Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or rights to A Separate Peace.
June 15, 1956
To the parents of Phineas:
Since the passing of my friend, your beloved son I have mourned, as I am sure you have also. But through my grief, doubt, and reflections I had a deep realization.
…I walked in the dorm room, slammed the door and as I fell face down on my pillow I felt my head freeze and time stop. I heard the common old sounds of Finny shuffling through the drawers as he always did. He always chuckled under his breath as he watched me grow frustrated. The emotions came back and I felt my head falling deeper into the pillow.
…And there I was in the tree. Standing crouched on a branch with one hand on the trunk and one on the thin branch above me. I heard the slip of a shoe against wood and let go of the thin branch and grabbed Finny. I pulled the inner strength out of myself and squeezed his hand, and as quickly as I felt him grab me I felt my sweaty, nervous palm draw away from the strain. Not through anger of frustration, but through despair and weakness. My weakness, my weakness has attacked me. I am weak, I am weak, I AM WEAK. That's all I could say, think, and dream. Over and over, again and again. Day and night, night and day I reviewed it in my mind. I AM WEAK, I AM WEAK, I AM WEAK.
Through my repetitious and vicious cycle I discovered. I discovered Phineas. I discovered that he was not just an athlete or a leader. Phineas was my savior, friend, and hope. My savior saved me. I should have fallen from the tree. I SHOULD HAVE SAVED HIM. I SHOULD HAVE FALLEN. Finny had a future, and he deserved it. He could have been an Olympian. He could have been a husband, a father, and I took that all away. I took away your son. I took away your love, and for that I owe you everything. I owe you my life.
And my life is the purpose of this letter. I will give my life. Not for pain or the relief of it, but for hope. I have realized over the last fifteen years that even though Phineas is not with me he has always been my hope, my one and only hope.
