You might be grossed out by the end of this thing, but don't worry; things'll turn out. And I want it known that I want a Chocolate Chip cookie for my efforts. Got that, MistressFanGirl?

We all know who owns Diablo 2. So I won't go over it, ok?

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Town Portal Cht. 1
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The portal whirls you through its blue depths, and you have time to think, Hey, this is taking too long, when the blue light abruptly goes out, and you are standing in the middle of some kind of palisade. Why, you think, this is the Rogue Encampment! What am I?

You look down, and are confounded for some moments. Your left leg is thin, and covered in black stuff and thin mail. Your other leg is strong, yet bare except for a red leather boot on the foot. Your hip is small, with a thin gold belt and a swatch of green material hanging down.

Your chest is massive, wider than a beer keg. Straps and rings criss-cross it. Finally, your arms bear a green fabric, not like the stuff hanging from your waist; that is silky and fine, while this is thick, woolen, itchy. You bear no arms.

You are, you realize, a Necralimazari-eress. Then you think, Hey, I'm not an Expansion Character. So you close your eyes, and a familiar menu floats before your eyes. You move the cursor-thing to 'Save & Quit', and blackness overtakes you.

Your disembodied mind awakens suddenly, and the Diablo 2 Exp. Character Selection Screen floats before you. You see yourself, in all your messed up and twisted glory, as the only character. You move the cursor-thing to it, and make it an Expansion Character. Then the blackness engulfs you again.

You are back in the encampment. You feel animal furs down your back, and now you have Katars in your hands. Now, you realize, you are a Necrorcerarialimazassuid. You fervently hope no one sees your mangled form.

Suddenly, you wonder what gender you are. Your waist is that of a Sorceress, but then again, there are more male classes than female classes to chose from. But your curiosity burns at you. So you run over to one of the tents. You crouch behind a pile of boxes within the tent. Slowly, you lift up the swatch of silky green stuff…