." Being vulnerable didn't stop Saitoh from being able to take control of a situation in a most ruthless fashion. Sano's jaw dropped and Kenshin's eyes widened indignantly.
"Just get it over with." Saitoh nudged the ex-gangster roughly with his boot, forcing the lanky man to take an involuntary step toward the former Hitokiri.
"Ororo." Kenshin, for his part, was standing in one spot looking quite confused. "Why do I have to do this, anyway?"
No one had an answer for him. It just seemed like the most logical choice. Anji was too scary, Yahiko and Yutarou were too immature, Aoshi was too serious, and Enishi threatened to dismember anyone who tried it on him. Katsu was just Katsu, Chou was too Chou, and Soujirou looked like he'd enjoy it too much. Hiko, of course, had to go into great detail about why he would not be the candidate, and his reasoning indirectly volunteered Kenshin for one member of the experimental team.
"Shit Kenshin... well let's get this over with..." Sanosuke took a step toward the red-haired man and opened up his arms. Kenshin braced himself, tempted to shut his eyes.
"Dammit!" Sano paused and raised his fists angrily. "Why the hell do you all have to keep staring at us? I can't do this under this kind of pressure! It's embarrassing!"
Yahiko and Yutarou started snickering, reinforcing the ex-gangster's complaint.
"Fine." Saitoh jabbed his fresh cigarette into his ashtray angrily. "Everyone cover your eyes so this moron will do his job." He demonstrated the procedure and slowly the other warriors followed, covering their closed eyes with their hands.
Once Sanosuke was sure no one was looking, he took the last step toward his friend and wrapped his arms around him, hugging him awkwardly. Kenshin didn't resist, but he didn't add to the procedure either.
Saitoh watched the whole thing through the obvious cracks between his fingers. "Hmmm..." He said thoughtfully, eliciting a startled reaction from the ex-gangster who released the former rurouni and backed away angrily. Yahiko and Yutarou started laughing at his response; they'd obviously been watching the entire event through their fingers as well.
"Try hugging him back, Battousai."
Kenshin glared at the former Shinsengumi, his eyes flecking with amber for a brief moment before turning back to their normal shade of violet. "Don't call me Battousai."
"Fine. Himura, try hugging him back."
Saitoh's no-nonsense tone somehow worked on the two men who hesitantly drew each other into another awkward embrace. Nothing happened.
"Well, nothing happened." Sano finally pulled away, aimed a glare at the snickering teens, and then turned back to face Saitoh. "Did you think that would really work? The two of us hugging?"
"No. I just wanted to see if you two morons would actually do it." Saitoh took a nice long drag of his cigarette while Sano started ranting and Kenshin 'oro-ed'. Once things had quieted down slightly, the former Shinsengumi continued smugly. "From what everyone's said, it's fairly obvious that it doesn't have to be mutual contact."
"Then what's the trick?" Katsu rubbed at his chin thoughtfully. The ex-gangster was still stomping around the room but everyone ignored him easily.
"It seems we're missing a certain element." Aoshi said thoughtfully. "I guess there's nothing more we can learn by experimenting... Let me try and uncover the information." The ninja moved toward the door, not waiting for consensus because he simply wanted to solve the problem as quickly as possible. When the door flew open before he reached it, Aoshi had no way of knowing how soon their questions would be answered.
"AOSHI-SAMA!"
They'd been gone long enough to draw suspicion from their female counterparts. Being a ninja and the current okashira of the Oniwabanshu put Makimachi Misao in the best position to go hunting them down. When her query was in front of her eyes, she did what came natural.
Misao hurled herself into the tall man's embrace, wrapping her arms around his neck and hugging him close. She knew full well that he would probably yell at her later. She didn't care though, they hadn't come back as soon as they'd promised and she was overjoyed to find him safe and unharmed. She hoped that Aoshi would excuse her lapse in judgment.
It was remarkable to Misao to think that her Aoshi could ever possibly improve his ninja skills and reflexes. But if she wasn't mistaken, he had indeed improved. Somehow the man dodged out of her way, leaving her to fly into the room as though she had never encountered his body at all. And the truly mysterious thing, she had his black body suit, ninja attire, and the infamous trench coat in her grasp. The man was amazing, slipping out of her grip and his clothes in one faster-than-light movement.
"Aoshi-sama?" She glanced left and then right, expecting to see him standing off to the side with an admonishing look on his handsome face. But… he was nowhere to be seen. She cursed his ninja speed.
The rest of the men crammed into the small office all stood frozen in shock.
"Mi... Misao-dono..." Kenshin was first to regain some semblance of composure. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to find you guys, of course!" She smiled her charming smile for the former rurouni before she continued looking around the room in search of her man. Glancing down at the pile of clothing in her arms, she noticed that something was squirming. "Wha...?" As she reached her hand inside to search for the source of the movement, half the men in the room closed their eyes while the other half took a step toward her and held out their hands as though they could stop her by simply willing it to be so. Their secret was discovered before they had even figured out all the details.
"Something's moving around in Aoshi's clothes..." Misao stared at the ceiling in concentration as she tried to wrap her fingers around the source. A cocky grin burst on her face as she pulled Aoshi from the confines of his clothes. "I found it!" She exclaimed happily, much to the displeasure of everyone else in the room. But if they thought the situation was bad then, a moment later they were surprised by the horrible turn of events.
"KYAAAAAAA! A SNAKE!" Misao finally noticed what she was holding. "I hate snakes!" The Okashira of the Oniwabanshu sounded terrified. In one quick movement, she twirled the reptile and used the centrifugal force to hurl her one true love down the corridor. In a flash, her kunai were in her hands and she prepared to toss the sharp daggers and impale the offending creature to the far door.
"Misao-dono!" Kenshin lunged for the small ninja woman. At his side there was a familiar flash of white, and both Sanosuke and Kenshin slammed into Misao before she could follow through with the plans that would most certainly end Aoshi's life.
"What are you guys doing?" Misao couldn't help but be indignant. Kenshin and his stupid gangster friend had knocked her right onto the floor. "I was just gonna kill it! You guys know I hate spiders and centipedes and nasty, crawly, scaly things!" The intended recipients of her yelling were strangely absent. It took Misao only a moment more to notice the fact that she was holding Kenshin and Sanosuke's clothing. "Wha...?"
"Great! Just great!" It was Sanosuke's voice, but as far as Misao could tell, the man had completely disappeared. A moment later, a rooster wiggled free of the white gi with the character for evil and seemed to glare angrily at her.
"Rooster... head?" It seemed that the voice had emanated from the animal, but Misao's brain was unable to fully process the information.
Saitoh Hajime walked over to the fallen woman and silently dug through the former rurouni's magenta gi. A moment later he removed another small, seemingly scaly and nasty looking little creature before Misao had her way with it as well. Tossing the seahorse into a cup of water, the man sighed and glanced down the hallway. "Somebody go make sure Shinomori is alive. I think he'd like to be present while we try and explain this whole thing to his okashira."
"At any rate," Katsu seemed even more thoughtful than usual as he stared down at Misao. "I think we've discovered the catalyst."
Shinomori was bruised and more than a little sore, but other than that he was undamaged from his flight. Sliding into his trench coat, he offered Misao a forgiving look. "It's alright Misao. I'm fine. Really."
Misao looked like she was about to start crying. "I can't believe I did that... to you... I'm so sorry Aoshi!" Taking a step toward him, Aoshi sensed approaching calamity.
He caught hold of her shoulders before she was able to embrace him. "I told you, it's fine."
"I just... I just can't believe that you guys... actually... turn into animals... and why a snake of all things! Aoshi... I hate snakes..." She seemed embarrassed to admit as much, but Aoshi tried to cheer her up with one of his pathetic half-smiles. It seemed to do the trick, though the rest of the men in the room were oblivious.
On the floor, Sanosuke busily wrapped his bandages around his ankles. Kenshin and Aoshi had already fully clothed themselves, but the ex-gangster's apparel took a little longer to don. He briefly wished he didn't wrap half his body with the tight white cloth. In the back of his mind he decided that if he transformed into a rooster often, he was going to stop once and for all and wear nothing but his shirt and pants.
Discovering a feather in his pile of bandages, Sano picked it up and looked at it scornfully. "Oh hell... this is the stupidest thing that has ever happened to me..."
"What about the time you got lost on the way to Kyoto?" Yahiko commented from his place on the edge of Saitoh's desk.
"Or how about your first train ride?" Kenshin added with his patented rurouni smile.
"Or remember that time when we were fishing for Captain Sagara and..."
"Shut up! All of you!" Sano bristled with anger. "And at any rate, I'm SURE this is the stupidest thing that has ever happened to me. Who ever heard of turning into a damn rooster? It's like my worst friggin' nightmare! And now weasel girl knows too!"
Misao turned away from Aoshi to face the grumpy ex-gangster. "Don't worry Rooster-head, your secret's safe with me."
"Yes." Aoshi commented quietly. "I think it would be for the best that Misao keeps this fact a secret."
"Precisely. Especially after we've seen how she reacted to it." Saitoh leaned back in his seat. "I think for our own safety, it would be best we don't let them find out OR see us transform."
"So it's women that do it, huh?" Yahiko scratched the back of his head. "Makes me sorta wish that Tsubame had stayed in Tokyo."
"Ohhhhhhhh... shit." Sano's jaw dropped open.
"What is it, Sano?" Kenshin glanced over at his friend.
"Women?"
"Weren't we just explaining this?" Saitoh looked bored.
"Well excuse me! I was busy trying to get myself dressed, ya know?" Sano hauled himself to his feet so that he didn't have to stare up at the former Shinsengumi. "And I wasn't really thinking... when you guys said women were the... whatever you said they were."
"Catalyst." Katsu chimed in helpfully.
"Yeah, that thing." Sano nodded, missing the rolled eyes and quiet snickering from the group. "We might as well just tell 'em Kenshin... How can we keep this a secret from Jou-chan and the Fox? If they hug us they find out? We're doomed!"
"Well that's your problem." Saitoh leaned forward at his desk, talking casually as though his orders were a simple matter to follow. "Avoid your women if you have to… at least until we sort this whole mess out. Even though you think your women care about you, what do you think they'll do when they discover you've turned into an animal? At best, they'll be emotionally scarred... at worst..." Saitoh paused to shoot a glance at Misao. "They might try and kill you. So whatever you do, don't let them find out."
"Oh my gosh Saitoh!I totally forgot to mention something." Misao's eyes widened. "Your wife just stopped by the Aoiya. We invited her to stay until you guys leave for Tokyo."
Saitoh's face dropped two shades of color as he stared at the female leader of the Oniwabanshu. "My wife...? Here?"
Misao nodded in response to Saitoh's eloquent question. "Yeah, she said she was worried about you and decided to take the opportunity to get to know all of us better. I didn't think it would be a problem..."
"No, it's not a problem..." Saitoh swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat. "It's a catastrophe."
"I refuse to play along with this nonsense." Enishi folded his arms resolutely and stopped dead in his tracks. "You can't make me come back to your silly Aoiya with all of you fools."
"Then what are you gonna do, white-hair?" Sano glared in his direction. "Ya can't go running off to your loser village while we're all cursed."
"I'll just... go stay at an inn somewhere."
"No Enishi." Kenshin smiled at his brother-in-law. "There's no need for you to waste your money when we can provide you with free accommodations.I insist." Unspoken was the fact that they could not trust Enishi alone. None of them wanted a repeat of the earlier madness.
For one reason or another, Enishi grudgingly consented. Everyone figured it was because he was broke.
"Um, Master?" Kenshin drew Hiko's attention hesitantly as the group of twelve men and one woman moved through the streets of Kyoto.
"What is it, stupid pupil?" Hiko swaggered on, barely paying the short man any attention.
"Why are you coming with us? You've got a home you can return to up in the mountains."
Hiko then gave Kenshin his full, undivided attention. "Are you saying I'm not welcome at the Aoiya? Are you just trying to get rid of me?"
"No... No!" Kenshin disagreed. "It's just that... well... don't you think it will be dangerous for you to go to the Aoiya?" Thoughts of Okon and Omasu filled his head. The two female Oniwabanshu were sure to be around the Aoiya and if Master Hiko made an appearance, they'd be sure to be around him in a very literal sense.
Hiko smiled smugly. "You're just jealous of my popularity, aren't you?"
Kenshin was almost surprised at how well his master read his mind while still being able to misunderstand completely. "You're popularity will only get us in trouble. Remember what will happen if they hug you..."
Hiko waved away his concern. "Don't worry about me, stupid pupil. I'm not the one who's married."
In hindsight, the men of the Kenshin-gumi and company realized they must have looked stupid as they hid in the bushes behind the Aoiya. Even though it was late, everyone was awake and bustling around the building.
"Shit, there's the fox... Looks like she's getting her medical stuff ready." Sano watched the way the lady doctor gracefully gathered together her supplies. Without her purple medical smock, the ex-gangster was allowed to more fully appreciate the curves of her body.
"She expects us to return broken and bloody, like usual." Kenshin added thoughtfully. "At least she'll have one pleasant surprise."
"Hey look. There's Tsubame and Kaoru." Yahiko whispered, pointing toward one of the other open rooms. "Oh man, Tsubame's wearing her favorite kimono." The young swordsman trailed off in embarrassment. Everyone knew it was as much Yahiko's favorite kimono as it was the young waitress's.
Kenshin didn't bother voicing any opinions about how good his wife looked. Knowing that he couldn't hug her made Kenshin want to run straight into the Aoiya and jump into her arms. He resisted the urge.
"I wonder why Tae's here?" Sano commented quietly when he noticed the head waitress of the Akabeko. "She better not of come all this way to force me to pay off my tab."
"Well, actually," Katsu cleared his throat nervously.
"Huh? What is it, buddy?"
Katsu looked sheepish. "I guess now's not the best of times to mention that Tae and I have decided to start seeing each other."
"Really?" Sano laughed and ruffled the Katsu's hair. "You sly dog you!"
"No, I'm no sly dog. But if she hugs me, which is a very good possibility... I will be mutton."
"Oooh, yeah... not good." Sano rubbed his jaw thoughtfully.
"Why are we hiding back here?" Even crouched low, Anji still stuck out of the bushes by a good two feet.
"Seriously. This is absolutely ridiculous." Saitoh stood and brushed off his pants in frustration. "When you guys said we had something important to do, I thought you meant it."
"Careful Saitoh! They might see you!" Sano whispered between clenched teeth.
"Moron. We can't avoid them forever."
"They really do look worried about you guys." Soujirou added with a smile. "We shouldn't keep them waiting. And besides, what's the worst thing that could happen?"
No one wanted to answer the question, but a few of them unconsciously glanced at the powerful ninja who had barely survived his first encounter with the opposite sex. In resignation, the men rose to their feet.
They'd survived countless battles to the death in the course of their lives, but more daunting by far was the task that lay before them. Could they survive the night in a house full of women?
Author's Notes Part 2
Yup, I really don't have female counterparts for everyone. But that doesn't matter. There's enough women in the Aoiya to make things tough for them. grin
You guys should all look into finding some fansubbed Fruits Basket's. It really is an awesome series. I've seen up to episode 17 now and I've laughed, cried, and gone "awwwww". It's moving it's way up to my top three favorite Anime of all time. (Under RK and Fushigi Yugi). Good stuff guys!
Upcoming Part 5: Some are married, some are in love, and the others are just along for the ride. Will the guys make it though the night without being discovered? Find out in the next chapter!
As always, I'm waiting for your comments! I'm writing this one for you guys, after all!
