Author's Notes (1-19-05): Happy Year of the Rooster! This is MY year so I'm pretty excited. Last week I used the juunishi animals in one of my lessons and I couldn't stop giggling and thinking about this ridiculous fic. 8D So here's part 10!

Disclaimer: SUE ME!

Juunishi Part 10

When Sanosuke regained consciousness, the party was still raging. He'd caught Yahiko and Yutarou red-handed while they doodled insults and crude pictures on his face and chest. He'd get 'em back later. First, he needed to find something to drink. His little nap had sobered him up more than he could stand. In fact, he had no trouble making his way over to where his best friend and worst enemy were chatting over a few jugs of sake.

"Sho like, I dun getit." Kenshin slurred while he reached for more alcohol. He was plastered.

Saitoh, on the other hand, looked as sober as the first day he showed up at the dojo. He took the bottle out of Kenshin's unsteady hand and poured the man another drink. "What don't you get?" Saitoh smirked, obviously amused by Kenshin's current state.

Sano sat down at their table and gestured for Saitoh to pour him a drink while Kenshin slammed down his sake. Saitoh pointedly ignored the street fighter. Sano grumbled under his breath and poured his own while Kenshin continued his complaint.

"Theresno seahorse in the Chinese Zodiac. I'm supposta be a DRAGON!"

Kenshin sounded so comically outraged that Sano couldn't help but snicker.

"Well, there's no wolf in the zodiac either, so obviously this whole thing isn't completely accurate." Saitoh pulled out a cigarette and lit up, ignoring the looks he was getting from both men.

There was a long moment of almost companionable silence as Sano and Kenshin drank and Saitoh puffed away contentedly on his expensive imported tobacco.

"So um, I guess you got rid of Jou-chan for the night?" Sano asked. He felt he should know the answer to that question but the events of the evening were fuzzy. He vaguely recalled Kaoru making death threats and possibly naked Kenshin.

When the former rurouni let his head fall to the table in despair, Sano realized that he'd made a mistake.

"Smooth move, moron." Saitoh watched in detached amusement as Kenshin started slowly pounding his head against the table in drunken frustration. Saitoh continued, "I just got him to stop whining about his woman, and you go and bring it all back up."

"Oops." Sano felt plenty guilty, but more than anything he felt sympathy for the poor man. They were all in the same boat after all. And it was a crappy boat. A crappy boat with no rudder. And lots of leaky holes. And Sano couldn't help but feel that a typhoon was a comin'.

"We're doomed." Sano commented morosely. "What if we can't remove this curse?" It was a tragic thought, but now that it was there, Sano couldn't shake it. "What if I never get to make up with Megumi? What if I never get to know the touch of a women without turning into a chicken?? Better to die at the hands of our enemies than suffer a life without... you know!" He looked to Saitoh for confirmation.

Saitoh regarded him with an air of indifference. "Without what exactly?"

There were very few words that Sano would hesitate to use. He glared at Saitoh, knowing full well that the man enjoyed watching him suffer. "Love." He locked eyes with his nemesis, watching for a reaction. "Better to die than to live without love."

Saitoh was the first to break eye contact and Sano felt a moment's victory that was immediately forgotten as Shinomori Aoshi plopped down at their table with a noticeable lack of ninja grace.

"Love sucks." Aoshi stated as he reached in front of both of them and snagged the nearest jug of sake. He threw his head back and chugged...

And chugged...

And chugged...

"Do ninjas have to breathe?" Sano pointed the question at the Dog of Mibu. Saitoh shrugged.

When the jug was completely emptied of its contents, Aoshi tossed it over his shoulder. Yutarou fell forward as the jug collided with the back of his head. Nobody cared.

"You!" Aoshi pointed forcefully at Saitoh. "Drink!"

Saitoh raised an eyebrow. "Everyone knows I don't drink alcohol. I've stated it at least once."

The ninja leaned forward threateningly. "You expect me to drink alone?"

Saitoh hazarded a glance around the Aoiya. Everywhere he looked there were men drinking, including at their very table. He shot Sano a questioning look but the street fighter ignored him, seemingly trying to puzzle something out.

"Um." Saitoh stalled. "I can't drink. I had to stop way back in the day." Aoshi didn't seem appeased so Saitoh continued. "You see, it makes me incredibly violent. And in this peaceful Meiji Era, random murders are not appreciated." He narrowed his eyes in a way that he knew was very intimidating. He would not be cowed into obeisance by anyone.

Except occasionally his wife.

He flinched at the thought and was caught completely off-guard when Sanosuke handed him a full cup of sake.

"You might just want to drink it, Saitoh."

Saitoh turned with a glare. "Why?"

"Well, it's just that... I've never seen Shinomori drink before either." Sano slowly scooted away from the glowering ninja. "And I'm thinking we don't wanna piss him off."

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Yutarou stumbled into the kitchen area, looking for something to use to stop the blood from leaking out of the back of his head. Yahiko was drunk beyond usefulness and somehow found the fact that his best friend had nearly been killed by an errant sake jug amusing.

Yutarou cursed and opened up drawer after drawer, looking for something useful.

"Where's a roll of bandages when you need one...?" He muttered under his breath.

He opened up a large cupboard and had to jump back in surprise as a small, feminine hand reached out, holding a clean towel.

"Um, thanks...?" He took the towel hesitantly and tried to peer through the shadows at the figure crammed inside the cupboard.

"...you're welcome..."

Yutarou recognized the quiet voice immediately. "Tsubame, why are you hiding in a cupboard?"

Without a reply she carefully closed the cupboard door, sealing herself away.

Even with a serious head injury, Yutarou could tell that there was something wrong with the attractive young waitress.

"Tsubame? Is everything alright?"

"Yes. Everything's fine. Please leave."

Her voice sounded calm enough, but Yutarou would not be fooled. "Everything's alright and you're hiding in a cupboard? That doesn't make sense."

"...You're the one who asked the question in the first place..." Tsubame pointed out. Her voice was soft and polite but it seemed eerily lifeless. "Now would you please leave?"

"Not until I get some answers." Yutarou stood firm. "Why are you hiding in a cupboard?"

"...It's small and dark..."

He was starting to get frustrated. "Can you come out of there so we can talk like normal people?"

"No." She replied. "...I answered your question... Please leave."

"Ok, you answered ONE question, but I've got about a million of 'em. This isn't like you Tsubame. Why do you need a small and dark place to hide?"

"...If I answer that question will you leave me alone?"

"Maybe."

There was a long long looooong moment of silence and Yutarou realized that his answer was not sufficient. "Yes, fine, if you answer my question I'll leave you alone. So why exactly do you need a small dark place to hide?"

"I'm trying to die..."

"Um..."

"There, now you promised you'd leave. Farewell... Yutarou-kun..."

"Ok, are you out of your mind? You tell me that you crawled into a small dark hole to die and expect me to walk away??" Yutarou angrily pulled open the cupboard door. "Is this about something that bastard Yahiko did? Cause if it is, I'm gonna kill him."

"No!" Tsubame squeaked. "Don't hurt him. It's my fault. I'm the one to blame. I'm a bad bad girl."

"Enough of this nonsense. What could you have possibly done?" Yutarou took Tsubame by the wrist. "C'mon, we'll go find Yahiko and you can watch as I pound some sense into him."

He tried to gently urge Tsubame from the cupboard, but she wouldn't budge. Applying a little more pressure, he pulled. Still nothing. The frail waitress had jammed herself in as tight as she could go and she used all her strength to resist. Yutarou gave one more good tug and was rewarded as the young woman came flying into his waiting arms.

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It was horrible beyond all horrible-ness. Sanosuke had lived through plenty of shocking and painful experiences, but nothing compared. The world had been turned upside-down. Everything he knew, everything he thought he knew, had been irrevocably proven WRONG.

"I can't... believe it..."

Two men... hated and feared in a world of war, death, and desolation... Two men who Sano respected beyond anything he could or would ever put into words. Men who had defeated him countless times... Men who had given him something to strive toward... to fight for and against...

"Shinomori... Saitoh... no... how is this possible?"

He spun drunkenly, looking for someone, ANYONE, who could help. Kenshin was out of it and no one else seemed particularly capable of dealing with the impossible. Scanning the group, one man stood out like an oasis in the middle of the desert. Sanosuke staggered, heading for his last remaining lifeline.

"What do you want?" Hiko glared as Sano came drunkenly toward him. "I think you have me mistaken with my stupid pupil. I'm not into men." He shot his fan club a superstar smile and flexed his rippling muscles for them. Okon and Omasu fainted into each others arms.

Sano ignored them all and kept on walking.

He collapsed at the feet of the Fallen Monk. "Anji, you have to help me! Saitoh and Shinomori..." And that was as far as he made it into a verbal explanation. He pointed back in the direction of the two warriors and let Anji put two and two together for himself.

Anji took in the scene with his usual stoicism.

"Well. That's not good."

"Anji, please!" Sano was bordering on hysterics. "We have to do something! We have to make them stop!"

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When Enishi walked into the Aoiya restaurant to mercilessly mock Himura-the-pathetic-failure-in-love he immediately noticed the insanity. As tempting as it was to get involved, he just couldn't work up enough energy to actually care.

"I'm not dealing with this."

He turned and walked away.

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"Pull yourselves together." Anji commanded. He towered over the two warriors.

On the ground, Saitoh and Aoshi huddled together, clutching each other and crying like babies.

"STOP!" Sano screamed and covered his own ears, trying to block the sound of their wailing. Their pathetic anguish and emotional outbursts were killing him.

"I never would have thought..." Katsu began, but words, for the first time in his life, failed him. Miserably.

"Yeah." Chou nodded and continued to watch in horror as his usually scary commander continued blubbering. "I guess this explains why I've never seen him drink."

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"I'm pathetic!" Aoshi sobbed. "I can't even stop crying. I suck at everything I do! I can't even satisfy the one woman who's loved me and worshipped me since well before it was legal!" He covered his face with his hands and wept.

"Well... you think you're bad..." Saitoh took a shuddering breath and fought a losing battle to keep his voice steady. "Look at me! I go around trying to act like I'm cool... but I'm not cool... I'm just a scared little boy. My wife OWNS me. She tells me what to do and I do it!" He hiccupped through his sobs. "I lash out at others because I don't like who I am as a person."

"Well, at least you never went crazy and attacked anyone and everyone that got in your way." Aoshi cried pitifully. "I'm a mad dog and should be shot! If I would have just tried to talk to someone about how I felt, none of that crap would have ever happened and then maybe I'd still have some friends!"

"Not with your personality." Sano commented dryly. He'd finally gotten over the shock of the situation and now found it all quite tedious. "Anji, we need to dunk these guys in some cold water or something."

The two ignored Aoshi as he whined about nobody liking him and they dragged him and Saitoh out of the room. The remaining warriors rejoiced.

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Tsubame stared forlornly at the pile of clothing in her lap.

She'd thought for one moment that there might actually be someone on the planet who cared about her... How wrong she was.

"Everyone abandons me."

"How right you are."

Tsubame wasn't particularly startled by the sudden appearance of a mysterious evil-looking ninja, the house was full of them after all, but she was surprised when he hauled her to her feet and expertly bound and gagged her.

"Take this girl back to base." The black-masked ninja man commanded. It was only then that Tsubame realized the room was crawling with ninjas. Someone came up behind her and placed a cloth bag over her head, engulfing her in darkness.

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DUN DUN DUN!

Author's Notes Part 2: Thanks for all the reviews! Now for a few review comments:

Omni82: HI!

Jason M. Lee: I am pulling from the Seishouhen... or more importantly, the manga. The manga is soooo much better than the Seishouhen. Words cannot describe.

M.Kasshoku and Mimi-chan have a good guess about the flame-haired ninja. Nice work! 8D

Crewel: There will be more Sano and Megumi soon... oh yes... yes indeed...

MZ. AMbER EYES: I think there might be some Jealousy a comin'.

Kaoru4 and cleoclaudia: Glad I could make ya giggle.

Kohaku Rose: Momiji is adorable. I can't say I fainted the first time he transformed, but I will admit that I got all sorts of warm fuzzy feelings. Hehehe

Vesca: You know, when the women find out about the curse, this fic will pretty much be over. :P You still looking forward to it?? 8D

Firuze Khanume: There's more Enishi stuff to come! And did you notice the review by JML about the huggling? Kaoru can touch Enishi or even take him by the hand without turning him into a tiger. As for Aoshi and the "wanting to make Misao smile" crap.. I know it's overdone but it kind of makes sense to me. And again, this is just a silly little parody. Mostly I just needed a way to promote Jealousy without actually making Misao cheat on him. 8D

REVIEW TIME: Gather round, gentle reader. It's time for REVIEW FUN! As you leave a wonderful review for this chapter/story please let me know what animal you are in the Chinese Zodiac. If you don't already know, you can find out here:

go to (www) and then fruits-basket dot com/fb(underscore)zodiac.htm (What the HELL did they do to links???)

Like I mentioned before, I'm the Rooster. Or as I prefer... Cock. Heh. Any other Roosters in this hen house?