(To the tune of American Pie, Don McLean)
Author's Note: Inspiration for this tune came from Patti's posting to SmartGroups about the anniversary of the airing of the final episode of the series. (The day the laughter died.) American Pie was rather appropriate – many instances I could simply use words from the original song. Credit for the title goes to Brian D. who changed the title of the message thread on the SmartGroups list to this – again, rather appropriate!
A long, long time ago
I can still remember how that sitcom used to make me smile
The network took away their chance
For them to make the people laugh and keep them feeling happy for a while
The tension really made me shiver
With every message Kinch delivered
Bad news the last season
Kinch left without a reason
I can't remember if I cried or if I just wanted to goand hide
But something touched me deep inside
The day, the laughter died.
So,
Bye Bye to the prisoner guys
Drove the Nazi's pretty nutsy and then spit in their eye
Them good old boys were drinking Klink's schnapps and wine
Singing Hogan is a really great guy
Hogan is a really great guy.
Hogan steals the book of codes
And Schultz seeks help from God above, just when Hogan tells him so
Hochstetter believes Hogan's the one
Burkhalter joins in on the fun
And Helga warns him when he better run
Well I know that she's in love with him
'Cause she's always up to helping them
The men kicked off their boots
'Cause they got those tunneling blues
It was a hard job with which they were stuck
Picking up downed flyers in a German truck
But one day we were out of luck
The day, the laughter died.
We started singing,
Bye Bye to the prisoner guys
Drove the Nazi's pretty nutsy and then spit in their eye
Them good old boys were drinking Klink's schnapps and wine
Singing Hogan is a really great guy
Hogan is a really great guy.
For thirty years we've been on our own
With tapes and DVD's to own, but that's not how it used to be
When syndicated shows first were seen
With scenes cut out, it's so obscene, for ads to be aimed to you and me
Oh and while the network thought they'd won
The local stations stole the fun
The sitcom was returned, no more were we spurned
Then Nick-at-Nite was on the mark
Our quintet tunneled in the dark
And we sang praises with a spark
But then, the laughter died.
We were singing,
Bye Bye to the prisoner guys
Drove the Nazi's pretty nutsy and then spit in their eye
Them good old boys were drinking Klink's schnapps and wine
Singing Hogan is a really great guy
Hogan is a really great guy.
Klink Commandos in a summer rerun
The boys were tasked with another mission, with the thought it was their last
A Count came into the camp
With something tempting in his hand and Marya as his sole supporting cast
Now Marya smelled of sweet perfume
As the Colonel felt a sense of doom
He tried to steal the plans
Oh, but he never got the chance
'Cause as Newkirk tried to pick the lock
The Count woke up and they were caught
Their efforts all went for naughtAnd then, the laughter died.
They started singing,
Bye Bye to the prisoner guys
Drove the Nazi's pretty nutsy and then spit in their eye
Them good old boys were drinking Klink's schnapps and wine
Singing Hogan is a really great guy
Hogan is a really great guy.
Oh and there they were all on the train
With Klink grimacing in such pain, he was not where he chose to be
Aw come on, Klink be nimble, Klink be quick
Wilhelm lay it on real thick, and try to get back to Germany
Oh and as I watched it on the screen
My hands were clapping, what a scene
As Hogan went through hell
To break Marya's spell
And as the train sped East into the night
The Count defected with no fight
And Marya laughed with such delight
But then, the laughter died.
She was singing,
Bye Bye to the prisoner guys
Drove the Nazi's pretty nutsy and then spit in their eye
Them good old boys were drinking Klink's schnapps and wine
Singing Hogan is a really great guy
Hogan is a really great guy.
On SmartGroups we all heard the news
And we asked them for the good reviews, someone bought the DVD's that day
I went down to the sacred store
Where I'd bought videos before, I grabbed the discs and stood in line to pay
And on the disc the pilot played
Some scenes were cut and I dismayed
As Season One was showing, the LEDs were glowing
And for three days I watched them all
From start to finish, had a ball
I watched the last one with a pall
'Cause then, the laughter died.
And they were singing,
Bye Bye to the prisoner guys
Drove the Nazi's pretty nutsy and then spit in their eye
Them good old boys were drinking Klink's schnapps and wine
Singing Hogan is a really great guy
Hogan is a really great guy.
They were singing,
Bye Bye to the prisoner guys
Drove the Nazi's pretty nutsy and then spit in their eye
Them good old boys were drinking Klink's schnapps and wine
Singing Hitler is a pig in a sty.
