Disclaimer: You know those crazy characters and situations in Detective Conan? Yep. They sure aren't mine.
Author's Notes: Wow. It ended up being a while…I fleshed out most of this over Thanksgiving, but then I left it sit. I didn't like the chapter much, but couldn't put my finger on why. I started reconsidering the plausibility of the story in general, and questioned whether I really wanted to finish it. But for now, I've thrown caution to the wind and I'm going to put this up, even without detailed beta-revision and personal consideration. Sorry if it's bad or Conan seems way out of character. That particular problem has been nagging at me throughout the entire fic and I'll explain my thoughts…sooner or later.
Chapter Summary: Hattori Heiji is the Western counterpart of Kudo Shinichi. Can the two really understand each other? Can Heiji ease Conan away from his fears and convince him that if he loves Ran, he'll do what is right? Or is Conan's growing desperation clouding his judgment and leading him to act rashly and make uncharacteristic decisions?
Star-Crossed Lovers
A Detective Conan Fanfiction
File 4: Mounting Desperation
Ran was on the phone again.
Conan sat on the couch, slowly swinging his feet back and forth, watching the girl chat and taking the moment to relax. Ran had been right; it had been an infinitely crazy morning. Things were being rearranged, possessions packed away to go in the attic. Clothes were packed up and now Ran's bedroom stood almost bare. It had been decided that once all of Ran's stuff had been removed from her room, Conan would move in there and have a room to himself. But somehow, this new living arrangement didn't please Conan in the least, much to Ran's obvious chagrin.
'She still knows I'm upset," he thought. Slowly, he began listening in on the conversation Ran was holding.
"Yeah, I know. It's all so sudden, I just got my scholarship approval and the school is already paying my plane ticket for tomorrow! I wish there was more time to say goodbye to everyone, but they were pretty adamant. Their new semester will start soon and they insisted I'd need some time to adjust to living there before classes start," she spoke. The curiosity of a detective peaked, and Conan jumped off the couch, walking and tugging on Ran's pants leg.
"Ran-nee-chan, who are you talking to?" Conan asked.
"Oh, it's just Heiji," Ran said. Conan nearly jumped.
"Heiji-nii-san!" he smiled. "Ran-nee-chan, can I talk to him, please? Pleeease?" He hated himself for childish pleading, but Hattori was his best bet for some good ideas. After all, they were both high-school detectives. And, if Shinichi's instincts were at all reliable, he could guess that Heiji held repressed feelings for one Toyama Kazuha, much like he felt about Ran. If anyone could understand his turbulent heart, it was Hattori Heiji.
"Oh, sure, I guess it would be okay," Ran sighed. "Hey Heiji-kun? I'm gonna give the phone to Conan for a little bit; he wants to talk to you, and I need to get a few more things sorted out before it gets too late. Okay? Yeah…thanks, I hope so too! I'll be fine, though. I'll call sometime and let you know, okay? Thanks. Goodbye." She bent down and handed the phone to Conan, then turned and walked slowly to her room.
"Hey, Kudo?" the voice on the other end of the phone rang clear. "That you?"
"No, Hattori, my name is Conan Edogawa. Who's Shinichi Kudo anyway?" Conan said sarcastically. "Listen, I'm getting right to the point. You know what's going on?"
"Yeah, nee-chan just told me what was happening," Heiji said, understanding the sudden seriousness in the conversation. "It's hard to believe that she's leaving, just like that. So, what are you going to do?"
"Hell, I don't know. She's torn up about my disappearance and I think that part of the reason she wants to leave is the hope that she might find me," Conan sighed. Heiji was silent for a moment.
"Are you gonna tell her?" he said at length. "You know…I mean about your little secret."
"Hattori, do you really think that would help in the long run? Sure, she might stay. Might. That's if she believes me, or if I survive her subsequent onslaught. And if we both came out if it together, I'd only be more exposed and she'd be staying in a place where her life was in danger…no, I've got to find some way to convince her to stay."
Silence. Then Heiji began to speak, haltingly at first.
"Um…Kudo, are you sure that you want to do that?" he said. Conan blinked, and then had to take the phone away from his ear, staring at it accusatorily as if it were the person he was speaking to, and not Heiji. It was another moment of silence before he could close his mouth and return the phone to his face to offer his rebuttal.
"And let her just walk out on me? Maybe you're forgetting, Hattori, but I do plan on getting back to my normal body at some point. And…come on, you know how I feel. How am I supposed to let her walk out on me?" he said.
"Kudo, if you care for nee-chan as much as you claim to, maybe you'd calm down and let her make her own decisions, eh? England is supposed to be a nice place. And regardless of any reason she has, if she's made up her mind, you should respect that," Heiji sighed. Conan resisted the urge to stare in shock at the phone once again.
"You, too?" he said. "Everyone I've tried to talk to says that I have to respect Ran's feelings."
"Do you?"
"Dammit! Of course I do! I think that the amount of time I've been friends with Ran, I'd have a healthy respect for her will! I know she can be independent, and I know she is old enough to make her own decisions! But is it so wrong to want to have my own say in it? Right now, my feelings haven't come into the equation in the least! I respect her own rights but dammit, I don't want to lose her!"
"Listen to some reason, Mr. Detective!" Heiji almost shouted. "It's the day before her plane leaves, her room and board is already lined up, and her stuff is being packed as we speak. Need I go on? Or have you figured out that it's going to be damned impossible to talk her out of this?"
"There has to be a way, there has to be a way, there has to…" the boy whimpered, the harsh words of his counterpart from Osaka damaging his already harsh reality. "Just has to…"
"Alright, fine then. I guess I'd do the same thing were Kazuha leaving…not that you'll mention me ever saying something like that, neh?" Heiji chuckled. "So tell me what is it you do plan on doing?"
"I…I'm calling her tonight. As Shinichi. I think that if I talk to her, she might…" Conan stammered.
"Kudo, Kudo. Do you even realize that women have brains?! Let's see. 'Uh, hey Ran, sorry I've been gone over the past months, years, whatever, but I wanted to let you know that I may never come back. Just the same you should sacrifice one of the biggest opportunities in your life on the off-chance I'll wind up on your doorstep one morning begging for forgiveness. Ciao!' Yeah. Great. Now honestly ask yourself, do you really think that would work?"
"You're no help!" Conan yelped. "So what would you do in my situation, huh?"
"I already told you, Kudo. There's only one way I can think of to get you out of this mess. Show nee-chan that you really are there for her. The truth wouldn't hurt. Unless she kills you because of it," Heiji laughed.
"And I told you it's not worth the risk," the man-turned-boy replied sharply.
"Do you think that Ran is stupid? That if you told her everything that has happened, she wouldn't understand the seriousness of the situation? That she wouldn't understand that secrecy is key to everything she holds dear? Just face it; you've been lying to her because deep down, you don't want to trust her!"
"What the hell?! I trust Ran, just as much as I trust you, Hattori…or any of the people who do know my secret. But no one is perfect, Hattori. You've called me Kudo more times than I can count, and in front of Ran too! The more people that know, the more chance there is that someone slips up, says the wrong thing in the wrong company at the wrong time. And then everything is over. It's not like I wouldn't mind telling her, but I wouldn't be able to live with myself should something happen!" Conan groaned. "Protecting her…and you too, you know, has to be the priority."
"Well, in that case…hey, look on the bright side. If nee-chan leaves, she will be safer in England, away from you."
"Great. That makes me feel a lot better, knowing that the only way I can sleep at night is to never see her again," he said dryly. "You know I worry about her…but at this rate, I don't know how I'm going to…"
"Sounds like you're giving up," Heiji sighed. There was another short silence, and a determined intake of air on the other end of the phone line.
"No, ruling out options isn't giving up. There's got to be something I…Shinichi can say to her that will convince her that it isn't too late to call the whole thing off. I…I can't lose her. I just can't. If she leaves…I…I!"
Heiji was alarmed at the sudden pain behind the voice on the other end of the phone. Through the whole conversation, Kudo had at least kept a loose control of his emotions. But in the span of a split-second, that loose reign dropped completely. The boy sounded like he was could just keel over and die.
The Detective of the West groaned. The lovestruck fool had it worse than he thought.
'If he can't get nee-chan to stay in Japan, I don't know what he'd do! It's disturbing enough to know that he's already showing signs of a mental breakdown, and he's supposed to be one of the sharpest guys in Japan! He'd go completely off the deep end!' Heiji thought. 'This really is worse than I had thought.' True, sometimes he felt himself at odds with his 'rival'. Hell, sometimes the boy drove him nuts. But Heiji was still concerned for the mental well-being of his Eastern twin, and his mind was racing for some way to calm him down. Conan was now giving short barks of breath over the phone, and Heiji realized that he was crying.
"Okay, Kudo…you've got to pull it together man! Don't kill yourself over this!"
"Kill…myself?" Conan murmured. Heiji groaned.
"Listen to me, Kudo. Listen. To. Me. Now you're being stupid. Just calm down. Please. It'll be okay, it'll be okay…"
"…will it?" Conan sighed. "Maybe you're right…oh no, I'm not going to be able to get her to stay…I'm going to lose her…"
"Kudo! Call her tonight!" Heiji shouted. "God damn, if you really love this girl, do not give up! Okay? You have to decide what to do, but just don't sit back now and let it all end! You're strong! But if you give up on me, I swear I'll…"
"Heiji?" Conan said, suddenly calling the Osaka native by something other than his surname. "…Thanks. You're right. I can't lose it now. Gotta keep my focus."
"No problem, Ku…Shinichi," Heiji said, breathing a sigh of relief. "It's no fun listening to you go to pieces."
"Sorry to bother you. Uh…are you coming up here to see Ran off?" Conan asked. "If…uh, she does leave."
"I'm going to try. Things are a little hectic here right now, and I'm working on a couple tough cases. I think that I can get up there to see nee-chan off to the airport, though."
"Alright then," Conan breathed. He perked up as he heard approaching footsteps. "Ran's coming. I should go."
"Alright then…" Heiji paused, and then he sighed. "Kudo? I'm...not big on this emotional stuff, but…you can talk to me, man, if you need it." Conan sniffed.
"I think I'm okay now, Hattori. I'll do everything I can." There was an interminable silence between the two, then Conan spoke again in a bright, childish voice, "Me too Heiji-nii-san! Okay, bye!"
Click.
Heiji sighed as he slowly replaced the phone on its receiver. 'Damn. Nee-chan, I hope you can make the right decision…for both your sakes.'
--
"Did you enjoy talking on the phone with Heiji, Conan-kun?" Ran asked, setting down a few knick-knacks she still owned from her early school craft classes. It was funny, she mused inwardly as she set the small objects down, how such simple things could hold so much sentimental value. She turned her attention back to her young charge. Conan had quickly said his goodbyes to the Osaka boy and hung up when she entered the room. The boy crawled up, sitting on top of the couch and nodding.
"Heiji-nii-san told me a lot about some cool mystery cases he is working on in Osaka! And…he said it's okay that I'm sad since you're going to leave, Ran-nee-chan," the boy said. Inwardly, Shinichi suppressed a spiteful laugh. After all, it wasn't entirely a lie…
"That's surprising. Normally Heiji-kun has the emotional perception of a rock," Ran said snidely. Conan bit back a snort of genuine laughter this time.
"You really think so, Ran-nee-chan? But Heiji-nii-san is always so nice to me!" 'Unlike another detective around here we all know and love…'
Said detective entered the Mouri household a few minutes later, grumbling about nothing in particular. Kogoro's mood seemed to brighten upon seeing his daughter, and the two held a hushed conversation near the entrance to the kitchen. Conan remained on his perch on the top of the couch, figuring it would save him a blow to the head not to pry. He stared absentmindedly out the open window, noting the fluffy clouds in the sunny sky. It was hard to believe that the weather could be so good on a day where he felt like this. His mood called for a few storm clouds, at the least.
He was broken out of his thoughts as Kogoro departed to his bedroom, and Ran slowly walked around the house, touching things, murmuring softly. Conan stared.
'Is she…saying goodbye to the house? To her memories?' he thought.
"Erm…Ran-nee-chan…" he began. "Are you-?"
The boy's query was cut off by the sound of pounding footsteps. Mere seconds later, the door to the Mouri Detective Agency almost burst off its hinges. Conan promptly fell of the couch with a surprised yelp as his horror of horrors, Suzuki Sonoko, charged into the house with a shrill screech that was comparable in volume to the war cry of some sort of deranged madman's idea of an army.
"Uh, Sonoko! H-Hi…" Ran stammered. Sonoko grabbed her arm.
"I can't believe you didn't tell me your scholarship application was accepted!" Sonoko gushed. I might never have known had my trusted information sources informed me why you were missing school today! And you're leaving tomorrow?!" the girl shouted.
'Trusted information sources? Sonoko? Ha!' Conan thought, pulling himself into a sitting position and rubbing the already-forming bruise on his head. 'More like web of rumors…'
"Um, yeah Sonoko, part of the deal was that I leave as soon as possible. I was going to find you and tell you as soon as I got some more things done!" Ran said. Sonoko sighed.
"Ran, Ran, Ran. Don't you learn? I'm not bothered by you leaving right now; I just wish you told me as soon as you found out! I knew you'd get accepted, they just couldn't turn someone like you down! Anyway, I actually know a few family friends in London who I just have to call, they'll help you get settled in easy! And I'll definitely fly out there every chance I get and see you, so this is definitely not goodbye! But still, you should have told me!" Sonoko laughed.
"Well…it was kinda hectic yesterday," Ran said, recalling the fight with Conan and the worry it had inspired in the girl. Sonoko was still laughing.
"Well all that doesn't matter now. We gotta get you ready to go, girl!" Sonoko said, waggling a finger and raising her eyebrow.
"Ready to…Sonoko, what do you-?"
"You know, I hear that there are a lot of cute guys in England. And their accent! Oh! I mean, there's the English that Saintemillion-san teaches us in class, and then there is English English. It's so hot. You've gotta be prepared, Ran!" She rolled her eyes. "I knew you'd be utterly clueless. That's why I, Suzuki Sonoko, still your best friend and guide in all of Japan, have decided to give you a push in the right direction so you can well…handle yourself in England."
"Handle myself?" Ran stuttered. "Sonoko, please, I'm not going to-"
"Don't interrupt! Okay, where was I? Right, you have to have the right tools to make yourself a popular new student and resident of a brand new country! I know all the fashions…I'll set you right. So, if you're ready for it, we'll go…"
'Oh no…don't say it!' Conan pleaded silently.
"Shopping spree!!" Sonoko cried gleefully, credits cards bursting from her pockets like they were magic and she thought she was the Kaitou Kid. Within seconds, a stunned Ran had been dragged out the door on their way to whatever unsuspecting, doomed department store awaited them. And then Conan was alone.
"That…girl…is insane," he said at length, finally dragging himself off the floor and dusting off his coat.
'She seems utterly careless that her best friend is leaving, regardless of how many times she goes to visit,' he thought bitterly. 'Makes you wonder what exactly is in that head of hers…' He lay back on the couch, becoming pensive once more.
'Alright, Shinichi. Ran's gone, and knowing Sonoko, she won't be back for at least hours. Now is the time for you to sit down and figure out exactly what you're going to say to her tonight. You've got one shot for this and there can't be any mistakes!' he thought. 'Ran…I'll make you understand that I'll always be there. I'll find a way to convince you that if you leave, it'll ruin any chance of…of us. Together.'
With that, his mind began racing to prepare a speech that would not be soon forgotten.
Author's Notes: And you thought that Sonoko wouldn't corrupt this fanfic with her insane antics. Fools.
Anyway, what do you think? I'm now noticing the general trend towards more and more angst in this. The conversation between Heiji and Kudo told me a while to get it to the point where I was happy with it. I still think there was too much emotion switching way too rapidly and it gave the whole thing a distorted feel. In general, though, I'm more pleased with this chapter than the last one.
File 5 is in the works, but it'll have to be put on hold for a while: sadly, my college professors don't understand that I want to write fanfiction. They made up these things called final exams to torture my mind unto no end. Until the aforementioned tests of death are over, you can expect that all my time will be spent poring over textbooks and my barely decipherable lecture notes. Don't you love higher-level education?
And I don't know why I got lazy and didn't do reviewer response last chapter. I was evil. You guys' opinions mean the world to a freelance writer like me. (And in case you can't tell I'm begging for more of said reviews. Heh heh.)
PRIVATE—Thanks for the feedback!
magicbulletgirl—Don't give up hope…yet; right now I plan to finish this story at the least. I'm glad you like my style.
Ember Mage—You, of course, are my beta-reader now. So sorry for putting this up without hearing from you AGAIN, but I was getting antsy. It was just sitting on my computer, and I got tired of no reviews. No hard feelings? I still would really appreciate your feedback when you get the chance. As to the Detective Boys, I think I know why so many hate them; they're insatiably hard to write. The anime doesn't do them a whole lot of justice.
YumeTakato—Glad you liked it! I'm debating several possibilities for the ending, but I want to keep the drama going until the last minute! I hope you won't be disappointed!
Firestorm2004—I tried mailing you to see if you wanted the position, but it didn't work. If you're still interested, drop me a line; the more the merrier! I did check out the fanfics you recommended, and they really helped me get a better idea of the characters I was rather clueless about. Now to master the Black Org…Anyway, thanks for your encouragement.
LostArtofRock—Conan and Ai? I dunno. Like I've stressed, the way I want to end this story is still up in the air. However, a writer named anime-obsession has published a ConanXAi fic with similar premises, Silent Life. I want to keep mine separate, so right now I doubt I'll pursue the niceties of a ConanXAi relationship.
Van Fanel's Soulmate—Glad you feel so strongly about my story! Honestly, I felt so great when you wrote this was one of your favorite stories. As to the rift between Conan and Ran…I say nothing. Muahahahahaha! Don't worry, though, things always work out.
YumeTakato—(again ) You enjoyed the ending? I hoped it wasn't too Conan-cliché. Guess it worked, then.
MrsDannyFenton—Two votes for the ending being gut-wrenchingly cute! Glad you liked it!
MichelleTherese—I'm glad you postulated about my fic, and about Conan's character. I realize that I've written him a little childish. I'm not going to go into why I let myself write him that way, but if I do finish this fic I'll be sure to explain all my thoughts in a final AN or whatever we authors do. In closing. I'm happy you think I did Ai well.
Phew. That's it. I promise to write as much as I can after exams, and you might even see some new fics from me! Maybe? Please review and give me feedback…you have no idea how much it encourages me to write this instead of doing other things. And finally…
Next Time! Conan can finally speak with Ran as his former self. Does Shinichi Kudo have the weight to change Ran's plans for the rest of her life? And can the one person you love really take the right to control your decisions?
