CHAPTER 2

You're haunting in my mind cause you're drowning in the water
and I tried to grab your hand and I left my heart open
Feelings don't get hurt they get murdered!

There's not time for love just time to kill just time to kill
Remorse won't enter these souls
Caring is something that's old
Suffer that's how it goes
People will reap what they've sown

I was scared so bad. I felt like I just woke up in a terrible place I didn't want to be. A drug addict who just noticed the negatives to drug abuse.

And as a mars adept…

When I get scared, I get violent. VERY violent.

I hid away from Sheba. I didn't want to be seen. She was mad at Garet for taking me. She was mad at me for everything. I wanted to disappear. Somebody hid me… tell me it's ok… serve me extrication from my sins…

I wanted to run as far away from those memories as possible. I teased Sheba for being bisexual. I told EVERYONE she loved me. I felt guilt- but my fear was stronger and I wanted to run as far away as possible. From her and my sins.

I knew I was breaking my best friend's heart- but I felt a sudden rebellion. I suddenly didn't care. I just wanted AWAY.

Why..?

Why?

WHY!

I sat by myself for a while…

Why did I suddenly come to dislike so much what had been dearest to me a few days before?

Why was I so suddenly angry!

I hated the way she cried because I loved Garet. I hated the way she 'wanted' me to love her back. I wanted to slit her neck for speaking a word. But I did the opposite- I spread it. I humiliated her in front of everyone I could find.

I wanted away. I didn't want her love anymore.

I was afraid of it.

I don't know why.

And I don't know if I ever will know why.

Maybe because now I had Garet and I wanted him more than anything… and I didn't want to cause trouble. Things needed evening out. And This seemed fully appropriate at the time.

I didn't love Sheba.

I never did.

I just played around, I teased her. I tease everyone! She took me seriously. Why couldn't I stop playing sooner?

I yelled at her… in public… written my hate on the Sanctum doors. Knowing I'd be placed with the blame of her sadness soon. Everyone would yell at me for hurting her so bad… I'm always blamed for hurting people.

"And I'm going to get all the blame again! I'm so damned tired of it"

"No. . . it's not your fault. It's all mine. I fell in love."

"Look. I didn't mean for you to fall in love with me. You grew so obsessed with men I thought I'd tease you to show you what FILTHY DIRTY LYING CHEATERS the men you try to attract with THAT kind of act will bring!" I pointed to her very visible boobs. "I don't love you more than a friend and I can't return your feelings. I love GARET. and HE LOVES ME. I'm not going to ignore that for YOU." And I stormed off in a way any normal female adolescent fire adept would.

We're true to the game
These eyes show no shame
We age forever doomed
Just go quietly when the other side calls