Author's Notes (2-15-05): Hmmm... This is a new record for me (or possibly a repeat of former records I held back in the day). It only took me one week to update? You guys sure are lucky. I must like you all a whole bunch. 8D Also, I've added names for each of the chapters just for fun. Anyway, Happy Valentine's Day! (Even though V-Day was yesterday for me and Japan!)
Disclaimer: No ninjas were harmed during the writing of this chapter.
Juunishi Part 12
"Ok, Tokio! You've tortured her enough! Weren't you going to ask her some questions or something?" Megumi had seen enough horror to last a lifetime.
"Oh right." Tokio reluctantly put away the feather. "Un-gag the prisoner!" She commanded to her pseudo-lackeys.
Tae and Sae did as they were told, like good little mindless toadies. Misao's eyes burned with hatred and the minute they removed the gag she started screaming for her Aoshi-sama and also something crazy about an "army of ninjas". She'd obviously cracked.
Tokio grabbed the rag and shoved it back into the ninja-girl's mouth. "See? That's what happens when you try and get some straight answers. Torture victims very rarely know what's even going on right in front of them."
Misao rolled her eyes and flopped helplessly toward Megumi and Kaoru. She was gesturing as wildly as possible with her hands and feet bound, which basically gave her the appearance of an epileptic slug. At any rate, it seemed there was something important that she was trying to tell them.
"Maybe we should just untie her?" Megumi suggested hesitantly. The last thing she wanted was to be bound and gagged for treason against "women-kind".
Tokio eyed her suspiciously. "You think we should let her go?"
"No, no!" Megumi held up her hands in defense and took an involuntary step backwards away from Mrs. Saitoh. "We could just release her for a moment, as a sign of good faith."
Kaoru stepped forward, brandishing her bokken. "This is stupid." She walked over to Misao and sliced through her bonds like a hot knife through melted butter. No one stopped to question how a wooden sword could cut through hemp.
"Grr!" said Tokio.
Misao was on her feet in an instant and she tore the soggy gag out of her overly large mouth. "I've been trying to tell you guys for the last half hour!"
"What?" Megumi and Kaoru inquired.
"We're surrounded by NINJAS!"
"So Tsubame's been kidnapped by ninjas?" Sano recapped for those just tuning in or for anyone with short term memory problems.
"We have to go save her!" Yutarou yelled frantically. He was still naked.
"Hey, wait a minute." The wheels in Yahiko's head turned slowly but inexorably. "Why are you naked and how do you know that Tsubame's been kidnapped?"
Yutarou glanced down at his nakedness as if realizing, for the first time, that he wasn't wearing a single stitch of clothing. He looked about as guilty as a guy caught sleeping with his best friend's girlfriend. And given the circumstances…
"Yahiko, it's not what you think!"
"You were hugging Tsubame, weren't you?" Yahiko was pissed.
"Well, maybe it is what you think."
When Yahiko advanced toward him, Yutarou felt cornered like a rat.
"But wait! I can explain!" He hastily continued. "It was just an accident!"
"You accidentally hugged my girlfriend?" Yahiko couldn't have sounded more disbelieving. "Do I LOOK like an idiot?"
Sano raised his hand. "Can I answer that question?"
"You stay out of this, rooster-head!" Yahiko growled. "Unless you want me to crawl up your leg and bite you!"
Sano held up his hands as though trying to appease the immature young swordsman. "Geeze, what are you? Ten?"
Without another word, Yahiko jumped through the air and pounced on the street fighter. Yutarou would have taken the opportunity to make a run for it, but Kenshin blocked his escape.
"Yutarou, we need more information. Tell us whatever you can about the ninjas. How did Tsubame get captured? What were the two of you doing alone?"
Yahiko stopped gnawing on Sanosuke's head and rushed over to the former rurouni's side. "Yeah, Yutarou! What were the two of you doing? Why were you hugging her, huh? HUH?"
"For crying out loud, Yahiko! I told you it was an accident. I would never have done it on purpose!"
Yahiko disliked Yutarou's haughty superiority. "Oh right, like you're too good to hug my girlfriend?"
"What?" Yutarou stood naked and dumbfounded. "Are you kidding? I'd do her in a heartbeat!"
"AH HA! Traitor!" Yahiko lunged at his friend but conveniently tripped over Hiko's outstretched foot.
"Anyway. What can you tell us about those ninjas?" Kenshin continued. "Did they say anything that might help us find Tsubame? And what did they look like?"
"Well, I didn't really hear if they said anything important. But they looked a lot like the ninjas surrounding us even as we speak."
It was true. They were completely surrounded by ninjas.
"Wow!" Sano exclaimed as ninjas seemed to appear out of thin air or seep out from cracks in the floor and ceiling. Each and every shadow in the room was nothing more than an inky black pool of ninjas. "I wonder how long these guys have been in here?"
Hiko shrugged. "They've pretty much been here since we got back from the fight."
"You knew they were here this whole time?" Chou asked, just slightly outraged.
"Were you going to tell us any time soon?" Katsu asked.
"Why? They weren't hurting anybody." Hiko commented nonchalantly.
"And you didn't find the fact that the room was full of ninjas even slightly suspicious?" Saitoh wasn't sure if he'd ever hated anyone more than he was hating Hiko at that very moment.
"Well, we are in Kyoto after all."
"What's that got to do with anything?"
"Oh come on. Kyoto's always crawling with ninjas. They're like the Tokyo equivalent of cockroaches."
There was a long period of silence as the ninjas continued to ooze out of the most unlikely places.
"So um. Do you think they're going to fight us? Or are they just going to stand around looking spooky?" Yahiko had gotten up from the floor and forgotten his argument with Yutarou for the time being.
"You never can tell with ninjas." Hiko replied.
"I've just realized something." Aoshi spoke up to nobody in particular. The warriors had unconsciously drifted to the center of the room, forming a circle for defense.
"Yeah?" Saitoh prompted.
The former leader of the Oniwabanshu looked around with a measure of distaste. "I hate ninjas."
After a three minute stalemate, Enishi casually wandered into the room, rounding up the number of "good guys" to an even dozen, and completing the set of cursed warriors. It also helped to improve the odds. Now it was 12 versus a mere endless hoard of ninjas, instead of 11.
"Hey cool." He commented as he drew his Chinese sword. "You guys have a bunch of ninjas in here, too."
"Try not to kill any of them." Kenshin warned his comrades.
"Why not?" Enishi shot his brother-in-law a dirty look. "They're just ninjas. It's not like anyone's going to miss them when they're gone."
"No killing!"
Saitoh deflated slightly. "Don't you ever get tired of saying the same old thing over and over again?"
Kenshin regarded Saitoh skeptically. "Gee, I don't know. Mr. Aku Soku Zan."
Saitoh grinned like a predator. "Touché."
"I'm bored." Sano announced.
They'd lost all track of time as the ninjas continued to stand around them threateningly. There was something hypnotic about the slight swaying of their wiry frames, the way they seemed to glide back and forth without actually moving an inch.
Sano broke the circular line of defense as he stepped forward. "If I don't see some violence soon I'm going to go crazy."
As if at his own request, a ninja kunai came sailing through the air and embedded itself in his forearm.
"Ow!" He yelped. "That was rude!"
He looked down at the wedge shaped dagger protruding from his bleeding arm and noticed the slip of paper attached. It was a secret ninja note.
"Sorry about that." A brand new ninja appeared out of nowhere. "Can I have my secret ninja note please?"
"Absolutely not!" Sano howled in indignation. He pulled the dagger free and tossed it to Kenshin. Kenshin removed the slip of paper and read it quickly.
"What's it say?" Saitoh would have taken a look, but he didn't think it was a good idea to step out of line. He didn't particularly feel like having any ninja daggers jabbed into his tender flesh at the moment.
"It's done." Kenshin read the ominous note aloud. He looked up at the ninja who had spoken. "What's done?"
"Oh goodie." The ninja rubbed his hands together in anticipation. He stood up straight and then struck a pose while yelling, "Kunoichi Strike!"
The twelve warriors tensed for the onslaught but the surrounding ninjas didn't budge.
No one but Hiko noticed the 12 tiny ninjas that had somehow managed to squeeze between the cracks in their defense and get behind each one of them. A moment later Hiko finally realized the inherent danger these particular ninjas, commonly known as "kunoichi", posed.
"Women!" He tried to warn the others, but it was too late.
It was chaos.
The twelve ninja-women made flying tackles at their opponents and in an instant the heroes were surrounded in colored puffs of smoke. In the madness it was hard to tell who had gone down and who was still standing. Weapons clattered to the ground as various members of the Kenshin-gumi and company lost the underappreciated benefit of opposable thumbs.
As the smoke cleared, it became obvious that they were in trouble.
Kenshin stood alone in a field of clothing, surrounded by all twelve of the ninja women and a small petting zoo's worth of animals. The Ninja Army looked poised to strike.
"Guys..." Kenshin didn't have enough time to be properly irritated. It was as if all their years of training and fighting had amounted to nothing. How was it that the greatest warriors of the age could be caught so easily from behind?
"Like I care." Hiko snorted and stamped. The magnificent white stallion was no less intimidating than the powerful swordsman. He reared superbly and hoofed two ninja-women through the wall. They left comical ninja-shaped holes.
The ninjas howled their collective outrage and commenced their attack. In a flash of white and black, Enishi tore into the horde like a cat playing with baby mice. Ninjas flew through the air as he batted and pawed. Kenshin hoped that he kept his claws in check, but he was a little too distracted fending for his own life to make sure.
With a snarling bark, Saitoh charged "gattotsu style" into the fray. The dog seemed little more than a smear of black as he rushed his opponents, snapping furiously.
Anji the Ox took one impressive step and shattered half the tatami in the room with an Ox-powered Futae No Kiwami attack. Ninjas collapsed into unconscious heaps.
Katsu decided to pass on trying to figure out how to light his bombs in favor of horned head butts. With a fearsome bleat he sent three or four ninjas crashing backwards into their companions.
Chou was busy showing the ninjas just how foolish it was to mess with an angry wild boar. They probably learned their lesson.
Fearing for his friend's life, Yahiko grabbed the small rat and scampered. He got to the door of the kitchen and tossed his friend into the relative safety. A few ninjas dove, trying to catch the rat and the monkey, but they managed to avoid being captured or squashed thanks to their tiny bodies. Yahiko jumped back into the battle, climbing up and biting ninjas on the head. Though not particularly effective, he still managed to annoy his victims thoroughly.
Soujirou had lost most of his offensive abilities, but he found his new god-like-rabbit-speed a real defensive treat. He hopped happily around and over their ninja foes, causing all sorts of confusion as ninjas tried to skewer him, missed, and impaled their friends. Wherever he went, groups of ninja-infighting broke out, decimating their ranks. The whole time Soujirou called out cheerfully, wishing them all luck in their attempts to hit him.
Sano managed to haul himself and Aoshi up on top of an impressive pile of unconscious ninjas. He clutched the serpent in one of his chicken feet and hopped forward with the other. When he got to the edge he launched himself into the air, flapping madly. As he flew into hostile airspace he dropped the ninja-snake into the thick of the battle with a war cry, "Death from Above!" He continued forward until he collided, beak first, into an unsuspecting ninja. The two of them went down, cockfighting all the way.
Aoshi wrapped himself around an unfortunate ninja's neck and squeezed. When the ninja's friends tried to pry him loose he slid up another ninja's sleeve and disappeared. The ninja twitched and hopped around, trying to remove the snake while other ninjas helpfully punched and kicked him. Aoshi was long gone before that group of ninjas collapsed into unconsciousness.
In his human form, Kenshin had absolutely no difficulties sending each and every one of his opponents into not-so-blissful-slumber. Almost every single member of the Ninja Army was unconscious before the other eleven warriors were surrounded with puffs of smoke. Back in their real bodies, it took only seconds to finish off the leftovers.
The last ninja, who also happened to be the one who had given the orders to attack, took in the carnage and then turned to face the naked men and Kenshin. "Well, that sucked." He complained. "But we're far from defeated! Kunoichi Strike Part 2!"
Twelve more female ninjas popped out of the shadows and went to attack the boys. They didn't make it very far before they stopped and stood staring. A few of them pulled up their ninja masks in shock, exposing their young blushing faces.
"What are you waiting for? Attack!" The ninja boss ordered.
It was useless. There was no power on the earth that could force the ninja girls to tear their eyes from the sight before them. Realizing that he was once again saved by his impressive nakedness, Sano winked at a few of the girls and posed. Hiko wasn't far behind and when he flexed, two or three of them fainted from pleasure. The others stood about with varying degrees of embarrassment or amusement. Kenshin rolled his eyes.
The ninja boss was irritated. "What's the problem? Haven't you ever seen naked men before?"
One of the women turned to her boss. "Not naked men this spectacular. They're super sexy and they kick way more ass than our entire army of logic defying ninjas."
Another one of the girls stopped drooling long enough to say, "I wish I had a camera."
Sano flinched.
"You ladies are free to go." Kenshin informed the female-ninjas. He turned and pointed his sakabatou at the ninja boss. "But YOU aren't going anywhere until we get some answers."
"We aren't going anywhere as long as these guys are nekkid." One of the kunoichis commented. She pulled up a cushion and sat down. The others plopped down around her, pulling out ninja snacks as they continued watching the naked men. They chattered away happily, occasionally giggling and whispering.
The ninja boss swore and grumbled under his breath. "Women." He reached up and pulled off his ninja-mask in irritation, revealing a young man not much older than Yahiko and Yutarou. His most striking feature was his bright orange hair.
Kenshin stood there, flabbergasted. "You've got red hair... We're not... related... are we? Are you possibly my long lost little brother who came hunting me down with an army of ninjas to pay me back for someone I murdered or possibly because you feel like I abandoned you even though I knew nothing of your existence?"
The ninja kid raised an eyebrow. "Um, no."
"Oh." Kenshin nodded thoughtfully. "Just thought I'd make sure."
Saitoh had pulled on his pants and was rifling through his coat pocket, looking for his cigarettes. He found them, lit up, and turned to regard the young ninja man with his cold amber eyes. "Well, then who are you exactly? And why did you attack us and kidnap that girl who's name I can't remember?"
The ninja looked confused for a moment. "What...? You really don't know who I am?"
"No we really don't." Sano replied, getting testy.
"Just for the record," Enishi informed them. "I don't care."
The ninja grinned evilly. "Well, my name's Kyoshiro, but everybody cool calls me Kyo."
"Alright Kyoshiro, why did you kidnap Tsubame?" Kenshin demanded.
"I didn't." Kyo commented smugly and crossed his arms, looking studly. "However, my ninja army did kidnapped the girl... Along with all the other women in this building."
This statement brought collective anger and confusion from the group of cursed warriors. "What?"
"Megumi?" Sano howled in outrage. "If you hurt her, even Saitoh won't bother finishing you off after I'm through with you!"
Kenshin felt lightheaded. "Kaoru..." If anything happened to her, he would never forgive himself.
Saitoh took a long drag on his cigarette and narrowed his eyes. "Well, if you've actually managed to kidnap Tokio, I pity you." He smiled maliciously.
Aoshi seemed unconcerned. "You're lying." He picked up one of his kodachi and slid it into his sheath. "Misao would never allow herself to be surrounded and captured by a rival group of ninjas. She'd have to be bound, gagged, and tortured first."
Hiko coughed slightly. "Now that's ironic."
Aoshi gave the 13th master of that really cool sword fighting style an inquisitive look. Hiko tried to smile reassuringly. "It's nothing. No problem." He wasn't very convincing. "At any rate, this helps to explain the mysterious disappearance of my fan club."
Yahiko seemed to burn with a barely repressed anger. He stood with his fists clenched at his sides. "Where have you taken them?"
"I thought that would be quite obvious." Kyoshiro the Ninja said with a smirk.
"Yeah?" Sano stepped forward menacingly, brandishing his ignorance. "Well maybe you should spell it out for us."
"What?" The ninja grumbled. "Well, ok. But it's going to take forever to spell The Souma Clan's Secret Fortress of Doom ®. Um, T... H... E..."
"Shut up."
"The Souma Clan, eh?" Saitoh struck a sexy pose with his jacket thrown over his shoulder. "I suppose we should have known."
"So who wants to go kick some more bad guy ass?" Sano asked as he punched his fists together in anticipation.
The vote was unanimous.
Author's Notes 2
Just for the Record: Kyoshiro is NOT Kyo-kun. He's his great great great great grandfather, or some such nonsense.
