Author's Notes (2-8-05): So it sounds like we've got a good mix of animals reading this fic. 8D Dogs, rabbits, rams, dragons, snakes, rats, horsies, sheepies... But no roosters! I'm the only one! Mwahaha. So yeah, here's the next chapter. This one is kind dedicated to two people: (1)lolo popoki who got me thinking about the relationship between Kenshin and Hiko (and all the comedy just waiting to happen) and (2) neondruid my real-life buddy who finally decided to give my spectacular fanfic a chance. 8D Of course, all the rest of you are pretty cool too!

Claimer: Dis is my fic and I wrote it all by myself. Of course, since I lack originality I am forced to borrow and steal concepts and characters from existing works. Shame on me. NOW READ!


Juunishi Part 11

So did you and Mr. White-Haired-Psychopath have a nice chat?" Megumi asked. She hadn't dared approach the room while potentially-angry-Kaoru and potentially-homicidal-Enishi had been talking. But now that the man had left, Megumi decided to join her friend.

Kaoru took a sip of green tea and grinned evilly. "Ohh yes. We had a GREAT chat. I feel much better now."

"So did you get any clues about why the men are acting so strangely?"

"Not even one." Kaoru continued her evil smile. "But Kenshin is going to think twice about messing with me. Enishi now knows all his dirty little secrets. Mwahaha."

"That's nice." Megumi said, failing to mask her sarcasm. "But it still doesn't help us out. All we know is that the men have been acting strange ever since they got back from the big fight. We know less than nothing..."

"I don't know. I'm beginning to wonder if we didn't just overanalyze their actions. When you really think about it, they're not acting that strange."

Megumi stared blankly at her friend. "Are you saying that Kenshin jumping out a window to avoid sex is normal?"

Kaoru considered it carefully for about one and a half heartbeats. "Yeah, pretty much. We are talking about Kenshin here. And he can be totally weird. My chat with Enishi reminded me about a lot of Kenshin's peculiarities."

"Ok, what about Sano then?"

"What... you mean when he had the guys tell you that joke about the chicken? Or when he ran around the house naked? Or maybe you're referring to his proposition?"

Megumi blushed at the thought of what Sanosuke had whispered in her ear.

Kaoru continued. "Face it. It's all completely within his character. There really might not be anything wrong."

The door slid open and Tokio entered, followed closely by the Kansai twins, Sae and Tae. "There's something wrong alright!" Tokio bellowed.

"What, has something happened?" Kaoru quickly jumped to her feet. If there was danger, she was ready for it.

"Yeah, something's happened." Tokio's eyes seemed to be burning with an inner flame of unholy fury. "For the first time in his life, my husband has stood up to me! It's unthinkable! They HAVE to be under some kind of ninja magic!"

"Or maybe they're all possessed or somethin'." Tae (or was it Sae?) added.

"We need to find out what's going on! Now! If not sooner!"

"Tokio, please calm down." Megumi pleaded. It was bad enough having to deal with crazy men. If Saitoh Hajime's wife snapped there would be no end to the madness.

"I demand answers!" Tokio continued, her expression turning malicious. "And I know just where to get them."

Kaoru and Megumi's curiosity peaked.

"We find that ninja girl friend of yours, tie her up, and force her to squeal. She knows what's going on, I can sense it."

"Plus, we overheard her talking with one of them." Tae added.

"Really, what did she say?" Kaoru asked, feeling as though she would finally get some answers.

"Dunno." Sae said with a shrug and then leaned forward conspiratorially. "But she sounded mighty suspicious."

Tae and Tokio nodded.

"Well, it might be worth a shot." Megumi said. "Misao seems to be the only one of us that the men haven't completely shut out."

It was at that exact moment that Misao decided to bound into the room with a spring in her step. Talking with Soujirou had really cheered her up. "Hi guys," she said with her patented 'genki' smile.

"GET HER!" Tokio shouted and before Kaoru and Megumi could stop them, Tae and Sae tackled the ninja-girl to the ground. They seemed to pull rope from thin air and immediately set about hogtying their hapless victim.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU...!" Misao started to wail in her high-pitched, annoying way, but she was cut short as Tokio shoved a wadded up cloth into her mouth, silencing her effectively.


Since there was not a single person in Japan who could hold his alcohol as well as Hiko, it was no surprise that when the time came to make the "sake run", he was the only one left who could carry out the task. He would have rather delegated the work to less superior individuals, which basically included everyone else on the planet, but he was also a big fan of the old adage, "If you want something done right."

Plus, his fan club was still unconscious. He wasn't sure if it was more from his awesomeness or the alcohol, but he figured it was his awesomeness.

They'd probably regain their composure by the time he returned.

With a swirl of his mantle, he walked magnificently out the back door, past the dumb-as-mud fallen monk and the feather-brained idiot. They were vigorously dunking Mr. Lacking-Personality and Mr. Formerly-Cool in the Aoiya water basin. Hiko cared not.

When he returned mere minutes later from his favorite all-night-sake-vendor, he immediately noticed that two very important people were missing from the room. He glanced left, then right. He walked to the middle of the room, checking under tables and behind screens. No matter where he sent his probing glance, he was not rewarded with the sight he expected.

He strode purposefully to one of the occupied tables and pulled a certain former pupil up by his red ponytail. Kenshin had been sitting in the same position since Sanosuke had mentioned Kaoru, and he was startled from his fuzzy state of drunken depression by the rough yanking.

He would have yelled at his master, but Hiko cut him off. "Hey dumb-ass, where's my fan club?"

Kenshin hadn't been aware of the other occupants of the room for a good long while, so he was a little irritated that Hiko would bother interrogating him about such things.

"How should I know? I've been staring at the table for at least the last half hour."

Hiko released his hold on Kenshin's hair and crossed his arms angrily. "Would the brat samurai know?"

Kenshin glanced at Yahiko who was lying on his back with his eyes all swirly-looking and a small trail of drool dribbling out the corner of his mouth.

"Um. I doubt it." Kenshin ventured.

"I left them right over there." Hiko pointed. "They would never have gone far." He almost sounded like he was going to start pouting. Kenshin didn't even want to imagine what a Hiko-style-tantrum would be like so he decided to get to his feet and help his master locate the missing women.


Sanosuke and Anji almost ran smack into Kenshin and Hiko as they exited the Aoiya.

"Have you seen Okon and Omasu?" Kenshin begrudgingly inquired.

"No, we've been busy fixing up Saitoh and Shinomori. Why?" Sano commented with an air of casual indifference. He had a fish bone stuck in his mouth and Kenshin didn't even want to know where he'd found it. They hadn't eaten fish since yesterday.

"Well," Kenshin felt annoyed with his master and this feeling was only compounded by the lack of inhibition brought about by loads of sake. "Hiko's misplaced them and he's feeling rather lonely."

The 13th master of Hiten Mitsurugi smacked his stupid pupil upside his stupid head.

"Heh." Sano was amused. "Sorry man. We haven't seen your women." He patted Hiko once on the shoulder. "Dunno why you want them though. Aren't you afraid they'll hug ya?"

Hiko brushed away the residue left by the free-loader's touch and shot him an equally dirty look. "Well, if you see them, tell them I'm looking for them."

Sano shrugged. "Sure, whatever. Maybe Aoshi or Saitoh have seen 'em."

"Where are they?" Kenshin asked.

"They're around here somewhere... Probably trying to act really cool now that they've sobered up a bit."

"Thanks." Kenshin said and headed off around the corner with Hiko trailing after him glumly.

They spotted Aoshi and Saitoh leaning up against the side of the building, exuding an air of intimidating coolness. Both men had their wet hair slicked back and they were wearing nothing but their pants, boots, and tight black sleeveless undershirts. Aoshi had one of Saitoh's cigarettes in his mouth and the Shinsengumi captain was holding a match for him. Their faces were hooded in shadow, but as Saitoh held up the match their eyes glinted dangerously.

Aoshi took a drag of the European import and exhaled slowly. The smoke hovered around them menacingly.

"So there I was," Aoshi said, seemingly continuing a story where he'd left off. He spoke slowly, his voice low and unnerving. "Surrounded by maybe twenty or thirty of the bastards. They thought they had me." He paused to take another casual pull on the cigarette. "The fight was over in under two minutes. I heard it took three weeks to clean the stains."

Saitoh laughed twice, the sound no more than a cruel bark.

Kenshin approached and cleared his throat, eliciting murderous glares from both men as they finally acknowledged his presence.

"I hate to interrupt this amusing conversation and the valiant attempt the two of you are making at being not pathetic," Kenshin began, returning their glare. "But we've misplaced two Oniwabanshu women. Have you seen them?"

Saitoh narrowed his eyes as Aoshi self-consciously dropped the cigarette and put it out with his foot.

Neither men were quick with a reply and Kenshin didn't feel like wasting any more time on the losers. They knew better than to talk about killing people within his hearing distance. "Well? Have you seen them?"

"No." Saitoh growled.

"Sorry." Aoshi added.


Kenshin and Hiko spent the next twenty minutes combing the Aoiya. They looked behind doors and under the porch. They checked the small forest and scoured the sleeping quarters.

The last and best place they could think to look was the room housing the rest of the women, but Kenshin just couldn't do it. Kaoru would probably axe murder him if he took one step inside.

He and Hiko stood outside, listening to the strange sounds coming from inside while they tried to decide if it was worth questioning the ladies or not.

It sounded like they were having a wild time. Kenshin was sure they were doing it just to spite all the men-folk.

Overcome with curiosity, Hiko finally decided to slide the door open, just to take a peek. Whatever sight befell his eyes was obviously pleasant. Hiko broke into a grin and when Kenshin tried to squeeze around him to take a look, Hiko placed his hand firmly on the top of Kenshin's head, holding him back easily.

Hiko took his time soaking in the scene while Kenshin struggled in vain against the powerful man. Finally, Hiko slid the door shut silently and pulled his pupil away.

"C'mon you." He said, practically dragging the smaller man. "Okon and Omasu aren't inside. That means we must search Kyoto in its entirety."

They were gone for about ten minutes and managed to stop three attempts to take over Japan in the interim.


"Who would have thought that two women would be so hard to find." Kenshin said with a sigh as he trudged back into the Aoiya restaurant.

"Man, this is annoying." Hiko scowled and gave one quick glance around the room. "And what's up with all the ninjas? You couldn't throw a sake jug without hitting one. Not that I'd want to waste the alcohol."

Kenshin glanced around in confusion. There was no one in sight except for their fellow warriors.

Yahiko had regained consciousness and was busily playing a one-sided rock-paper-scissors drinking game with Soujirou. The god-like swordsman wasn't drinking. Kenshin spared only a thought about the foolishness of such endeavors.

Sano and Anji were telling amusing prison stories to each other over a jug or two of sake. They ignored Hiko and Kenshin as they walked on past.

Saitoh and Aoshi were still engaged in manly activities like arm wrestling and spitting contests.

The only other two warriors in sight were Katsu and Chou. They were engrossed in some wood paintings that Kenshin couldn't have looked at without getting in more trouble than he was already in.

There was nothing and no one out of the ordinary.

"Um, Master? I don't see any ninjas."

"Well of course you don't. What kind of ninjas would let themselves be seen?"

Kenshin wasn't sure if his master was trying to insult him by implication. "Can you see them?"

"Are you deaf? Didn't I just say that no self-respecting ninja would let themselves be seen? Why do you always make me repeat things?" Hiko stalked over to one of the tables and sat down, Kenshin following in his wake.

"So you can't see them...?" Kenshin asked and received a glare from his master. The former rurouni spent a moment trying to figure out if Hiko was always this confusing or if it had something to do with his lingering drunkenness. Kenshin had known and fought against plenty of ninjas in his career and he'd always considered himself fairly knowledgeable on the subject. "Are you sensing their ken-ki or something?"

Hiko rolled his eyes. "Please. Proper ninjas don't have discernable ken-ki's. They don't want some halfwit like you sensing their location."

"So you can't see them and you can't sense them... can you hear them?" Kenshin was bound and determined to get to the bottom of the mystery.

"Don't be ridiculous. Everyone knows that ninjas don't make noises."

"Master..." Kenshin could feel the beginnings of a migraine. "I didn't think it was possible, but you're making even less sense than usual. I know about ninjas. Heck, some of my friends are ninjas."

Hiko eyed him disdainfully. "You've never met a real ninja."

"I think Aoshi would disagree with you."

Hiko scoffed. "Shinomori? Gimme a break. He knows like what, one ninja spell?"

Kenshin could barely believe what he was hearing. "Spell?"

"Ninja magic." Hiko waved dismissively. "You know... turning into logs, disappearing without a trace, running straight up trees, making exact replicas of themselves, throwing fireballs, sticking to stuff, squeezing into really tight spaces... Ninja magic."

"I've never seen or heard of anyone actually doing any of this."

"Well of course you haven't. Ninjas don't let normal people see or hear them."

"Master!" Kenshin was tempted to grab Hiko by his shirt and shake him back to sanity. "You're talking nonsense! Everything you've just mentioned is a bunch of myths and lies propagated by ninja clans to increase their own mystique!"

"Hmph. Says you."

"The only ninja in this room is Aoshi." Kenshin stated, matter-of-factly.

"What about over there?" Hiko pointed to the corner of the room.

Kenshin spared a glance. "There's nobody over there."

"What about under the tables?"

"Nobody!" Kenshin was tired of the game.

"And how about hanging from the ceiling?" Hiko continued smugly.

"I don't see anybody!"

"And that's how you know they're there."

"You're saying that because I don't see a ninja hanging from the ceiling then that means that there's a ninja hanging from the ceiling?"

"Exactly." Hiko stated with pride and affectionately ruffled Kenshin's hair. "Now you're getting it."

Kenshin narrowed his eyes. "Are you trying to piss me off?"

Hiko grinned. "Maybe."

Kenshin covered his eyes with one hand in frustration as Hiko laughed and seemed to float up on a cloud of his own superiority.

A moment later Yutarou burst into the room naked and terrified. "EMERGENCY!"

In a flash, every warrior in the room was on their feet and magically sober. "What happened?" Kenshin inquired, automatically speaking for the group like he was prone to do.

"Tsubame's been kidnapped by ninjas!"

Kenshin's eyes widened and he cast a suspicious glance at Hiko. "Ninjas?"

"Told ya."


Author's Notes 2: Don't ya just love ninjas? Not me. I love to hate them though. 8D

So yeah, feel free to leave a review and let me know what you like/dislike and if there's any errors. I won't fix the errors because I'm lazy, but it's nice to know where they are. 8D

I keep thinking that there's only one or two more chapters left to this thing, and then I start writing and end up spreading everything out. I can tell you this though, next chapter is the beginning of the end. If there's something you want to see before THE END you'd best let me know now. And remember, reviews are like tiny packets of inspiration. Each one I receive boosts my writing speed and over-all enjoyment. If you've got time to read this, you've got time to review. :P

Review Fun: Is anyone the same zodiac animal as the animal their favorite character has been cursed to change into? I'm year of the rooster and Sano's my favorite character. Perfect match!