Author's Notes: Ok, it's been almost 3 years since I first started writing this fic. I had a little free time and figured I might as well try and finish it off. It seems that RK fanfics are fairly popular these days and I just want to see how my old fic will stand up to the competition. Thanks for all the reviews and emails and quiet, constant urging to finish this story. If this is your first time reading, please leave a review and let me know how you enjoyed it so far. And now, after a loooooooong wait....
Juunishi Part 8
"That may be the stupidest thing I've ever seen you do." Katsu said, a look of compounded awe and disbelief on his face.
"Well, it worked, didn't it?" Sano's resolve could not be shaken. In his mind the plan was brilliant. "Now I don't have to worry about Megumi or any of the rest of the women for that matter."
Against his better judgment Yahiko felt slightly impressed. "What exactly did you say to her? She sounds furious."
Sano grinned and slammed his hand down on the spiky haired youth's head. "Can't tell ya, you're too young."
"I'm fifteen!" Yahiko slapped Sano's hand away. "I'm one of the most powerful people in Japan! I've been in countless life or death situations and survived all of them!"
"And somehow you're still an annoying, immature little brat." Sano said with a smirk.
"And somehow with everything you've been through, you're still the biggest moron this side of the Pacific." Saitoh stared fixedly at the idiotic ex-gangster. "That was your 'brilliant' plan? Insult the woman you love to keep her away while we figure out how to fix our little problem?" He waved dismissively and started lighting up another cigarette. All the stress caused by their recent cursing had turned Saitoh into a human chimney. "Chou could have come up with a better plan."
Sano clenched and unclenched his fists. Chou, for his part, remained uncharacteristically silent at Saitoh's insult. "I think the rooster-head may be right about this." Chou said, aware that he was in the minority.
"Of course you do." Saitoh exhaled and glared at his subordinate from behind the curtain of smoke. "You're both morons after all."
"Kenshin, what do you think?" Sano turned to his red-haired friend for support.
Kenshin, however, found himself without the words to express his feelings without damaging the street fighter's surprisingly fragile ego. "Orororo... Sano..."
"Hey, whatever." Sanosuke brushed Kenshin off with a minimal amount of effort. "I know I'm right about this. The rest of you can decide for yourselves. One way or another your women are going to be hurt. Might as well take it in your own hands like a man." Sano regarded his friends and mortal enemies with a confident, knowing grin. "And besides, everyone knows the best part of a relationship comes when you've made up after a fight."
"Don't include the rest of us in your stupid assertions." Saitoh huffed and started to stalk away, heading toward the Aoiya.
"I never thought you could be such a coward, Saitoh." Sano said, sensing that he had finally found a weak spot in Saitoh's defenses. The former Shinsengumi halted in his tracks and half turned, waiting for Sano to make the mistake of continuing.
Sano plunged ahead, unaware or uncaring of the imminent doom about to rain down upon his head. "You couldn't insult Tokio if your life depended on it. And for all we know, it does."
Everyone held their breath, waiting for Saitoh to make his move. Sano stood his ground, ready for a fight. When the small, evil smile twisted one corner of Saitoh's lips there was an almost audible sigh of relief at the lack of bloodshed. "Moron." Without another word, Saitoh disappeared inside the house.
----------
All the others had followed Saitoh inside at their own pace, leaving Yahiko, Sano, and Kenshin standing outside in the chill night air.
"I can't do it Sano." Kenshin fixed his friend with a sad little look. "I would never intentionally hurt Kaoru. I've caused her too much pain already."
Sano nodded, looking thoughtful. "I know." He patted Kenshin lightly on the shoulder. "Good luck to you. I'm sure Kaoru will be able to handle whatever happens."
Kenshin and Yahiko were slightly startled to hear the rough street fighter call Kaoru by name. Sanosuke slid his hands into his pockets and took a few steps toward the Aoiya. "Since the Fox is mad at me already there's not much left to do but enjoy a night of drinking. If you two succeed in escaping your women, you can come join me." He sounded less excited at the prospect of a night of drinking than he usually did. It wasn't hard to imagine why.
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"Kenshin?" Kaoru said his name with a radiant smile. "Are you ready to go to bed?"
"Yes, I am a little tired."
"Oh." Kaoru's smile fell only slightly before she perked back up and leaned in close to him. He could feel her warm breath tickling his face and neck as she whispered into his ear. "I wasn't talking about actually going to sleep."
Kenshin swallowed the lump that had instantly formed in his throat. "Oro."
She took his hand in hers and began leading him up to the bedrooms.
----------
There were two things battling against Yahiko's determination not to insult Tsubame: Embarrassment and Fear. Frankly, the entire situation was ludicrous. And of all the animals he could be cursed to turn into, Yahiko found that the wee little monkey bothered him more than rats and bunnies. He thought of monkeys and monkey-like people as rude and stupid. Was there anything about his personality that was reflected in the transformation? Was he possibly not quite as cool as he himself felt he was? And if that were true, would Tsubame be less attracted to him if she found out this hidden part of his nature?
And of course, how bad would she flip out when she transformed him into a monkey with one small embrace? Yahiko wanted desperately to never find out.
"So..." Tsubame seemed hesitant as the two of them finally found themselves alone. "Yahiko-kun?"
He startled out of his private musings and gave her his full attention. "Yes, Tsubame?"
"Are you sure that everything is alright? You seem different... Was the battle hard?"
"No actually." Yahiko said with a grin. "I kicked my opponent's ass! He tried this one move and I caught his blade with my bare hands. Of course, I'd been practicing it for a while now, but to do it in a real fight is always more difficult." Yahiko was barely aware of his own enthusiasm. "You should have seen the look on his face when I snapped the blade with one quick twist." Yahiko clapped his hands together above his head and jerked them violently to the side, demonstrating his superior coolness. "He never saw it coming!" Yahiko laughed once and then turned to Tsubame, his bright eyes shining.
This was the old Yahiko that Tsubame had been waiting for since they had gone off to fight for the safety of Japan. She felt her heart lifting as she smiled back at him, taking in his handsome face and thinking for the millionth time how much she cared for her young warrior.
"Oh Yahiko!" She felt emboldened by his bravery and practically launched herself into his arms.
With a move that surprised the two of them, Yahiko caught her by the shoulders, holding her back. "Whoa there Tsubame."
She had never been so forward and she quickly realized her mistake. "I... I..." Words failed her miserably. The look on Yahiko's face was one that she would never forget if she lived to be one hundred and three years old. She could see how desperately he didn't want to even hug her. For over five years she had been misreading his intentions. She was a bad bad woman who wanted physical intimacy with a man who only wanted to be her friend. Her life was over.
"I'm SORRY!" She tore away from his grasp and rushed off into the Aoiya to find a deep dark hole to crawl into and die.
----------
The foul street fighter had never even come close to defeating Saitoh at anything. It was impossible that something existed that the moronic freeloader could possibly do better than him, the former leader of the third unit of the respected and feared Shinsengumi.
"It's impossible." Saitoh had to say it out loud to feel the full weight of truth. He smiled in satisfaction. "If that fool wants another competition, I'll show him once and for all what I'm made of."
The greatest test of his life was looming around the corner. In fact, she was quite literally around the corner and she came into view, regarding her husband curiously. "Were you just talking to yourself, dear?"
"Yes." He answered without hesitation and then caught himself. "I mean..." he couldn't say it. Perhaps there was some truth to Sanosuke's words? Perhaps it was physically and mentally impossible for him to disobey or even lie to his wife? Perhaps all the power he felt at his fingertips was an illusion if this one person could dominate him so completely? Maybe someday the idiot would figure a way to use this to his advantage and gain a moment's victory over him? It was more than Saitoh could bear to consider.
"I got the feeling that you've been trying to avoid me since you returned..."
It was not a question, but Saitoh could not refuse to acknowledge her statement.
"Yes, I was." He stood before her as defiantly as he could, realizing that on a scale of one to ten, ten being the most defiant, he was probably floating around down the negative two hundred thousand mark.
"Is there any particular reason?" She regarded him with her cool, calm, calculating, all-knowing, all-powerful look.
Saitoh wished he could at least grit his teeth so the words would come out a little more difficult to understand. "Yes, there is a particular reason."
"And what would that particular reason be?" She bore down on him with all her impressive mental powers.
This was it, the moment that would make him or break him, the chance to prove once and for all what he was made of. But what could he possibly say? Could he tell her everything that had happened and suffer the consequences? He was in too deep to pull out now with a simple explanation of his predicament. She would never forgive him for his behavior when such a silly little thing as an ancient evil curse caused it. There had to be something else he could tell her, something else that he could say!
"I..." he began, and felt sweat pour from his forehead at the intense effort. There had to be something he could tell her without either lying or telling her the whole truth! What could he say to prove that he was the 'man' of the house in more ways than gender! "I..."
Tokio seemed surprised by his hesitance. "Yes, speak up dear? Do you have something you want to tell me?"
"I'VE BEEN SMOKING!" He stepped off the edge of the world and found himself spiraling down into the dark unknown. "I know you don't want me to smoke, but I DO. I do it ALL THE TIME! I do it because I LIKE TO and because YOU HATE IT!!!" Saitoh had to stop as he was overcome with a hysterical fit of laughter.
Tokio was silent.
----------
"Aren't the stars beautiful tonight?" Kaoru purred seductively on the futon. Kenshin stood by the open window, allowing the cool air to work its wonders. They had discovered from Sanosuke's earlier 'non-contact' transformation that there was something else that triggered the curse. Whether it was arousal or embarrassment or something else entirely, the Kenshin-gumi had yet to discover. But Kenshin did everything he could to fight back unwanted feelings.
"I'm a man, not a seahorse." Kenshin repeated softly to himself, willing his body to retain its original form.
"Did you say something, my love?" It sounded as though Kaoru was about to rise from the futon and ravage him where he stood.
"Uh, I just said that I wish you could see the sea from the house." Kenshin finished lamely, refusing to turn and look at his wife.
"The sea is wonderful." Kaoru said dreamily. "The way the waves swell and break against the rocky outcroppings and jagged peaks. The deep sensuous beauty of it all."
Pretty soon Kenshin was going to need the sea for much more than sexual metaphor. "I wonder what it would be like to be a fish in the sea?" He blurted, noticing that his voice was much higher pitched than usual. He, of course, had a pretty good idea what it felt like breathing water in tiny lungs made specifically for that purpose. He had no desire to be reduced to the tiny water-breathing creature. But what could he do?
"Why don't you come here and find out for yourself, you naughty naughty man."
"I... I've got a better... um... idea." He stammered. "Let's take a midnight carriage ride to Osaka and watch the sun rise over the ocean? Doesn't that sound nice? We could take a picnic breakfast and have a nice long talk, that we could!"
"Kenshin?" She sounded only slightly irritated. "Did you suffer some kind of head injury?"
Baffled by her question, Kenshin made the mistake of turning to give her his full look of confusion. Her body language screamed for immediate pleasure. Her kimono was open just a little bit too far to be considered decent.
Kenshin's mouth went dry and his knees quivered.
"Take me Kenshin, take me now!"
----------
People sometimes underestimate the amount of alcohol that one man can consume in one hour and still retain consciousness. Sake was good. Sake was his friend. Sake dulled all the aches and pains of both the physical and the mental.
But Sanosuke had to admit that it was getting a little hard to see straight, and he really had to pee. Also, he seemed to be having a little bit of trouble getting to his feet. He wondered dully how much sake he had consumed unknowingly while he tried to forget about what he had done to Megumi.
When he spotted Yahiko sulking into the restaurant area of the Aoiya it was as if his unspoken prayers had been answered.
"OI!" He bellowed, gesturing Yahiko closer with a drunken wave. "Gimme a helpup. Gotta piss."
He was a little too far gone to notice how absolutely depressed the young swordsman was. Yahiko came to his side and muttered something about his intelligence as he helped him to his feet.
It would have taken way more effort than Yahiko was willing to expend to get Sanosuke to the proper facilities. He led him to the back porch and was not surprised in the least to find Master Hiko finishing up.
"I had to piss like a racehorse!" Hiko grinned and threw back his mantle. Two distinctly female voices giggled from the shadows. Yahiko was certain he heard one of them say something about Hiko "being hung like one" but before he could listen more closely his assistance was required to keep Sanosuke from tumbling off the landing.
When Sanosuke had finished up his business with a minimal amount of spillage, Yahiko turned him around and led him back into the Aoiya. He sat down across from the ex-gangster as Sanosuke unceremoniously collapsed to the tatami and started fumbling with the nearest bottle of sake. Yahiko took the bottle out of his reach and downed about half of it in one quick gulp. The alcohol burned into his stomach and Yahiko felt the first warm sensation he had experienced since Tsubame had disappeared.
Sanosuke grinned appreciatively. "Good 'un." He slurred and reached out for the sake. "But lemme showyou how a real man drinks."
----------
One by one the other warriors wandered into the restaurant. If Sanosuke had been sober he would have been truly surprised to see Saitoh saunter in with a cigarette planted firmly between his lips.
"And you doubted me." Saitoh grinned evilly at the drunken freeloader. "No man or woman has power over me."
"Then why do I have a feeling you're gonna be sleepin' in the dog house for the rest of your life?" Yahiko said. Both he and Sanosuke would have had to be unconscious not to notice how badly Saitoh flinched. The former Shinsengumi got up from the table and wandered off to sit with Chou in the back corner of the restaurant where he could glare at everyone in peace.
When Kaoru burst into the room carrying Kenshin's clothing everyone paused in mid drink, wondering with different degrees of concern exactly what had happened to the red-haired swordsman.
She tossed the clothing angrily at Yahiko and Sanosuke. "You tell Kenshin that if I catch him anywhere near me in the near future I'm going to kill him!" She turned and stormed out, slamming every shoji door in her path, from the restaurant to the guestrooms upstairs.
Yahiko searched through the clothing frantically, hoping that Kaoru hadn't already made good on her threat. "Kenshin let himself get hugged! What an idiot!" When his search came up empty he felt the first signs of fear creeping through his buzz. "Sanosuke... Kenshin's not here. Do you think...?"
"We gotsta find him." Sano lurched to his feet and fell spectacularly, crashing face first into the tatami. Everyone burst into drunken laughter except for Saitoh, who was not drunk and thus his laughter was of the sober variety.
Most of the warriors didn't notice the side door slide open or the small red-haired man who darted inside, dressed in nothing but his birthday suit.
"Um."
Yahiko barely heard the sound of Kenshin's voice over the raucous laughter. He turned in surprise to see Kenshin standing before him, completely naked.
"Kenshin!? What happened to you? We thought Kaoru lost you somewhere!"
"Uh. No." Kenshin looked as thoroughly embarrassed as his current situation would render just about anyone. The drunken warriors' laughter gave no sign of stopping.
"Then what happened? How come you're not dead? How come you let Kaoru hug you?"
"I didn't." Kenshin made a grab for his clothes, as Yahiko seemed too confused to hand them over. He snagged his hakama and tugged it on quickly.
"Huh?" Yahiko eloquently queried.
"I didn't let Kaoru hug me..."
"Then how come you were running around naked??" Yahiko might have put two and two together if he hadn't been competing so fiercely with the drinking champion of the underworld.
"Well, Yahiko-chan." Sanosuke propped himself up on his elbows and grinned stupidly at the young man. "Whena man and a women loveseach other, sometimes they like to..." but before he could finish explaining whatever it was that he was about to explain, he promptly passed out.
Kenshin had turned a wonderful shade of pink. "I was with Kaoru. And we were going to... well, you know... I mean, she really really wanted to. She kind of helped me out of my clothes before I could stop her... and then..."
"And then...??"
"I jumped out the window."
