Friday, March 11
I saw the cuts next time I saw him, He had minds well have taken the knife and ripped off the whole chunk of skin- the whole patch beneth the armlet was scab.
His mother was near tears when I came to the door, we had arranged to surprise him by me coming over without him knowing. We stood in the kitchen and talked before I went to see him in the other room.
He said he made himself happy by hurting himself. Well, if he was made happy by that he was only hurting everyone else.
I hadn't slept in two nights after he told me, and I had gotten really sick, I hadn't been out of bed all of Thursday. I had cried most of the day, even in school. I had contacted the messager that was outside of the house that morining, and he said he had brought a message from Garet. If only I had thought to get it... Garet said he didn't remember ever sending one.
Friday is when he showed me, I had come over right after school and stayed by his side until 2230 or so. (10:30PM for those who go by the 12 hour clock). I didn't want to ever let go...
I keep asking myself why, even though I know. But still... 'There aren't any angels anymore' The words in a book I had read kept coming back to mind, each time bringing tears, even if I promised not to cry.
I could've been there for him! Why Why was I so selfish that I had to run off and douse my lonliness with friends?
Any other day I would have sat outside his house until he came home, why couldn't I have done it THAT day?
Hell, why couldn't I stick by his side 24/7?
Cause, it's against the law... and Felix would never allow it. not until we're adults, living together and married, could I ever stick by his side in a society like this.
I wouldn't do anything nasty, but society didn't trust me to stay next to him for the day and through the night.
I did the math... at the age of 18 (in this day and age and village) I'd have to wait 3 years (age 21) to be beside him like that... 21 days left in this month, 30 in April. 28 until my 18th birthday. 365 until my 19th, 365 until my 20th and then another 365 until my 21st... that's 1174 days, rounding the hours.
and it was at 1176 days that he hurt himself, how could I trust him to live for 1174 more?
1174 more days and we'll be living in a little lean-too near the edge of town... just me and you. Be there.
